5
CASHOL
T choice.
his is the greatest day of my existence. I have resonated to the female I would have chosen for
myself, the one that makes my heart sing, the one that makes me smile every time I see her. It is
as if my khui has heard the demands of my heart and decided that it would please me with its
Truly, the ancestors’ spirits have smiled down upon us this day. I beam with pride as my tribesmates approach and clap us both on the back. Meh-gan has a bewildered expression on her face, but it is understandable. Her little friend—the noisy one—shrieks and jumps and makes so much noise that I start to think perhaps Haeden is right, that she is far too loud. But then my chief is there, and the elders, and everyone is so happy for us. Meh-gan clutches at my arm, her khui singing loudly to mine, and I want nothing more than to escape all the madness and attention and drag her into the furs.
It is difficult to listen when an elder is congratulating me on my mate when my cock is hard and straining for that mate under my loincloth. My body’s reaction to resonance was immediate, and it is growing increasingly tricky to ignore. I want nothing more than to toss Meh-gan down onto the furs and plow into her soft body. I need to relieve the ache in my groin and the hungry need that pumps through my veins. More than anything, there is an all-consuming desire to claim her, to please her, and it is…distracting.
Not that my tribe has noticed. They are too busy congratulating us and planning a celebration.
Vektal knows how I feel, though. He sees the strain on my face behind my smile and gestures at one of the supply caves. “Before we celebrate anything, let us give them a home and privacy. You need your own cave.”
“Thank you, my chief,” I tell him, relieved.
Meh-gan just holds my arm tighter, that bright smile on her face.
The storage cave is cleared out with the helping hands of many, enough left for a bed of furs for myself and my new mate, and a few items to start our own cave. We will fill it with comforts later, but for now, all we need is a bed and a fire. Drenol makes the fire for us, and pats my arm as he walks back to the elders’ cave. A privacy screen is produced, a plate of food and a flask of sah-sah shoved into my arms, and then Meh-gan
and I are left alone in our new cave.
She stares at me.
I stare at her, grinning. The only sound between us is the intense singing of our khuis to one another. She has said nothing beyond a few happy squeals earlier, and I worry she is starting to panic. The smile on her
face looks…brittle, like thin ice.
She looks tired.
More than that, she looks slightly terrified.
“Well,” I say after a long moment. “This day has not turned out as planned.”
Her mouth twitches, just a little. “That’s an understatement.” Meh-gan glances around the cave. She looks so uncertain. It is a wildly different reaction than the Meh-gan that squealed and pressed her mouth to mine in one of the mouth-matings the humans are so fond of.
Mouth-matings. My body aches just thinking about that, and my cock feels as if it is made of stone. But I remember what Vektal said about Meh-gan, and how she is healing still. Her body might be fine but her heart is not. That much is clear.
So even if I want to fling her down into the furs, I must go slow. Resonance changes nothing except it has made my body hungry for hers, my cock aching without relief. My body—my pleasure—will just have to wait.
I turn away, discreetly adjusting myself and pretending to look around the cave. “Does this place please you, Meh-gan? If you do not like it, I can ask Vektal for a different cave—”
“No, it’s fine!” Her words are rushed, and when I turn to look at her, she offers another hesitant smile. “It’s the best. Please tell him thank you.”
I grin at her. “You can thank him, as well.”
She makes a noise in her throat that might be agreement, and her gaze falls to the bed. “Um, should we…”
“I would like to talk first,” I lie, and make a mental note to adjust myself once more.
“Talk?” Her bewildered expression flashes with relief. “Of course we can talk. That’s fine.”
I sit down, cross-legged, and she sits down next to me. That is both good and bad. Good, because I like her nearness. Bad, because I like her nearness too much. I busy myself taking off my boots, unwrapping the laces and getting comfortable. I do not think we will be leaving this cave for a while, so I might as well relax.
She watches me in silence, saying nothing. I glance over, and when I toss my second boot aside, her cheeks seem to be pink in a flush. “Is this all right?” I ask, gesturing at my now-bare feet. “You will tell me if I offend you in some way? I do not know human customs.”
“You’re fine. It’s all fine.” Her cheeks grow pinker. “You, um, have big feet.”
“Yes,” I agree, wiggling my toes. “I have tripped over them many a time, too.”
Meh-gan chuckles, and the sound ripples over me like warm water, pleasant and smooth….and settles
right in my groin.
Slow, I remind myself. Slow.
I casually grab a fur and toss it over my lap, pretending to shiver. “Cold?”
She shrugs, staring at the fire.
I pick up another blanket and put it on her shoulders, feeling very, very obvious. Outside the cave, music begins. It is a slow drum beat, signaling the beginning of a celebration. There will be feasting, and much drinking of fermented sah-sah. Farli will insist everyone get painted with symbols and all will have a good time, celebrating the mating they think I am doing with Meh-gan. They will celebrate another mating, and a kit to be
born.
A kit.
The thought hits me and I feel flattened at the realization that I will be a father. I have concentrated on the pleasant aspects of resonance only—the mating, the bond between myself and Meh-gan, the mating…more mating…but after we come together and resonance is satisfied, there will be a kit. I will be a father.
I swallow hard. I am not certain I am ready to be a father. I think of my own father, who died when I was young, when the khui sickness leveled half the tribe. I remember as he lay in his sickbed, he rambled to me while I held his hand. He spoke of my mother in long stretches, which was surprising to me because he’d never spoken of her. He spoke of how resonance had been the greatest thing that had ever happened to him, and the worst. He had loved my mother greatly and had been beyond joy to resonate to her…only to lose her in childbirth when I was born.
