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Chapter 12

Great Big Beautiful Life

12

โ€œTHE MYSTERY ILLNESS,โ€ I say. โ€œI remember reading about that. Two years where Nina Gill couldnโ€™t work. Right as talkies started coming out.โ€

โ€œAnd she was in the news more than ever,โ€ Margaret agrees. โ€œI can guess what your Dove Franklin had to say about all of that in his so-called book.โ€

โ€œSince when am I responsible for him?โ€ I tease. โ€œIโ€™m not even the one who bought that book! Blame my parents. But yes, he had his theories about her time away.โ€

She flashes me a smile over the ceaseless movement of her hands among the glass shards. โ€œLet me guess: She couldnโ€™t hack it in the changing landscape of Hollywood. No one wanted her in the talkies and her star began to fall even faster than it had risen, leading to a two-year mental breakdown, the likes of which she never fully recovered from.โ€

I nod. โ€œAn actress at the height of her fame, taking a two-year hiatus and then spending the majority of that in and out of hospitals around the worldโ€”a mental breakdown seemed less far fetched to me than some of his other theories.โ€

Her hands still on her tools, and something passes across her face.

โ€œThere are all kinds of reasons for a woman to want to disappear. Always

have been.โ€

โ€œSuch as?โ€ I say gently.

Margaret peels her gloves off her small but calloused hands. โ€œLetโ€™s walk back to the house. Jodi will certainly bring lunch here, but she wonโ€™t be

happy about it. She doesnโ€™t like waiting on me.โ€

โ€œIs she paid to?โ€ I ask, since, still, no information about their relationship has been provided to me.

Margaretโ€™s head cocks prettily to one side. โ€œNo, I wouldnโ€™t say that,โ€ she settles on, as enigmatic of an answer as I wouldโ€™ve expected from her.

I pack up my things, and we leave the workshop, the doors still ajar and unlocked, the ceiling fans still twirling.

We start down the path, in the opposite direction from which Jodi and I arrived, curving around the other side of the garden beds back toward the house. When I point this out, Margaret nods. โ€œItโ€™s all the same path. You just stay on it, and youโ€™ll get where youโ€™re going, eventually.โ€

โ€œLike the labyrinth,โ€ I say, clutching my recorder, still running, in one hand and my phone in the other.

โ€œMore or less,โ€ she says. โ€œIโ€™ve thought about turning the whole thing into a mosaic, connecting it to the labyrinth. Probably donโ€™t have that many years left of my life though. Thatโ€™s a lot of work.โ€

โ€œSo it was on purpose?โ€ I say. โ€œThe unicursal path.โ€

โ€œI like taking away that element of decision, whenever I can.โ€

โ€œWhyโ€™s that?โ€ I ask.

โ€œBecause it gives me peace,โ€ she says. โ€œRemembering my decisions donโ€™t make much of a difference in the end.โ€

I balk, even miss a step. โ€œYou really think that?โ€

Another sly, nearly coquettish smile, and at eighty-seven years old, sheโ€™s still pulling it off. โ€œThink. Hope. Somewhere in between the two.โ€

The path curls down to walk along the marsh, and I see a fan boat docked among the reeds. โ€œYou use that much?โ€ I ask.

โ€œNot much,โ€ she says. โ€œBut more often than I use the car.โ€

โ€œThat hardly tells me anything,โ€ I point out.

โ€œNow youโ€™re catching on,โ€ she teases.

But honestly, Iโ€™m not. When I let her talk, sheโ€™ll talk. But when I want a straight answer, sheโ€™s more evasive.

Which once again begs the question: What am I doing here?

โ€œIโ€™m curious about something,โ€ I say.

โ€œIโ€™d describe you as curious about everything,โ€ Margaret parries.

โ€œHazard of the trade,โ€ I say, then admit, โ€œor more realistically, I was just born this way.โ€

โ€œSounds like youโ€™re on a unicursal path of your own,โ€ she reasons.

She doesnโ€™t invite me to ask my question, but I do anyway: โ€œWhy now?โ€

โ€œWhat do you mean?โ€ she says innocently. I give her a look, and she laughs. โ€œEvery once in a while, youโ€™ve got some bite, Alice Scott. I like that.โ€

โ€œThank you. And I like when you answer the questions I ask.โ€

Another laugh. โ€œI know I look great, but Iโ€™m old. If not now, when?โ€

โ€œRight,โ€ I agree. โ€œBut โ€˜neverโ€™ was an option. Something had to have convinced you to talk to me. And as great as I am, I donโ€™t buy that it was my rambling voicemail.โ€

We pause at the back doors to Margaretโ€™s house. โ€œI made a promise to someone,โ€ she says. โ€œAnd then they died before I could tell them I took it back.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re not going to tell me who, are you?โ€ I ask.

