After leaving Victoria’s room, I go straight to the bathroom and open up the closet. I find that black plastic bag of medications and search through it until I find the Valium. I wrench open the bottle and swallow two of them dry. I’ve never had that medication before, so I’m guessing two will be enough to knock me out.
That’s when I notice my phone is ringing within my pocket. My service has been down for hours, but now it’s back, at least for the moment. I pull my phone out of my pocket and look at the number. I don’t recognize it.
It must be Freddy.
Ordinarily, I would let any calls from Freddy go to voicemail. But something makes me put pick it up.
“Sylvie!” He sounds thrilled and shocked that I picked up. “Are you okay? How are you holding up in the storm?”
I can’t even begin to describe what’s been going on here. I’m not even going to try. “It’s fine.”
“You sound funny.”
I walk down the hall to my bedroom and close the door behind me. “I don’t sound funny.”
“You do. Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to come out there?”
Yes! I realize at this moment that I desperately want him here. The only person I’ve ever been close to in the last seven years is this man. Why did I send him away? Why have I been so angry at him when he didn’t even do anything wrong aside from doing what I told him to do? Everything has been my fault, not his. I need Freddy.
But I can’t say all that to him now. And I certainly don’t want to make him drive out here in the middle of a blizzard. “That’s okay.”
“Are you sure? I think I should come.”
I lie down on my bed and shut my eyes, waiting for the Valium to take effect. “I’m fine. I don’t need you here.”
“That’s what you said last time.”
He’ll never forgive himself for that. I told him I could face my father alone and he let me do it. And because of that, our lives were changed forever. “This time I mean it though.”
He’s quiet for a long time on the other line. I remember how in high school he used to call me before bed and sometimes we would just stay on the phone together until we both fell asleep.
“If you need me there,” he says. “Just call me. I’ll be there in an hour.” “That’s not physically possible.”
“I’ll find a way.”
I’m starting to feel drowsy. It’s a nice sensation. Sort of like floating. “Freddy?”
“Yes?” His voice sounds far away.
“If we had a child now, what do you think it would be like?”
Anyone else would think I was out of my mind, but Freddy doesn’t. I bet he wondered the same thing. “Well,” he says thoughtfully. “It would be a girl, like you. And she would have blue eyes like you, but dark hair like me.” I pull the covers over me as I shiver. “Her favorite food would be pizza and her favorite animal would be unicorns.”
“Unicorns aren’t a real animal.”
“Sure they are. That’s what she would say, anyway.”
Freddy keeps talking. Telling me all about the child we would’ve had if I had let him stay with me that night. Eventually, my eyes drift shut and I doze off while listening to his voice.
