Moving abroad is a multifaceted experience: thrilling, adventurous, but full of obstacles and ups and downs. In the best case, from the most privileged point of view, there will nevertheless be strange experiences, more or less difficult to face.
One can try to settle in, and even when one manages to make a language, a culture, and a way of looking at the world different from one’s own one’s own, there will still be a few harmless small things to which, even after years, one cannot get used. To ease this sense of disorientation, proximity to a group of people who perhaps share the same origin, the same language, or the same habits, acting as a bridge between the two worlds that coexist inside oneself, can help.
“Even after years, there are moments when you don’t feel understood”
“Even after years of living here, despite a certain self-determination that grows as I express myself in Norwegian, there are moments when I say something and don’t feel understood, and it makes me feel a bit like an outsider. There’s a barrier that never quite goes away,” says Alessia, who has been living in Norway for twelve years, and who at the end of 2024 decided to take the initiative and organize an Italian-language book club in Oslo, with the desire to create a space of connection between people: “I wanted to create a meeting point, because one thing I miss about Italy is the connection with people ‘in between’—that space that isn’t either colleagues or the friends you see often. I grew up in a small town, where everyone knows each other but perhaps doesn’t really know each other. It’s something I’ve sometimes tried to distance myself from, but it’s also a feeling that makes you feel part of the place where you live, and it’s a kind of relationship that I find easier to establish in Italy.”
Alessia’s idea, shared with the Italian community living in Oslo, has found success from the very first meeting and, now in its second cycle of books, the enthusiasm shows no signs of waning; the number of participants keeps increasing, and every so often informal spin-offs emerge to continue sharing impressions about the books already discussed.
The book club, which does not have a specific name, currently attracts about thirty participants (for now only women, although it is open to everyone), and between one meeting and the next there are roughly two months of time, to give everyone time to read even the longer and more demanding books.
The choice of titles draws on the idea of Carolina Capria, a writer and creator of the social page “A Woman Wrote It”, a widespread book club that found homes in different parts of Italy, and which Alessia wanted to propose also in Norway.
The titles are linked by the theme of female authorship, but range widely in topics and settings: there is room for Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, as well as Beloved by Toni Morrison and The Art of Joy by Goliarda Sapienza, but also for Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell, Orlando by Virginia Woolf, and The Color Purple by Alice Walker, to name a few.
Sharing the mother tongue to strengthen the sense of belonging
Sharing the mother tongue is fundamental in reinforcing a sense of belonging, and it is one of the main aspects of group sharing: “I realize that I had a much broader vocabulary when I was living and working in Italy,” explains Miriam, one of the participants, who has been living in Norway for ten years: “Having to speak English and Norwegian, today I struggle a bit to use all the terms I have in my background, but I know they are just tucked away somewhere, gathering dust. That’s why I choose to read the book club books in Italian, even when the original language of the book is English: it’s a way to renew my vocabulary.”
Also Silvia G., who has lived in Norway for sixteen years, notes: “I have friends who are Italian, I read books and listen to podcasts in Italian, but I still realize that I often miss the vocabulary. Even when I return to Italy, despite full immersion, I notice it takes a few days to regain fluency. Participating in the book club, which is a cultural and social initiative, helps me keep my mother tongue alive.”
Language as an expression of self
“It’s not only about vocabulary, but about the way of expressing oneself,” specifies Silvia G.: “There’s a more familiar way of speaking, without having to face standard modes of communication, such as tone of voice. In relating to my colleagues, I notice, for example, that in the Norwegian context I’m easily misunderstood, because if I place a bit more emphasis on what I say, I come across as angry, so I have to hold back. In an Italian context I can relax and speak a bit more freely.”
Codes of conduct that change, and the risk of seeming intrusive
“Beyond the language, there are also codes of behavior that change, which are intrinsic to a culture and harder to learn,” confirms Alessia: “If we gather among Italian people, we know, for example, how to handle small talk. Here, starting a conversation isn’t as straightforward, because you don’t know what you can ask, or what is considered too personal or invasive. Perhaps you want to say something interesting, but it isn’t obvious to know whether others would also find it interesting.”
An impression, this last one, shared by Miriam: “In Norwegian culture everything is essential, including conversation. The Italian way of communicating I find a bit more ornate, if you allow me the term: we add, tell anecdotes, perhaps joke, and soon after we can shift to somewhat more serious topics. In short, I find it a bit richer.”
Paola, who has lived in Norway since 2015, finds similar aspects in her experience: “Working in a Norwegian context, I tend to be very controlled, because I know that what for me may be normal (even simply speaking aloud, gesturing, as we Italians do) is perceived as something that jars. Also I am very direct, while Norwegians look for a different way of approaching things, so I have to rethink a bit how I express my thoughts. Once a Norwegian told me that when he watches Italians talking, they always seem angry, because we move and speak loudly, so I started paying more attention to how I speak and how I move. Surely there’s also a component of personality, which is ineliminable and not fair to erase, and despite the differences I still perceive Norway as my home; however, having the opportunity to express myself in a little Italian microclimate in the book club allows me to feel more at ease with my way of speaking and how I express myself.”
