Victoria’s Diary
October 10, 2016
You know what’s a bummer? When you’re happy, but somehow, your friends can’t be happy for you.
I was nearly at the end of my shift today in the ER when Carol suggested getting drinks. Carol is my closest work friend, and because of how often I work, she’s quickly becoming my closest friend—especially because of her proclivity to want to hang out after work to unwind. Mack was finishing his ambulance shift, so he jumped in and said he wanted to go also. Of course, Carol is fine with that because everybody likes Mack. Then Mack asked me if I was going.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve got to pack.”
Mack wrinkled his nose. Before Adam came into my life, I used to find it very cute when he did that. “Pack? Where are you going?”
Carol giggled. “Didn’t you hear? Vicky is moving in with Mr. Perfect.” Yes, Mr. Perfect is Carol’s nickname for Adam. He is rather perfect.
Mack blinked at me and took a step back. “You mean that big shot author guy? You’re moving in with him?”
He seemed upset, which I didn’t understand. Mack had never been interested in my personal life before. “His name is Adam, you guys,” I said. “And yes. We’re moving in together.”
I still have a hard time saying those words without smiling like a fool. Mack frowned. “Don’t you have a lease?”
“Well, yes,” I admitted. “But Adam is buying me out of it.”
“Wow.” Carol patted her pixie cut. “I wish I had a rich boyfriend…” “He’s not rich…”
The truth is, I’m not sure how much money Adam has. He certainly spends like he has a lot of money. Not that it matters to me either way. I’d like him just as much whether he’s rich or poor.
Weirdly, Mack didn’t end up going out with Carol, even though he was done with his shift. He kept hanging around the nursing station and casting looks in my direction. About five times, he opened his mouth like he wanted to say something. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Is everything okay?” I asked him.
He frowned. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” “Sure. What’s up?”
“Not here.”
And then without warning, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down the hallway. I had no idea what he was doing until he opened the door to the linen closet and pulled me inside. Good thing I’m not claustrophobic, because it was a tiny space surrounded by piles of towels, sheets, and blankets.
“Um, excuse me!” I said. “Can you please tell me what’s going on here?”
Mack’s eyebrows knitted together. “Vicky, don’t you think things are moving a little fast between you and that guy?”
I feel like there is an unspoken understanding between friends that you don’t say bad things about your friends’ significant others. I mean, after the breakup, you can say whatever horrible thing you want. But when you’re dating, you keep your fool mouth shut! Unless the other person is doing something really horrible, like cheating on you with hookers.
Mack was breaking the unspoken rule.
“Honestly, Mack?” I lifted my chin to look him in the eyes. “It’s none of your business.”
He lowered his eyes. At least he had the sense to look embarrassed about what he had just said.
“I’m sorry.” He rubbed at his black hair until it stood up straight. “I just get a really bad vibe from that guy. I feel like you don’t know him well enough.”
That’s what I get for inviting Adam to come out for drinks with my friends from work. Now all they do is judge him. But at least when Carol judges him, she calls him Mr. Perfect. But now Mack is saying Adam gives off a bad vibe. What does that even mean? Adam is a successful author, he’s handsome, he’s smart, he’s considerate, he’s romantic… I could go on for a while like this.
A bad vibe? Really???
“Look,” I said. “Adam is a great guy. You only met him one time.” “And that’s enough to know.”
“Well, I’ve been dating him for three months. So if one night is enough, three months has to be enough, right?”
Mack took a deep breath as he leaned against a precarious cart of towels. Mack is a big guy and I was a little bit worried the rack might tip over. “Please, Vicky. Just think about it. I don’t want you to make a mistake.”
I snorted. “You know, this is really inappropriate. I never told you I didn’t approve of Kaitlyn. I never said a word about her.”
He was quiet for a moment, just staring at me. “Kaitlyn and I broke
up.”
What?
So Mack’s girlfriend Kaitlin was one of those girls. One of those girls
who is just so pretty and funny and clever that you want to hate her, but you can’t because she’s actually really nice. Kaitlyn had no flaws. After I met her, I knew I had zero shot with Mack, because there was no way anyone would ever break up with a girl like Kaitlyn.
“I… I’m sorry to hear that.” He shrugged.
“What happened?”
“It’s a long story.” He glanced over at the door to the closet. “Maybe another time…”
That is such a typical guy thing. He thinks he can tell me what to do in my relationship. But at the same time, he won’t even tell me why he broke up with his girlfriend!
“Listen.” He lowered his voice a few notches. “Just… please think about it before you do anything. Promise me you’ll think about it.”
“Fine. I promise.”
But I didn’t mean it. Goodness, what is there to think about? Right now, I live all alone in a tiny, roach-infested apartment. The man of my dreams is asking me to move in with him. What on earth is there to think about? It’s terribly sweet that Mack is worried, but there’s nothing to worry about. Carol is the one who’s got it right—your father really is Mr. Perfect.
October 18, 2016
Today was moving day! I am currently writing this from my… drum roll please… new apartment! That I share with my wonderful, handsome, multitalented boyfriend!!!
