Adam makes TV dinners for dinner tonight.
Swedish meatballs. Which is one of my favorite TV dinners. Iโm sure Adam thinks TV dinners are low brow food, but itโs sort of a treat for me. When I was struggling to make the rent, I couldnโt afford to plop down five dollars for a plastic container of meatballs, noodles, and sauce. My weekly food budget was about ten bucks. I ate a lot of Ramen noodles.
Iโm just glad it isnโt raining anymore. The sky has been mostly sunny today, although itโs gotten very cold all of a sudden. I have a feeling Iโm not going to be able to take Victoria out for walks much longer. I wanted to take her today, but I was worried the ground was too slippery with leaves and water from the storm last night.
โI think Iโll take my food upstairs and eat in my room,โ I say as the microwave chimes to signify food is ready.
Adam frowns. โOh. Okay.โ
He doesnโt look happy about it, but he doesnโt protest. He gets it.
I put the food on a plate and Iโm about to head upstairs when the doorbell rings. I glance over at Adam, who looks as surprised as I am. โAre you expecting any visitors?โ I ask.
He shakes his head no. โWe donโt get many solicitors out here.โ
He abandons the microwave and goes over to open the door. As heโs looking through the peephole, I glance out the window. Thereโs a car in our driveway that looks painfully familiar. A green Ford Fiesta with scratched paint. I clasp a hand over my mouth.
โAdam!โ I say. โDonโtโโ
But itโs too late. Adam has already opened the door and now Freddy is standing in the doorway. Heโs holding a bouquet of flowers. Not roses, like what Adam used to buy for Victoria, but carnations. Something cheap. Not that I should be surprised.
โSylvie!โ Freddy pushes past Adam and now heโs in the foyer. Heโs in the house, just like that. โSylvie, Iโve got to talk to you.โ
I take a step back. My mouth opens to form words, but nothing comes out. I finally understand how Victoria feels.
โCan I help you?โ Adam asks.
โYeah.โ Freddy glances at him, then looks back at me. โSylvie and Iโฆ weโฆโ
He is struggling to explain our relationship. He canโt. We never got married. Since he left, I would say weโre nothing.
Freddy pushes past Adam to talk to me. I canโt help but notice that in spite of everything, Freddy looks good. He always kept his dark hair shaggy, but now heโs clipped it short and professional. Heโs wearing a white dress shirt and nice pants. He looks like a white-collar worker. It looks like he cleaned up his act. I wonder if he went back to school like I always told him he should.
โSylvie, can we please talk?โ
โHow did you find me here?โ I say. โYour old landlord told me.โ
My hand squeezes into a fist. โHe told you?โ
โI slipped him a twenty.โ He grins crookedly, like heโs proud of himself for bribing my landlord. โAnyway, it wasnโt like it was a big secret. You coulda told me where you were going.โ
โMaybe you should take the hint that I donโt want you to know.โ I take another step back and hit the kitchen counter. โItโs over, Freddy. That chapter in our lives is done.โ
โI should never have left even when you told me to.โ He frowns. โBut you donโt get it. I was hurting too. It was just soโฆ frustrating. All we did was fight. But that didnโt mean I didnโt love you. Iย doย love you. I just kept beating myself up because the whole thing was my faultโฆโ
That was the worst part. Freddy kept blaming himself. If only heโd insisted on coming inside with me when I talked to my father. Our whole life could have been different. He couldโve protected me.
But he didnโt.
โIโm sorry.โ My voice breaks. โI just donโt want to see you anymore.โ โSylvie, come onโฆโ
He takes another step towards me. I try to back up, but Iโve got nowhere to go. I hit the counter behind me. I had almost forgotten Adam was in the room until he clears his throat and taps Freddy firmly on the shoulder.
โHey,โ Adam says. โIโm going to have to ask you to leave.
โSorry, buddy.โ Freddy barely glances over his shoulder. โThis doesnโt concern you.โ
โIt concerns me if itโs happening in my house.โ Adamโs voice is cold, and a bit scary if Iโm being honest. โI want you out of here. Rightย now.โ
Freddy pauses. He turns to look at Adam and sizes him up, probably trying to figure out if he can take him. Freddy used to be pretty decent at fighting. He got into scuffles from time to time, and he always held his own. Iโm not sure who would come out on top in a fight between Adam and Freddy.
It makes me think of that gun. The one that Victoria claims is in Adamโs closet.
But it doesnโt come to that. Adam whips out his cell phone. โIโm dialing 911. The cops can be here in two minutes.โ
I see Freddy hesitating. It looks like heโs got his life back on track, and Iโm sure the last thing he wants is to be thrown in jail.
โSylvie,โ he says in a low voice. โWill you come outside with me to talk?โ
Before I can answer, Adam speaks up: โShe said she wants you to leave. Leave. Now.โ
Freddyโs shoulders drop. Thereโs a part of me that wonders if heโs going to risk it and stay. Thereโs a part of me that wants him to stay. After all, I used to love this man. I thought we were going to start a family together. But then he shuffles in the direction of the door. I finally relax when I see him get back in his car and drive away.
I canโt even look Adam in the eyes. โIโm sorry about that.โ โDonโt worry about it. Thatโs what Iโm here for.โ
I look up at Adam. Heโs been through the same thing I have. The loss of a child before it could be born. Having the person who he thought was the love of his life taken away from him. He gets it. He knows what Iโve been through because heโs been through it himself.
And then I completely lose it. I start sobbing like a baby and Adam takes me into his arms and holds me. I havenโt been held like that in such a long time. It feels so nice. He strokes my hair as I rest my head against his shoulder. And when I lift my face, he kisses me so gently on the lips that I canโt help but kiss him back.
What happens next is so very wrong. But I donโt even care anymore.