“The difficulty of translating a different thinking pattern”
Indeed, the differences in communication are not only about translating words, but especially about translating a different thinking pattern: “It’s as if the way we speak or read shapes how our thoughts develop. The Norwegian language is more direct and less intricate than Italian. Yet, even after many years of speaking Norwegian, my mental framework remains the one I grew up with in Italy,” continues Silvia G.: “I have the impression that, in communicating, in Italy we are more prone to putting thoughts out there and then recalibrating. It’s normal that, perhaps after I express a thought, someone asks a question to understand better what I meant, without it necessarily being misunderstood. Here, it’s customary that what is said immediately represents one’s own thoughts, and the conversation may stop at a misunderstanding. On the one hand, I envy this clarity; on the other hand, I realize I need to rework and discuss with others to shape what I think.”
“During the book club meetings, I feel I can also express my emotions”
Miriam describes a similar impression: “In Italian we have an infinite number of terms, whereas in Norwegian words are often created by joining other words. This means there are entire ways of expressing or describing that would be impossible to translate perfectly. And it’s not just a translation issue, but also a difficulty in communicating exactly the emotion or the thought behind the words themselves.”
Silvia R., in Norway since 2016, confirms that it’s not a question of linguistic competence, but of different spheres of language use: “It’s natural that communication in the mother tongue is more natural, more sincere… more immediate. During the book club meetings, I feel I can express my emotions, and although my command of Norwegian has improved greatly, I don’t know if I’d be able to do the same in this language, because I still perceive a linguistic barrier when it comes to communicating on more intimate feelings. Even my husband is Italian, and perhaps for people who live with a Norwegian partner it is different, because they manage to develop this aspect better.”
A sense of community born through sharing
Precisely because this need to find a space for a freedom of expressive communication unites, in different ways, all the participants, it is not surprising that the book club space has ended up representing an open place for exchange and confrontation: judgments do not emerge from either the linguistic point of view or from opinions. Although the book club has attracted a group of Italian women, there is a lot of variety in terms of professions, of length of time spent in Norway, of age, of origin, and all these differences then give rise to different viewpoints on the readings, on the interpretations given, on the value of the characters within the story.
Paola, for example, experiences this difference positively: “It’s clear that depending on our character we perceive the characters differently. And that’s stimulating, isn’t it? Because in the end we discuss the same thing, the book, the story, but we have different points of view. I also like listening to the perspective of those who see it differently from me, and realizing that perhaps I missed something.”
“I’m curious about the opinions of those who are older or younger than me”
For Silvia R., too, exchange is one of the most important parts of the experience: “I started participating in the book club following Paola’s enthusiasm, who had attended from the first meeting. The idea of the book club appealed to me from the start precisely because the possibility of sharing impressions, thoughts, and experiences. It enriches me: I see points of view I don’t have, I like listening to what others have to say, and I enjoy engaging with other women who have read the same book. In particular, I’m curious about the opinions of those who are older or younger than me, even if that’s not the only thing that matters: books are capable of erasing age differences, because the reflections that emerge mirror your life experience. Ultimately it’s life experiences that change you, and lead you to interpret a book differently.”
The freedom to express oneself is therefore seen as a double opportunity: both to tell, but also to listen.
Silvia G. adds: “A family-like, friendly atmosphere has been created, very open to listening to everyone’s opinions. I see it as a great resource that motivates me, gives me energy, and allows me to meet other people who work in completely different fields from mine and who, even if they come from the same country, have different backgrounds.”
Reclaiming oneself through cultural stimulation
The use of one’s own language clearly goes far beyond pure linguistic expression, but it is the key to accessing a cultural heritage that is almost invisible while one remains in one’s own context, but becomes more evident when one moves away: “I really enjoy talking about my impressions and what I’ve taken from a book, or what remains with me after reading a book,” Miriam explains: “it’s about finding an opportunity to express my critical thinking, and to share it with others, an opportunity I struggle to find in typically Norwegian contexts. In the book club I can instead reclaim the way I used to discuss complex themes with my friends in Italy.”
“I feel I have nourished a part of myself”
Azzurra, who participated in the book club even during pregnancy and the early stages of motherhood, explains that “being women, very often translates into being pulled into commitments that aren’t intellectual. But we are people in all respects and we also need to have varied interests. For me the book club was mainly an opportunity to keep my brain engaged in something other than motherhood. Listening to even the longer books, such as Gone with the Wind, gave me a different perspective during that period, not necessarily about breastfeeding or a diaper.”
