CONNOR COBALT
The crew is on a lunch break, so the only cameras that film us are attached to the walls and ceilings. Itโs a slight relief not having to ignore someone in the room.
Ryke, Lo and I are on the lowest level of the townhouse. A few days ago, Daisy found two rats squeaking in her closet, feces inside her boots. If that had been Rose, the house would have been flipped upside down. But Daisy was quiet about the whole ordeal and just mentioned it to Ryke. She wanted us to handle the issue without alarming her sisters.
So I lean against the wall while Lo squats in front of the crawl space with a trash bag. Ryke has disappeared inside the three-foot tall basement, the surface a brown soil, and the strong stench of mold and mildew
permeates from the small square door.
We wait for Ryke to check the rat traps that we set. โYou look like shit,โ Loren so eloquently tells me.
Heโs right. Dark circles shadow my eyes, and if it wasnโt for the wall supporting my body weight, Iโd be on the ground. Iโm fueled by two hours of sleep. Being Saturday, I planned to catch up this morning, but I received an impromptu text from my mother. I had to take Cobalt Inc.โs senior advertising team to breakfast and talk about product placement.
I suppose I could take a nap now, but I sip my coffee instead. Iโd rather not missย this.
Watching Ryke inch around a cobwebbed space in search of a dead rat. I smile.ย Fuck sleep.ย Itโs the little things in life that matter most.
โIโm a grad student trying to take over a multi-billion dollar company,โ I say to Lo. โIf I didnโt look like shit Iโd be on drugs.โ
I hear Ryke bang his head against a pipe. โFuck me,โ he curses. โFornicating with the rats already?โ I ask, cupping the warm mug. โFuck you, Cobalt,โ he says with a grunt as he moves slowly. โThe
shortest one of us should have crawled through here.โ
Lo immediately takes offense. โIf I knew you were going to bitch, I would have done it myself, and Iโm only one inch shorter than you,ย bro.โ
Ryke hits his head again and lets out a frustrated growl. โIโm still six fucking three.โ
Lo rests his forearms on his thighs as he squats and watches his brother through the door. โBesides being a giant, whatโs taking you so long? You set the trap. You should know where it is.โ
โIt must have carried the trap with it.โ
โJust use your nose,โ I suggest. โDogs have the best sense of smell.โ Lo laughs while I casually take another sip from my coffee.
โFuck off,โ Ryke curses, which sounds really less threatening through the wall.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out and read the text quickly.
Have you given *the* talk to Loren yet?ย โ Rose
Iโm not surprised Rose has reverted back to fixating on Lily and Lorenโs problems. She likes caring for her sisters, but I think focusing on Lily and Lo distracts her from dealing with her own issues.
I text back:ย Iโll do it right now.
One less problem that she obsesses over, one less stress in her life. I pocket my phone, and as I turn to Lo, I frame Roseโs question as my own. โIs Lily having more sex than usual?โ
Rose doesnโt know this, but Lo is surprisingly forthcoming about sex with Lily. Heโs motivated by the fear of enabling her again, and it helps that he trusts my sage advice.
โSheโs not having it, but she wants it.โ He stands up, the trash bag still in hand. โThis whole fucking reality show puts her on edge. And she
medicates her anxiety with sex, which means Iโm not getting laid for the next week, and she only gets my fingers.โ He looks at the camera attached to the corner of the ceiling and wall, and he waves his fingers at the lens. Then he winks.
Andย thatย is why this show is going to be popular. The unfiltered narrative is exactly what makes good television.
โSo youโre not having sex?โ I say, not adding any disbelief to my tone, even though it rings in my head. Theyโre almost always fucking at night and in the morning. Itโs easy enough to hear through the walls.
Loren rubs the back of his neck, probably trying to decide if heโs going to lie or not. When he drops his hand, he says, โNo, I meanโฆโ He takes a breath, and I wait it out patiently. โWe fucked the other day. She was a little compulsive afterwards, so I want her to abstain for three or four days and
see how she does with that.โ
โAnd you used condoms?โ I ask.
He goes quiet for a second and then bangs on the wall with his fist. โRyke, hurry the fuck up.โ
โLo,โ I say.
He turns on me with heated eyes. โThis conversation is over.โ
โIโm trying to imagine what Lily will look like pregnant,โ I say casually. โWould her entire body swell or just her belly?โ
โAt least Iโm getting laid,โ Lo refutes, pure malice edged in his voice. โHow long have you beenย fuckingย your hand?โ
He clenches his jaw after he says the words, holding back a grimace. Lo has a way of cutting people up with words, and heโs improved from the first time I met him. He was a drunk asshole. Plain and simple. Now heโs a sober asshole who regrets when his filter doesnโt work properly.
Lucky for him, Iโm difficult to piss off.
โMy hand and I go way back,โ I say nonchalantly and even produce a smile.
He seems to relax when he knows he hasnโt pushed me away.
โIโm not your brother.โ I motion towards the crawl space where Ryke has effectively disappeared. โIโm not going to curse you out for doing something stupid. But I am dating your girlfriendโs older sister, so my own balls are on the line here.โ
He nods like he understands. โThe repercussions of getting into bed with a she-devil.โ
โAnd I fucking like her,โ I refute, โso make my life easier and use a condom.โ
I donโt tell him that heโs not ready to be a father, that the idea (for anyone) of Lily becoming pregnant is frightening. I donโt tell him that alcoholism is hereditary or that heโs too busy to raise a kid right now. He knows all of this. Heโs heard it a thousand times from Rose and his own brother.
