I EAT lunch again at my desk. I’m usually a very social person, but all anyone is talking about is Dawn’s murder, and it’s starting to make me physically ill. Also, I hate the idea that several people in the office thought that I was bullying Dawn. I still don’t understand how anyone could have said that. If anything, I was the only one who tried to be nice to her!
While I am taking a bite of my turkey sandwich, a text message pops up on my phone. It’s from Caleb.
Can we talk?
No good conversation has ever started with those three words. If he had something good to tell me, he would just come out and tell me. He wouldn’t preface it by asking if it was okay to talk. This is a pre-break-up text.
I scoop my phone off my desk and stare at the screen. I don’t want to break up with Caleb. Despite my little lapse in judgment last night, I still think he’s the perfect boyfriend. If anything, I want to move things forward. Before this week, I would have said he adored me. That he was stupidly infatuated with me.
What if he knows about Seth? What if he came to my house last night and saw his car parked out front? That would give him ample reason to initiate a break-up conversation.
I’m glad he didn’t hear the detective’s comment about how he and I could have killed Dawn together. That’s beyond ridiculous. We certainly didn’t kill her together. We weren’t even actually together that night. But of course, I couldn’t tell the detective that.
I can’t take it anymore. I have to talk to Caleb.
I click on Caleb’s number from my list of recent calls. I feel a tiny bit of relief when he doesn’t sound outright angry when he answers the phone.
“Hey, Nat,” he says. “Hey…”
“I heard about Dawn,” he says quietly. “Are… are you okay?”
My eyes fill with tears. “Not really. I… I can’t stop thinking about it.
What happened to her…” “I know…”
“She was beaten to death, Caleb. Can you imagine?”
“I know. It’s awful.” There is an interminable silence on the other line. “Listen, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about yesterday. I was kind of a jerk to you.”
“Oh.” That was the last thing I expected him to say. “Well, it’s okay. I mean, it was a stressful day.”
“It was.” His voice sounds a little scratchy, like he didn’t get enough sleep. “I’ve never been grilled by a detective before. And that guy was rough. He just kept pushing me, trying to get me to crack.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I didn’t,” he confirms. “Look, I do think it would be better to just tell the truth, but I get why he made you feel like you needed an alibi. And geez, it’s obvious you couldn’t have done this.”
Maybe it’s obvious to him. But the detective doesn’t seem to feel the same way.
“So anyway,” he says, “I’m sorry I freaked out. Do you forgive me?”
Only if you forgive me for sleeping with another guy last night. But no, probably better not to bring that up. He never needs to know about it. And like I said, it was a one-off. Seth knows that.
“Do you want to come over tonight?” I ask. I hate the idea of coming home to my empty house again.
He groans. “I wish I could, but I’m going to be at work late today. I don’t even know how late. How about tomorrow?”
“Okay.” I wish he were coming tonight, but as long as I’m going to see him soon. “And maybe this time you really can spend the night.”
He sounds shocked. “Really?” “Why not?”
“I… I just assumed with all the stuff going on with your friend, you wouldn’t want to…”
“Dawn wasn’t really my friend,” I say slowly. “I mean, she was my coworker. I liked her. But we weren’t friends.”
“Oh,” he says.
Did I say something wrong? Is it really so inappropriate to have my boyfriend over after a coworker who I hardly even knew was murdered?
“Also,” I say, “the 5K is on Saturday. You’re still running, aren’t you?” Again, he sounds surprised. “That’s still on?”
Despite everything, I feel a jolt of irritation. “We raised a lot of money for charity, Caleb. I can’t just cancel it.”
“Well, okay…”
“I mean, this is for kids with cerebral palsy. It’s not like I’m throwing a sweet sixteen party.”
“No, I get it,” he says. “I, uh… I guess I’ll be there then.”
I had imagined Caleb and me running together the whole way. He has longer legs, but I’ve been training harder than he has. He runs on the treadmill at the gym, but he hasn’t specifically been training for this. I’ll hold my own.
But I don’t know what’s going to end up happening with the 5K now. Dawn’s murder has changed everything. I don’t want to ruin everything we’ve worked for though. Maybe I need to put a new spin on things
