I have no idea where I’m going.
It’s not like I did this with any kind of well-thought-out plan. I didn’t wake up this morning and say to myself, Hey, I’m going to kill my husband today! If I had done something like that, I would have filled up my gas tank beforehand, for starters.
I also would have picked a better day to do it, weather- wise. December has been unseasonably warm this year, but of course, today would be the day we get blessed with freezing rain. That lovely combination of rain and snow is slowly coating the roads and obscuring my windshield as I travel as fast as I dare. And all the while, the sun is dropping in the sky, making it harder and harder to see.
It’s like Derek is already haunting me from beyond the grave.
But I’ve got to keep going. I have to put as many miles as I can between me and the house where I murdered my husband. Because I don’t have long.
I’m going to head north. I need to get out of the country. And I’m far closer to Canada than I am to Mexico. Hopefully at the border, they won’t look too carefully at my passport and just wave me through.
I’ve been driving less than twenty minutes when my phone rings. The display in my car pops up the name Claudia Delaney.
It’s my sister.
I hesitate, not sure if I should take the call. It’s not that I don’t have some friends and coworkers that I like, but the only person I’ll really miss will be Claudia. She’s four years older than me, and she’s always looked out for me, especially after our parents died when I was only fourteen.
When she finds out what happened, she’s going to be worried sick.
I’ve got to talk to her one last time. I need to let her know I’m all right.
I press the button to take the call. “Hi, Claudia!” I say in a voice that is so ridiculously chipper, I’m convinced she’ll know instantly something is wrong.
“Hey, Quinn,” she says. “Where are you? Are you free?”
I almost laugh at how ridiculous the question is. “Not at the moment. I’m… still at work.”
“What time do you get off? Do you want to grab dinner?”
“No, I…” I squeeze the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. “I have to work late tonight.”
“Again?” She lets out a huff. “They work you way too hard at the bank.”
“Yeah,” I mumble.
Claudia clucks her tongue. “Tell you what. How about if I come over tonight with a bottle of wine? We can watch something on Netflix.”
“No!” The light turns red, and I have to jam my foot on the brake to keep from crashing into the car in front of me. That’s all I need right now. “I mean… I’ve got a headache and I… it’s not a good night. I don’t feel like socializing.”
There’s a long silence on the other line. “Quinn, are you okay?”
“Fine!” My voice cracks on the word, and I have to clear my throat. “I’m totally fine, Claudia. Really.”
“Are you sure?”
I grip the steering wheel tighter, picturing my sister’s round face, Cupid’s bow lips, and dark hair cut into a bob. I wish I could tell her the truth. I want more than anything to tell Claudia what happened and what I’ve done. If there’s any person in the world who would understand, it’s her.
But if I tell her the truth, she’s going to try to convince me to come back. She doesn’t want to lose me, so she’ll tell
me to come home. And that’s the wrong thing to do. She doesn’t know the extent of the connections Derek’s family has. And even though she doesn’t like Derek, she doesn’t really understand quite how bad he is. I’ve been afraid to tell her all the details, because I thought she would beat him to death with a rolling pin—she’s very protective of me. And truthfully, I didn’t understand quite how bad he was until today.
“I’m fine,” I say. “I promise.”
“Do you triple dipper promise with a cherry on top?”
That’s something we always used to say when we were kids. Because the ice cream store down the block had a triple dipper cone with a cherry on top, and it was our favorite. “Yes. I triple dipper promise with a cherry on top.”
“Fine.” I hear the pout in her voice. “But you owe me dinner out. Tomorrow night, Rob and I are going out… how about Sunday?”
I swallow. I can’t agree to Sunday. Because when I don’t show up, she’ll go to my house. I don’t want her to be the one to discover Derek’s body—I can’t do that to her. “How about Monday?”
“Deal. Let’s meet at Donatello’s at seven. Don’t be late!”
“I won’t.” I hesitate, desperately wanting to say the words, I love you. Claudia is my only family, and I may never see her again. I want to tell her I love her, but if I do, she will for sure know something is wrong. It’s not the typical way we end conversations. So instead, I say, “Bye, Claudia.”
“Bye! Remember—don’t keep me waiting!”
We end the call, and I sit there for a moment, staring at the freezing rain hitting my windshield.
“I love you, Claudia,” I say to the windshield. And then I start to cry.
Ironically, the first time I met Derek, I wasn’t attracted to him at all.
It’s strange because of… well, how handsome he is. Was, I should say. He walked into our little New Hampshire bank, lighting up the entire room with his gleaming chestnut hair, deep brown eyes, and perfectly chiseled features. He filled out his Armani suit like he was poured into it. Every item I owned in the world combined, including my freaking car, was worth less than that suit.
Melody, who sat at the desk next to mine, nudged me hard and licked her lips. I was secretly hoping Derek would sit down in front of Melody’s desk. But no. He chose mine.
Derek explained his situation to me. His family owned a rather large Boston-based business and was looking to expand to the rest of New England. When he said the name of the company, my mouth fell open. My first instinct was that our bank was too small and he was too big a fish. But he was hoping for the personalized service that our small bank would provide.
That is to say, he hoped we would fall all over ourselves to help him.
The vice president of the bank came out to meet with him personally. When he found out that I was the one dealing with Derek, he gave me a meaningful look. Be really nice to this one, Quinn.
So when I had finished setting up an account for Derek and he asked me out for drinks after work, I said yes. After all, I had to be nice.
I was single at the time. And Derek was so nice and charming when we went out for drinks. I didn’t quite trust him, because how could you trust somebody with so much money who looked like that? You would have to be stupid not to have a healthy dose of skepticism. But over the evening, he wore me down. When he asked if I would have dinner with him on Saturday night, I agreed.
Only six months later, he asked me to marry him. Six months after that, we tied the knot. The entire year, it was like floating on a cloud. Derek was the most wonderful man I had ever met.
It wasn’t until after we were husband and wife that everything changed.
Derek had been shopping for a new bank, but in retrospect, what he really had been shopping for was a wife. He took one look at me and decided I fit the bill. I still don’t know what it was about me that drew him to me. Or maybe it was all just dumb luck. Maybe if he had sat in front of Melody’s desk, she would be the one now speeding towards the state line.
I wish it could have been different. I wish Derek had been the man he promised to be. Or better yet, I wish I had listened to Claudia and stayed the hell away from him.
But it’s too late now. I have no choice but to play with the cards I’ve been dealt.
