N
.”
It’s barely a whisper at the edge of my consciousness, but I bat it away. I’m dreaming, floating in cotton candy clouds, the sun hot against my back even though I’m stomach-up.
There’s also something poking me, which makes no sense. Clouds are just air and moisture.
“Noelle.”
That voice again, this time singsongy with amusement. I hear my own irritated groan, but it turns into something more honeyed when a warm mouth grazes the back of my neck. A shiver skitters down my spine, shaking me into awareness.
It’s Wednesday morning, and we’re in our Sedona Airbnb. I’m in bed, rays of light pushing through the closed ivory curtains. Theo is spooned behind me, his hand running from my hip to my thigh and back as he kisses along the curve of my bare shoulder. Traveling is disorienting, especially when we’re moving from place to place, but there are perks. Being kissed awake is one of them.
“What are you doing?”
Silly question. I know a Theo Spencer seduction when I feel it. And I really, really feel it.
“Waking you up,” he says. “It’s after seven.”
“Seven!” I try to sit up, but Theo slings his thigh over mine.
“Our tour doesn’t start ’til ten,” he says, his voice heavy with sleep.
We’re going on a Jeep tour today, but that’s not what I’m worried about. “Paul wakes up at the ass-crack of dawn. He probably—”
“Shh.” Theo’s lips skate up to my neck. He bites gently at my skin, drawing out a gasp. “My door is shut, and he’s not going to go barging in there. He has no idea I’m in here, and I’m good at sneaking out by now.”
“You’ve never stayed ’til seven,” I sigh out.
“Feeling lucky today. And very motivated to stay,” he murmurs, flipping me onto my back.
He hovers over me, naked, his hair everywhere, with sheet marks running down his cheek. I reach up to trace them, following the path until I get to his mouth. His eyes turn as soft as the early-morning light, as hot as the sun I was just dreaming about.
I love waking up with him like this—unhurried, quiet. The past few days Theo’s been pushing his luck, waiting until the sun peeks over the horizon to leave me. But it’s too good; not just the sex, but the after, tangled up together while we recap our day or talk about our favorite comments on my latest TikToks or watch a movie until we both doze off. I can’t stop thinking about how I want this every day, without an end date in mind.
I swear I would’ve said it if my teeth were brushed, and for once in my life I’m grateful for morning breath. After Theo told me I was free to have a relationship with Paul separate from him, I’ve been wondering if that was a subtle reminder of our terms. I’ve sunk so deeply into what we’re doing now that it’s been hard to remember what’ll happen when we go home.
It’s hard to remember that this isn’t home.
I pull Theo down until most of his weight is on me, wrapping my arms around his neck. He burrows his face against my throat, pressing whisper- soft kisses there. His back moves up and down in a long sigh, and I echo the movement until we’re breathing in sync.
A knock breaks the peace between us. Theo’s head pops up, a dark wave of hair cresting over his forehead, his eyes flying to the door.
Paul’s voice calls out, “Hate to bother you, but I just put a fresh pot of coffee out and cut up some fruit. Shall I make some eggs?”
I don’t answer immediately, panicked, and Theo presses his hips into mine. “Your room,” he mouths, graciously omitting the very deserved dipshit.
“Oh!” I squeak out, pinching his ass when he starts laughing silently. “Um, yeah, that’d be amazing. I’ll be out in just a few minutes.”
Theo frowns, pressing his hips forward again, sharing his ambitious erection. “Fifteen, minimum,” he whispers.
“Two minutes, tops,” I call, shooting him a triumphant grin even though my body is screaming for his again.
“That sounds fine, sweetheart, don’t rush,” Paul says.
“You’re gonna get it later,” Theo whispers against my ear.
“Oh,” Paul continues, the smile clear in his voice, “and don’t worry, Teddy. I’ll make your eggs over easy the way you like them.”
 |
, .
When Theo asks how long he’s known, Paul gives him a look over his readers and says, “Since the beginning. You’ve been downright cheerful.”
I nearly choke on a slice of pineapple. Paul gives me a wink.
Theo’s gaze moves to me, as if he’s gauging what I think of that. But I want to know what he thinks before I determine whether I should worry. It’s been a little over a week since that night in Vegas when I said we couldn’t hook up. When I was sure whatever happened between us would ruin my chances to form a relationship with Paul. I thought the foundation of what Theo and I would create together would be too shaky. Maybe I thought the foundation of what Paul and I had was, too. But my relationships with both of them, separate from each other and intertwined, feel strong enough to take this, even if it doesn’t last.
I lift a shoulder, like, what can you do? Theo’s mouth pulls into a quiet smile, and he ducks his head, focusing on his eggs with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
For his part, Paul seems unfazed, serenely crunching on multigrain toast while he reads the newspaper.
