Iย STAREDย into a pair of cobalt blue eyes.
Flynn Campbell looked down at me with a gentle smile. โThere you are.โ
โHere I am,โ I murmured. โWhat happened? Why am I flat on the ground?โ
He scratched his jaw. โYouโahโmightโve hit your head when you were tackled.โ
โTwice in one day,โ I groaned. โWho took me down? You?โ โNo. Ramsey did.โ
โRamsey? Whoโs Ramsey?โ
โFor all intents and purposes, Ramsey is my younger brother.โ
When I tried to move, Flynn crouched down next to me and gently placed his hand on my shoulder. โTake it easy. You might have a concussion.โ
โWhy are you here?โ I asked. โI thought you and Barrett went back to Scotland.โ
โWe went home to visit the boys, but Colt called andโโ โColt,โ I demanded. โWhere is he? Is heโโ
โHe was loaded into one of the first ambulances on the scene. Joni rode with him to the hospital.โ
โTake me to him, please.
โStay down,โ he growled. โUntil an EMT can check you out.โ โWhereโs Knight? Whereโs Shelly?โ
โTake a deep breath, Mia.โ
โDonโt tell me to take a deep breath,โ I snapped. โWas anyone killed?
Did Iโplease tell me I got him? Please tell me I hit Dev.โ
Flynn shook his head in negation, his jaw clamping shut. He didnโt address any of my other concerns because his eyes strayed from mine to look across the lawn.
โWhat is it?โ
โThe sheriff is here.โ
โFor the love of God, thatโs all we need,โ I muttered. โFuck this.โ I slowly sat up and I was immediately assaulted by dancing vision. I closed my eyes to keep from throwing up.
Flynn bellowed, โHey! Weโve got a woman with a concussion over here.โ
โWhy did Ramsey tackle me?โ โYouโll have to ask him that.โ
โWhere is he,โ I muttered. โIโd like to give him a piece of my mind.โ โPleased to meet you,โ said a smooth voice, dripping with a velvety
Scottish brogue.
โMia, Iโd like to introduce Ramsey Buchanan. Take nothing of what he says at face value.โ
The man named Ramsey rolled striking green eyes and pushed the dark curls off his forehead before squatting down next to me.
โSorry, lass.โ He winked. โHad to take you from behind.โ
I couldnโt help but laugh even though it hurt my head. โYou didnโt have to tackle me.โ
โAye, I did. You were in danger. Quickest way to get you out of danger was to tackle you.โ
An EMT finally made his way over to me; Flynn and Ramsey stayed while I got the green light to move.
โIf a headache comes on, get to a doctor immediately,โ the young EMT said. โSame for blurry vision, nausea, any hint of passing out or not being able to stay awake during normal hours.โ
โIโm about to head to the hospital. Iโll be surrounded by doctors if I need one,โ I replied.
Looking around the park, I was saddened by the carnage. Books with fractured spines and torn pages littered the grass, broken toys, splintered pieces of furnitureโeverything that had been for sale was decimated. It was a depressing sight.
I walked toward Boxer and Reap. They were talking with a handful of men I didnโt recognize; I assumed they were with Flynn. โWhereโs Knight?โ I asked Boxer. โThe last I saw of him, he was in the thick of it.โ
โGetting stitched up at the hospital.โ Reap grimaced. โHe went after one of the guys that shot at you. Got himself a knife to the shoulder for his trouble.โ
A pang of worry went through me when I thought about my father and his injury, but he was alive.
โJust got off the phone with Joni,โ Boxer said, his eyes dark. โTheyโve patched up Coltโs side. Heโll be fine, but they conked him out.โ His jaw clenched. โCheese took a bullet to the chest. Heโs in emergency surgery.โ
โOh God,โ I whispered.
Boxer looked at Reap, who nodded.
โWhat?โ I asked. โWhatโs that look mean?โ
Boxer placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. โItโs Shelly.โ
She looked peaceful.
Her left hand rested on top of the sheet, her engagement ring catching the sunbeams streaming through the blinds of her room.