She smiles and opens the door. โ€œNot today.โ€

As we step inside, from somewhere deeper in the house, Jodi grunts, โ€œYouโ€™re back.โ€

โ€œNothing gets past you, does it?โ€ Margaret leads me through a door into a bright, powder-blue kitchen, where Jodiโ€™s slicing sandwiches into tiny triangles.

โ€œTuna salad?โ€ Margaret asks, leaning over Jodiโ€™s shoulder to look at the cutting board.

โ€œCucumber,โ€ Jodi says, โ€œand now that youโ€™re back, you can take over.โ€

Margaret gives a belabored sigh, but still steps up to the task when Jodi retreats to wash her hands over the deep double sink, its overhead window looking out on the backyard.

โ€œHow long does it usually take a person to get used to this house?โ€ I ask. โ€œI donโ€™t understand how anything is connected. I wouldโ€™ve thought we were at the front of the house here.โ€

โ€œThereโ€™s no โ€˜usually,โ€™ โ€ Margaret says.

I frown, which makes her laugh.

โ€œNot a facial expression Iโ€™ve seen you do much of,โ€ she says.

On her way out of the room, Jodi says, โ€œNo one has to get used to the house, because no one except us is ever in it.โ€

โ€œEver?โ€ I ask.

Margaret gives an unbothered shrug. โ€œMore or less.โ€

โ€œHow do you sell your work, to the shops and galleries?โ€ I ask.

She waves a hand. โ€œOh, Jodi handles all that. Not that thereโ€™s much to handle. Like I saidโ€”most tourists are looking for a different sort of thing than what I do.โ€

That certainly explains the reaction from the shopkeeper whoโ€™d finally passed along Margaretโ€™s contact information. Heโ€™d said something along the lines of, Youโ€™re welcome to it, but if Irene Mayberry is actually Margaret

Ives, then Iโ€™m Elvis.

โ€œWhat about groceries?โ€ I ask.

โ€œJodi,โ€ she says. โ€œJodi handles it all.โ€

โ€œAnd what, you just stay in this house all day?โ€

โ€œI stay in the yard mostly,โ€ Margaret says. โ€œOr out on the boat. Or in my

home.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s got to be lonely,โ€ I say.

โ€œLess so than youโ€™d think,โ€ she retorts. โ€œYou get used to it, isolation.

Funny thing is, I was already used to it by the time I โ€˜disappeared.โ€™ โ€

โ€œMeaning?โ€ I ask.

โ€œNo more chitchat right now,โ€ she says. โ€œItโ€™s nearly dinnertime, and no one needs to see the inside of my mouth while Iโ€™m eating.โ€

โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข ON FRIDAY, THE morning after my best session with Margaret yet, Iโ€™m picking through my notesโ€”and typing up an extremely uninspiring (though blessedly short) article on new skin-care trends for The Scratchโ€”when Theo texts me.

Iโ€™m shooting in Atlanta rn, he says.

Oh, nice, I write back. Who/what?

That new fashion designer Mogi, he replies. Should be a good time.

Heโ€™s not giving me a ton of conversational ammo here, but Iโ€™d rather be doing anything than working right now, while sitting out on Little Croissantโ€™s patio, sweating through my sundress, so I write back anyway: Yeah, Atlantaโ€™s super cool! Let me know if you want any recs.

How far is it from where you are? he says.

I do a quick search to double-check. Not that close. Like three and a

half hours by car.

Shit, he says.

A second later, a new message buzzes in. What are you up to this weekend?

Oh, nothing, just more meandering interviews that manage to avoid almost anything juicy from a story Iโ€™m sure is ninety percent juice.

Nothing today, working tomorrow during the

day, then nothing Sunday and Monday.

Nice, he says, adding, I prob will be done by Saturday night too.

The text just hangs there, and understanding clicks into place. Heโ€™s doing what he always does: not quite asking me to ask him to hang out. Itโ€™s annoying, how indirect he always is, but at least thereโ€™s some comfort in knowing him well enough to read between the lines. Unlike the horror that unfolded between me and Hayden the other night.

