Both Lee and Cal tried to argue Adam out of going to meet the train, the Lark night train from San Francisco to Los Angeles.
Cal said, โWhy don’t we
let Abra go alone? He’ll want to see her first.โ
โI think he won’t know anybody else is there,โ said Lee. โSo it doesn’t matter whether we go or not.โ
โI want to see him get
off the train,โ said Adam. โHe’ll be changed. I want to see what change there is.โ
Lee said, โHe’s only been gone a couple of months. He can’t be very
changed, nor much older.โ โHe’ll
be changed.
Experience will do that.โ โIf you go we’ll all have to go,โ said Cal.
โDon’t you want to see your brother?โ Adam asked sternly.
โSure, but he won’t want
to see meโnot right at first.โ โHe will too,โ said
Adam. โDon’t you underrate Aron.โ
Lee threw up his hands.
โI guess we all go,โ he said. โCan you imagine?โ said Adam. โHe’ll know so many new things. I wonder if he’ll talk different. You know, Lee, in the East a boy takes on the speech of his school. You can tell a Harvard man from a Princeton man. At least that’s what they say.โ โI’ll listen,โ said Lee. โI wonder what dialect they speak at Stanford. โ He smiled at Cal.
Adam didn’t think it was funny. โDid you put some fruit in his room?โ he asked. โHe loves fruit.โ
โPears and apples and muscat grapes,โ said Lee. โYes, he loves muscats.
I
remember he
loves muscats.โ
Under Adam’s urging they got to the Southern Pacific Depot half an hour before the train was due.
Abra was already there. โI can’t come to dinner tomorrow, Lee,โ she said.
โMy father wants me home. I’ll come as soon after as I can.โ
โYou’re a
little
breathless,โ said Lee. โAren’t you?โ
โI guess I am,โ said Lee. โLook up the track and see if the block’s turned green.โ
Train schedules are a matter of pride and of apprehension
to nearly
everyone. When, far up the track,
the block signal
snapped from red to green and the long, stabbing probe of the headlight sheered the bend and blared on the station, men looked at their watches and said, โOn time.โ There was pride in it,
and relief too. The split second has been growing more and more important to us. And as human activities become more and more
intermeshed and integrated, the split tenth of a second will emerge, and then a new name must be made for the split hundredth, until one day, although I don’t believe it, we’ll say, โOh, the hell with it. What’s wrong with an hour?โ But it isn’t silly, this preoccupation
with small
time units. One thing late or early can disrupt everything around it, and the disturbance runs outward in bands like the waves from a dropped stone in a quiet pool.
The Lark came rushing in as though it had no
intention of stopping. And only when the engine and
baggage cars were well past did the air brakes give their screaming
hiss and the
straining iron protest to a halt.
The train delivered quite
a crowd for Salinas, returning relatives
home for
Thanksgiving, their hands
entangled in cartons and gift-wrapped paper boxes. It was a moment or two before his
family could locate Aron. And then they saw him, and he seemed bigger than he had been.
He was wearing a flat-topped, narrow-brimmed hat, very stylish, and when he saw
them he broke into a run and
yanked off his hat, and they could see that his bright hair was clipped to a short brush of a pompadour that stood straight up. And his eyes shone so that they laughed with pleasure to see him.
Aron dropped his
suitcase and lifted Abra from the ground in a great hug. He set her down and gave Adam and Cal his two hands. He put his
arms around Lee’s
shoulders and nearly crushed him.
On the way home they
all talked at once. โWell, how
are you?โ
โYou look fine.โ
โAbra, you’re so pretty.โ โI am not. Why did you cut your hair?โ
โOh, everybody wears it that way,โ
โBut you have such nice hair.โ
They hurried up to Main Street and one short block and around the corner on Central past Reynaud’s with stacked French bread in the window
and
black-haired
Mrs. Reynaud waved her flour-pale hand at them and they were home.