There’s no earth shifting. No avalanche of questions or concerned looks now that my relationship with Theo is out in the open. It gives me hope that maybe with time, all of my secrets will be revealed with this level of acceptance.
After breakfast, we go our separate ways to get ready for the day. But Theo corners me outside my door, giving me a long, lingering kiss.
“Gosh, you really are cheerful,” I say smugly. “I wonder why that is.”
“You knew why that was last night when I had your legs hooked over my arms,” he murmurs back, pressing his hips into mine. One corner of his mouth pulls into a lopsided grin. “You liked that, huh?”
“I’d ask you the same question, but you barely lasted two minutes, so clearly you did.”
He tsks. “Don’t discount all the minutes before that. Besides, you’d already come. At that point, you were just along for the ride. Literally.”
I grip the hair at the nape of his neck, just to watch his expression slacken with desire. “My point is, who knew all it took was regular sex to turn that perma-frown upside down?”
“That’s not all it’s taking, Shepard.”
The timbre of his voice is so low I barely hear it. But the look on his face tells me I didn’t mishear him.
“I’m feeling pretty cheerful, too,” I admit. Our gazes lock and hold, and the warmth in his spirals down my spine.
It’s not just the sex for me either, even though that part is the best I’ve ever had. It’s all of it. I’ve never been less able to distinguish the emotional connection from the physical one. With Theo, one thing feeds the other. The sex is so good because the emotional connection gets stronger every day. The more he shares with me, the more I want him, and the more he touches me, the more secrets I want to reveal.
The truth is, I want him to know everything. Not just about what my life has been like, but what I want it to be. The hopes I have for it. When we get
back on Friday, I’ll be walking back into the life I left behind. But I’m realizing that I’m not only prepared to do something different, I want to.
Is it possible he wants to be part of that?
“Are you okay with Paul knowing?” I ask, testing him. “Are you?”
“I think so. He didn’t look like he was about to plan our wedding or anything.” Theo’s eyebrows raise, and panicked, I rush on. “There’s no wedding, obviously. I just mean, it seemed like he had expectations from the start, and he isn’t making a big deal out of them coming to pass. Why are you smiling like that?”
He’s all perfect, shiny teeth. “I love seeing you flustered because you think you said something too revealing. Like you have a binder full of wedding shit with a picture of my face pasted on every page.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I’ve been adding to it since the day I met you.” “Freshman year, Cougar’s bio class.” This time it’s my eyebrows that
raise; I can’t believe he remembers. Theo’s cheeks turn pink. “You slipped on a puddle from the water fountain and nearly cracked your head on the doorframe. I saved you.”
“You didn’t save me, I happened to fall back into you. You seriously remember that?”
He grins. “A beautiful girl touched me—” “One hundred percent accidentally.”
“I didn’t care. I knew right then high school was going to be awesome.” He backs me into the door, smirking. “And now look at you. Touching me very much on purpose.”
“Mmm.” I let my hand drift between us, grazing over the front of his shorts. “A full circle moment.”
Theo doesn’t respond, at least not with words. Instead, he catches my mouth with his, kissing me until we’re both breathless.
“I’m glad my granddad knows,” he says against my lips. “Now I get to touch you whenever I want.”
“Purposefully?” I tease.
He presses a kiss to my forehead, murmuring, “None of my touching has ever been accidental.”
I close my eyes, my heart swelling, all the words I have left to say growing in my throat until it’s so tight I’m nearly choking.
“You can have the bathroom first. Get in that shower before I climb in there with you,” Theo says, pushing me back from the precipice.
“Whatever. Water conservation is extremely near and dear to my heart.”
He grins, backing away down the hall. His eyes stay locked on me, so intent they feel like X-rays. Like he can see everything written all over me.
Am I that transparent? Paul caught on to us long ago, apparently. “When Paul said he’s known from the beginning, when do you think he meant?”
Theo pauses, palm pressed to his bedroom door. “I don’t know.”
But something in his expression makes me wonder if he does, and he just doesn’t want to say it out loud.
|
– . The road is bumpy as hell, and Theo and I take turns asking Paul if he’s okay. Finally, he tells both of us to knock it off, a giant grin on his face as the wind whips through his hair.
The rocking motion of the Jeep sends my body into Theo’s again and again, a distracting mimic of the way we move together. At one point, he grins over at me, pressing his thigh hard against mine.
We stop at a stunning lookout abutted by red rock formations. The striations in them, which our guide reminds us show the passage of millions of years, make me feel like a speck of dust in the infinite stretch of time. How lucky that this is the moment I landed in. How temporary everything feels when surrounded by a landscape that was here long before us and will be here long after we’re gone.