The day started out absolutely insane. I had everything stashed away in boxes and Adam hired a moving company to help me. A moving company! I felt so bourgeoisie. Every time I have ever moved in the past, I had to beg a bunch of friends to help me in exchange for pizza and beer. It did seem a bit like overkill to hire a moving company considering I only had a studio apartment’s worth of stuff, but Adam was insistent.
He likes to spoil me. It’s so sweet.
About an hour before the movers were supposed to arrive, I was packing up the last of my stuff when my phone started to ring. I glanced at the screen and saw Mack’s name. My fingers hovered over the green button, but I wasn’t sure if I should press it.
I was still miffed about the way Mack spoke to me a few days earlier. And I had no delusion he had changed his mind. I didn’t want to have yet another discussion about how I was making a giant mistake. He just didn’t get it.
But finally, curiosity got the best of me and I picked up the phone. “Hey, Vicky.” His voice sounded upbeat on the other line. He didn’t
sound like a guy who was about to give me another lecture. “I heard today is moving day.”
I smiled. “Who told you?” “Carol.”
I gripped the phone in my right hand. “So… is this one last phone call to talk me out of it?”
He was silent for a beat. “No. Actually, I… I want to apologize. What I said to you the other day… That was out of line.”
My eyebrows shot up. One lesson I’ve learned in life is that people don’t apologize much. At least, not as much as they should. Even if they are wrong wrong wrong.
“Well… yes. It was. Sort of.”
“Well, I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. “And if you say Adam is a good guy, I’m sure he is.”
“He’s a good guy, Mack.”
“Then fine. That’s good enough for me.” I could hear him take a deep breath on the other line. “Also, as penance, I want to offer to help you move. I’m pretty good at lifting heavy things like boxes. Or if you have some patients in your room that need to be moved onto or off a stretcher, I can do that too.”
I laughed. “No, I don’t need help. Adam hired a moving company for
me.”
“A moving company? Wow. That’s too rich for my blood.”
Me too, I wanted to say. But I couldn’t say it, considering my
boyfriend was the one paying for all this.
“Anyway,” he said, “I just wanted to offer. And, like I said, to apologize. So… good luck. With the move, that is.”
“Right. Thank you.”
Mack was quiet again on the other line. I got the sense there was more he wanted to say, but he wasn’t saying it. And I also got the sense that whatever he wanted to say, I probably didn’t want to hear. So it was better to just say goodbye.
The moving guys were amazing. They came to my door and lifted all my heavy furniture like it weighed less than air. My bed wasn’t coming with me—a nurse from work was taking it, so she didn’t have to sleep on a futon anymore. I was also giving up my dresser because Adam said he had more than enough space in his own dressers. After the movers got everything packed up, I took a taxi over to Adam’s apartment.
When I got to his apartment, I had to ring the doorbell because he hadn’t gotten around to making me a key yet. It took him forever to answer the door—I started to get a little panicked he wasn’t there! I didn’t know what I was going to do if the movers showed up here with all my belongings and I couldn’t even open the door to the apartment. But thank heavens, he materialized in boxers and an undershirt, and he let me inside. But he did not look happy, especially given that the love of his life (i.e., me) was about to move in with him.
“What are you doing here so early?” he snapped at me.
I frowned, not entirely certain what to say. “I told you the movers were coming at nine. It’s ten o’clock now.”
He shook his head. “No, I told you not to have them here before noon.
I’m trying to write, Victoria.”
“But I told you they were coming at nine.”
“No. You never told me that.” He ran a hand through his already messy brown hair. He hadn’t shaved yet and he still had a day’s growth of a beard on his face. “If you had told me that, I would’ve told you not to have them come so fucking early.”
Adam does not share my feelings about never taking the name of the Lord in vain. I mean, he doesn’t have a terrible potty mouth. I’m sure you know your father by now. I’m sure he lets out an F-bomb or S-bomb every once in a while. There are worse things.
But this was the very first time he ever cursed at me. Although to be fair, he wasn’t cursing at me exactly. He was cursing about the earliness of the day. But I did feel like it was directed at me. Like the earliness was my fault.
I blinked and took a step back. “Adam…”
His lips formed a straight line. “I’ve got a deadline, Victoria. Do you think I’m going to be able to concentrate with moving guys tromping all over the apartment the whole goddamn morning?”
Again with the swearing.
“Um…” I squeezed my fists together. “I’ll tell them to be quiet.”
“You’ll tell the moving guys to be quiet? You’ve got to be kidding me.” He let out a long sigh. “This is really inconsiderate. You knew I had to get this draft done by Friday.”
I’m not the kind of person who gets things wrong a lot. I am the careful, responsible one. And I told him the movers were coming at nine. I am 110% sure. I bet if I took out my phone, I would find at least half a dozen exchanges where I reminded him the movers were coming at nine. I was tempted to do it just for the joy of saying I told you so, but I could see how stressed out he was. My job is stressful too, but in a different way. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to be creative on command.
