Iโd just finished lunch in the cafeteria with Alexis, and sheโd gone back to my house. I swung by Gibsonโs office on the last ten minutes of my break
and knocked on his door frame. He held up a finger, asking me to wait while he wrapped up his call.
I needed to ask for the days off for Bennyโs transplant in July. I was practically bouncing. Iโd been like this since last night. I couldnโt stop smiling.
It was like a light had switched on inside my brother; the change was instantaneous.
Heโd stayed up with me and Alexis celebrating. Brad and Justin came over, and my brother was joking and laughing and wasย Bennyย for the first time in so long, I wanted to cry even thinking about it. This morning, he was on his treadmill when I got up. He said if he wanted to be ready for the next marathon, he had to start training now. Then he ate a full breakfast. All of it. Iโd had to muscle down the happy sob that came out of my mouth.
Someone had given me my brother back.
I didnโt know who the donor was or how they found us. All we were told was that they were available for a late July transplant, they wanted to do it at Mayo Clinic, and that they wished to stay anonymous. Zander said they were a perfect match.
Aย perfectย match.
Iโd been braced for today to be so shitty. And now I didnโt even care that I was officially divorced. Didnโt care. Nothing could cast a shadow on this moment. Not even Nick.
Gibson hung up the phone and motioned me inside.
I stood in front of his desk feeling buoyant and light. โI need to request two weeks off in July,โ I said.
โAll right.โ He logged on to his computer. โGoing anywhere fun?โ he asked, tapping into his keyboard.
โRochester. To the transplant center.โ
He stopped and looked up at me over his glasses with a grin. โWell, Iโll be damned. You see? Everything happens for a reason.โ He went back to tapping. โAnd to think he might have gone to a different hospital.โ
I laughed a little. โWhy would Benny go to a different hospital?โ
โNot Benny. Jacob. Heโd never have met your brother if he had. Look at that, everything works out.โ He shook his head with a smile and went back to the screen.
I stood there, my brain trying to make sense of what he was saying. โJacob?โ I asked.
โHeโs doing it for Joy,โ he said, talking to the screen. โDid he tell you that? His mother had a kidney transplant when he was a kid. Always dreamed of paying it forward. At least thatโs what he said when Zander asked him if he wanted to run the labs. Glad it worked out.โ
My soul. Left.ย My body.
โJacobย is my brotherโs kidney donor?โ I breathed. Gibson looked up at me. โWhatโs that?โ
I swallowed. โThe donor is anonymousโฆโ
I watched Gibsonโs smile melt, then morph into sheer panic. โItโsโฆhe didnโtโฆBriana, I had no idea.โ He stuttered. โHe spoke about it freely,
theโฆthe two of you seemed to be friendsโyouโฆyou were eating lunch together yesterday. IโI didnโt know, I just assumedโฆโ
I turned and ran. I had to find him. Now.ย Immediately.
I threw open the door to our supply closet as I darted past. He wasnโt there, so I bolted to the ER floor dialing his number.
My heartbeat was thudding in my ears, my mind careening forward faster than I could keep up, the details shifting and reconfiguring.
Jacob was Bennyโs kidney donor.ย Jacob.ย Was Bennyโs. Kidney.ย Donor.ย How???
Iโd been so mean to him.
I wasnโt even nice to him in the beginning. I was a total nightmare. And heโd have to have been working on this even back then because it takes weeks for the labs and the tissue samples and the medical and mental health evaluations, and I knew they took that long because Iโd done them myself once whenย Iย was trying to see if I was a match.
I pulled back sliding glass doors to patient rooms and yanked away curtains with my phone to my ear, his number ringing. He didnโt answer, so I ran through the doctorsโ lounge and checked the stairwell and the cafeteria.
Then I started to cry.
He didnโt want me to know.
He didnโt wantย anyย of us to know. He just wanted to do this in secret when he could have done this in the open and let everyone love him for itโ and they would have. Every single person who worked in this department would have instantly adored him for his selfless act, worshipped the ground he walked on. He would have been beloved, forgiven for anything, a hero.
But Jacob wasnโt like that. Heย wasย a hero, but he was the kind that never let anyone know.
A sob burst from my mouth, and I had to cover it with a hand. Jessica was right. He was an excellent human being.
I felt my chest filling up, like love and gratitude and appreciation were solids that took up space inside me. I could feel the emotions pouring from my heart, streaming from the tips of my fingers, bursting from my mouth like a shout.
I would jump in front of a bus for this man. Take a bullet. Fight a mob. I would defend him to the death, kill someone for so much as looking at him wrong.
I wanted to go back in time and punchย myselfย in the face for causing him even a moment of unhappiness. My devotion to him shot adrenaline into my system, made me feel frantic to find him so I could thank him, even though thanking him wasnโt and never would be enough.
I must have looked hysterical, tearing through the hallways sobbing, throwing open doors, mascara running down my face. It felt like a dream. One of the ones where your legs wonโt move fast enough and you canโt find what youโre looking for.
And then there he was.
He was coming down the hallway from the direction of the locker rooms. This beautiful, benevolent angel of a man.
I ran at him, grabbed him by the hand, and yanked him toward a supply closet.
โUhโฆโ he said, letting himself be dragged. โWhat are weโโ
I pulled him into the small room and shut the door behind me, panting. He stared at me. โAre you okay?โ
I gasped for a moment before blurting it out. โAre you Bennyโs kidney donor?โ
I watched the question move across his face.
I shook my head. โI know you donโt want anyone to know. And I wonโt tell anyone. Not even Benny. But I have to know, for myself, if itโs you. Please. Is it you?โ My voice cracked on the last word.
He peered at me quietly. The moment stretched a thousand years.
I tried to read his expression, tried to glean the answer from the tic in his jaw or the resigned set of his eyebrows, the searching in his kind brown eyes. I had to know, Iย hadย to know.
I watched his lips part and then he said it: โYes.โ Iย threwย myself at him.