T
,ย ,โย ,
resortโs marketing director, says as she ushers me back into the lobby. โI canโt wait to see the final product. The shots you just shared are beautiful.โ
โItโs not hard to do when youโre working with a view like this.โ I gesture out the floor-to-ceiling window, which looks out to a massive deck, a sparkling pool, and beyond that, the towering trees and craggy mountains that make Lake Tahoe so picturesque.
โSeriously, though.โ She pushes her black bangs out of her eyes. โWhen I tell you my boyfriend and I stayed glued to our phones while you were traveling, Iโm not exaggerating. We fell in love with your story, and your photography is so captivating. Not to mention your social engagement is phenomenal, so you were an easy sell to my boss.โ
Iโve read comments saying similar things, but to hear it in person is wild. Iโll have to pinch myself later when no oneโs around. This day has been surreal.
I wish I could share it with Theo. Yesterday he texted me:ย good luck in
Tahoe, Shep. Youโre going to blow them away.ย I sent him a shot of the sunset falling behind a thick copse of trees, but only got a hearted picture in return.
Blinking away from the memory, I say, โThatโs really nice, thank you. I
had such a great day with you.โ
โRight back at you. Youโve been a rock star.โ Glancing down at her watch, Eunice frowns. โI have to get going, but I wanted to check with you about something. Itโs half business, half personal.โ
โOf course.โ
โI have a friend in San Francisco whoโs opening up a coffee shop. Heโs looking for someone to shoot his space and menu for all his social platforms,โ she says. โIโm not sure what your schedule is like, but would it be okay if I passed your information over to him?โ
I work hard to keep my cool, getting out a โYes, thatโd be great.โ
Meanwhile, inside my body there are firecrackers going off and car alarms blaring. That I could have a potential job as Iโm finishing this one is . . .
Itโs everything I was too afraid to reach for before. Theoโs voice echoes in my head, smug and proud:ย I told you so.ย Iโd give anything to hear it in person.
โAmazing!โ Eunice chirps. โWell, then, Iโll let you get to the rest of your night. Thanks again for everything. Youโll be in touch with the final images? And letโs rereview your sponsored content schedule on Monday.โ
โThat sounds perfect.โ
We exchange our goodbyes, and I walk to the elevator, restlessness growing in my chest.
It means something that Theo is the first person I want to call right now, doesnโt it? Itโsย hisย support I want. Heโs given me so much in response to everything Iโve told him, and I know thatโs real. I hate that he didnโt tell me what he was going through, but he didnโt hold himself back from me completely. I saw enough of him to fall in love. Thatโs real, too.
Paul told me it takes Theo three times as long to admit to his happiness, because he didnโt know he was allowed to have it. Now, I realize it must take him half as long to admit to his perceived failures, because thatโs all he heard about.
I think of all the years I had Enzoโs voice in my head, telling me that I wasnโt good enough to be a photographer. That was after only a year of working with him, and the result was devastating and lasting. Theoโs dad
has been telling Theo he isnโt enough his entire life. How deep must his voice be in Theoโs mind? In his heart? Did he hear that inย myย voice, too?
I think of my own family, who accept all my failures, perceived or real, with love and support. Who donโt judge me for it. When I went to Theo on Monday, I failed to recognize that, aside from Paul, heโs never had someone who accepts him for who he is. Who loves every corner of him, both bright and shadowed.
And then I think of his text from the other day:ย I want to be the person you said you need. I told him he already was, to trust that. But thereโs so little heโs been able to trust, and now, not telling himย whyย he should trust that feels like a grave error.
I exit the elevator, my heart thumping. Iโm supposed to leave tomorrow morning, but thereโs so much I need to tell him and none of it can wait.
My camera bag bounces against my hip as I speed walk down the hall, bursting into my room. I make a beeline for my phone, ignoring the texts from my parents, Sadie, and Thomas for now.
Instead, I pull up the text thread between Theo and me and start to type.
I meant it when I said youโre already the person I need, but I didnโt tell you why and I want you to hear how amazing I think YOU are.
I pause, embarrassingly out of breath from my dash down the hall and from fear and exhilaration, waiting to see if any text bubbles will pop up. Thereโs nothing, so I continue.
So much happened today. I took kickass photos. The marketing
director loved me. Sheโs giving me a referral to someone in the city who may hire me. It was a pinch-me moment, a perfect one except for one thingโyouโre not here for me to share it with. You were theย ๏ฌrst person I thought of calling. Youโre the one I want to tell everything to. I donโt regret sharing what I did with you, even if it seemed like it on Monday. You make me feel safe. I just want that feeling for you.