I take a screenshot of the exchange and text it to my friends.

Priya is the first to reply: A girlโ€™s gotta eat, Alice.

Bianca is right behind her: Turn in your skincare piece. Also BARF.

Cillian slides in next: MY ENEMY.

I thumbs-up Biancaโ€™s text first, then write out my reply: Iโ€™m going to invite him to come down but thatโ€™s where I draw the line. I will NOT

be asking whether I can fly to HIM.

Tell him he can meet you there, then send him this address, Cillian says. I follow the link heโ€™s sent.

It takes me to a map of Antarctica, a little pin over something called the Pole of Inaccessibility research station.

Will do! I say, then text Theo: Youโ€™re welcome to come down if you want. Thereโ€™s not a ton to do, but thereโ€™s at least one cute bar/restaurant and a good coffee shop, and itโ€™s beautiful.

Really? Theo says.

Yes.

Sure, why not? I could drive down when I

finish up tomorrow afternoon. Meet around

seven?

Sounds good, I tell him, then turn my phone over and click back to

yesterdayโ€™s notes.

We covered a decent amount of ground.

Nina Gillโ€™s mystery illness. The fluctuating weight. The hair loss. The months sheโ€™d spent in the Swiss Alps while she recovered.

During their time apart, Nina had fallen in love with her doctor, and in the aftermath of her and Geraldโ€™s breakup, he finally reconnected with his sister, Gigi, whose English husband had died not long after she discovered she was pregnant.

Gerald insisted on moving Gigi and her new baby, Ruth, onto his estate, now that Nina had moved out and on with the doctor.

โ€œOut of the blue?โ€ Iโ€™d asked Margaret, and sheโ€™d given one of those dry, secretive smiles.

โ€œNothing is out of the blue, when it comes to my family,โ€ she said. โ€œNot ever.โ€

I could feel the hidden meaning beneath the words, but when I pressed her on it, she evaded me. Just kept going with her story.

For a time, Gerald had continued his management of Ninaโ€™s career, even after her marriage, but the truth was, even with his media pull, the time away had changed the landscape too much for her. The reviews of her newer films were mostly concerned with the physical toll her illness had taken on herโ€”sheโ€™d visibly aged and gained a fair bit of weight, and an outlet beyond Geraldโ€™s control had nicknamed her the not-so ingenue. With the emphasis on new.

The audiences had tired of her too. As far as they were concerned, she belonged to the silent-film era, and every time she spoke, her surprising voice convinced them sheโ€™d overstayed her welcome.

She left the business entirely in 1931, and that same year, Gerald moved his wife, Rosalind, and his now grown children down to the House of Ives, as if the last twelve years apart had never happened.

Freddy and Francine were twenty-seven and twenty-six respectively by then, both unmarried and neither excited about relocating their entire lives.

But Gerald controlled all the money, and so when he said jump, they jumped. Thus, he; his wife; his grown children; his sister, Gigi; and her daughter, Ruth, all wound up living in the same house. If you could call the Ives estate a house, and honestly, I donโ€™t think you can. But still.

โ€œGerald and Rosalind never shared a room again, of course,โ€ Margaret told me. โ€œThey were cold but cordial. And it was much too late for him to fix his relationship with his own children, but his niece was just a baby, so essentially all that opulence Gerald had lavished on his mistress was turned toward baby Ruth at that point. She was the light of his life. The world had probably never seen such a spoiled childโ€”until Laura and I came along, anywayโ€”but she was good natured to her core. When she was small, her nickname was Little Princess, and even when Laura and I were little girls and Ruth was a young woman, we all mostly called her LP.โ€

It wasnโ€™t a bad interview. It was arguably good! But I could feel that there was more lurking just underneath what she was saying, and she still didnโ€™t trust me enough to share it.

Iโ€™d offered multiple times to stop recording, but sheโ€™d waved off the

offer.

โ€œYou can trust me,โ€ I promised her.

She parried with, โ€œYou can trust me too.โ€

It effectively ended the discussion. If I wanted her to open up to me, I had to respect that she had her own reasons for what she chose to share and when.

Margaret refused to be rushed, and I knew that pushing would only slow us down in the long run. If I got the job, thereโ€™d be plenty of time to dig into these stories. My only real goal, these next three and a half weeks, was to earn her trust.

