To: Etsy Seller From: Dawn Schiff
Subject: Problem with turtle figurine
Dear seller,
I recently purchased a product from your Etsy store advertised as a glass sea turtle figurine. Unfortunately, the product was not a sea turtle, and I would like a full refund.
Sincerely, Dawn Schiff
To: Dawn Schiff From: Etsy Seller
Subject: Re: Problem with turtle figurine
I’m so sorry to hear that, and we would like to try to make this right for you! What is the product you received?
To: Etsy Seller From: Dawn Schiff
Subject: Re: Problem with turtle figurine
Dear seller,
As I stated, the product was advertised to be a glass sea turtle figurine. Unfortunately, the turtle I received was quite obviously a land turtle! Sea turtles have flippers instead of legs and the two front flippers are generally longer than the two back flippers, but the turtle I received had all four appendages of approximately equal length, and their legs did not in any way resemble flippers. Also, on the turtle I received, the head was slightly more circular rather than rectangular, which would indicate a land turtle as well. I am terribly disappointed, as I was hoping for a sea turtle, and I clearly received a land turtle.
Sincerely, Dawn Schiff
To: Dawn Schiff From: Etsy Seller
Subject: Re: Problem with turtle figurine
Is this a joke?
To: Mia Hodge From: Dawn Schiff
Subject: Re: Greetings
Dear Mia,
Yesterday on my drive home, I stopped off at a store that sells assorted little tchotchkes and unusual items. Ordinarily, I visit this store to see if they have anything turtle related. The old man who owns the store is aware of what I am looking out for, so when I stop in, he will always tell me right away if he has anything I would appreciate. Last time I purchased a hinged box in the shape of a turtle—the shell opened up and one could put their trinkets inside, but I just put the box on my bookshelf, empty.
Yesterday, Ernie grinned at me with his yellow teeth and brought out a small turtle sculpture, which he assured me was hand-painted. The pattern on the shell was painted in gold, and the turtle was smiling, despite the fact that a real turtle lacks the ability to smile. It was a little expensive, but I had to have it.
Ernie found a little white box and he gift-wrapped the turtle inside the box because I did not purchase the turtle for me. This morning, I brought the gift with me to work.
I’m not sure why, but Natalie and Kim haven’t come to meet me for lunch again in the break room. For the last couple of weeks, they have been going out to lunch. And they haven’t invited me along, perhaps because I always bring my lunch. But I still really like Natalie, and I’m hopeful the two of us can be friends. A thoughtful gift might help things along.
I waited for Natalie to arrive in the morning. I always get in at 8:45, but Natalie is liable to show up anytime between then and ten o’clock. Once she didn’t show up until noon, but I assume she was on a sales call. When she arrived at 9:13, she stopped at Kim’s cubicle and the two of them talked for about twenty minutes. When she finally got to her cubicle, I jumped out of my seat to greet her. She smiled when she saw me and said hi.
Right away I thrust the gift-wrapped box in her direction because I was so excited to give it to her. She was surprised by my gift. I could tell by how big her blue eyes got. She didn’t seem to understand why I bought her a gift, so I just explained that I saw it and thought of her.
Natalie hesitated for a moment, but then she accepted the box from me. She sat down, and as she leaned forward to work on the wrapping paper, I caught a whiff of her shampoo. It smelled like flowers. You know how much I hate strong smells, but somehow Natalie’s scent didn’t bother me.
When she got the box open, she slowly pulled out the turtle. She held it in her hand for a moment without saying anything. Then when she finally did say something, she said, “Oh.”
I also mentioned to her that I hadn’t brought my lunch today. I suggested that I could come to lunch with her and Kim, so I could tell them more about turtles. But Natalie insisted that she and Kim would just be talking about boring sales stuff.
I tried to tell her I didn’t mind. I find the sales aspect of the company interesting. Not to say I could ever do what Natalie and Kim do. I can’t imagine how they get on the phone and call companies or individuals and try to convince them to buy our products. I don’t know how you convince somebody they need a capsule filled with vitamins to make their eyes healthier, especially when there is absolutely no data whatsoever to prove any of the products work better than a placebo. I expect if I tried, the person on the other line would hang up on me.
“Plus Kim has all this wedding stuff we need to talk about,” she explained.
They’ve been talking nonstop about wedding planning. I overheard that the wedding is at the end of September, which Natalie said was “perfect.” I didn’t understand how Natalie could help so much since she’s never been married before though. I pointed that inconsistency out to Natalie now.
Her lips pressed tightly together when I asked the question so that her lipstick was nearly invisible. “You don’t have to have been a bride to know how to plan a wedding. I’ve helped a lot of friends with their weddings. And when I get married, they’ll help me.”
“If you get married,” I corrected her.
She looked surprised when I said that. I always have to remind myself that Natalie is not an accountant like I am. She isn’t facile with numbers, by her own admission. This was a great opportunity to educate her and earn her friendship. I explained in detail how the older you get, the chances of getting married decrease significantly. Because as more people in your own age group get married, the dating pool decreases, so your odds of finding somebody suitable to marry continue to go down. Of course, you could still marry somebody significantly younger, but most women, on average, seek men who are their own age or older. And of course, most men are seeking women younger than they are. So given her current single status, Natalie is likely to never get married.
“That’s silly,” she said to me when I finished explaining it all as simply as I could.
I pointed out that she doesn’t currently have a boyfriend or a fiancé. So at her age, it seemed preposterous to think that she’d ever get married. That’s when Natalie told me she had to get back to work.
I got the feeling I had upset Natalie, which didn’t make sense because I was just telling her facts. If you had been there, you would have gotten it. You’re logical like I am. Natalie doesn’t think the way we do, but I’d still like to be her friend.
I tried telling her a few other interesting things about turtles. For example, there are turtles out there that weigh 2000 pounds and can be eight feet long. Of course, that’s not the kind you find in the pet store. An example would be the leatherback turtle, which is the largest sea turtle species. But she didn’t seem that interested, believe it or not.
Eventually, I went back to my own cubicle. I was glad I gave Natalie a present, and it did seem like she liked it a lot, but I was surprised at how bad her manners were. Even I know that when somebody gives you a present, you’re supposed to say thank you. I also suggested the turtle would look good next to her plant, but she didn’t move it.
Do you have any ideas for better presents for Natalie? I just want to give her something she’d love, and you always come up with the best present ideas.
Sincerely, Dawn Schiff
To: Dawn Schiff From: Mia Hodge
Subject: Re: Greetings
I don’t know Natalie, but honestly, I agree that she should have thanked you for that present! Just remember that not everyone is a nice person. If she isn’t worth your time, you should stay away from her. Feel free to call me if you want to discuss this further.
XXO
Mia
