Victoria’s Diary
January 13, 2018
This morning while Adam was upstairs working, I got a text on my phone from Mack:
Hey, I’m going to visit some friends on the island. Are you up for a visit?
It took all my self-restraint not to scream out: Yes! I miss you so much!
Come now! Save me!
Of course, I haven’t seen Mack in almost six months. I’m amazed he’s thinking about me at all, much less willing to be my savior. He’s not even really coming to see me—he’s just passing by on the way to see some friends.
That would be nice, I finally wrote. What day?
He wrote back instantly: I’m flexible. What day works for you?
Adam has a meeting out in the city on Thursday. He’ll be gone all day. And Irina isn’t around on Thursdays. Not that anything suspicious would happen, but Adam surely wouldn’t see it that way.
Thursday afternoon?
Thursday works. Text me your address and I’ll be there around three.
I texted him the address. And right after, I deleted all the texts from my phone. I don’t even have Mack’s number saved in my phone anymore. Adam wouldn’t keep paying for my phone unless he had my password, and he checks my phone periodically. I can’t take a risk.
My only fear is that he might find this diary. If he did… well, I don’t even want to think about it. I hide it very well. He won’t find it.
For the first time in what feels like months, I have a little bubble of happiness in my chest. I’m going to see Mack! I can’t wait!
January 17, 2018
I breathed a sigh of relief this morning when Adam left to go to his meeting in the city. I had been convinced something would come up at the last second and he would cancel, and then I would have to figure out what to do when Mack arrived. If he showed up while Adam was here, Adam would go nuts. I’d have to cancel.
But fortunately, everything went according to plan. As soon as Adam left, I hurried upstairs to change. I had a few new outfits I bought that fit well enough, but when I looked at myself in the full-length mirror in the bedroom, I felt ill. I looked terrible. I was bloated, my blond hair was limp and dull, I had purple circles under my eyes, and my skin was blotchy. There wasn’t much I could do about my hair, so I just twisted it back behind my head like I used to wear it in the ER. I spent half an hour applying makeup to conceal the circles and the blotchiness. I had variable success.
It would have to do.
At a few minutes after three, the doorbell rang. I ran over and flung the door open, and there he was. Mack. Looking the same as he did when I last saw him—his black hair still messy, his smile slightly crooked. At the sight of him, I forgot about worrying how I looked and just threw my arms around him.
He laughed and steadied himself, as if I had any chance of knocking a big guy like Mack off his feet. He hugged me back. His arms felt so good and warm and safe. I wanted him to carry me away from this place. A hard lump formed in my throat.
“It’s so good to see you,” I managed. I pulled away from the hug, even though I didn’t want to because I couldn’t let him get the wrong idea. Surely, he had a girlfriend by now. And he was just popping in on his way to visit a friend, after all.
“Same here.” He grinned at me and his eyes crinkled. “It’s not the same without you in the ER. Everyone misses you.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. “You look great,” he said. Clearly a lie.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. I cleared my throat. “Well, come in. I’ll give you the grand tour.”
I showed Mack around our giant house. He was politely enthusiastic, but I could tell he didn’t care that much. He kept trying to ask me questions
about how I was doing, but I did my best to deflect. What was I supposed to tell him? I spend my days watching television? My husband is cheating on me with the cook?
“What’s new with you?” I asked as we concluded the tour in the living room. I sat down on the couch and he settled down next to me.
“Well…” He got this grin on his face and I knew exactly what he was going to say. He met some wonderful girl and he was going to marry her. The thought of it made me want to throw up, even though I’d of course be happy for him. “I got into medical school! I’m going in the fall.”
“Mack!” He had talked a lot about going to medical school, but he had worried about being too old. I could tell he really wanted to go though. It was his dream. I was so thrilled he went for it. “That’s amazing!”
“It is amazing.” His grin widened. “Of course, I don’t know how I’m gonna pay for it. I’m going to have to keep working ambulance shifts while I’m in school. And I’ll be almost thirty-five when I graduate. But…”
For the second time since he arrived, I threw my arms around him. He hugged me back, but this time when I pulled away, I realized our faces were only a few inches apart. And before I could stop myself, I had leaned in to kiss him.