The ventilator machine beeped in time with the rise of her chest. โYou shouldnโt be here.โ
I didnโt turn my head at the sound of Markโs angry voice. This was my fault.
She wouldnโt be in the hospital on life support if it hadnโt been for me.
Me.
I was the one whoโd chosen a dangerous life. I was the one whoโd selfishly wanted Shelly to still be a part of it because she was my family. Iโd been determined to meld it all; my old life with the new.
And now my twenty-five-year-old best friend who I loved like a sister, whose life had just been getting started, whoโd been planning a wedding, was in a coma.
Markโs anger was palpable. I felt it in the air.
Felt it on my skin.
I wanted Colt next to me, to hold my hand during this awful moment of my life. But he was still unconscious from the drugs theyโd given him. Zip and Joni sat by his bedside while I tended to this.
This.
Whateverย thisย was.
So familiar. Another loss piled on the mound of losses Iโd already buried.
My mother. Grammie.
And now Shelly.
โShe wouldnโt want this,โ I said, my tone flat.
โYou donโt get to decide what she wouldโve wanted,โ Mark snapped. I heard heartbreak fighting its way through rage.
โI know what she wanted.โ I finally looked at him.
White face. Pinched features. Red eyes, ready to burst with tears. But this was not the time for them. The tears could come later.
After.
โThereโs still hope.โ Mark looked at his fiancรฉe and then walked to her bedside. He tenderly brushed a finger across her cheek. โThereโs still hope she can wake up from this.โ
Severe brain trauma resulting in permanent mental deficits. Paralysis.
Feeding tube.
Colostomy bag.
The doctor had regurgitated a statistic that a small percentage of people made it back from injuries like this, but his eyes had betrayed him.
I could read between the lies. Markโs cell phone buzzed.
โItโs my lawyer,โ he stated. โYouโโ
He didnโt finish his sentence. Instead, he stalked from the room, the door shutting with a soft thud.
I leaned forward and gripped Shellyโs hand in mine. โHey, girl. Can you hear me?โ I paused, like I expected her to sit up and answer me. To tell me to stop being dramatic.
But nothing happened.
The sound of her respirator filled the room. Tears finally flooded my eyes.
โI hope youโre on the other side already and not scared or in pain. I hope itโs gorgeous there. Peaceful. I hope youโre happy.โ
Part of me thought she might give my fingers a squeeze. Part of me thought this was all a sick joke, and that the universe had a wicked, dark sense of humor.
But when Shelly didnโt move and the beeping machines continued to control her functions, I knew this for what it was.
Something cold settled in my chest where my heart beat.
Mark would fight me even though his lawyer would tell him it was pointless. Shelly may have been marrying Mark, but I was her next of kin. We had been close for years. So close that I was in charge of her medical directive. They hadnโt been together long enough for her to change the paperwork giving him the power of attorney. After Grammie died, Shelly and I had made sure that our affairs were in order.
We were family, through and through.
Weโd prepared for the worst because the world hadnโt gone easy on either of usโhadnโt ever given us a break. Even though weโd both found love, we still hadnโt trusted it. Not really.
I brought our clasped hands to my mouth and gently kissed the back of her hand, a single tear falling onto her skin. I set her palm down by her side and then I forced myself to stand, taking one last look at her before I turned to leave.
Mark was pacing the hallway, barking something at his lawyer. When he saw me slip out from Shellyโs room, he hung up and came at me.
โYouย bitch.โ
He was suddenly in my face, close enough that I felt his saliva hit my cheek as he spewed his venomous hate.
But I stood there and took it because I was guilty and deserving of his anger.
I was the reason she was in that bed, and I would stand there and let Mark hurl his vitriol at me if he chose.
Boxer had other plans.
I hadnโt seen him coming down the hallway, but he was suddenly there and forcing himself between me and Mark.
โYou fucking touch her and Iโll kill you.โ
Mark had once been uneasy around the bikers who I now called family.
None of that unease was there now. Mark straightened his spine. โTry it, fucker. Youโre scum. You both are.โ
Mark stomped away, his phone out of his pocket and to his ear in the span of a few seconds. His steps echoed across the floor and then disappeared as he turned the corner.
