It hasn’t been this good in a long time. Not since we’ve been married. Not with Jack. Maybe not ever. Something about almost dying results in really fantastic sex.
After it’s over, we lie next to each other in bed, my sweaty body draped over his. I feel his hand brush a strand of hair from my face.
“I love you so much, Claire,” he says.
“I love you too.” A week ago, I thought there was no chance I would’ve ever said those words to him again. But now I mean it. I love him. “So much.”
He squeezes me tighter. “I know things have been rough between us lately, and I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t entirely your fault…”
“Regardless.” He squeezes me again and plants a kiss on my head. “I want to get back to the way we were.”
“Me too.”
This is what I’ve been wanting to hear from him. We’ve been staying together for the kids, but I hated that. I wanted to be happy with him again.
Except it can’t go back to the way it was. Not really. I did something terrible to him. I cheated on him with his best friend. How can we move forward with that skeleton in the closet? The guilt will eat me alive.
But if I tell him, he may never forgive me.
I don’t know what to do. But I feel like we can’t move forward with a lie between us.
“Noah.” I take a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Oh?” His eyebrows bunch together. “What is it?” “It’s… something pretty bad…”
“Claire, you’re freaking me out…” He pulls away to look at me. “What is it?”
It occurs to me that maybe I should have waited until we got home to tell him this. But it’s too late now.
“The thing is…” I bite down on the inside of my cheek. Hard. “For the last few months, Jack and I have… well, we…”
“Oh.” Noah lets out a sigh. “I know.”
“What?” I sit up in bed, clutching the blankets to my chest. “You know that Jack and I—”
He raises his hand. “You don’t have to say it. Yes, I know.” “But… for how long?”
“For a while. You weren’t exactly subtle.”
I stare at him, trying to read the expression on his face. Lindsay and Jack both tried to convince me that he knew, but I didn’t believe it. They were right.
“Look.” He props himself up into a sitting position on the creaky twin mattress. “What you did… It was bad. But it was partially my fault. Our marriage was a disaster. The truth is that I also…”
I suck in a breath. “You had an affair?”
“No. No. But…” He rubs at the back of his neck. “I mean, since we’re being honest, there was… a woman. And… nothing happened. Not exactly. But…”
“But?”
He hangs his head. “I kissed her.” He quickly adds, “And that’s it. Nothing more happened. I stopped it. I just…” He sighs. “I was mad at you. I wanted to get back at you. But all I could think of when it was happening was that she wasn’t you. And… I wanted to do whatever it took to get you back. Anything.”
My heart is thudding in my chest. I can’t believe Noah kissed another woman. Part of me hates him for it. But I did something so much worse, it’s almost a relief to know he had a moment of weakness too.
“I had been hoping this trip would be a good chance for us to reconnect.” He winces. “But then when you told me you got separate rooms for us, I thought, well, it’s over.”
I drop my eyes. “I thought it was over too.”
He reaches out and takes my hand in his. “I know this is stupid, but even when we were back in college, I used to imagine us growing old
together. I knew you were the one. I was so sure. When I thought it was over, I just… It was like my future was gone.”
I squeeze his hand. “I know.”
I fall back into his arms. I feel drained with the guilt of the last several months finally out of my system. Noah knows what happened, and he forgives me. Soon we’ll go back home together and restart our lives. We won’t fight all the time like we used to. We’ll grow old together, just like we planned to.
Everything is going to be okay.