There was a momentary flash of surprise on Mack’s face, but he didn’t push me away. Just the opposite. He kissed me back. And kissing Mack was… well, amazing. He was eager but gentle. It made me realize how much I had grown to dislike kissing my husband. There was a part of me that still loved Adam, but a larger part of me despised him.
It was Mack who pulled away first. He was blinking his brown eyes and looking at me with his brow furrowed. “Vicky,” he said softly. “I didn’t expect…”
My face burned. What was I thinking? Why did I kiss him that way? If he had ever really had feelings for me, they were surely long gone. And my current appearance wasn’t going to rekindle them. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I know I look disgusting.”
His eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Vicky, you’re gorgeous. How could you say…” He shook his head. “But you’re married. And I…”
And that’s when I burst into tears.
I told him everything. Everything. He put his arm around me and listened with a crease between his brows the entire time. I told him how much I hated being stranded out here in the middle of freaking nowhere. How I couldn’t find a job. How Adam wouldn’t even let me have a credit card. How he was almost certainly cheating on me with Irina. How I didn’t think I could take even one more minute sometimes. I talked and talked until my voice was hoarse and the tears finally dried up.
“Jesus Christ.” Mack ran a hand through his hair. “Vicky, I can’t believe what you’re telling me. You’ve got to leave. Now.”
I buried my face in my hands. “I have nowhere to go.”
“Bullshit.” Mack squeezed my shoulders. “Carol will let you stay with her. And… well, if you want, you can stay with me. But my point is, you’ve got a place to go.”
“I have no money.”
“So what? Vicky, we’re going to help you. I’m going to help you.”
He wanted to help me. Even though he didn’t have enough money to pay for school, he was still willing to share what little he had.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I couldn’t even imagine how awful my face looked right now. All the makeup had surely wiped off. “I didn’t mean to dump all this on you. You’re probably late for meeting your friend.”
Mack was quiet for a few moments. He picked at a frayed thread on his jeans. “There’s no friend. I came out here to see you. Carol told me what happened at that dinner and I was worried about you.”
Of course, that made me cry all over again.
“Look.” He squeezed my shoulders again. “Go pack a bag. We’ll go right now.”
“Did you drive out here?”
He shook his head. “I took the Long Island Railroad and got an Uber from there.”
I glanced out the window. The sun had dropped in the sky and it had started to snow. Adam would be home before long. I imagined him coming home to find me gone. Or worse, coming home to find that I was in the middle of packing, with another man in our living room. He’d be beyond hurt.
“I can’t go now.” I lowered my eyes. “Once I leave here, I can’t come back. I’ve got to have some time to pack and to tell Adam I’m going.”
He frowned. “So tell him when he gets home. I’ll wait.”
“I can’t.” I was having trouble articulating this, but I had to make him understand. “Mack, he’s my husband. I owe him at least an explanation.”
He chewed on his lower lip. “What if he hurts you?” “He’s never laid a finger on me. He wouldn’t do that.” “I don’t trust him, Vicky.”
“Please.” I put my hand on his. “I have to do it my way. Trust me on this.”
He looked at me for a long time. I could tell he didn’t think any of this was a good idea, but he doesn’t know Adam the way I do. Even at his worst, Adam has never threatened to hurt me. He’ll yell and scream, and that will be it. “You tell me when you’re going to have this conversation with him. I’ll rent a car and I’ll wait outside for you. Okay?”
Before I could answer, I heard the lock turning in the front door. I yanked my hand away from Mack. Damn, Adam was home early. He wasn’t supposed to be home for at least another hour or two, but sometimes I think he gives me misinformation to keep me on my toes. And this time, he managed to catch me.
I stood up quickly, brushing off invisible dust from my skirt. Mack didn’t budge from the couch. He had a dark expression on his face, and I was a little worried that the second Adam walked in the door, Mack was going to punch him square in the nose. And I have to admit there was a small part of me that would’ve really liked to see that.
Adam’s eyes widened when he saw Mack sitting in our living room. His right hand clenched into a fist, and a muscle twitched in his jaw. “Victoria,” he said. “You didn’t mention we were having visitors.”
Mack finally got to his feet. He turned to face my husband. “It wasn’t planned. I just happened to be passing by.”
