I EATย lunch again at my desk. Iโm usually a very social person, but all anyone is talking about is Dawnโs murder, and itโs starting to make me physically ill. Also, I hate the idea that several people in the office thought that I was bullying Dawn. I still donโt understand how anyone could have said that. If anything, I was the only one who tried to be nice to her!
While I am taking a bite of my turkey sandwich, a text message pops up on my phone. Itโs from Caleb.
Can we talk?
No good conversation has ever started with those three words. If he had something good to tell me, he would just come out and tell me. He wouldnโt preface it by asking if it was okay to talk. This is a pre-break-up text.
I scoop my phone off my desk and stare at the screen. I donโt want to break up with Caleb. Despite my little lapse in judgment last night, I still think heโs the perfect boyfriend. If anything, I want to move things forward. Before this week, I would have said he adored me. That he was stupidly infatuated with me.
What if he knows about Seth? What if he came to my house last night and saw his car parked out front? That would give him ample reason to initiate a break-up conversation.
Iโm glad he didnโt hear the detectiveโs comment about how he and I could have killed Dawn together. Thatโs beyond ridiculous. We certainly didnโt kill her together. We werenโt even actually together that night. But of course, I couldnโt tell the detectiveย that.
I canโt take it anymore. I have to talk to Caleb.
I click on Calebโs number from my list of recent calls. I feel a tiny bit of relief when he doesnโt sound outright angry when he answers the phone.
โHey, Nat,โ he says. โHeyโฆโ
โI heard about Dawn,โ he says quietly. โAreโฆ are you okay?โ
My eyes fill with tears. โNot really. Iโฆ I canโt stop thinking about it.
What happened to herโฆโ โI knowโฆโ
โShe wasย beaten to death, Caleb. Can you imagine?โ
โI know. Itโs awful.โ There is an interminable silence on the other line. โListen, I just wanted to say that Iโm sorry about yesterday. I was kind of a jerk to you.โ
โOh.โ That was the last thing I expected him to say. โWell, itโs okay. I mean, it was a stressful day.โ
โItย was.โ His voice sounds a little scratchy, like he didnโt get enough sleep. โIโve never been grilled by a detective before. And that guy wasย rough. He just kept pushing me, trying to get me to crack.โ
โBut you didnโt.โ
โI didnโt,โ he confirms. โLook, I do think it would be better to just tell the truth, but I get why he made you feel like you needed an alibi. And geez, itโs obvious you couldnโt have done this.โ
Maybe itโs obvious to him. But the detective doesnโt seem to feel the same way.
โSo anyway,โ he says, โIโm sorry I freaked out. Do you forgive me?โ
Only if you forgive me for sleeping with another guy last night.ย But no, probably better not to bring that up. He never needs to know about it. And like I said, it was a one-off. Seth knows that.
โDo you want to come over tonight?โ I ask. I hate the idea of coming home to my empty house again.
He groans. โI wish I could, but Iโm going to be at work late today. I donโt even know how late. How about tomorrow?โ
โOkay.โ I wish he were coming tonight, but as long as Iโm going to see him soon. โAnd maybe this time you really can spend the night.โ
He sounds shocked. โReally?โ โWhy not?โ
โIโฆ I just assumed with all the stuff going on with your friend, you wouldnโt want toโฆโ
โDawn wasnโt really my friend,โ I say slowly. โI mean, she was my coworker. I liked her. But we werenโt friends.โ
โOh,โ he says.
Did I say something wrong? Is it really so inappropriate to have my boyfriend over after a coworkerย who I hardly even knewย was murdered?
โAlso,โ I say, โthe 5K is on Saturday. Youโre still running, arenโt you?โ Again, he sounds surprised. โThatโs still on?โ
Despite everything, I feel a jolt of irritation. โWe raised a lot of money for charity, Caleb. I canโt just cancel it.โ
โWell, okayโฆโ
โI mean, this is forย kids with cerebral palsy. Itโs not like Iโm throwing a sweet sixteen party.โ
โNo, I get it,โ he says. โI, uhโฆ I guess Iโll be there then.โ
I had imagined Caleb and me running together the whole way. He has longer legs, but Iโve been training harder than he has. He runs on the treadmill at the gym, but he hasnโt specifically been training for this. Iโll hold my own.
But I donโt know whatโs going to end up happening with the 5K now. Dawnโs murder has changed everything. I donโt want to ruin everything weโve worked for though. Maybe I need to put a new spin on things