What Rose and Ryke donโt understand is that if you say something over and over again, you can become desensitized to it. Andy Warhol used the theory in his painting of the electric chair. He repeated the image until you could no longer see it as something heinous.
It lost its meaning.
I donโt repeat whatโs already been said. I want my words to mean something.
So I gave him my selfish reason.
Iโm the asshat who only cares about himself. I am what he needs me to be.
He stares at the ground for a long moment, processing. โIโll be better about it,โ he mutters under his breath.
Noise from the crawl space ends our conversation. Ryke must knock into three pipes at once. He coughs and says, โThereโs so much fucking mold down here. No one should be fucking living on this floor until we hire someone to clean it.โ
Lo bends down to the door again. โIf this is your way of getting Daisy to room with you, you canย forgetย it. Iโm just barely tolerating your
friendship.โ
โAre you fucking kidding me?โ Ryke retorts. โThere were rats inย herย room, sheโs living near mold, and your first assumption is that I want to fuck her?โ
Lorenโs eyes narrow. โI didnโt say anything about fucking her.โ Ryke groans.
Daisy is a sore subject between them, clearly. Since Ryke and Loren have a new relationshipโjust meeting a year and a half agoโthereโs tension involving the Calloway girls. Loren grew up with them. Ryke did not. Naturally, Lo would be protective of Daisy, but the problem I have is
that heโs constantly consumed by Lily, always taking care of her, that he has no room to do so for another girl, not even one he sees as a little sister.
So while Lo believes heโs protecting Daisy from his half-brother, heโs really creating a barrier between Daisy and the only person here whoโll look out for her first rather than last.
And yet, I canโt say a word about it. I have to let these things play naturally. My interference wonโt do any good. My words wouldnโt resonate
with Lo the way Iโd want them to. So I stay silent on the matter.
โIโll fucking room with Scott,โ Ryke says, speaking loudly so we can hear him from the hallway. โDaisy can take my room. Or Iโll stay down here and switch with her. I donโt give a shit. None of the girls should be around this.โ
โAnd what if she hears Lily and me fucking through the walls? Thereโs a reason sheโs on the lowest level.โ
Ryke says nothing, but I can practically feel him fume from far away. Lo looks over his shoulder at me, asking with hard eyes whether heโs right or wrong.
โYou canโt censor a girl whoโs nearly seventeen, especially not a high fashion model,โ I tell him, my words not harsh like his or rough like his brotherโs. Iโm one-hundred percent even-tempered, calm. At ease. It gets him off the defensive. โSheโs heard and seen everything you have, if not more. Iโll call someone to look at the crawl space, but until it happens, Rose would want her sister somewhere clean.โ
After a minute digesting my words, Lo sighs and lets go of the argument. โRyke, youโll room with Scott?โ
โI said I would.โ
โFine. More eyes on that prick, the better, right?โ
Ryke says something in affirmation, but I canโt quite hear. He thumps around too much. โFucking A,โ he curses, his voice much louder. He tries to pull his body out of the tiny space.
Lo grabs Ryke underneath his arm as he squeezes through the door.
When heโs on his feet, he holds up the trap with the dead rat, the tail mangled like it dragged the weight from its backend.
โHave we found you a new profession?โ I ask, my lips rising.
โAt least I can get my hands dirty, princess.โ He waves the trap (and dangling rat) at my face.
I donโt even flinch.
Ryke rolls his eyes and goes to toss it into the garbage bag.
โWait,โ Lo calls. โMaybe we can do something with this thing.โ
โNo,โ Ryke and I say together. I contain my grimace. Even though Ryke may be one of the smarter people living in the apartment, I donโt enjoy agreeing with him. Itโs like siding with a guard dog instead of a human.
โYou didnโt even let me finish,โ Loren says angrily. โYou want to use it against Scott,โ I reply.
โHeโs the fucking producer,โ Ryke reminds him. โYou start a war with Scott and he could turn you into a psycho on the show. Just fucking relax.โ
โHe made Lily bawl!โ Lo yells. โIโm not going to sit here for six months and ignore all the shit he says. This is different than social media and gossip blogs. Weโre living with this bastard.โ
Footsteps sound on the staircase, and all of us go suspiciously quiet.
When the body rounds the corner, Brett emerges, breathing heavily with the steadicam attached to his chest, and he only sprinted down one flight of stairs.
โScott wantsโฆyou all in the living roomโฆfor the lap dance,โ he pants. Scott Van Wright is dictating everything. When. How. Where.
I fuckingย hateย him.
Lo looks to me, waiting for me to nod in approval of his methods to fuck with Scott.
I may hate Scott, but Iโm not to that point yet. I wonโt do something malicious or cruel thatโll have him checking into a psychiatric hospital, mentally torn to shreds.
I fight my battles much differently than Loren Hale. And while it may not be as quick or effectiveโI have to trust that I have the power to keep my friends from falling tragically apart.