Adam said,
โCoffee, Lee?โ
โI made it before we left. It’s on the simmer.โ He had the
cups laid out too.
Suddenly they were together
โAron and Abra on the couch, Adam in his chair under the light, Lee passing coffee, and Cal braced in the doorway to the hall. And they were silent, for it was too late to say hello and too early to begin other things.
Adam did say, โI’ll want
to hear all about it. Will you get good marks?โ
โFinals aren’t until next
month, Father.โ
โOh, I see. Well, you’ll
get good marks, all right. I’m sure you will.โ
In spite of himself a grimace
of impatience
crossed Aron’s face. โI’ll bet you’re tired,โ
said Adam. โWell, we can talk tomorrow.โ
Lee said, โI’ll bet he’s not. I’ll bet he’d like to be alone.โ
Adam looked at Lee and said, โWhy, of courseโof course. Do you think we should all go to bed?โ Abra solved it for them.
โI can’t stay out long,โ she said. โAron, why don’t you
walk me home? We’ll be together tomorrow.โ
On the way Aron clung to her arm. He shivered.
โThere’s going to a frost,โ he said.
โYou’re glad to be back.โ
โYes, I am. I have a lot to talk about.โ
โGood things?โ โMaybe. I hope you think so.โ
โYou sound serious.โ โIt is serious.โ
โWhen do you have to go back?โ
โNot until Sunday night.โ
โWe’ll have lots of time.
I want to tell you some things too. We have tomorrow and Friday and Saturday and all day Sunday. Would you mind not coming in tonight?โ โWhy not?โ
โI’ll tell you later.โ
โI want to know now.โ โWell, my father’s got one of his streaks.โ โAgainst me?โ
โYes. I can’t go to
dinner with you tomorrow, but I won’t eat much at home, so you can tell Lee to save a plate for me.โ
He was turning shy. She could feel it in the relaxing grip on her arm and in his silence, and she could see it in his raised face. โI shouldn’t have told you that tonight.โ
โYes, you should,โ he said slowly. โTell me the
truth. Do you stillโwant to be with me?โ
โYes, I do.โ
โThen all right. I’ll go away
now. We’ll talk
tomorrow.โ
He left her on her porch
with the feeling of a light-brushed kiss on her lips. She felt hurt that he had agreed so
easily, and she laughed sourly at herself that she could ask a thing and be hurt when she got it. She watched his tall quick
step through the
radiance of
the corner
streetlight. She thought, I must be crazy. I’ve been imagining things.
2
In his bedroom after he had said his good night, Aron sat on the edge of his bed and peered down at his hands cupped between his knees. He felt let down and helpless, packed like a bird’s egg in the cotton
of his
father’s
ambition for him. He had not known its strength until tonight, and he wondered
whether he would have the strength to break free of its soft, persistent force. His thoughts would not coagulate. The house seemed cold with a dampness that made him shiver. He got up and softly opened his door. There was a light under Cal’s door. He tapped and went in without waiting for a reply.
Cal sat at a new desk. He was working with tissue paper and a bolt of red ribbon, and as Aron came in he hastily covered something on his desk with a large blotter.
Aron smiled. โPresents?โ
โYes,โ said Cal and left
it at that.
โCan I talk to you?โ โSure! Come on in. Talk low or Father will come in.
