โSo you mean to tell me,โ Emerie muttered from the side of her mouth as they stood in the training ring two days later, โthat you got into a fight with your family, disappeared for a week with Cassian, and came back able to use anย actualย sword, but Iโm supposed to believe you when you sayย nothing happened?โ
Gwyn snickered, her attention fixed on tying a length of white silk ribbon to a wood beam jutting from the side of the pit. Neither the ribbon nor the beam had been there a week ago, and Nesta had no idea how theyโd even anchored the wood into the stone, but there it was.
The crisp morning wind ruffled Nestaโs hair. โThatโs exactly what Iโm telling you.โ
โTell me you at least had a weekโs worth of sex,โ Emerie muttered.
Nesta choked on a laugh as Cassian stiffened across the ringโbut he didnโt turn. โThere might have been some.โ After that night beside the lake, she and Cassian had lingered there for two entire days, either training with his sword or fucking like animals on the shore, in the water, bent over a boulder as she moaned his name so loudly it echoed off the peaks around them. Heโd taken her over and over, and sheโd clawed at him and torn his skin every time, as if she could climb into him and fuse their souls.
Theyโd returned last night, and sheโd been too tired to venture to his room. She assumed heโd been called to the river house, because he hadnโt
been at dinner, nor had he sought her out.
She wasnโt ready to see Feyre, though. For all sheโd confessed to Cassian, that step โฆ Sheโd face it soon.
โDone,โ Gwyn declared, the white ribbon fluttering in the wind where it hung from the beam. Behind them, a few of the priestesses working with Azriel had turned to see what the ribbon business was about. The shadowsinger crossed his arms, angling his head, but remained in his half of the ring.
Cassian, however, approached Gwynโs handiwork and ran the white silk between two fingers. Nesta couldnโt stop her blush.
Heโd done that by the lake: after heโd fucked her with his fingers, heโd held her gaze while he rubbed them together, testing the slide of her wetness against his skin the same way he was touching that ribbon. From the way his hazel eyes darkened, she knew he was recalling the same.
But Cassian cleared his throat. โExplain,โ he ordered Gwyn.
Gwyn squared her shoulders. โThis is the Valkyrie test for whether your training is complete and youโre ready for battle: cut the ribbon in half.โ
Emerie snorted. โWhat?โ
But Cassian made a contemplative noise, gesturing to the other half of the ring. โAz told me you also started preliminary work with the steel blades while we were gone.โ He nodded to Gwyn and Emerie, the former glancing toward Azriel, who watched in silence. โSo show me what you learned. Cut the ribbon in two.โ
โWe slice the ribbon in two,โ Emerie asked Gwyn warily, โand our training is complete?โ
Gwyn again glanced to Azriel, who drifted closer. She said, โIโm not entirely sure.โ
Cassian released the ribbon. โA warriorโs training is never complete, but if youโre able to slice this ribbon in twoโwith one cutโthen Iโd say you can hold your own against most enemies. Even if youโve only been training for a little while.โ At their silence, he looked between them. โWhoโs first?โ
Again, the three of them swapped glances. Nesta frowned. Whoever went first would get the brunt of the humiliation. Gwyn shook her head. No
way in hell.
Emerieโs mouth popped open. โWhy me?โ she demanded.
โWhat?โ Cassian asked, and Nesta realized they hadnโt been speaking. โYouโre oldest,โ Gwyn said, nudging Emerie toward the ribbon.
Emerie groused, but stepped up to the dangling ribbon, grudgingly taking the sword Cassian extended. Azriel murmured over a shoulder to the priestesses under his charge as they watched. They instantly began moving again. But Azrielโs attention remained on the ribbon.
โShould we bet?โ Gwyn asked Nesta.
โShut up,โ Emerie hissed, though amusement lit her eyes. Nesta smirked. โGo ahead, Emerie.โ
Cursing under her breath, wings tucking in tight, Emerie lifted the blade in near-perfect form and sliced at the ribbon.
The white silk fluttered and bent around the blade. And absolutely did not slice in two.
โLetโs all admit we knew that would happen,โ Emerie said, teeth bared as she slashed the sword again. The ribbon danced harmlessly away.
Cassian clapped her shoulder. โLooks like Iโll see you at training tomorrow.โ
โAsshole,โ Nesta muttered.
Cassian laughed and took the sword from Emerie, andโin the same breathโspun, swiping low and even.
The bottom half of the ribbon fluttered to the ground. A perfect slice. He grinned. โAt least I can cut the ribbon.โ
Nesta didnโt forget that parting shot. Not as they finished training for the day, and certainly not when she dragged Cassian down the stairs, straight to his bedroom, need bellowing in her veins.
