This woman is not the same woman from the photograph downstairs.
Well, she is, but she isnโt. If you know what I mean. She used to be that woman, but itโs clear that she isnโt anymore. Sheโs a shell of that same woman.
She still has the same golden hair, but itโs dull and limp instead of shiny like in the photograph. There is a scar snaking out from under her hairline on the left. Her blue eyes have lost all their expression, and they stare off in two completely different directions. Her left cheekbone looks almost dented and there is a jagged ugly scar running down the entire side of her face. For a moment, I wonder why, with all their money, they didnโt give her plastic surgery, but the answer is obvious. She couldnโt care less what she looks like anymore.
โHey, Vicky.โ Adamโs voice softens and takes on a tender tone I hadnโt heard before. โThis is Sylvia. Sheโs really nice. Sheโs going to be spending some time with you.โ
Victoria lifts her eyes to look at me. The right one looks straight in my face, but the other still points in the direction of the window. Itโs hard to tell if sheโs seeing me at all. She doesnโt say a word.
โShe doesnโt talk much,โ he explains in a low voice. Itโs like heโs hoping she wonโt hear, although sheโs about two feet away from us. โThe injury to her head affected the part of her brain that controls speech. She can understand things, but itโs hard to know how much. She canโt get many words out. Sometimes she can say โhiโ or โokayโ but most of the time, she canโt even tell you her own name.โ
His voice breaks slightly on the last thing he says. It must be hard for him to explain all this to another person. I canโt imagine what it must be like for the person you married to not even know who you are or be able to say their own name.
โHi, Victoria,โ I say. I realize that Iโm speaking too loudly and too slowly, like Iโm talking to a hearing-impaired child. If sheโs really in there and can understand what Iโm saying, she must find it very patronizing. โIโm Sylvia. Itโs nice to meet you.โ
And then, for reasons I cannot fathom, I stick out my right hand.
Itโs an automatic gesture. At some point in everyoneโs life, they are taught to shake hands to be polite. But Victoriaโs right arm is resting in a trough attached to the armrest of her wheelchair. She is fidgeting with her left hand in her lap, but her right hand is motionless. She looks down at my own right hand like I have presented her with a foreign object. Eva is looking at me like I have done something epically stupid.
โShe canโt move her right side at all,โ Adam says.
โRight.โ My face burns, and I remind myself that if I do take this job, it wonโt always be this awkward. After a week, Iโll know what to do and wonโt humiliate myself anymore. โSorry.โ
โShe does best with routineโsame thing every day,โ Adam says. โEva will help her to get up in the morning and one of us will take care of bedtime. You would just help out during the day. Meals, getting things she needs, and just keeping her company.โ He looks down at his wifeโs face, his brow furrowed. โI worry about her getting lonely. She justโฆ She mostly likes to look out the window and maybe watch some television.โ
I follow Victoriaโs gaze out the window. Sheโs got a view of the front of the houseโof the overgrown lawn and the trees and a small shed. The gate is visible in the distance.
โWhat about taking walks outside?โ I suggest. After I put on Adamโs scarf, I realized the weather wasnโt so bad once I was dressed for it properly. We have at least another good month before the bitter cold sets in.
He nods. โYou would have to bundle her up really well, but if you want to do it, I can carry her down the stairs.โ
I realize what heโs getting at. Victoria obviously canโt make it down a flight of stairs on her own. But that makes me wonder why they keep her upstairs on the second floor. โMaybe sheโd be better off sleeping downstairs?โ
He shakes his head. โWe only have a half bathroom down there and itโs not big enough to fit her chair. And thereโs a much nicer view from the windows on the second floor. She likes it up here.โ
He looks down at her again with a tender expression on his face. Itโs not clear to me how she expresses that she likes or dislikes anything. Her face is completely blank. I would think she was dead except that her eyes
occasionally blink and sheโs playing with a loose thread on her shirt with her left hand.
I chew on my lower lip. If Iโm going to take this job, I have to find a way to connect with Victoria on some level. After all, itโs clear weโre not going to be having any heart-to-heart conversations anytime soon. I look down at her baggy T-shirt and sweatpants, recalling how stylish her outfit was in the photograph on the mantle. I canโt imagine this is a woman who would have liked to dress in sweats every day.
Then I catch a glimpse of a gold chain around her neckโhanging from the chain is a tiny diamond snowflake. It looks beautiful and expensive.
That chain is like a glimpse of the old Victoria.
โThatโs a lovely necklace you have, Victoria,โ I say. I figure every woman likes a compliment, whether she understands me or not.