He hates to miss a moment.โ
Aron sat down on the bed. He was silent so long
that Cal asked, โWhat’s the matterโyou got trouble?โ โNo, not trouble. I just wanted to talk to you. Cal, I don’t want to go on at college.โ
Cal’s head jerked
around. โYou don’t? Why not?โ
โI just don’t like it.โ โYou
haven’t told
Father, have you? He’ll be disappointed. It’s bad enough that I don’t want to go. What do you want to do?โ
โI thought I’d like to take over the ranch.โ โHow about Abra?โ โShe told me a long time
ago that’s what she’d like.โ
Cal studied him. โThe
ranch has got a lease to run.โ โWell,
I
was just
thinking about it.โ Cal said, โThere’s no money in farming.โ โI don’t want much
money. Just to get along.โ โThat’s not good enough for me,โ said Cal. โI want a
lot of money and I’m going to get it too.โ
โHow?โ
Cal felt older and surer than his brother. He felt protective toward him. โIf
you’ll go on at college, why, I’ll get started and lay in a foundation. Then when you finish we can be partners. I’ll have one kind of thing and you’ll have another. That might be pretty good.โ
โI don’t want to go back. Why do I have to go back?โ โBecause Father wants
you to.โ
โThat won’t make me go.โ
Cal stared fiercely at his brother, at the pale hair and the
wide-set eyes, and
suddenly he knew why his father loved Aron, knew it beyond doubt. โSleep on it,โ he said quickly. โIt would be better if you finish out the term at least. Don’t do anything now.โ
Aron got up and moved toward the door. โWho’s the present for?โ he asked.
โIt’s for Father. You’ll see
it tomorrowโafter dinner.โ
โIt’s not Christmas.โ โNo,โ said Cal, โit’s better than Christmas.โ When Aron had gone
back to his room Cal
uncovered his present. He counted the fifteen new bills once more, and they were so crisp they made a sharp, cracking
sound.
The
Monterey County Bank had to send to San Francisco to get them, and only did so when the reason for them was told. It was a matter of shock and disbelief to the bank that a
seventeen-year-old boy
should, first, own them, and,
second, carry them about. Bankers do not like money to be lightly handled even if the handling is sentimental. It had taken Will Hamilton’s word to make the bank believe that the money belonged to Cal, that it was honestly come by, and that he could do what he wanted to with it.
Cal wrapped the bills in tissue and tied it with red ribbon finished in a blob that was faintly recognizable as a bow. The package might have been a handkerchief. He concealed it under the shirts in his bureau and went to bed. But he could not sleep. He was excited and at the same time shy. He wished the day was over and the gift given.
He went over what he planned to say.
โThis is for you.โ โWhat is it?โ
โA present.โ
From then on he didn’t
know what would happen. He tossed and rolled in bed, and at dawn he got up and dressed and crept out of the house.
On Main Street he saw Old Martin sweeping the street with a stable broom.
The city council was
discussing the purchase of a mechanical
sweeper. Old
Martin hoped he would get to
drive it, but he was cynical about it. Young men got the cream
of everything.
Bacigalupi’s garbage wagon went by, and Martin looked after it spitefully.ย Thereย was a good business. Those wops were getting rich.
Main Street was empty except for a few dogs sniffing at closed entrances and the sleepy activity around the San Francisco Chop House. Pet Bulene’s new taxi was parked in front, for Pet had been alerted the night before to take the Williams girls to the morning
train for
San Francisco.
Old Martin called to Cal, โGot
a cigarette, young fella?โ
Cal stopped and took out
his cardboard box of Murads. โOh,
fancy ones!โ
Martin said. โI ain’t got a match either.โ
Cal lighted the cigarette
for him, careful not to set fire to the grizzle around Martin’s mouth.
Martin leaned on the handle of his brush and puffed
disconsolately. โYoung
fellas gets the
cream,โ he said. โThey won’t let me drive it.โ
โWhat?โ Cal asked. โWhy, the new sweeper.
Ain’t you heard? Where you been, boy?โ It was incredible to him that any reasonably informed human did not know about the sweeper. He forgot
Cal. Maybe the
Bacigalupis would give him a job.
They were
coining
money. Three wagons and a new truck.
Cal turned down Alisal Street, went into the post office, and looked in the glass window of box 632. It was empty. He wandered back home and found Lee up and stuffing a very large turkey. โUp all night?โ Lee
asked.