My knees are shaking along with my hands. I sit on the edge of the bed, chewing at my lip. Still nothing. I take a deep breath and dive back in. God, this is so long. Itโs turning into aโ
A letter. Aย loveย letter. But Iโm going to say the most important things right to his face.
I was supposed to come home tomorrow, but Iโm driving home right
now and Iโm going to show up at your door. I know I said I was scared to give you any more of my secrets until you gave me something back, but these arenโt secrets. Itโs just the truth. You have 3.5 hours to decide if you want to open the door when I knock.
He still doesnโt respond. No bubbles to indicate heโs even seen it, either rolling his eyes or with hearts in them. I need to see his face to determine which way this is going to go.
My bag is packed in minutes, fueled by the frantic pace of my heart, and I tow my suitcase behind me as I throw open the door.
โFucking hell!โ I shriek at the tall body in the doorway, reeling back. My heel catches on the edge of the suitcase and Iโm tipping over backwards
โ
But Theo reaches out. He grabs me by the arm, holds on tight, and pulls me until Iโm steady on my feet.
โNot the reaction I was hoping for,โ he murmurs.
โAre you kidding me?โ I pant out, dropping my purse and lowering my camera bag so my hands are free to check if heโs real. I press my palms to his chest, feeling the heavy, fast beat of his heart behind his ribs. โI was about to drive back to you!โ
He smiles, but thereโs anxiety behind it, the corners of his eyes tightening. โBeat you to it.โ
โThatโs so you,โ I croak out around my thick throat.
โYou invited me up here, remember?โ he asks, stepping closer. โOr has that invitation expired?โ
โN-no. Not expired.โ Even with my hands on him, itโs hard to believe heโs here. โHow did you find me?โ
โThomas and Sadie.โ
Oh god. Thomas is going to be smug about this forever. Theoโs expression turns solemn. โI have so much to say.โ
โI do, too.โ My fingers curl into his soft gray shirt, encouraging him to come closer. He does, the movement as tentative as the hope on his face. โI texted you a novel, basically.โ
โI saw it right after I parked.โ โTheo, Iโโ
โMe first,โ he interrupts, but itโs so gentle that my eyes flood. โSince I came all this way.โ
โTypical of you to try to take first, butโโ I break off with a smile when he laughs. โGo ahead.โ
Theoโs expression turns serious. โIโm sorry for what I said on Monday and for shutting down. I regret not explaining myself better when I said our situations werenโt the same. I didnโt mean our job losses, Noelle. I was referring to what happened afterward.โ
I nod silently, letting him know Iโm really listening.
He lets out a frustrated sigh. โYou have a strong support system, and Iโm used to being alone. Historically, itโs been easier for me to handle things by myself, and now my instinct is to process everything alone. Itโs hard for me to trust that it wonโt be used against me. I didnโt think youโd want me if you knew what Iโd been through, so I thought I was just delaying the inevitable by not telling you.โ
โI do want you. No matter what.โ
โI know. It took me a while to get there. I had to really process what you said and understand that you want to be with me, even with everything Iโm dealing with.โ He exhales softly, the breath brushing my hair. His words wash over me like a soothing breeze, bringing relief. โIโm sorry for making you wait.โ
โIโm sorry, too,โ I reply. โFor not recognizing that it might take you longer to trust me with something so significant and for pushing you to share before you were ready. I only made a tough situation worse.โ
โYou were hurt.โ
โSo were you. My pain doesnโt supersede yours.โ Emotion swells in my throat at the look in his eyesโa powerful affection I recognize but want him to name. Theo waits, as patient as I should have been with him, his
hands sweeping up my arms. โClearly we still have a lot to learn about each other and how we respond to things, but I want to learn yourโโ I shake my head. โIโm not going to call them secrets anymore. Your truths, I guess, when youโre ready to give them to me.โ
โFunny you mention that.โ His eyes dart past me, further into the room. โCan I come in?โ
I push back against him as he steps forward, tilting my chin back. โCan you give me a proper hello first?โ
He raises an eyebrow. โIs that the price of admission, Shepard?โ โYes,โ I say impatiently, smiling when he laughs quietly.
But our amusement is short-lived. He cups my jaw, his fingers fanning over my cheek to bring me to him. His touch ignites me, and this close, he can see it. His mouth curls up right before it brushes against mine.
I let out a quiet, needy sound, fisting his shirt in my hands. He sighs out my name, kisses me softly once and then again. I push in closer, but he keeps it light. Patient.