I have always remembered that. Resonance can be incredible…and it can also be the greatest of tragedies.
I look over at Meh-gan, and I decide that going slow is wise. I want to go as slow as I can to draw this out. I am not ready to be a father.
I am not ready to lose her. My throat constricts at the thought.
I must stall. I must find some way to slow down resonance.
“Will you tell me about yourself, Meh-gan?” I ask, lounging backward. “Let us learn about one another.”
She stares at my feet for a moment longer, then tears her gaze away. “W-what?”
“Let us learn about one another.”
“Oh. Um.” She tucks a strand of yellow mane behind one ridiculously small pink ear. “Like…what?”
“Do you…like hunting?”
Meh-gan looks at me as if I have grown another head. “No.”
“Have you tried it?” I have not seen her leave the caves. “Perhaps you might.”
She shrugs, that mystified look still on her face.
Her shoulders move in a way that makes my cock twitch. Resonance is…potent. I take a calming breath and try to think of something else to ask her. Can I bury my face between your thighs? Can I touch you? Can I make you cry out with pleasure? All of those things float to the top of my head, but I discard them one by one.
I must ask her small things. Simple things. “Do you…like leather?”
Meh-gan blinks at me. “I…guess? It beats being naked. Why are you asking me this?”
I am making a fool of myself. I stare at my bare feet, thinking. “I just wish to get to know you. That is all.”
“By asking me if I like leather? That’s like asking if I enjoy breathing air. Leather’s kinda necessary here, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but it is new to your people, is it not? That is why I asked. You wore other things when you were home?”
She nods, her expression relaxing a bit. “I wouldn’t say leather is new to us, just that we’ve moved beyond it. We grow plants called ‘cotton’ and they have little puffballs on them, and you take the puffs and weave them into fabric. It’s kinda a long process.”
I try to picture this, and snicker.
“What’s so funny?”
“I do not see why wearing a tunic made of puffballs is better than leather.”
Her pink mouth twitches, and I am enchanted at the sight. “It’s not a cloak of puffballs. It makes like…flat fabric. I don’t know. All I know is I used to walk into the store and buy a shirt without having to think about where it came from, and now if I want clothes, I have to kill an animal and take its skin. It’s a big adjustment.”
She shifts uncomfortably. “But I’m sure I’ll get used to it and be making all kinds of clothes in no time.”
“If you like.” I have no worries that she will find her way to be useful. Everyone does. When she falls silent again, I prompt her. “Do you wish to ask me a question?”
She twists her hands in her lap, then shrugs. “How old are you?”
“By our seasons? I have seen twenty-six of them. You?”
“I don’t know how old I am by your seasons.” Meh-gan’s mouth curves into a smile. “But I’m twenty-two by human years. So you’re not that much older than me, huh?”
“Not at all.” I roll onto my side, facing her. I like the little smile that plays around her lips. “Do you want me
to be older? I can pretend.”
She snorts. “Just be you.”
“Very well.” I consider this for a moment. “What is your favorite meal?”
I could swear Meh-gan rolls her eyes at me ever so slightly. “Are you being serious right now?”
“Why would I not be serious?”
She gestures at our surroundings. “We resonated. And you’re asking me about my favorite meal?” Her gaze focuses on me and her expression grows a little anxious. “Do you…do you not like me? I thought…never mind. It isn’t important.”
I am going about this all wrong, I realize, when she starts to get up. I grab her hand before she can, and she pauses, watching me. She is skittish like a dvisti colt, ready to bolt, and I think Vektal was wise indeed to advise me to take things slow. “It is not like that at all. I like you very much. Of all the human females, I would
have picked you for a mate.”
“Just humans?”
“Out of all females,” I amend, amused at her prickly nature. I prefer this to her frozen smile. “I have never been interested in Maylak or Asha and the other two have been mated for as long as I can remember.”
“Then why aren’t we, you know…” She gestures at the furs. “Doing it? I thought that’s what happened the moment you resonated. And I feel, well…” Meh-gan flushes again. “I definitely feel like my body is ready.”
“Your body may be ready,” I concede, “But…I am not sure I am.”
Her brows furrow. “What, are you shy?”
It is the perfect answer. I jump on it. “Yes. I am very shy.”
“You?”
“I have never had a mate of any sort.” This is very much the truth, though it does not make me shy. Hungry and near-feral with need, yes, but not shy. However, if Meh-gan thinks I am shy, then she will not be hurt when I suggest we take things slow. It is the perfect solution. “This is all very new to me and I would get to know you before we leap into the furs.”
Meh-gan stares at me with clear surprise. She thinks for a moment, then bites her lip. “I’m sorry. I guess I just assumed since you were flirting with me that you were experienced. You know what they say about assuming, though.”
“No, what do they say?” I tilt my head, curious.
“It doesn’t matter.” She reaches out and takes my hand, and just the brush of her small, soft fingers against my callused hands is enough to make my cock twitch. Hot need courses through me, and she says something in a soft, gentle voice, but I do not hear it. The blood is pounding too hard in my ears. I cannot come. I cannot come.
Not yet. Not when parts of me are supposed to be shy. Those parts are not paying attention, though, as my cock is still rock hard.
She lets go of my hand, and it is easier to concentrate. Her lips move, and eventually the roaring in my ears dies down.
I smile. This will be easy. So easy. I will take things slow and I will know when Meh-gan is ready when her smile reaches her eyes.