“You just happened to be passing by Montauk. Interesting…”
Mack shrugged. I wished he would play along, just to make things easier for me when he left.
“Well, have you had the grand tour then?” Adam asked. His right fist had loosened and he was undoing the knot on his tie.
“Yes. Vicky showed me around.”
“Wonderful.” Adam smiled. I don’t know how he was able to be so charming when he was undoubtedly seething under the surface. “Can I offer you a drink then?”
“No.” Mack cast a glance in my direction. “I should probably… I guess I’ll head out now.”
Please take me with you. I got this horrible sick feeling in my stomach that I had made the wrong decision. Maybe it wasn’t too late to go with Mack. But if I went now, I would have to leave everything behind. And I couldn’t have a conversation with Adam with another man in the room.
“I hope you’ve got four-wheel drive on your car,” Adam commented. “The snow is getting pretty heavy out there.”
I glanced out the window again. He was right—the snow was really starting to come down. Big white flakes were falling quickly outside the window. Our lawn was already covered in a layer of white powder. By tomorrow, I’d be trapped here. Again.
“I’m going to call for an Uber,” Mack said. “I’ll just have them take me to the railroad station.”
“Out here? In this weather? Forget it.” He strolled to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine. “You’ll be waiting an hour—if you’re lucky. And it will be a blizzard by then.”
Mack scratched at the back of his neck. “Well, I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
Adam took a long sip of the red wine. He swirled it around in the glass. “Just let me finish this and I’ll give you a ride to the train station.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s no problem. My car handles really well in snow.”
Mack’s eyes were wary, but Adam had a good point. The snow was getting bad and if he had any chance of making it back to the city tonight, he had to leave right now. Otherwise, he could be stuck out here for days.
“Fine.” Mack nodded. “Let’s go.”
I had a terrible feeling about this. I didn’t like the idea of Mack and Adam being alone in Adam’s car. Of course, I wasn’t sure who I was worried about exactly. Mack had at least three or four inches on Adam and a good fifty pounds. I knew how strong he was, and I had no doubt he was easily capable of defending himself against my husband’s temper.
So maybe it was Adam I should be worried about. If the subject of my welfare came up, I was worried Mack might give Adam a black eye. Would he still be able to go to medical school if he had an assault charge against him? That could wreck his entire life. I never thought of Mack as being particularly hotheaded, but I could see how furious he was when I told him how Adam had been treating me. I could see the way he was looking at my husband.
Adam went upstairs to use the bathroom while Mack pulled on his heavy coat. He kept casting nervous looks in my direction.
“I’ll stay if you want,” he said in a low voice. “Here?”
“I don’t know.” His eyes went back to the window, where the snow was falling heavily. “Maybe we could find a hotel or something. Or I can spend the night here. I just… I don’t think I should leave, Vicky. I’m really worried about you.”
“I’ll be fine.” I reached out to take his hand for a split second before Adam came back down. “I promise. Don’t do anything stupid.”
He opened his mouth to say something else, but it was too late. Adam was already coming down the steps. And before I knew it, the two of them were going out the door.
January 18, 2018
It’s weird… I was expecting a big blowout fight with Adam when he got back from dropping off Mack, but instead it was just the opposite. He didn’t even mention the fact that he discovered another man sitting on our sofa when he got home. And he was nice. He told me he was going to cook me dinner, since Irina wasn’t around. And then he served it to me over candlelight.
The whole evening made me wonder if leaving him would be a mistake.
I want to talk it out with Mack. Unfortunately, we’ve been having trouble connecting. He sent me a text to let me know he was on the train back to the city, but nothing else since. I keep looking at my phone
anxiously, waiting to hear from him. Of course, the second I get a text from him, I’ll have to delete it immediately. I can’t risk Adam seeing it.
But as nice as Adam is being lately, it doesn’t change anything. I know who he is. His nice guy act is all temporary. Maybe he was worried I would cheat and now he feels like he has to win me over. But once he feels secure again, he’ll go back to being who he was before. A cheating bastard with a horrible temper.
So this morning I sent Mack a text message: Rent a car for next Friday.
I’ve got less than a week to tell Adam I’m leaving him.
