“Are you dying, Mom?”
Ada asks me the question as I’m saying good night to her. She’s lying in her twin bed, the blanket covered in pictures of dogs pulled up to her chin, her little face scrunched up with worry. Ada has always worried too much. That girl keeps the weight of the world on her shoulders. Even as a toddler, she used to fret over everything, especially Nico. When Nico had so much as a sniffle, she used to cry over it.
“I’m not dying!” I swipe a few strands of black hair from her face. “Why would you say that?”
“I heard you and Dad talking about it.”
Oh great. In our old apartment, we were acutely aware that the kids could hear through the paper-thin walls. Somehow, we have been under the misapprehension that it’s different in this big house. But apparently, they can still hear everything.
“I’m not dying,” I assure her.
“Then why are you getting life insurance?”
I sense that “in case we die” is not the right answer. Although technically, it is the right answer. “It’s just in case some weird, unexpected accident happens. But that won’t happen.”
“It might.”
Ada has the same crease between her eyebrows that Enzo gets when he’s worried. She looks a lot like him—same eyes, nose, skin tone, thick black hair—but she doesn’t have his personality. And honestly, for better or worse, she’s not much like me either. She’s one of those kids where
you’re not entirely sure where she came from. Maybe she’s like one of her grandparents. My mother and I are estranged, but she always seemed very anxious.
And her intelligence is a mystery too.
“Ada.” I climb into her small bed, curling up beside her warm body. In a few years, she won’t let me do this, so I’m going to enjoy it for now. “I’m going to live a long time, probably after you have kids, and maybe even after your kids have kids. And your dad Well, he’s probably going to live forever.”
If anyone in this world is immortal, it’s Enzo, so it could very well be true.
“Then why do you need life insurance?”
This conversation could potentially go on the rest of the night. “Ada,” I say, “you need to stop worrying and get some sleep.”
She squirms under the covers. “Is Dad coming in?”
Right now, both of our kids require both parents to say good night before they can fall asleep. It’s a routine that is simultaneously sweet and exhausting. After I’m done with Ada, my next stop will be Nico’s room. That’s probably where Enzo is now. We can trade off.
“I’ll send him in next,” I say.
That gets a smile out of her. As much as I hate to admit it, Ada is a total daddy’s girl—from the moment she was born. I remember when she was an infant, there was one day when she was screaming her head off for two straight hours, and the second Enzo came home from work and held her, she quieted down in an instant. So if anybody can make her feel better, it’s him.
When I arrive at Nico’s room, I expected to see Enzo and Nico together in the room, feeding some flies to the praying mantis or something horrible like that. But Enzo isn’t in the room. Nico is alone in his bedroom, and the lights are already out, although his eyes are still open.
“Tired?” I ask him. “Kind of.”
I squint through the darkness at his face. He also has similar features to Enzo, although I suppose he looks more like me between the two of
my children, which isn’t saying much. We named him Nicolas after Enzo’s father. “Is everything okay?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Nico has the praying mantis right by the head of his bed. It’s a little hard to see in the mesh enclosure, but when I finally spot the long thin insect, I can see its little hands rubbing together. That bug definitely looks like it’s plotting something. I know boys are into bugs, but why would anyone want something like that inside their bedroom? Is there something wrong with him?
No. There’s nothing wrong with Nico. He is the happiest, most well- adjusted kid ever. Everyone loves him.
I cringe as I lean past the enclosure to kiss my son on the forehead. Tomorrow, I’ll have to talk to him about moving it. Maybe to the other side of the room, or possibly out of the house entirely.
“Good night,” I say.
“G’night, Mom,” he says sleepily.
As I pull away, I glance out the window. It’s close to a full moon tonight, illuminating our perfectly trimmed backyard. By the summer, I bet we will have the best yard in town. Enzo will make sure of that.
But my eyes are drawn to something outside our own backyard: The Lowells’ yard.
I thought Enzo was in the house, saying good night to the children like I am, but he isn’t. For some reason, he is in the neighbors’ backyard. But he’s not working. He’s standing next to Suzette, and they’re talking.
I watch them for a moment from within the darkness of my son’s bedroom. It could be entirely innocent. After all, they’re neighbors and they have been working on the yard together. But there’s something about it that hits me wrong. After all, it’s ten o’clock at night. Why would my husband be out in the backyard with another woman?
He doesn’t touch her. He certainly doesn’t kiss her or anything like that. They seem to just be talking. But there’s still something about it that makes me uneasy.
I can’t shake the feeling that Enzo is hiding something from me.