Cassian apparently felt the same, as heโd scarcely spoken these last few minutes, his eyes blazing bright. They only made it as far as his desk against the wall before sheโd grabbed himโright as heโd pushed her down onto the wooden surface and stripped off her pants.
Bent over the desk, her bottom half entirely exposed, Nesta ground her aching nipples into the wood surface, savoring the brutal crush. Her jacket, her shirt, her bootsโall stayed on. In fact, her pants were only pushed down to her ankles, restricting her movement further. Leaving her utterly at his mercy.
And as his cock at last sank deep into her, the two of them groaned. He stood behind her, one hand braced on the desk, the other clenching her hip as he pulled out nearly to the tip, then pushed back in slowly. Nesta writhed. โI could fuck you for days,โ he said against her sweaty neck. She moaned into a pile of papers. โIโm fucking soaked with you,โ he growled,
and the hand at her hip slid around to tease the apex of her thighs.
At the first taunting stroke, she breathed, โCassian.โ
He pounded into her at a steady, deep pace. The liquid slide of his cock into her sounded obscenely through his otherwise silent bedroom. His balls brushed against her, tickling her with each powerful thrust. โHarder.โ She wanted him imprinted on her very bones. โHarder.โ
โFuck,โ he exploded on a breath, and pulled back from where heโd braced himself. โHold on to the desk,โ he ordered, and Nesta stretched to grip the edges just as his hands landed on her hips. His thighs pushed into her own, spreading her furtherโas wide as she could goโand he gave no warning before his hands tightened and he unleashed himself.
Exquisite, punishing thrusts slammed so deep he hit her innermost wall, and her eyes rolled back into her head at the sheer bliss of it. He became savage, unrelenting. She might have been sobbing at the pleasure, the sheer size of him, so large there would never be any getting used to it. Every unrelenting push had her inching against the desk, the wood and papers teasing her breasts, and she nearly wept at that, too.
Cassianโs fingers dug into her hips so hard Nesta knew sheโd bruise, loved that sheโd bruise. He shifted his stance, and his cock plunged even deeper, rubbing against that spot, and the sounds that came from her werenโt human or Fae, but something far more primal.
โFuck, yes,โ he snarled at her abandon. โThatโs it, Nesta.โ He accentuated each word with a savage thrust. โDo I feel good to you?โ
She whimpered her confirmation, then managed to say, โI like it when you ride me hard. Every time I move and my body is sore โฆโ She had to fight for words. For control. โI think of you. Of your cock.โ
โGood. I want my cock to be the only thing you think about.โ His pace faltered as he licked up the column of her neck. She could hear the taunting smile in his words as he whispered, โBecause your pretty little cunt is the only thing I think about.โ
At the words, his foul language, her toes curled. But she wouldnโt let him win this one, not when this had somehow become a competition for who could make the other come first, so she whispered, โI love being so covered in your seed that it leaks out of me for ages afterward. I love feeling it slide down my thighs and knowing you left your mark in me.โ
โFuck,โ he blew out, his pounding wild now, so unchecked only her hold on the desk kept her feet on the ground. โFuck!โ
Cassian came with a roar, and at the first pulse of his cock spurting deep into her, she climaxed, screaming loud enough that he clamped a hand over her mouth. She bit down on his fingers, and he kept moving in her, spilling himself over and over. Until his seed was again running down her thighs, until he slid his fingers through a stream of it and brought it up to that spot at the apex of her sex. โYou have no idea what you just started,โ he whispered in her ear, smearing his wetness there, rubbing into her sensitive flesh with idle circles.
Nesta didnโt reply as his fingers flicked against her, and she came again.
Nesta did not venture down to the city to see Feyre. Or Amren.
But she kept going to the stairs. She hadnโt been able to reach the bottom again. Part of her knew that if she wanted to, she might accomplish itโjust as she might open her mouth and ask Cassian to take her to the river house. But she didnโt.
So she kept trying the stairs for another week straight, always getting about halfway down before turning back, her legs absolute jelly by the time she returned to the hallway.
It was fitting, given that her arms were jelly, too. Yes, she wielded the sword with her entire body, but her arms hurt most of all. And it didnโt help that theyโd started on shields now.
No one had managed to slice Gwynโs ribbon in two.
They all tried at the start and end of every lesson, and all failed. Nesta had begun to resent the sight of a ribbon anywhereโtying back Roslinโs red hair, folded in the accessory drawer of her dressing table, even bound for place-keeping into the latest romance Emerie had loaned her. They all laughed at her. Taunted her.
So Nesta ran the steps, and practiced, and failed. She took Cassian to her bed every night and sometimes during the day, though they never slept in each otherโs rooms. Not once. They fucked, they savaged each other, and then they parted.