โHey,โ Boxer said, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to his chest.
I stood there without saying a word.
โI know itโs a shitty timeโฆbut Colt is awake. Heโs asking for you.โ
I nodded and then swiveled my head away from Boxerโs gaze so I could wipe away another tear that had escaped the corner of my eye.
โItโs bad, isnโt it?โ Boxer asked. โYou donโt know?โ
โI tried to harass the doc into telling me whatโs going on, but he said I wasnโt family so he wouldnโt tell me shit.โ
I inhaled a shaky breath. โSheโs on a ventilator. A machine is breathing for her,โ I said softly. โShe doesnโtโthereโs no brain activity. She wouldnโt want this. Stuck in a bed until medicine finally quits on her. Mark wants to leave her on the machines. I donโt. Iโm in charge of her medical directive. Not Mark.โ
โFuck.โ
I nodded.
โIโm not sure I should be the one to give you more shitty news, but I donโt know if Colt knows yet or if Zip is filling him inโฆโ
โWhat?โ
โCheese died in surgery.โ
His words didnโt even penetrate. Not the way they were supposed to.
โMia?โ Boxer pressed. โDid you hear me?โ
โYeah,โ I murmured. โI heard you. I just donโt know what you want me to do about it.โ
He looked at me with a frown, but said nothing more.
We arrived at Coltโs hospital room and both went in. Joni and Zip were sitting next to each other in plastic chairs. Coltโs glassy eyes found me immediately.
โBabe,โ he whispered.
I arched an eyebrow, shooting him a cool expression. โAlways the hero, huh?โ
โIf I remember it right, I wasnโt the only one in the line of fire.โ He licked his lips. โWhat does a man have to do to get his woman to kiss him? Almost die?โ
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joniโs spine snap straight. Zip looked at his lap. I couldnโt see Boxer since he was behind me, but even he wasnโt cracking a joke.
โSome of us have died,โ I said quietly.
Coltโs eyes turned somber and he nodded. โI heard about Cheese. Joni just told me Shellyโs here? How is she?โ
โSheโs on life support.โ
โFuck. Come here and let me hold youโโ
โNo,โ I stated coolly. โI donโt want to be held right now.โ
His brow furrowed in confusion and then his gaze shot over my shoulder. I turned to glance at Boxer who was shaking his head and shrugging.
โMaybe I need holding,โ Colt stated. โYou ever think of that?โ โThatโs the morphine talking,โ I said.
Colt looked to Zip. โYou guys mind giving us a few?โ
โTake all the time you need, brother.โ Zip got up and came toward me. He stared at me and then before I knew it, he was enveloping me in a tight embrace.
I didnโt hug him back.
He released me and then followed Boxer out of the room. Joni was slower to leave, first going to her brother and leaning down to whisper something in his ear. Colt nodded at whatever she said. She stood back up and squeezed his shoulder.
When Joniโs gaze darted to mine, I couldnโt detect the emotion in them when she looked at me. She sailed past me without a word or a touch. I wondered about her for a moment, before dismissing her from my mind.
โYouโre still standing over there,โ Colt said after the door shut. โWhen you should be over here.โ
I walked to him and took a seat on his bed, close enough that I could feel the heat of him.
โWhatโs going on inside your head right now, Mia?โ
โWhatโs going on inside your head right now, Colt?โ I parroted back. โRight now, Iโm on a lot of drugs. I canโt even feel where they dug the
bullet out of me, and Iโm wondering why youโre acting the way youโre acting.โ
โI tried to shoot Dev for you, Colt. And I missed. Do you know how fucking angry I am that I missed?โ I swallowed. โDo you know what it was like for me? Thinking you were dying?โ I didnโt pause to give him a chance to reply. โDo you know the fuckingย terrorย I felt about losing you? I watched you take a bullet, Colt. I had your blood on my hands.โ
His face darkened with his own anger and impotence. โYou donโt think I know that? Shit, Mia. My last thoughts before I passed out were of you. And the guilt I felt about bringing you deeper into this and not being able to protect you.โ
โYour guilt is no match for mine,โ I stated. โI got pulled into all of this because of Richie. I chose you because I wanted to. But Shelly?โ I shook my head. โSheโs not getting married, Colt. Sheโs not going to wake up, ever, and itโs because she choseย meย as her family. Cheese died today. Shelly may
as well have. Her body is still here but only for now. You got shot. How many more people will get hurt because of me?โ
โWhat are you saying, darlinโ? Because it sounds to me like youโre trying to walk away. But itโs too late for that now.โ
My gaze slid from his to stare at the wall. A white, sterile hospital wall that gave no comfort to its patients or the people that came to visit loved ones.