โNo. I just went for a walk.โ
โNervous?โ โYes.โ
โI don’t blame you. I
would be too. It’s hard to give people thingsโI guess it’s harder to be given things, though. Seems silly, doesn’t it? Want some coffee?โ
โI don’t mind.โ
Lee wiped his hands and poured coffee for himself and for Cal. โHow do you think Aron looks?โ
โAll right, I guess.โ โDid you get to talk to him?โ
โNo,โ said Cal. It was easier that way. Lee would
want to know what he said. It wasn’t Aron’s day. It was Cal’s day. He had carved this day out for himself and he wanted it. He meant to have it.
Aron came in, his eyes
still misty with sleep. โWhat time do you plan to have dinner, Lee?โ
โOh, I don’t knowโ three-thirty or four.โ
โCould you make it about five?โ
โI guess so, if Adam says it’s all right. Why?โ โWell, Abra can’t get
here before then. I’ve got a plan I want to put to my father and I want her to be here.โ
โI guess that will be all right,โ said Lee.
Cal got up quickly and went to his room. He sat at
his desk with the student light turned on and he churned with
uneasiness and
resentment. Without effort, Aron was taking his day away from him. It would turn out to be
Aron’s day.
Then,
suddenly, he was bitterly ashamed. He covered his eyes with his hands and he said, โIt’s
just jealousy.
I’m
jealous. That’s what I am. I’m jealous. I don’t want to be jealous.โ And he repeated over and over, โJealousโ jealousโjealous,โ as though bringing it into the open might destroy it. And having gone this far, he proceeded with
his
self-punishment.
โWhy am I giving the money
to my father? Is it for his good? No. It’s for my good. Will Hamilton said itโI’m trying to buy him. There’s not one decent thing about it.
There’s not one decent thing about
me.
I
sit here
wallowing in jealousy of my brother. Why not call things by their names?โ
He whispered hoarsely to himself. โWhy not be honest? I know why my father
loves Aron.
It’s
because he looks like her. My
father never got over her. He may not know it, but it’s true. I wonder if he does know it. That makes me jealous of her too. Why don’t I take my money and go away? They wouldn’t miss me. In a little while they’d forget I ever existedโall except Lee. And I wonder whether Lee likes me. Maybe not.โ He doubled his fists against his forehead. โDoes Aron have to fight himself like this? I don’t think so, but how do I know? I could ask him. He wouldn’t say.โ
Cal’s mind careened in anger at himself and in pity for himself. And then a new voice came into it, saying
coolly and with contempt, โIf
you’re being honestโwhy not say you are enjoying this beating
you’re giving
yourself? That would be the truth. Why not be just what you are and do just what you do?โ Cal sat in shock from this thought. Enjoying?โof course. By whipping himself he protected himself against whipping by someone else.
His mind tightened up. Give the money, but give it lightly. Don’t depend on anything.
Don’t foresee anything. Just give it and forget it. And forget it now. Giveโgive.
Give the day to Aron. Why not? He jumped up and hurried out to the kitchen.
Aron was holding open
the skin of the turkey while Lee forced stuffing into the cavity. The oven cricked and snapped with growing heat. Lee said, โLet’s see, eighteen
pounds, twenty
minutes to the poundโthat’s eighteen times twentyโthat’s three hundred and sixty minutes, six hours evenโ eleven to twelve, twelve to oneโโ He counted on his fingers.
Cal said, โWhen you get through, Aron, let’s take a walk.โ
โWhere to?โ Aron
asked.
โJust around town. I
want to ask you something.โ
Cal led his brother
across the street to Berges and Garrisiere, who imported fine wines and liquors. Cal said, โI’ve got a little money, Aron. I thought you might like to buy some wine for dinner. I’ll give you the money.โ
โWhat kind of wine?โ โLet’s make a real celebration.