No matter that there were some nights when she wanted him to stay. Wanted to roll off him and snuggle into his warmth and fall asleep to the sound of his breathing. But he always left before she mustered the courage to ask.
Nesta was leafing through a tome of military history in the libraryโthat hadย oneย paragraph on Valkyrie ambush strategiesโwhen Gwyn appeared. โTell me you found their secret to cutting the ribbon.โ
โYou and that ribbon,โ Nesta muttered, shutting the tome. Of all of them, Gwyn had become the most relentless about succeeding.
Gwyn crossed her arms, pale robes rustling. She winced and rubbed her shoulder. โDid you know shields weighed so much? I certainly didnโt. No wonder the Valkyries learned to use them as weapons as deadly as their swords.โ She sighed. โTheyโd have been quite a sight in battle: cracking open enemy skulls with blows from their shields, throwing them to knock an opponent onto their backs before skewering them โฆโ She rubbed her shoulder again. โTheir arm muscles must have been as hard as steel.โ
Nesta snorted. โIndeed.โ She cocked her head. โNow that youโre here, I want to ask a favor.โ
Gwyn arched a brow. โAbout the Trove?โ
โNo.โ Nesta knew she had to scryโsoonโfor the Harp. Sheโd lost a good week in the mountains, and if Queen Briallyn already had the Crown
โฆ Time was not on their side. But she said, โYou mentioned a while ago that you have evening servicesโwith music, right?โ
Gwyn smiled. โOh, yes. You want to join us? I promise, itโs not all religious stuff. I mean, it is, but itโs beautiful. And the cave we have the service in is beautiful, too. It was carved by the underground river that flows beneath the mountain, so the walls are smooth as glass. And itโs acoustically perfectโthe shape and size of the space amplifies and clarifies each voice within.โ
โIt sounds heavenly,โ Nesta admitted.
โIt is.โ Gwyn smiled again, eyes lighting with pride. โSome of the songs youโll hear are so ancient they predate the written word. Some of them are so old we didnโt even have them in Sangravah. Clotho found them in books shelved below Level Seven. Hanaโsheโll be the one who plays the luteโfigured out how to read the music.โ
โIโll be there.โ Nesta shifted on her feet. โI think I need something like that.โ At Gwynโs quizzical look, Nesta said, โI โฆโ She fumbled for the smoothest way to say it. โI โฆโ
Gwyn slid her hands into the robeโs pockets, her face openโwaiting.
Nesta finally said, letting herself voice the words, โAfter the war, I was in a bad place. I still am, I suppose, but for more than a year after the war
โฆโ She couldnโt look Gwyn in the eye. โI did a lot of things I regret. Hurt people I regret harming. And I hurt myself. I drank day and night and I โฆโ She didnโt want to say the word to Gwynโfuckedโso she said, โI took strangers to my bed. To punish myself, to drown myself.โ She shrugged a shoulder. โItโs a long story, and not one worth telling, but through it all, I picked taverns and pleasure halls to frequent because of the music. Iโve always loved music.โ She braced herself for the damning judgment. But only sorrow filled Gwynโs face.
โYouโve probably guessed that my residency in the House, my training, my work in the library is my sisterโs attempt to help me.โ Her sister whom she had still not apologized to, whom she still didnโt have the courage to face. โAnd I โฆ I think I might be glad Feyre did this for me. The drinking, the malesโI donโt miss any of it. But the music โฆ that I miss.โ Nesta waved a hand, as if she could banish the vulnerability sheโd offered up. But
she went on, โAnd since Iโm not particularly welcome in the city, I was hoping you meant it when you said I could come to one of your services. Just so I can hear some music again.โ
Gwynโs eyes shone, like the sunlight on a warm sea. Nestaโs heart thundered, waiting for her reply. But Gwyn said, โYour story is worth telling, you know.โ
Nesta began to object, but Gwyn insisted, โIt is. But yesโif you want music, then come to the services. We will be glad to have you.ย Iย will be glad to have you.โ
Until Gwyn learned how horrible sheโd been.
โNo,โ Gwyn said, apparently reading the thought on her face. She grabbed Nestaโs hand. โYou โฆ I understand.โ Nesta heard Gwynโs own heart begin thundering. โI understand,โ Gwyn repeated, โwhat it is to โฆ fail the people who mean the most. To live in fear of people finding out. I dread you and Emerie learning my history. I know that once you do, youโll never look at me the same again.โ Gwyn squeezed Nestaโs hand.
Her story would come later. Nesta let her see it in her face, that when Gwyn was ready, nothing she could reveal would make her walk away.
โCome to the service this evening,โ Gwyn said. โListen to the music.โ She squeezed her hand again. โYouโll always be welcome to join me, Nesta.โ
Nesta hadnโt realized how badly sheโd needed to hear it. She squeezed Gwynโs hand back.