Finding water turns out to be a difficult task. I had been hoping we’d locate some stream with fresh running water, but as we look, it becomes increasingly obvious that’s not the case. Jack spots the footprints of what he believes to be a rabbit, and we follow them to what appears to be a small, shallow, very muddy pond.
Ordinarily, I would never drink water that looked like that. I wouldn’t even want to put my hand in it.
“Is that safe to drink?” Noah asks.
“I brought a pack of tablets that are supposed to kill the bacteria in water.” Jack lowers his backpack to the ground and lays the rifle down beside it. “And we can use the pillowcase to strain the dirt out of the water.” As a general rule, I don’t like drinking things that need to have dirt strained from it first. But right now, I’m so thirsty that I would lap up the
water, dirt and all.
Jack strains the water through the pillowcase into his water bottle. I take out Noah’s empty water bottle from my purse, and we fill that one too. The water still looks decidedly murky, but even so, I’m devastated when Jack says we have to wait an hour to let the pill work before we can drink it.
For a moment, I imagine my daughter’s face if she saw the water we had to drink. She’s the kind of kid where if there’s so much as a smudge on her plate, she freaks out. What would she think about drinking from a bottle of water that has dirt floating in it? Of course, Aiden would probably find the whole thing funny—I once caught him tasting dirt when he was about three years old.
Oh my God, I miss my children so much. I’ve got to get home to them.
I’ll do whatever it takes.
Jack had put down the rifle next to his backpack, and Warner is eyeing it. The whole thing makes me uneasy. I don’t love the fact that Jack brought a gun on this trip, but even more than that, I don’t want Warner to have it.
“Jack,” I say, “maybe you should dismantle the rifle.”
At least my suggestion calls his attention to it. He places his hand protectively over the gun. “After what happened with Michelle, I feel more comfortable having it handy.”
Except what did happen with Michelle? We’re assuming an animal got her, but nothing about this makes sense.
And maybe that’s why Jack wants the gun handy.
Warner yanks the map from his pocket. “We need to get back on track.
We need to find this place.”
“I told you.” Jack closes his fingers around the rifle. “We’re not leaving without Michelle.”
It surprises me how protective Jack has become about Michelle. The last time we were lying in bed together at his house, with Michelle slaving away at the office, he acted like their marriage was a sham. But he’s genuinely terrified for her. And my chest aches when I think about the way they cuddled together last night.
Jack acted like it was over between him and Michelle. But maybe that was a lie. The best I can say is maybe he thought it was true when he said it.
Or maybe it was never true. Maybe it was just something he said to get me into bed. And maybe I’m not the first woman who fell for his lies.
“Look,” Warner says, “if Michelle is injured somewhere, our best chance of helping her is to get to a phone and call the police. We obviously couldn’t find her on our own.”
Jack glares at Warner, his hand still on the gun. After a moment, he swears under his breath, then picks up the rifle and stomps off into the woods. I don’t know where he went, but he couldn’t plan on going far. He left behind his backpack and the water bottles.
Warner watches him walk off, then lets out a long sigh. He drops down onto a felled tree and rubs his temples. For the first time since we’ve been out here in the woods, he looks exhausted. In this state, I’m not even sure the Sears catalog would find a place for him in its pages. He takes the hem of his shirt and wipes his lower face with it.
“Are you okay?” I ask him. “It’s hot,” he mutters.
After that declaration, he rips his T-shirt off entirely, peeling it from his sweaty chest. And…
Whoa.
I take back what I said about the Sears catalog. Any catalog would be happy to have this guy on their cover page. He is ripped. And tan. You could sort of tell when he had his shirt on, but with it off, nothing is left to the imagination. I think there might be a little drool coming out of the corner of my mouth. I look over at Noah next to me, who rolls his eyes.
Lindsay is a lucky girl.
Was. Was lucky.
I flinch, remembering the future Lindsay had been imagining for the two of them. She really, really liked this guy—I’d never seen her so infatuated. And it wasn’t just about his looks. She wasn’t that superficial.
“Listen,” I say, “when we get back, I thought maybe you could help plan the service for Lindsay.”
I can’t bring myself to say “memorial service.” He knows what I mean. Warner mops his face with his damp T-shirt. “That’s all right. I mean,
we were only dating a few months. The people who knew her best should be doing that.”
“Yes, but I know that’s what she would have wanted.” I force a smile. “She really liked you.”
“That’s okay.”
