Last night, there were five of us around the fire. Tonight, there are four.
We barely speak. Jack pokes at the fire with a stick to keep it going. The fire shoots off orange sparks, and the burnt wood smell makes me long for toasted marshmallows. Or really, anything that isn’t beef jerky or trail mix.
I can’t help but think about the broken compass in Jack’s pocket. Is he right that somebody brought a magnet to throw off the direction? It would certainly explain why we’re going around in circles.
But why would somebody do that?
Noah nudges my foot with his. “You look freezing, Claire.” “I’m f-fine.”
Okay, my teeth might be chattering just a little bit.
He raises an eyebrow. “What happened to the sweatshirt you were wearing?”
“I, uh…” I glance over at Jack, whose attention is on the fire. “I didn’t need it anymore, so I gave it back.”
“But you’re cold.”
I’m not as cold as I was before we got the fire going. The heat radiating off of it warms my fingers and my feet, although my back still feels cold and I still have goosebumps all over my arms. “I’m okay.”
Noah looks at me for a moment and then pulls off his hoodie sweatshirt. “Here, take mine.”
“But then you won’t have a sweatshirt!”
“I never get cold.” He pats his gut. “I’ve got plenty of padding.”
I don’t know what he’s talking about. I have at least as much padding as Noah does, probably more. But I accept his sweatshirt and I drape it around me. Even though he hasn’t used any in at least a day, it smells like his aftershave.
“Thanks,” I say.
His hazel eyes crinkle. “No problem. But you still look cold.” “Well,” I say softly, “maybe you can warm me up.”
“I could try…”
He holds out his right arm and I cuddle up against him. For the first time since we got out here, I feel warm and safe in his embrace. I can’t remember the last time Noah held me like this. At least some of the tension of the day drains out of me.
“Do you remember when Aiden was six months old and the power went out?” he asks softly.
I allow myself a smile. “Yeah. It was so cold in the house. The three of us all snuggled under a blanket, trying to keep warm together.”
Noah squeezes me tighter. I miss the kids desperately, but until now, I hadn’t realized how much I missed my husband. The way he used to be. The way we used to be.
“Goddamn it, Jack.” Warner’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “Will you stop poking the fire?”
“Do you want the fire to go out?” Jack turns to stare at Warner. “Will you get it going again if it does?”
Warner rolls his eyes. “Quit being a drama queen.”
Jack is quiet for a moment as he pokes the fire. “We should’ve kept looking for Michelle.”
Warner groans. “Not this again…”
“None of you cared enough about her to keep looking.” In the light of the fire, Jack’s cheeks turn pink. “You all just left her. None of you cared.”
“That’s not true,” Noah says quietly.
Jack snorts. “Please. You all hated Michelle.”
I feel my face burn. I did hate Michelle. I remember the first time I met her, when Jack brought her out for dinner with me and Noah. Most of Jack’s girlfriends before her were these sweet, fun, bubbly girls, so Michelle came as a shock. She was a little older, for one thing. And she was so serious and composed—her jet black hair was pulled into an elaborate French twist and she wore a tasteful white blouse and pencil skirt. The other thing that surprised me about Michelle was she didn’t hang on Jack’s every word like the others. In fact, it was very much the opposite. Every time she opened her mouth, he stared at her like she was a celebrity.
Near the end of the meal, Michelle excused herself to go to the bathroom, leaving us alone with Jack. I had to go to the bathroom too, but I wasn’t excited about being alone with Michelle. In that sense, not much changed over the years.
Isn’t she great? Jack asked eagerly, while she was gone. Noah and I exchanged a meaningful look. Great, he echoed.
Of course, we could never tell Jack we thought Michelle was wrong for him. But we couldn’t wait for them to be done.
But they never were done. All of a sudden, they were getting married, even though Jack always swore he didn’t want to get married until he was at least forty. It wasn’t all bad though. Thanks to Michelle’s lucrative practice, they could afford a lifestyle that Jack never could have paid for on his own.