That day in Zion when we went swimming, Paul told us to take heart, that nothing lasts forever. Maybe these rocks will, but it’s a beautiful and painful reminder that no feeling does, bad or good. No moment or mistake.
After I take some photos, Theo and I read the letter Paul gives us, a sweet one where Gram lists out the reasons she loves him. If she was feeling anxious, she didn’t mention it, though Paul tells us at times she was wracked with it. I know a bubble when I see it. From this letter, it’s clear they were in one.
Sedona is allegedly filled with vortices, magical, healing energy that comes from the earth itself, and I swear I feel Gram slipping her hand into mine. If everything else is temporary, at least the grief that clutches at me is, too. I let it wash over me so I can cling to the peace that follows. I close my eyes and tilt my face toward the sun, imagining it’s her hand on my cheek, telling me that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Doing exactly what I’m meant to do.
So, it shouldn’t have surprised me that when we stop at Bell Rock for another photo op and I step aside to check my email, I find one I never could have predicted.
Yet, it does catch me off guard—so much so that I nearly slide off the boulder I’m perched on. Theo, my makeshift bodyguard against any potential falls, shoots me a warning look, but his eyes widen with concern as he sees my expression.
He jogs over, with Paul following at a more leisurely pace. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“I…” I glance down at my phone screen, then back up at Theo. “This new boutique resort in Tahoe emailed me. They’ve been following our story on TikTok and love my photography. They’re opening soon and want me to come take promotional shots of their property and create content for my account.”
“Really?” Theo reaches for my phone but pauses, silently asking for permission. I hand it over, and he scans the email quickly, his eyes darting across the screen. Paul peers over his shoulder, pulling out his readers. I watch them both take in the news, their faces breaking into matching smiles.
“Noelle, this is amazing!” Paul says, stepping around Theo with open arms.
I leap up into his embrace, still processing what this opportunity means. It’s a genuine job doing something I love. I have no idea how much it will pay—the email mentioned discussing that—but it feels like a validation I haven’t experienced in so long.
A leap of faith taken when I had no faith left has turned into this.
Paul squeezes me tight. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart. And your grandma would be so proud, too.”
My heart swells. “She would, wouldn’t she?” He grins. “Absolutely.”
I pull back, splitting a look between him and Theo, who’s watching the two of us. “I know it’s just one job. It’s not life changing, but . . .”
“A career in photography isn’t easy, if that’s what you want,” Paul says. “But this is a wonderful step. You’ve made so many of them during this trip, and you should be proud of that.”
It swells in my chest. “I am.”
Paul looks at Theo, then back at me with a wink. “I’ll meet you at the Jeep.”
“Folks, we’re going to head out in a minute,” our guide calls.
Theo ignores him, stepping closer to me. He slips my phone into my hand, then cups my face in his. His thumb moves over my flushed cheek. “I have a secret, and I should’ve told you earlier.”
“What?”
He shakes his head, grinning. “I fucking knew you could do this. You’re so good, Noelle.”
His confession is a shot of adrenaline to my heart. It starts beating double-time. “Don’t go crazy with the praise, okay? First of all, it’s not like you—”
He lets out a huff of insulted laughter. “What, I’m not me if I’m complimenting you?”
I give him a pointed look, running a hand over his T-shirt clad chest. “Take it down a notch with the conclusion jumping. You can compliment me, you’ve just got to put a little spice in it.”
He course corrects. “You’re so good, it’s annoying.” I nod, satisfied. “Better.”
“You’re intensely weird,” he says affectionately. “A little soft on delivery, but otherwise perfect.”
He rolls his eyes, grabbing my wrist so he can tow me closer. “You said
first of all before, so what’s the second of all?”
“Oh, right. Second of all, it’s exciting, but it’s small. And just one job.”
For a beat, he appraises me. “You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”
“I—” I swallow the urge to diminish this moment. I need this win, and I’m going to take it. I’m going to let him see me grab it with both hands. “I feel pretty amazing right now, actually.”
His gaze turns warm and tender. I’m some soft candy melting in the heat of it. “You’re good at this.”
“Hell yeah, I’m good at this.”
That warmth flares into something molten, and his grin grows from small to brilliant. “Let’s go celebrate tonight. Just you and me.”
“What about Paul?”
“Guarantee you he’ll pretend to be too tired to socialize with us later,” Theo says. “And I want you to myself, anyway.”
My heart floats off into space. “Okay.”
His gaze drops to my mouth. “I’m going to kiss the hell out of you now.”
“Okay,” I repeat, dazed.
He does, right in front of Paul and the family of four who’s on the tour with us.
And, I suspect, in front of Gram, too, wherever she is.