“But Lindsay would—”
“Look.” Warner cuts me off before I can say another word. “I’m just trying to be polite here. I don’t have the time to plan a big sad event for some girl I was going to break up with in a few weeks anyway.” He grits his teeth. “I’m sure you’ve got plenty of time to plan this, between driving your kids to soccer practice and your yoga classes.”
My mouth falls open. “I work full-time, you know. Just like you do.”
Warner snorts. “As a teacher. I’m a surgeon, Claire. There’s no comparison.”
My face burns. I know he’s upset about everything that’s happened so far, and we’re all thirsty and hot, but this guy is really showing his true colors right now. Sometimes hardship brings out the worst in people.
“Hey,” Noah says sharply. “Claire works really hard at her job, you know.”
I didn’t expect him to stick up for me. I can’t remember the last time he’s defended me. Usually I’m defending myself against his insults.
“I’m sure.” Warner rolls his eyes. “I’m sure babysitting a bunch of grade-schoolers all day is life and death.”
Noah’s face darkens, and his right hand balls into a fist. I take a step back, worried this conversation isn’t going anywhere good. In all our years of marriage, I’ve never seen Noah throw a punch, and I have no idea if he would ever do something like that. But judging by all those muscles in Warner’s chest, I’m not sure how well Noah would fare if it came down to it.
Fortunately, Jack bursts back out of the trees at that moment. His eyes are bloodshot and puffy. Was he crying just now? Is that why he left us?
“All right.” His voice is shaky. “Let’s go.” “Jack,” I say gently. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he snaps at me. “I said let’s get going.” Apparently, he doesn’t want to talk about it.
We still have a little while before the water is safe to drink, but we decide to get going. And now, of course, it’s back to the same. Jack and Warner (with his shirt thankfully back on) looking at the map, then studying Jack’s compass, then telling us what direction to walk in. I try to keep up with them at first, but then I end up hanging back like before. They walk faster than I do and it’s hard to keep up.
Unfortunately, this means I’m alone with my thoughts. Every time I shut my eyes for a moment, I think of Lindsay’s pale body lying on the ground in the woods. I couldn’t find her again if my life depended on it. I still feel sick that we left her there.
It’s amazing how easy life can come to an end. Just a handful of berries, and that’s it. Done. She’s gone forever.
I could have eaten those berries. I’d be lying in the dirt next to Lindsay if that happened. Noah told me he was glad I didn’t eat the berries, but I can’t imagine him crying if I died yesterday. The kids would care, my parents would care, Penny would care, but Noah? I don’t know.
Well, I can’t let myself think that way. I did survive. I got a second chance at life, and I don’t want to blow it. I realize now what’s important. Getting home and seeing my kids again. That’s all that matters anymore.
I lift my eyes—the men have gotten way ahead of me. My heart jumps in my chest and I quicken my pace. I don’t want to fall too far behind. I don’t want to disappear like Michelle did.
At the end of the hour, we sit down and drink some of the muddy water. It tastes about how you would think it would taste. I gag slightly, but it’s better than the alternative. We eat a bit more of Jack’s beef jerky and some trail mix.
“How much more food do you have?” I ask him.
Jack rifles through his backpack. He looks a lot calmer than he did this morning, like his mini-breakdown never happened. “If we conserve, maybe another day’s worth.”
Another day’s worth. We’ve got to find the inn or at least something in that time, right? “And then what?”
“Well,” Jack says thoughtfully, “there are some plants here that we could safely eat. Also, I could try shooting a rabbit.”
I clutch my chest. “You’re going to kill a bunny?” Killing Thumper would be almost as bad as killing Bambi’s mother.
“Alternatively,” he says, “we could eat bugs.” I roll my eyes.
“I’m serious!” Jack doesn’t crack a smile—he may really be serious. “There’s nothing wrong with eating bugs. In other countries, people do it all the time. I don’t know why bugs are so taboo in this country.”
I make a face. “Because they’re super disgusting?” Warner smirks. “I don’t think Claire is going to eat bugs.”
“I can cook them,” Jack says. “That will entirely change the taste. I mean, you wouldn’t eat raw meat. Cooked insects are actually not too bad. I ate them a bunch of times in the scouts.”
I genuinely don’t think he’s teasing me. He think we’re going to be lost long enough that we’re going to have to cook and eat insects.