Let’s get
champagneโit can be your present.โ
Joe Garrisiere said,
โYou boys aren’t old enough.โ
โFor dinner? Sure we are.โ
โCan’t sell it to you. I’m sorry.โ
Cal said, โI know what
you can do. We can pay for it and you can send it to our father.โ
โThat I can do,โ Joe Garrisiere said. โWe’ve got some Oeil de Perdrixโโ His lips pursed as though he were tasting it.
โWhat’s that?โ Cal asked.
โChampagneโbut very pretty, same color as a partridge eyeโpink but a little darker than pink, and dry too. Four-fifty a bottle.โ โIsn’t that high?โ Aron asked.
โSure it’s high!โ Cal laughed. โSend three bottles over, Joe.โ To Aron he said, โIt’s your present.โ
3
To Cal the day was endless. He wanted to leave the house and couldn’t. At eleven o’clock Adam went to the closed draft-board office to brood over the records of a new batch of boys coming up.
Aron seemed perfectly calm. He sat in the living room, looking at cartoons in
old numbers of theย Review of Reviews.ย From the kitchen the odor of the bursting juices of roasting turkey began to fill the house.
Cal went into his room
and took out his present and laid it on his desk. He tried to write a card to put on it. โTo my father from CalebโโโTo Adam Trask from Caleb Trask.โ He tore the cards in tiny pieces and flushed them down the toilet.
He thought, Why give it to
him today?
Maybe
tomorrow I could go to him quietly and say, This is for you, and then walk away.
That would be easier. โNo,โ he said aloud. โI want the others to see.โ It had to be that way. But his lungs were compressed and the palms of his hands were wet with stage fright. And then he thought of the morning when his father got him out of jail. The warmth and closenessโthey were the things to remember
โand his father’s trust. Why, he had even said it. โI trust you.โ He felt much better then.
At about three o’clock
he heard Adam come in and there was the low sound of voices conversing in the living room. Cal joined his father and Aron.
Adam was saying, โThe
times are changed. A boy must be a specialist or he will get nowhere. I guess that’s why I’m so glad you’re going to college.โ
Aron said, โI’ve been thinking about that, and I wonder.โ
โWell, don’t think any more. Your first choice is right. Look at me. I know a little bit about a great many things and not enough about any one of them to make a living in these times.โ
Cal sat down quietly.
Adam did not notice him. His face was concentrated on his thought.
โIt’s natural for a man to want his son to succeed,โ
Adam went on. โAnd maybe I
can see better than you can.โ
Lee looked in. โThe kitchen scales must be way off,โ he said. โThe turkey’s
going to be done earlier than the chart says. I’ll bet that bird doesn’t weigh eighteen pounds.โ
Adam said, โWell, you can keep it warm,โ and he continued,
โOld Sam
Hamilton saw this coming. He said there couldn’t be any more universal philosophers. The weight of knowledge is too great for one mind to absorb. He saw a time when one man would know only one little fragment, but he would know it well.โ
โYes,โ Lee said from the doorway, โand he deplored it. He hated it.โ
โDid he now?โ Adam asked.
Lee came into the room.
He held his big basting spoon in his right hand, and he cupped his left under the bowl for fear it would drip on the carpet. He came into the room and forgot and waved his spoon and drops of turkey fat fell to the floor. โNow you question it, I don’t know,โ he said. โI don’t know whether he hated it or I hate it for him.โ
โDon’t get so excited,โ
said Adam. โSeems to me we can’t discuss anything any more but you take it as a
personal insult.โ โMaybe the knowledge
is too great and maybe men are growing too small,โ said Lee. โMaybe, kneeling down to atoms, they’re becoming atom-sized in their souls.
Maybe a specialist is only a coward, afraid to look out of his little cage. And think what any specialist missesโthe whole world over his fence.โ โWe’re
only talking
about making a living.โ โA livingโor money,โ
Lee said excitedly. โMoney’s easy to make if it’s money you want. But with a few exceptions people don’t want money. They want luxury and
they want love and they want admiration.โ
โAll right. But do you have
any objection to
college? That’s what we’re talking about.โ
โI’m sorry,โ said Lee. โYou’re right, I do seem to get too excited. No, if college is where a man can go to find his relation to his whole world, I don’t object. Is it that? Is it that, Aron?โ
โI don’t know,โ said Aron.