“When I participate in the meetings I always come away satisfied, I feel I have nourished a part of me, both of my soul and my mind, which I had to set aside in the past,” continues Miriam. “I was missing a space for sharing culture, and not as Italian culture, but as culture-making. Reading poetry, reading books, is a fundamental part of being, isn’t it?”
A thought shared by Silvia R. as well: “Rather than a humanist, I feel like a realist, as they say here. But I remember that even when I was at university, after an exam I sometimes read a novel in a day, because I needed to feed my brain and my heart with something other than a formula or a logical argument. Reading, after all, is for everyone, not something that belongs only to the literati.”
And if normally the book club is a way to find a new community to participate in, this sentiment is sharpened in a country where finding one’s own social sphere can prove challenging.
Martina, for example, who has lived in Norway since 2017, has noticed that compared to participation in other book clubs, here in Oslo the sense of community is much more pronounced: “We form groups more, even informally. We have a WhatsApp chat, after the meetings we often go to eat something together. Then, if you happen to meet other participants, the conversation also continues on the side, and it happens that if you can’t attend, other meetings are organized, even smaller ones, about the same book. I’m happy with this book club because my previous experience had remained a bit incomplete for me, perhaps because I personally hadn’t felt completely free to express myself. In this case I’ve managed to satisfy that desire.”
Also Azzurra notes that “being immigrants sometimes means not having a community of reference: participating in the book club meetings contributes to positive sensations, such as the sense of belonging, and the opportunity to have intellectual stimulation. Participating helps me feel part of a community, a community that cares to listen to my opinion.” A thought shared by Miriam as well: “Right after the first meeting, when we went out to dinner together, we were already all speaking to each other with ease, even about our own lives. And that made me feel that I had a piece of Italy here in Norway.”
The gender lens as a key to reading and connection
But it isn’t only language or origin that have laid the foundations for this sense of community.
Martina explains that the fun lies in finding people with whom you share the same interests, such as reading, but in this case also the themes that link the choice of books: “I really like reading the classics, but I don’t think I’ve ever followed a real logic in choosing my own readings. The fact that there is a common theme among the books we read makes it even more interesting, because you feel you’re following a path.”
Alessia explains that joining the structure devised by Carolina Capria, “where all the books are written by women authors, and give voice to points of view that do not always belong to mainstream literature, makes the book club more motivating, because there is a unifying theme that directs the discussions beyond whether the book was liked or not. Moreover, these books give a voice to viewpoints that can be read through a gender or feminist lens, and the fact that we found ourselves as a group of Italian women in Norway addressing these themes gives us common ground, a similar cultural background with which to approach them, something that might not occur in a different group.” Paola confirms this impression: “I think that if not all of us were Italian, but there were a bit of Norwegian elements, it would be a different environment. Not necessarily better or worse, just different.”
Themes that awaken interest
“I often discuss these books even with Norwegian colleagues, but I realize they approach them from another perspective, and that makes me think this has to do with the fact that feminism in Italy and in Norway did not develop in the same way,” continues Alessia. “My impression is that in Norway feminist debate has focused more on issues like equality of opportunity, while in Italy it has also had to deal with a different concept of what masculinity and violent relationships mean. In different ways in the book club we feel united by these topics, and they move the discussion. It’s not a topic we force, but that kind of interpretation often emerges as a human aspect of one’s life experience, which then reflects in and is compared with the characters’ experiences.”
Miriam also confirms that Alessia, by planning a book club with a clear program and a precise theme from the start, succeeded in exciting the participants right away: “From the very first meeting it was incredibly easy to sit down and start talking about the books we had read, we were already ready with our reflections.”
Martina, for example, recalls that “before the first meeting we discussed with Alessia, who feared that if we didn’t all know each other there might be initial awkwardness, so I prepared arguments to contribute if needed. But there was no need!”. “Conversations, moreover, are always surprisingly high-level,” emphasizes Alessia. “To be a chat among people who don’t know each other well, strong and interesting points of view always emerge, which I find enriching.”
The overall opinion is that, beyond the community and cultural benefits, the feeling is always that of being part of a positive environment: “I didn’t expect so much response and such good feedback,” adds Alessia, “and it’s beautiful that there is so much variety, for example in the age or professions of the participants. Maybe the need for a space like this is more transversal than I thought.”
Paola also shares her surprise: “To tell the truth, I didn’t expect to feel so good. I started participating out of curiosity, and also to be among Italians, and it turned out to be something really pleasant, so much so that I’ve recommended it to everyone, for example to my sister who lives in Italy, but also to my son who studies at university. I told him: ‘If you find a book club, try to participate, because the act of reading a book and sharing that experience with others is truly enjoyable’.”