โIโm not walking away,โ I replied, my tone faint. โYouโre right, itโs too late for that. Iโm in too deep.โ I reached out and grasped his handโthe one with the IV needleโand linked my fingers through his.
โIโm sorry about Shelly,โ Colt said, his tone mournful. โI donโt know what else I can say.โ
I nodded, tracing his knuckles. โThis is the life, isnโt it?โ โMiaโโ
โJustโฆcan we sit here? And not say anything for a few minutes?โ
He pulled his hand away from me and raised his arm to create a space next to him. I gently crawled in beside him, nestling myself at his non- injured side. Colt draped his arm around me and I pressed my head to his chest, listening to the sound of his breathing, grateful that at least one person I loved was still alive.
I awoke to the sound of Coltโs hospital door opening. Dying sunlight filtered through the blinds. I had somehow fallen asleep despite everything that had occurred.
Though Colt was warm next to me, I felt numb. โHowโs he doing?โ Zip asked, his voice low.
โOkay, I guess. I donโt know. We fell asleep.โ I gently sat up, careful not to jostle him. โI donโt want to leave him, but I have toโฆShellyโฆโ
โRight.โ Zip nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. โLook, shit is bad right now. Reapโll be here with Colt. Heโll be taken care of.โ
I blinked. โYou think the Iron Horsemen would come to the hospital?โ โI wouldnโt put anything past them. They went after women and
children. They broke the code. They are out of their fuckinโ minds.โ
I looked at my hands and then back at Zip. โWhat happens now? Reap shadows Colt while heโs recovering. What do we do about all the other stuff? The mess we have to clean up from the park. The sheriff showed upโฆโ
โFlynn is handling it.โ
โOf course he is,โ I muttered. โWhat about Darcy and the kids? What about Cheeseโs funeralโโ
What about Shelly and what Iโm going to have to do?
I pushed that thought down as far as it would go so I could focus on the here and now.
โZip will act as president,โ came Coltโs raspy voice. โLockdown is back on. Youโll go back to the clubhouse andโโ
โLike hell I will,โ I replied.
Colt didnโt take his eyes off me when he said to Zip, โGive us a minute, will you?โ
Zip wasnโt one to make a snarky reply; that was Boxerโs territory. The Blue Angels VP nodded and quietly exited the room, leaving Colt and I to duke it out in private.
โI canโt sit and wait, Colt,โ I said. Though my tone was soft, it was threaded with steel. โI sit and I wait, and I worry. Do you know what itโs like to feel useless? To go from complete independence to not being able to make a single move without your boyfriendโs approval?โ
โDev is on a rampage,โ he said, his tone laced with pain and anger. โHeโll stop at nothing now. Donโt you get it? He went after the innocent. He doesnโt give a shit now what happens. He started a war.โ
โYeah, and he made that war personal for me.โ I pointed to the door. โShelly is lying in a hospital bed and I have toโI have to sign the forms to
let her go.โ
Coltโs dark eyes brightened with intensity. โI get it, Mia. If anyone gets it, I do. I lost a brother today. Weโre burying a twenty-five-year-old man who was as loyal as they come. You know what Zip told me? You know why Cheese died? Because he dove in front of his brother.โ
My heart stuttered and then thawed a bit when I thought of Silas, Cheeseโs younger sibling. Then my heart re-froze because Iย hadย to be cold. I had to stay clear headed.
