My sister Penny arrives in our driveway at promptly half-past nine to get the kids. My easy-going firstborn Aiden accepts a kiss on the cheek, then obediently climbs into her SUV and buckles himself in. He only recently graduated from having a booster seat, and he takes the responsibility very seriously.
Emma is a different story. She attaches herself firmly to my hip, any comfort she had derived from the tickle attack now long faded.
Penny comes around the side of the CRV, her blond ponytail swinging as she wipes her hands on her yoga pants. “What’s the problem, Em? You don’t want to spend a super fun week with Aunt Penny?”
Emma will have a great time with Penny. Penny has three kids of her own, and they are always elbow-deep in some exciting (and messy) baking project. Or art involving macaroni. And she’s got a freaking slip ‘n slide in her backyard. But right now, my daughter couldn’t care less. She responds by burrowing her head deeper into my belly.
“She had a dream that a monster ate us,” I explain.
“Oh, scary!” Penny nods sympathetically. “But I don’t think there are any monsters where your mom and dad are going, Em. They’re going to North Colorado, and all the monsters are in the south. So they should be fine.”
Another kid might have been persuaded, but Emma is the daughter of a physicist. She has an impeccable sense of logic. So she just shoots Penny a withering look and returns her face to my hip.
For the second time this morning, I wonder if this trip is a mistake. I’m already fighting with Noah, and now we’re going to spend four hours together in the car. Sometimes having our friends in the car with us dampens our fights, but often they are just an embarrassing public audience to how much Noah and I have grown to hate each other.
Maybe I should stay home. It’s not too late to back out. Noah can go without me.
Then again, there’s another reason why I want to go on this trip. And anyway, the reservation is nonrefundable.
Working together, Penny and I manage to pry Emma off my hip, mostly with the promise of lots and lots of ice cream. We throw the kids’ luggage into her trunk, then they’re ready to go. I get a jab of sadness in my chest, knowing I’ll be away from my babies for a whole week. Even though we take a trip every year, it’s always painful.
“I’ll take good care of them,” Penny promises.
“Thanks.” I know she will. She’s like a super mom. Between my constant arguments with Noah and my busy job as a special ed teacher, sometimes I feel like I’m falling short in the motherhood department. But I would never give up my job—I love it too much.
“By the way.” She lowers her voice a notch. “Did you tell Noah about…?”
I glance at the house. Noah is still packing upstairs in our bedroom. “No. Not yet.”
Her eyes widen. “Claire, you have to tell him! When are you going to say something?”
“Soon, okay?” I don’t want to explain about our stupid fight over his T-shirt. “I’ll tell him before we get there.”
She flashes me her classic I’m-the-big-sister-who-knows-better-than- you look. I hate that look. Especially because she’s right. Noah and I need to have a talk ASAP. I can’t blindside him on this.
“I’ll tell him as soon as we get into the car,” I say. “Before we get Lindsay.”
Yes, that should make for an interesting ride.
I hug Penny goodbye and fold myself in half to lean into the backseat to kiss the kids one last time. Emma clings to me extra hard. Why can’t I push away this sick feeling? We’ve gone on a trip like this every single year we’ve been married. This is the first time I’ve had such a bad feeling about it.
It’s all Emma’s stupid dream. I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s weighing on me.
I need to put it out of my head. Before I let it ruin the week.