I don’t understand how we’re still lost. Warner has a map and Jack has a compass. Between the two of them, we should be able to find something. Jack was a freaking Boy Scout, as he has told us a million times before. Why is he unable to follow a simple map?
After the brief rest for sustenance, we get up and start walking again.
But this time, Noah hangs back with me.
“Hey,” he says. “Can I talk to you?” He glances up at the guys a few yards ahead of us. “Alone?”
“Okay,” I say.
My heart speeds up. I touch Jack’s sweatshirt, which is tied around my waist now that the sun is high in the sky. Is Noah going to tell me he knows all about me and Jack? I don’t want to have that conversation right now. If he asks me, will I admit it? I don’t know. I don’t want to lie to him, but a revelation like that is going to make the next week very uncomfortable.
As soon as we get outside earshot of Jack and Warner, he lowers his voice several notches. “Something is wrong,” he says.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…” He glances up at the two of them, then back at me. “Warner’s map. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s wrong. Nothing is where the map says it’s supposed to be.”
My breath catches in my throat. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, and…” He shakes his head. “I looked at a map before we left for the trip, and I don’t remember that fork in the road or anything from Warner’s map. Also…” His brow furrows. “I don’t trust Jack’s compass.”
I raise my eyebrows. “You don’t?”
He nods. “I know Jack is supposed to be Mr. Wilderness, Boy Scout, whatever, but I know the sun rises in the east, and that’s not where the compass says east is.”
“Oh…”
“Also…” He takes a deep breath. “Claire, I think we’re going around in circles.”
“You… you do?”
He nods. “I recognize things I’ve seen before. Very specific things, like this gash I saw in a tree. And… and that squirrel.” He points to a squirrel lying dead and rotting in the dirt. I have to admit, there is something familiar about it. I remember seeing that squirrel before. “I think that compass is taking us in circles.”
I frown. This is the last thing I expected him to say. I thought he was going to accuse me of infidelity. This might be worse. “So… what are you saying?”
“I’m saying…” He rubs at the back of his neck. “I don’t trust them to find our way out of here. I think… I think we’d be better off on our own.”
“We?” I cough. “You want me to come with you?”
He blinks at me behind his glasses. “Well, yeah. Of course I do. You’re my wife.”
But we hate each other. I don’t say the words, but he must be thinking the same thing. We’ve hated each other for years now. And especially during the entire drive here.
Yet now that we’re lost out here, he doesn’t seem quite as angry at me anymore.
“I think I can find my way out of here.” He glances behind him. “My dad used to sometimes take me hiking when I was a kid, so I know what to do.”
I’m surprised by this revelation. Noah’s father died when he was in college, before I met him. He rarely talks about him. “You never told me that.”
He shrugs. “It was a long time ago. But I remember the map. These woods aren’t that big. If we weren’t going around in circles, we’d have hit civilization by now.”
“You think so?”
Noah nods firmly. Granted, I’ve never thought of him as very good at outdoorsy stuff like hiking, but my husband is a very smart man. He’s a physicist. He wouldn’t make an assertion if he didn’t feel confident it was true. He wouldn’t want to go off on his own unless he believed he could find civilization.
He reaches for my hand. I let him take it. I can’t even remember the last time Noah held my hand. It’s been years. I forgot how warm and big his hand always felt in mine.
“Trust me, Claire,” he says. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”
I want to believe him. I truly do. But Warner has the map and Jack has the compass. Oh, and Jack has the remainder of our food. Noah has nothing, except a partially full water bottle in my purse. And he doesn’t even have sterilization tablets, so if I go with him, that’s all the water we’ll have to drink.
“I think we should all stay together,” I say.
He shakes his head. “I don’t think it’s a good idea…”
I pull my hand away from his. “Look, Jack does know the outdoors. We couldn’t even have built that fire last night without him. I think if we go off on our own, we might get in big trouble. It… it scares me. I mean, look what happened to Michelle.”
His eyes get cloudy. “What did happen to Michelle?”
“I don’t know, but… she went off on her own and now…”
Noah scratches at his hair until it stands up even more. “Okay, fine.
We’ll all stay together.”
“You’re not leaving us?”
He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I’m surprised at the relief I feel that Noah isn’t insisting on taking off on his own. If he really did want to leave, it would be a hard decision about whether or not to go with him. It seems like the obvious choice to stay with Jack, but Noah is my husband. Maybe I’ve grown to hate him, but I trust him.
And maybe I don’t hate him quite as much anymore.