โHi,โ he murmurs against my mouth. โHi,โ I manage to get out.
โToday went well?โ
My eyes fill. Of course heโd ask about that. โYes, it was amazing.โ I get his dimple, a brilliant, proud smile. โI knew it would be.โ
โIt makes it more real now that Iโve told you.โ A tear starts to fall down my cheek, but Theoโs there to catch it.
โIโm about to know the feeling,โ he says with a private smile I wonder at. But he just kisses me again, lingering like he wants to make sure this is real. โLetโs go talk.โ
Leaving my luggage at the door, he leads us to the couch, setting down a bag I didnโt notice before.
โHow are you feeling about work?โ I ask.
He slides me a look and pulls out a folder, then circles my wrist to pull me down onto the couch.
โItโs a lot, but Iโll be fine,โ he says. โI had an oddly civil talk with Anton and Matias and a rough one with my dad.โ
โWhat happened?โ
โI told him about the trip Granddad and I took with you. He wasnโt thrilled about our family business being splashed all over the internet.โ I grimace, but Theo just shakes his head, looking surprisingly unruffled about it. โI knew heโd hate it. Butย Iย didnโt. Those two weeks meant everything to meโand to Granddadโand that matters.โ
My heart squeezes at the steel in his voice.
โAnyway, he moved on from that to focus on what happened with my job. Heโs having a harder time letting go of the dream than I did, but I told him he has to. Iโm not going to talk to him until he does. His voice canโt be louder than mine in my own head, you know?โ His gaze locks with mine. โAnd Iโve got people in my corner whoโll help drown it out, anyway.โ
I scoot closer to him, my chest tight. Itโs a massive step, and I can see in his eyes that he knows it, that some weight has been lifted by finally erecting that boundary. โIโm so proud of you.โ
โYou didnโt say that like you were about to throw up like last time,โ he says, grinning. โProgress.โ
I roll my watery eyes, then appraise him, letting my gaze run over his face. โYouโre really okay?โ
His voice is pitched equally low when he says, โBetter now.โ
We get caught in an extended moment that weaves between us, a thread added to all the ones weโve made these past weeks. Invisible. Unbreakable.
Thereโs so much more I want to hear, though, so I nudge us out of the moment, running my hand up his thigh. My fingers brush against the folder in his lap. โTell me what youโve been doing with all your newfound freedom.โ
โI, ah,โ he starts, scrubbing a hand over his jaw with reluctant amusement, โI actually spent yesterday trying to figure out how to make a TikTok.โ
My eyes widen. โWhat? Why?โ
โI wanted to make one for you.โ His expression turns self-conscious. โItโs harder than it looks to make something as good as yours, so I eventually gave up and moved to plan B.โ
โWhatโs plan B? Actually, Iโm not even sure I understand plan A.โ
He laughs softly. โPlan A was a video where I basically laid my heart on the line. Plan B is the same, but hopefully with less trolls in the comment section.โ
My throat is so tight, my heart so impossibly full. โNo promises.โ
Theo grins, a hopeful thing that quickly dissolves into a gentle curl. โI went to see Granddad on Wednesday. Well, you saw me, so you know.โ
โYeah.โ
โWe had a long talk.โ He runs a hand through his hair, leaving it mussed. โVery long. So long that he ended up canceling his poker game. He had a lot to say, which wonโt surprise you.โ
โZero percent surprised.โ
His eyes move over my face like heโs taking a mental snapshot. โYou and Granddad both gave me a lot to think about. How I view my success, how others view it, what I think I deserve and how I sabotage myself because of how I grew up.โ I reach over to take his hand, and he looks down as his fingers weave through mine. โBut it wasnโt until Granddad took me into his darkroom and showed me the pictures I want to showย youย that I really understood what I was at risk of losing if I didnโt get my shit together.โ
My hand tightens around his. โYou werenโt going to lose me.โ
โI couldโve,โ he says quietly. โMaybe not right away, but eventually. I want to be that guy for you, but I want to be it forย me,ย too. We both deserve to be with someone who wants us exactly as we are, donโt you think?โ
โYes,โ I whisper, my eyes filling.
โDid you ever notice how my granddad took pictures of us?โ he asks suddenly.
I frown. โVaguely.โ
โHe took a lot, the stalker, because he knew what he was capturing before we did.โ
โWhat do you mean?โ
His smile is so tender it looks like it could break, and I hold my breath, not wanting to disturb it. โLet me show you.โ