Victoria lifts her blue eyes again. She stares up at me. โThank you.โ
I almost jump out of my skin at the sound of her hoarse voice. I didnโt expect her to talk. Her voice was slightly slurred, but it was very clear what she said. I glance over at Adam, who is beaming.
โShe talked to you!โ Heโs grinning ear to ear. โShe almost never talks! Thatโs amazing. She must really like you.โ He rests one hand on her shoulder. โSylvia is nice, right?โ
Victoria doesnโt answer. Sheโs staring out the window again. Oh well. โYou canโt expect her to talk much,โ he says to me. โBelieve me, itโs
huge that she said two words to you. Usually, weโre lucky if we get one word.โ He shakes his head. โAnyway, let me show you the room youโd be staying in.โ
As I follow Adam out of Victoriaโs room, I take one last look back at Victoria. She doesnโt look away from the window. She barely even seems aware that we were ever in the room. But Evaโs eyes follow us like an arrow. She has a strange expression on her face that makes me very uneasy.
โIt was nice meeting you, Eva,โ I say to her.
And much like Victoria, she doesnโt respond. She just keeps staring at me. Itโs very unsettling. I hope I donโt have to deal with this woman much. Adam said sheโs only around in the morning.
The bedroom Adam gives me is gorgeous. Itโs bigger than my entire studio apartment back in the city. Itโs already furnished with a bed and a
dresser and a small bookcase. Heโs even got sheets and a blanket on the bed. The only thing missing is a mint on the pillow.
โI hope itโs okay.โ He squeezes his hands together. โI can get a truck to help move your furniture out here if you want to bring any of it, but youโre welcome to this stuff.โ
โI donโt need my furniture.โ The furniture back at my apartment is hanging together by the grace of God. Every time I go to sleep, Iโm scared my bed will collapse during the night. โThis will be fine.โ
โOr if the room is too small for you, there are other roomsโฆโ He glances at the doorway. โThe one all the way at the end is mine, but you could have any other room. Thereโs also the attic, but I work up there.โ
โNo, I promise, this is wonderful.โ I take a seat on the bed and almost moan with pleasure. The covers feel so soft under my fingers. I canโt imagine what they must have cost. I wonder if Victoria is the one who picked them out. โYou sure have a lot of rooms.โ
Adam gets that sad look on his face again. โWe had this idea about filling them up with kids.โ
Oh God. Everything about this manโs life is soย depressing. This poor guy gets married to the woman of his dreams, who he obviously loves very much, and then sheโs in a horrible accident and can barely speak and hardly seems to know who he is. And instead of stuffing her away in some nursing home, heโs brought her home with him and is spending a fortune to try to make her life as good as possible.
Victoria may not be a lucky woman. But she hit the jackpot on husbands.
โSo what do you think?โ Adamโs eyebrows bunch together. โI donโt mean to pressure you, butโฆ You could see how hard it is for me to get into the city to interview people. I just want to have this squared away before winter.โ
โIโฆโ
I need to tell him yes. I need this job so badly. My landlord has told me Iโve got till the end of the week to come up with the rent, but I have nothing in my bank account. So thatโs not going to happen. This man is willing to pay me an incredible salary as well as room and board. And even health insurance, for Godโs sake. I would be crazy not to take this job.
So why am I hesitating? Just because everything else in my life has gone to hell, it doesnโt mean this will too.
โIs it the money?โ He bites his lip. โDo you need more money?โ
โItโs not that.โ Damn, why did I say that? This was my chance to ask for more money. โI just feel very isolated out here.โ
He nods thoughtfully. โI know what you mean. I felt that way at first too. But itโs really not that bad. I mean, thereโs a McDonaldโs five minutes away. And you can use Victoriaโs car to go anywhere you like. I donโt want you to feel like youโre stuck hereโฆ Youโre welcome to go out in the evenings when Iโm around to stay with Victoria.โ
โRightโฆโ
โI think youโll love it here.โ He leans forward slightly, so that I can smell the aftershave that was on his scarf. Unwittingly, heโs giving me another reason to stayโmy boss is hot. โItโs very quiet and the mall is right around the corner. Victoria absolutely loved it here. That is, untilโฆโ
I canโt say to him what Iโm really thinking, which is that this house gives me the creeps. Maybe Victoria loved it here, but I donโt. And for that matter, his wife gives me the creeps too. Thereโs something about her and that blank expression that terrifies me. Itโs an awful thing to say about a woman who has been through something horrible, but I canโt help it.
But what can I do? I donโt want to live on the street. โOkay,โ I say. โIโll take the job.โ