A hissing sound came from the kitchen. Lee said, โThe goddam giblets are
boiling over,โ and he bolted
through the door.
Adam gazed after him affectionately. โWhat a good man! What a good friend!โ
Aron said, โI hope he lives to be a hundred.โ
His father chuckled.
โHow do you know he’s not a hundred now?โ
Cal asked, โHow is the ice plant doing, Father?โ โWhy, all right. Pays for
itself and makes a little profit. Why?โ
โI thought of a couple of things to make it really pay.โ โNot today,โ said Adam quickly. โMonday, if you remember, but not today. You know,โ Adam said, โI don’t
remember when I’ve felt so good. I feelโwell, you might call it fulfilled. Maybe it’s only a good night’s sleep and a good trip to the bathroom.
And maybe it’s because we’re all together and at peace.โ He smiled at Aron. โWe didn’t know what we felt about you until you went away.โ
โI was homesick,โ Aron confessed. โThe first few days I thought I’d die of it.โ
Abra came in with a
little rush. Her cheeks were pink and she was happy. โDid you notice there’s snow on Mount Toro?โ she asked. โYes, I saw it,โ Adam
said. โThey say that means a good year to come. And we
could use it.โ
โI just nibbled,โ said
Abra. โI wanted to be hungry for here.โ
Lee apologized for the dinner like an old fool. He blamed the gas oven which didn’t heat like a good wood stove. He blamed the new
breed of turkeys which lacked a something turkeys used to have. But he laughed with them when they told him he was acting like an old woman fishing for compliments.
With the plum pudding Adam
opened the
champagne, and they treated it
with
ceremony. A
courtliness settled over the table. They proposed toasts. Each one had his health drunk, and Adam made a little speech to Abra when he drank her health.
Her eyes were shining
and under the table Aron held her hand. The wine dulled Cal’s nervousness and he was not afraid about his present.
When Adam had
finished his plum pudding he said, โI guess we never have had
such a good
Thanksgiving.โ
Cal reached in his jacket
pocket, took out the red-ribboned package,
and
pushed it over in front of his father.
โWhat’s this?โ Adam asked.
โIt’s a present.โ
Adam was pleased. โNot even Christmas and we have presents. I wonder what it can be!โ
โA handkerchief,โ said Abra.
Adam slipped off the
grubby bow and unfolded the tissue paper. He stared down at the money.
Abra said, โWhat is it?โ and stood up to look. Aron
leaned forward. Lee, in the doorway, tried to keep the look of worry from his face. He darted a glance at Cal and saw the light of joy and triumph in his eyes.
Very slowly Adam
moved his fingers and fanned the gold certificates. His voice seemed to come from far away. โWhat is it? What
โโ He stopped.
Cal swallowed. โIt’sโI made itโto give to youโto make up for losing the lettuce.โ
Adam raised his head
slowly. โYou made it? How?โ โMr.
Hamiltonโwe
made itโon beans.โ He hurried on, โWe bought futures at five cents and when the price jumpedโIt’s for you, fifteen thousand dollars. It’s for you.โ
Adam touched the new
bills so that their edges came together, folded the tissue over them and turned the ends up. He looked helplessly at Lee. Cal caught a feelingโa feeling
of calamity, of
destruction in the air, and a weight
of sickness
overwhelmed him. He heard his father say, โYou’ll have to
give it back.โ
Almost as remotely his own voice said, โGive it
back? Give it back to who?โ โTo the people you got it from.โ
โThe British Purchasing Agency? They can’t take it back. They’re paying twelve and a half cents for beans all over the country.โ
โThen give it to the farmers you robbed.โ โRobbed?โ Cal cried. โWhy, we paid them two cents a pound over the
market. We didn’t rob them.โ Cal felt suspended in space, and time seemed very slow.