I just had to hope Hayden wasnโ€™t having better luck than I was.

โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข ON SATURDAY MORNING, Iโ€™m driving through the fog to Margaretโ€™s house when she calls to cancel on me.

โ€œSomething came up,โ€ she says through my rental carโ€™s speakers when I take her call. I put on my blinker and pull off into the Little Croissant / gift shop / enclave parking lot.

โ€œNo problem at all,โ€ I assure her. โ€œIf you just need a few hours, we

could meet later?โ€

โ€œNot today,โ€ she says stiffly.

โ€œThen tomorrow?โ€ I suggest.

โ€œNot tomorrow either,โ€ she says.

And Monday sheโ€™ll be meeting with Hayden. I ignore the sinking sensation in my chest, grapple for a grip on the hope that this doesnโ€™t mean sheโ€™s close to firing me, before Iโ€™ve even been hired.

I clear my throat. โ€œShould we just pick things back up during our Tuesday session?โ€ I ask, crossing all of my fingers against the steering wheel as I pull into a shady parking spot.

โ€œIf I can, yes,โ€ she says, but offers nothing else.

โ€œOkay, well, if things change on your end, or even if you just need something, donโ€™t be afraid to reach out.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re a sweet girl,โ€ she says, and I swear thereโ€™s a hint of regret in

her voice.

Sheโ€™s about to fire me. Isnโ€™t she?

I swallow a lump of emotion and let my hand hover over the button to end the call. โ€œOkay, well, take care, Margaret.โ€

โ€œYou too, Alice,โ€ she says, and we hang up.

I sit, staring at the wheel, trying all my best pep talks on myself and, for once, getting nowhere. With a groan, I slump forward.

Something thunks next to my left ear and I sit up with a yelp, spinning toward the window.

A gap-toothed man in a bucket hat grins at me from the other side of the glass. Captain Cecil gives a hearty wave, then steps back to make room for the door as I swing it open and step out into the heat. โ€œThere she is!โ€ he says, like Iโ€™m just the person he wanted to see.

Me, a perfect stranger heโ€™s bumped into twice.

Instantly, my mood lifts. My heart very nearly soars. Iโ€™ve found a kindred spirit in Cecil, and it makes me realize how lonely Iโ€™ve been since the awkwardness with Hayden last week. I should be used to the isolation of this job, but Iโ€™m not sure I ever will be.

โ€œI was wondering when Iโ€™d run into you again,โ€ I tell him.

โ€œAnd I you,โ€ he says. โ€œI have an invitation for you.โ€

โ€œOh?โ€ I say, intrigued.

โ€œFish Bowlโ€™s having a little soiree tonight,โ€ he says.

โ€œI do love a soiree,โ€ I say. โ€œCelebrating anything in particular?โ€

โ€œAs a matter of fact, yes,โ€ he says. โ€œItโ€™s an annual fete. In honor of my

birthday.โ€

โ€œOh, wow! Happy birthday!โ€ I say.

He chortles. โ€œThank you, dear, but my birthday isnโ€™t until December.

This is just in honor of my birthday, which happens to be Christmas. I always thought that was a raw deal, so I started throwing myself a summer bash about ten years ago and never looked back.โ€

โ€œGenius,โ€ I say, and his grin widens again.

โ€œI think so,โ€ he agrees. โ€œAnyway, small bites provided, no gifts required, and drinks at happy hour prices. Stop by if you feel so inclined.โ€

โ€œI will,โ€ I promise him. โ€œWould it be all right if I brought a friend?โ€

โ€œAlready made a friend!โ€ he cries. โ€œOther than me, of course.โ€

I laugh. โ€œWell, no. Someone from back home. Heโ€™s driving up from Atlanta later today.โ€

โ€œSure, bring him along,โ€ he says. โ€œItโ€™s a more-the-merrier situation.โ€

โ€œMy favorite kind,โ€ I say.

โ€œThen Iโ€™ll see you sometime between seven and midnight, Ms. Scott.โ€

He tips his bucket hat at me and saunters off.

The smell of ground coffee beans beckons me, a siren call coming from Little Croissant. I grab my laptop from my back seat and head toward the robinโ€™s-egg blue coffee shopโ€™s elevated platform.

Iโ€™m out, so I might as well enjoy it, but if I canโ€™t interview Margaret, Iโ€™m at least going to do some more independent research.

I order an iced brown sugar latte at the window, then take it down to the flagstone patio.