โHave you cried?โ Colt asked, pitching his voice low. โFor your friend?โ
โCried? What good will that do?โ I demanded.
He leaned back against the pillows and stared at me. โItโll hurt worse, you know. Shoving it aside and dealing with it later.โ
โIโll deal with it when Dev is dead.โ
He suddenly looked tired. In the span of a few minutes, Colt went from robust, iron fisted president to a man lying injured in a hospital bed.
โIโm not going to like what youโre about to tell me, am I?โ Colt sighed, like he knew what was coming.
โI have to help get rid of him, Colt. I have to.โ โThe truth, Mia. I want the entire truth.โ โThat is the truth.โ
โIs it? You just feel obligated to help get rid of him, or is there more to it than that?โ he murmured.
I paused and then said, โHeโs trying to take everything from me, Colt.
My family, my freedom, my life. I have toโฆ Iย wantย toโฆโ
โSay it,โ he growled. โSay it to me now. Tell me what it is you know you have to do or youโll never be able to look at yourself in the mirror.โ
โI have to see him die.โ
The words slithered out of me like a snake hiding in the brush. Foul, angry words.
Truthful words.
โIt wonโt bring Shelly back,โ he said. โNo,โ I agreed.
โIโm not sure it will make you feel any better, either.โ He leaned his head back against the pillow and his eyes were glazed with pain. โBut I guess youโll have to wait and see.โ
I slid into an empty pew and breathed in the silence of the chapel.
Boxer stood by the doors, guarding me without interfering with my private time. Iโd waited until Colt had fallen asleep before leaving his room. Iโd gone and sat with Shelly, despite Markโs hostile glare pinging me from across her hospital bed.
Lost in my own thoughts, I didnโt hear the chapel doors open.
A large body sat down next to me and stretched out long legs in worn jeans. The smell of cigar tobacco permeated Knightโs clothes, but it wasnโt unpleasant.
โI didnโt take you for the religious type,โ Knight said.
โIโm not. But itโs quiet here.โ I looked at him. โThank you.โ โFor what?โ
โSaving my life.โ
He nodded slowly, but said nothing. โHowโs your shoulder?โ I asked him. โIโll live.โ
We fell silent for a moment and then he said, โI heard about your friend.
Iโm sorry, kid.โ
The wordย kidย slipped out of his mouth. Like it was normal, natural.
With a sigh, I leaned my head against his uninjured shoulder. I felt his muscles tighten for a moment and then relax.
โWhat happens now?โ I asked. โIt feels like weโre scrambling.โ โGotta ask Colt. Heโs the one leading all of this.โ
โColt is passed out in a hospital bed. Zip is president for the time being.โ
โYou should go back to the clubhouse and get some sleep.โ
โWill you sleep tonight?โ I asked, lifting my head so I could stare at him.
โPoint taken,โ he said darkly.
โBesides, I wonโt leave while Colt is here. While Shelly is here.โ
โI saw what you did. Firing a shot at Dev, wanting to avenge your man.
Youโre true Old Lady material, Mia. And Iโm proud of you.โ
His words washed over me, but they werenโt a balm to my battered soul.
I looked up at the ceiling. The chapel was serviceable, a place one could sit and ponder, pray, curse, but it wasnโt a spot of beauty. The room was built for function, not frivolity. It didnโt have the elegance and craftsmanship like those gothic cathedrals with huge stained glass windows. In a hospital that wasnโt what was needed.
โI didnโt think Iโd be doing this again,โ I whispered. โDoing what?โ
โSaying goodbye to someone else I loved. I feel powerless. Useless.โ I threaded my fingers through my hair, wanting to reach out and strangle something just to combat my feelings of impotence. To kill my inability to change the circumstances.
Knight didnโt offer any platitudes, not that I expected him to. He was a rough man, made rougher by the life heโd chosen to live. But his presence was a comfort anyway, and maybe, words were stupid and useless.
Maybe all we had were the people we chose to be our family. Maybe theyโd be our strength when we were ready to fall.