His father took a long
time to answer. There seemed to be long spaces between his
words. โI send boys out,โ he said. โI sign my name and they go out. And some will die and some will lie helpless without arms and legs. Not one will come back untorn.
Son, do you think I could take a profit on that?โ
โI did it for you,โ. Cal said. โI wanted you to have the money to make up your loss.โ
โI don’t want the money, Cal. And the lettuceโI don’t think I did that for a profit. It was a kind of game to see if I could get the lettuce there, and I lost. I don’t want the money.โ
Cal looked straight
ahead. He could feel the eyes of Lee and Aron and Abra crawling on his cheeks. He kept his eyes on his father’s lips.
โI like the idea of a present,โ Adam went on. โI
thank you for the thoughtโโ โI’ll put it away. I’ll
keep it for you,โ Cal broke in. โNo. I won’t want it
ever. I would have been so happy if you could have given meโwell, what your brother hasโpride in the thing he’s doing, gladness in his progress. Money, even clean money, doesn’t stack up with that.โ His eyes widened a little and he said, โHave I made you angry, son? Don’t be angry. If you want to give
me a presentโgive me a good life. That would be something I could value.โ Cal felt that he was choking.
His forehead
streamed with perspiration and he tasted salt on his tongue. He stood up suddenly and his chair fell over. He ran from the room, holding his breath.
Adam called after him, โDon’t be angry, son.โ
They let him alone. He
sat in his room, his elbows on his desk. He thought he would cry but he did not. He tried to let weeping start but tears could not pass the hot iron in his head.
After a time his
breathing steadied and he watched his brain go to work slyly, quietly. He fought the quiet hateful brain down and it slipped aside and went about its work. He fought it more weakly, for hate was seeping all through his body, poisoning every nerve. He could feel himself losing control.
Then there came a point where the control and the fear were gone and his brain cried out in an aching triumph. His hand went to a pencil and he drew tight little spirals one after another on his blotting
pad. When Lee came in an hour
later there were
hundreds of spirals, and they had become smaller and smaller. He did not look up.
Lee closed the door
gently. โI brought you some coffee,โ he said.
โI don’t want itโyes, I
do. Why, thank you, Lee. It’s kind of you to think of it.โ
Lee said, โStop it! Stop it, I tell you!โ
โStop what? What do you want me to stop?โ
Lee said uneasily, โI told
you once when you asked me that it was all in yourself. I told you you could control it
โif you wanted.โ โControl what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.โ
Lee said, โCan’t you
hear me? Can’t I get through to you? Cal, don’t you know what I’m saying?โ
โI hear you, Lee. What are you saying?โ
โHe couldn’t help it,
Cal. That’s his nature. It was the only way he knew. He didn’t have any choice. But you have. Don’t you hear me? You have a choice.โ
The spirals had become
so small that the pencil lines ran together and the result was a shiny black dot.
Cal said quietly, โAren’t you making a fuss about
nothing? You must
be
slipping. You’d think from your tone that I’d killed somebody. Come off it, Lee. Come off it.โ
It was silent in the room. After a moment Cal turned from his desk and the room was empty. A cup of coffee on the bureau top sent up a plume of vapor. Cal drank the coffee scalding as it was and went into the living room.
His father looked up apologetically at him. Cal said, โI’m sorry,
Father. I didn’t know how you felt about it.โ He took the package of money from
where it lay on the mantel and put it in the inside pocket of his coat where it had been before. โI’ll see what I can do about this.โ He said casually, โWhere are the others?โ
โOh, Abra had to go. Aron walked with her. Lee went out.โ
โI guess I’ll go for a walk,โ said Cal.