Some deep part of my subconscious feels his presence and sends an uncanny prickle to the back of my neck in the second before my gaze sweeps over the hunched, hulking shape of Hayden Anderson.

His computer sits on the little mosaic table in front of him, but his eyes are right on me.

Thereโ€™s no pretending we didnโ€™t see each other.

For once, I wish I was a little less chronically polite, that I was as comfortable with a good scowl or blank stare as the man four feet in front

of me.

โ€œHello,โ€ I say coolly.

โ€œHi.โ€ His reply is terse, uncomfortable. Everything about him is terse and uncomfortable, which makes me feel a little better about our last humiliating encounter.

Another beat. โ€œAnyway!โ€ I turn toward the table farthest from him. Itโ€™s probably only fifteen feet away, but I think I can manage to pass five

minutes there before finding an excuse to leave.

โ€œShouldnโ€™t you be with Margaret today?โ€ he asks.

My shoulders rise protectively. I should brush him off, make an excuse, or flat-out not answer. Thatโ€™s what he would do.

Unfortunately, Iโ€™m stillโ€”at my coreโ€”me.

Iโ€™m already marching back to his table, the truth pouring out of me.

โ€œShe canceled.โ€

His face betrays nothing. It so fully betrays nothing that Iโ€™m positive he knows something. Which I say, as I plop down in the iron chair opposite

him.

โ€œI donโ€™t,โ€ he says.

Somehow, I can hear the technicality in his voice. Heโ€™s telling the truth, but only just.

โ€œSo you donโ€™t know why she canceled,โ€ I say, โ€œbut you have a guess.โ€

He lets out a sigh. โ€œIโ€™m not going to speculate, Alice.โ€

โ€œNo, I know,โ€ I say. โ€œYou wouldnโ€™t possibly share any helpful information with me, even though I am the smallest and least significant threat to this job that you can possibly imagine.โ€

His jaw clenches. โ€œYouโ€™re putting words in my mouth.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m reading between the lines,โ€ I counter.

He leans forward over the table, our knees clashing under it. โ€œJust because youโ€™ve made a decision about how I feel,โ€ he growls, โ€œdoesnโ€™t make it true.โ€

โ€œSo, what, youโ€™re not positive Margaretโ€™s going to hire you over me?โ€ I ask.

โ€œIโ€™m reasonably certain,โ€ he replies cautiously. โ€œWould you rather I kept that from you?โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re pretty keen to keep everything else from me,โ€ I say.

His frown deepens. His lips part, as if heโ€™s debating saying something.

A sigh escapes him right before he caves: โ€œI canโ€™t give this up.โ€

I shift in my seat, my anger abating and leaving me unpleasantly vulnerable. That much I understand. That much I donโ€™t blame him for. I expected him to fight for this opportunity, just like I am.

โ€œI know,โ€ I admit. โ€œNeither can I.โ€

He holds my gaze for one long moment. โ€œI would like to be friends.โ€

At my surprised laugh, his inky brows draw together.

โ€œWhatโ€™s funny about that?โ€ he wants to know.

โ€œDonโ€™t take this the wrong way,โ€ I warn, โ€œbut you sound like a robot learning to love.โ€

His face screws up in bafflement. โ€œI donโ€™t know any way to take that.โ€

โ€œI just mean, youโ€™ve pushed me away, kissed me, and insulted me,โ€ I say. โ€œAnd now youโ€™re formally proposing friendship.โ€

โ€œI wouldnโ€™t describe our relationship until now like that, exactly,โ€ he says, visibly and audibly dismayed.

My head cocks to one side. โ€œHow would you describe it?โ€

His eyes train on his green tea. He pushes it farther from the ledge. โ€œSo you donโ€™t want to be friends.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re putting words in my mouth,โ€ I retort.

He barely smiles. โ€œWhat are you doing tonight?โ€

โ€œTonight?โ€ I ask. โ€œHot date. At Fish Bowl.โ€

โ€œAh. Too bad,โ€ he says.

โ€œWere you going to ask me to hang out?โ€ I ask.

โ€œIf you thought you could go one night without talking about Margaret

Ives,โ€ he says, โ€œthen yes.โ€

โ€œAh,โ€ I say. โ€œToo bad.โ€

โ€œMaybe next month,โ€ he says.

โ€œMaybe,โ€ I agree, standing. โ€œIf you can forgive me for taking your job.โ€

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