When you’re in a mature, adult relationship, you realize that the most important thing isn’t always proving you’re right. I knew proving him wrong wasn’t going to make the situation better, so there was no point.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s my fault. But I promise it will be very quick.
And I’ll try not to bother you at all.”
And guess what? The apology did the trick. Adam’s shoulders relaxed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. “Thanks, Vicky,” he said. His arms felt warm around me. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I got this crazy deadline that’s stressing me out. I just need to get this stuff done and then I’ll be able to relax.”
“I understand.” I rested my head against his shoulder. “And I’m sure whatever you write will be brilliant.”
“It’s just all this pressure.” He shook his head. “This is my third book, and people are expecting a lot from me. If it’s not as good as the other two…”
“It will be.”
“No offense, Vicky.” Adam pulled away and rubbed at his temple. “But you don’t know anything about this process.”
I did admit to Adam that I had briefly considered becoming a writer in college. I even sent him a short story I had written, and he showered me with praise, although he didn’t suggest I try to write a book or anything like that. He didn’t say, You absolutely must keep writing—you can’t abandon your magnificent talent. Which makes me think he didn’t like the short story as much as he claimed to.
Anyway, he was right. I had a little experience with writing, but I had no experience with the process of writing a novel. But I was still confident anything Adam wrote would be brilliant.
The movers materialized within the hour and deposited all my belongings into Adam’s much larger and vastly superior apartment. It was mostly boxes containing books and bags of clothing. The only pieces of furniture I had were a couple of lamps and a Papasan chair that I purchased when I first came to the city years ago. That chair is the comfiest piece of furniture I’ve ever owned. That chair has a 99% success rate for curing insomnia. Sometimes when I’m in my bed at night, I fantasize about that chair.
When I die, you’re getting that chair. And you’re going to thank me for
it.
Adam proudly showed me all the space he had cleared away for me to
store my clothes. He cleared out three drawers and about half his closet. I
opened one of the drawers and ran my hand along the wood. “You’ve never lived with a woman, have you?” I said. He raised an eyebrow. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you clearly don’t have any concept of how much drawer space we need.”
That got a laugh out of him. “Sorry. I could probably fit everything I own in two of these drawers.”
“Maybe I can still get my old dresser back…”
He made a face. “God no. We’ll buy you a new one.”
There was nothing wrong with my old dresser. I tried to tell him that, but he said something about how it didn’t go with any of his furniture and it looked cheap, and I just gave up on arguing. If Adam wanted to waste his money on a new dresser, that was fine with me.
Adam led me into the kitchen. He threw open the refrigerator and I saw that the bottom shelf had been cleared out. “That shelf on the bottom will be yours and the top will be mine. We can split the middle one.”
I stared down at the empty shelf. “Do we really need to have separate shelves in the refrigerator?”
He shrugged. “I think it’s better this way. Don’t you?”
I glanced down at a bottle of Pepsi in the middle shelf. Adam had scrawled his name on the bottle in permanent marker.
I opened my mouth to protest, but then I shut it. Adam was already stressed out. The last thing he needed was for me to give him a hard time over the refrigerator. I still haven’t managed to bring it up with him, but we’ll talk about it in the next few days.
When we went back into the living room, Adam’s eyes immediately went to my comfy blue Papasan chair (your inheritance). His mouth fell open like I had brought a garbage bag filled with rotting eggs into his home. “What is that?”
“That’s my Papasan chair!”
“It…” He frowned. “It looks like you got it from off the curb.”
“It’s old,” I admitted. “But it’s super comfortable. Give it a try. I promise—you’re going to fall in love.”
He took a step back like I had asked him to roll around in sewage. “It’s probably infested with roaches.”
“No, it’s not!” Well, probably not. I guess I don’t know for sure there are no roaches in that chair.
“Can’t we just throw it out?” He looked up at me for permission. “I mean, I have a five-thousand-dollar leather sofa with a loveseat. Do we really need that piece of…”
For a moment, I considered giving in. I had already apologized for the moving people coming too early. I had not said a word about the division of the refrigerator. Why fight over a chair?
And if it were any other chair, I would’ve let it go. But this was my favorite chair. My comfy, irreplaceable Papasan chair! I was giving up everything else I owned. Why couldn’t I keep this one thing?
“I really want to keep the chair,” I said softly but firmly. “It’s important to me.”
Adam opened his mouth as if to protest, but then his face softened. “Okay. If it’s important to you, we’ll keep the roach-infested chair.”
And that’s how it’s done. That’s how two adults in a loving relationship problem solve. I gave in on some of the issues that weren’t that important to me, and he gave in on something that was important to me. It’s funny because even though I had told Mack I was sure I was doing the right thing by moving in with Adam, I guess I did slightly have some doubts. There was this little nagging voice in the back of my head telling me it was too soon and I should wait. I feel guilty even writing it here.
But at that moment, I knew I was doing the right thing.
And guess what? Right now, Adam is brushing his teeth and we’re going to go to bed together. In our bed.
I am so happy. #Blessed