“I didn’t hate Michelle,” I lie.
“Me either,” Noah says. I suppose it’s less of a lie in his case. He never really had a reason to hate her.
Warner shrugs. “I didn’t even know her.”
“Exactly!” Jack’s hand balls into a fist. “None of you knew her. You didn’t care about her. If you knew her, you never would’ve left her.”
“Don’t look at me,” I say. “I didn’t even want to leave Lindsay, remember?”
“Lindsay was dead!” Jack snaps. “There was nothing we could do!
This was completely different!”
I’ve never seen Jack this upset before. Noah’s arm tightens around me. “Don’t kid yourself,” Warner says. “Michelle is dead too. She was supposed to be this brilliant lawyer, but she was too stupid to know not to
go on a walk alone. And some wild animal killed her.” Jack’s face is almost purple. “You take that back.”
“I won’t take it back. It’s true.” He shrugs. “At least I accept that my girlfriend is dead. You’re in denial.”
Jack scrambles to his feet. Before I even know what he’s doing, I see him bend down and reach for something next to Noah. It takes me a second to recognize he’s going for the gun.
But Noah is too fast for him. He places his hand protectively over the rifle. “Don’t do this, Jack.”
“Give me the gun, Noah.” “Not a chance.”
“Give me the fucking gun, Noah!” But Noah just shakes his head.
There’s a tense moment when I’m scared Jack might fight him for it. What if one of them got shot out here? What would we do? Warner is a doctor, but he couldn’t save Lindsay. If one of us got a bad gunshot wound, that would be the end.
“I’m gonna take a walk,” Jack finally says. Noah nods. “Good idea.”
Jack takes one last look at the gun, then stomps off into the woods. I watch him disappear between two trees, not sure whether I’m scared or hoping he won’t return.
“Your friend is a real nut job,” Warner mutters.
I would have thought Noah would say something to defend his best friend, but he keeps his mouth shut.
“And you know what else?” Warner frowns. “That Michelle seemed like a real class A bitch. Not that I got to know her or anything, but you can just tell.”
“Yeah.” Noah rubs at the back of his neck. “She wasn’t so bad. She just… she and Jack had issues.”
I look at Noah, surprised he would defend Michelle, considering he never particularly liked her. But then again, if he really thinks she’s dead, there’s no reason to trash talk her.
“Tomorrow we need to go north,” Warner says. “We should follow the sun, not that broken compass that’s been taking us around in circles. The inn is north. I know that. If we go north, we’re going to hit something.”
Noah nods. “I agree.”
For the first time all day, I feel a twinge of hope. The compass was obviously our problem. If we follow the sun, we will get to the inn.
“I’m going to try to get some sleep,” Warner announces. “I’ve never been so tired in my whole goddamn life.”
“Me too,” I say. I let out a yawn as an almost painfully sleepy feeling comes over me. My eyelids feel like lead. It must be from all the walking. “I can’t keep my eyes open.”
I look over at Noah, wondering what’s going to happen next. Last night there was no question about whether or not we would sleep next to
each other—we slept apart, as always. But now something has changed. I want him next to me. I want his arms around me while we drift off.
I lie down in my makeshift bed of leaves. Noah hesitates for a moment, then lies down right beside me. He drapes his arm around me, pulling me close to his body. Despite everything going on right now, a feeling of peace comes over me. I missed this so much.
I love you. The words are on the tip of my tongue. I haven’t said that to Noah in so long. We used to say it all the time. It used to be how we ended every phone call. We never say it anymore. This is the first time in years that I felt the urge. The only thing stopping me is Warner lying a few feet away from us.
Noah pulls me closer to his warm body. The fire fades away as my eyes drift shut. I’m so tired. It must be all the walking. I feel like I could sleep for days.
And I do sleep for a very long time. The only thing that finally wakes me up is the sound of gunshots.
