Jacob sent me flowers.
I know it was just for Instagram, but still. Even though he didn’t send them for the reason I wished he sent them, he’d probably spent all day picking them out. That’s how he was. I could picture him worrying about it, checking reviews for the florist before committing to using them. Maybe even calling the flower shop to request a different-color rose or vase from the picture on the website.
Stuff like this made me wish harder than usual that things were real. Maybe if Jacob were slightly less thoughtful, or sweet in the evenings, or kind to his patients, I wouldn’t be so far gone.
Who was I kidding? Even if he was half the man he was, I’d be gone.
He did this thing in the morning where he’d lean in the doorway of the hallway, holding a cup of coffee and talking to me while I sat on my air mattress. His hair would be messy and he’d be in his rumpled pajamas and a T-shirt that probably smelled like him. And he just looked so…lovable. It was one of the times that made it the hardest to not be able to hug him unless someone else was around to see it. I bet he’d be warm and sleepy. I bet his lips would be soft and he’d taste like coffee and I could run my fingers through his hair.
But instead I’d just sit on my stupid inflatable bed, pretending I was happy to be out in the living room on the floor instead of cuddling in his room with him.
I loved living with him. I loved it.
I liked that he always had classical music playing on the lowest volume. He used scent beads in his laundry, and his towels always smelled like lavender. I liked that he burned candles when it rained. I liked it when he talked softly to his dog, who was every bit as in love with Jacob as I was. I liked hearing his footsteps coming down the hallway, or his bed creaking when he got up in the morning. I liked when he’d come quietly into the kitchen without waking me up to start the coffeemaker, or when I’d be almost asleep while watching TV with him on his bed and he’d drape a throw blanket over me and turn off the light.
Jacob was thoughtful and gentle. He was patient and kind. And his home was like being invited into a beautiful bird’s nest, where I felt insulated and safe. But I think I knew in the back of my mind that the thing I liked about Jacob’s house was Jacob. He was the key element in the self-sustaining ecosystem that was this life. Nothing worked without him.
I slid open the sliding glass door of room three to see the patient who’d asked for me.
“Levi!” I immediately broke into a grin.
The man sitting on the gurney with the bloody gauze wrapped around his hand smiled. “I thought this was your hospital.”
“What are you doing in Minnesota?” I said, closing the door.
He held up his hand. “Slicing my palm open with a paring knife.” I sucked air through my teeth.
“I can finish this,” I told the resident prepping him. They let themselves out, and I slipped on gloves and took a look at his laceration.
“Oh, yeah,” I said, peeling off the gauze. “You really did a number on yourself.” I gave him a mock-serious look. “Are you gonna be brave while I stitch this? No crying.”
“Really? You want me to lean on toxic masculinity? You? If it hurts, I
will cry.”
I shook my head with a laugh. God, Levi. Handsome and charming as always.
I closed his hand back around the gauze. “So how’s your wife?” I asked. “Good. We’re divorced.”
I pulled back. “Really? You guys looked all happy on Instagram.”
“Yeah, well. It didn’t work out. We’re still friends, though. I saw you got divorced too. I was sorry to hear that.”
I shrugged, peeling off my gloves. “Shit happens. What are you gonna do.”
“So remember Cindy?” he asked.
I tossed my gloves in the trash. “Cindy Baker? Your neighbor? Totally.
We used to play Guitar Hero with her in your living room after school.” “She’s why I moved back.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Seriously?”
“Yup. She friended me on Facebook last year in the middle of my divorce stuff. We moved in two weeks ago.”
I shook my head. “Imagine that. Your soul mate was the girl next door.” “I know. It’s wild.”
The sliding door opened, and Hector came back in.
Levi grinned. “Both of us divorced. Who would have thought? I hope it’s okay if I say your husband was an idiot.”
“You have no idea.”
He looked at me approvingly. “You look good, though. Scrubs suit you.”
I beamed, leaning back on the counter. “Thank you. You should see me covered in blood and vomit.”
He laughed.
“Hey, we should go for drinks sometime,” he said. “Catch up.” “Yeah, sure,” I said.
Levi nodded at me. “Give me your number.”
I pulled out my phone and turned to Hector. “Can I get you to clean this up and get some lidocaine on it? And I need a suture tray.”
“You got it, boss.” There was a touch of attitude there on the word boss.
He gave me a weird pursed-lip look and left.
Levi watched him go. “What was that about?”
I rolled my eyes. “Who knows? If he’s not dramatic, he dies.”
Levi gave me his number and I texted him Hi so he could save mine in his phone when his hand was free. “There,” I said, putting my cell away.
He studied me for a second. “You know I got tested for Benny.” I smiled. “You did? Thank you.”
“Did he get a donor?”
I nodded. “He did, actually. He gets the transplant next month. A perfect match.”
He smiled. “Good.” Then he paused. “Hey. It’s really good to see you.” I nodded. “Yeah, you too.”
“I’m not saying that I stabbed myself on purpose just to have an excuse to come track you down, but it’s definitely been the highlight of my day. I bet Cindy would like to hang out too. Get the band back together.”
I was cracking up at this when the door slid open again. It wasn’t Hector, though—it was Jacob. “Hey, I was wondering if I could get a consult,” he said, leaning into the room.
“Sure.” I looked at Levi. “I’ll be right back.”
I came out into the hallway. “What’s up, whatcha got?”
He nodded over his shoulder. “I’m about to drain an abscess the size of an orange in room six. I thought you might want to watch.”
I grinned. “Awwww, you come bearing gifts? I can’t, though. I’m going to do these stitches.” I nodded over my shoulder.
“Just have a resident do it.” “Nah, I’m gonna do this one.”
He nodded slowly. “Do you know him or…”
“Yeah, remember I told you about the family my mom worked for when I was growing up? The one that hired her as a nurse for their grandma? This is their youngest son. We sort of grew up together.”
“Oh. Can I meet him?”
I laughed. “You want to meet him?”
He crossed his arms. “Yeah, why not. I want to meet someone you grew up with.”
“He’s a stranger. You are aware of that.” “I think I can handle it.”
I shrugged. “Okay. Come on.”
We went back into the room and Levi sat up straighter as we came in. “Levi, this is my friend Jacob. Jacob, this is my childhood friend Levi Olsen.”
“I’d shake your hand but…” Levi said, holding up his injury. “Levi had a run-in with a paring knife,” I explained.
Jacob nodded and slipped his fists into his pockets. “Well. You’re in good hands.”
And then he just…stood there.
“Well,” Jacob said again after a moment. “Nice to meet you.” Then he looked at me. “Eight for dinner tonight at my parents’.”
“Yup…” I gave him a slightly confused look, since the dinner was for my
mom and my brother, so of course I knew what time it was.
He stood there just long enough for it to be weird. Then he left.
I looked back at Levi.
“Is that your boyfriend?” he asked.
I laughed a little. “Yes. It’s a long story.” He nodded. “He seemed kinda jealous.”
Now I really laughed. “He’s not, trust me.” God, I wish he were.