4
The November night was well fallen. Cal opened the front door a crack and saw Lee’s shoulders and head outlined against the white wall of the French Laundry across the street. Lee was sitting on the steps, and he looked lumpy in his heavy coat.
Cal closed the door quietly
and went back
through the living room. โChampagne
makes you
thirsty,โ he said. His father didn’t look up.
Cal slipped out the kitchen door and moved
through Lee’s waning kitchen garden. He climbed the high
fence, found the two-by-twelve plank that served as a bridge across the slough of
dark water, and came out between Lang’s Bakery and the
tinsmith’s shop
on
Castroville Street.
He walked to Stone
Street where the Catholic church is and turned left, went past the Carriaga house, the Wilson house, the Zabala house, and turned left on Central
Avenue at
the
Steinbeck house. Two blocks out Central he turned left past the West End School.
The poplar trees in front
of the schoolyard were nearly bare, but in the evening wind a few yellowed leaves still twisted down.
Cal’s mind was numb.
He did not even know that the
air was cold with frost slipping down from the mountains.
Three blocks
ahead he saw his brother cross under a streetlight, coming toward him. He knew it was his brother by stride and posture and because he knew it.
Cal slowed his steps, and when Aron was close he said, โHi. I came looking for you.โ
Aron said, โI’m sorry about this afternoon.โ โYou couldn’t help itโ
forget it.โ He turned and the two walked side by side. โI want you to come with me,โ Cal said. โI want to show you something.โ
โWhat is it?โ
โOh, it’s a surprise. But
it’s very interesting. You’ll be interested.โ
โWell, will it take long?โ โNo, not very long. Not very long at all.โ
They walked past Central Avenue toward
Castroville Street.
5
Sergeant Axel Dane
ordinarily opened the San Jose recruiting office at eight o’clock, but if he was a little late Corporal Kemp opened
it, and Kemp was not likely to complain. Axel was not an unusual case. A hitch in the
U.S. Army in the time of peace between the Spanish war and the German war had unfitted him for the cold, unordered life of a civilian. One month between hitches convinced him of that. Two hitches in the peacetime army completely unfitted him for war, and he had learned enough method to get out of it. The San Jose recruiting station proved he knew his way about. He was dallying with the youngest Ricci girl and she lived in San Jose. Kemp hadn’t the time in,
but he was learning the basic rule. Get along with the
topkick and avoid all officers when possible. He didn’t mind
the gentle riding
Sergent Dane handed out.
At
eight-thirty Dane
entered the office to find Corporal Kemp asleep at his desk and a tired-looking kid sat waiting. Dane glanced at the boy and then went in back of the rail and put his hand on Kemp’s shoulder.
โDarling,โ he said, โthe skylarks are singing and a new dawn is here.โ
Kemp raised his head
from his arms, wiped his nose
on the back of his hand, and sneezed. โThat’s my sweet,โ the sergeant said. โArise, we have a customer.โ
Kemp squinted his
crusted eyes. โThe war will wait,โ he said.
Dane looked more
closely at the boy. โGod! he’s beautiful. I hope they take good care of him. Corporal, you may think that he wants to bear arms against the foe, but I think he’s running away from love.โ
Kemp was relieved that the sergeant wasn’t quite
sober. โYou think some dame
hurt him?โ He played any game his sergeant wished. โYou think it’s the Foreign Legion?โ
โMaybe he’s running away from himself.โ
Kemp said, โI saw that picture. There’s one mean son of a bitch of a sergeant in it.โ โI don’t believe it,โ said Dane. โStep up, young man.
Eighteen, aren’t you?โ โYes, sir.โ
Dane turned to his man. โWhat do you think?โ โHell!โ said Kemp. โI say if they’re big enough, they’re old enough.โ
The sergeant said, โLet’s say you’re eighteen. And we’ll stick to it, shall we?โ โYes, sir.โ
โYou just take this form
and fill it out. Now you figure out what year you were born, and you put it down right here, and you remember it.โ