I woke up later on and it was still dark. I got out of bed and walked into Mom and Dad’s bedroom.
“Mommy?” I whispered. It was completely dark, so I couldn’t see her open her eyes. “Mommy?”
“You okay, honey?” she said groggily. “Can I sleep with you?”
Mom scooted over toward Daddy’s side of the bed, and I snuggled up next to her. She kissed my hair.
“Is your hand okay?” I said. “Via told me Daisy bit you.” “It was only a nip,” she whispered in my ear.
“Mommy …” I started crying. “I’m sorry about what I said.”
“Shhh … There’s nothing to be sorry about,” she said, so quietly I could barely hear her. She was rubbing the side of her face against my face.
“Is Via ashamed of me?” I said.
“No, honey, no. You know she’s not. She’s just adjusting to a new school. It’s not easy.”
“I know.”
“I know you know.”
“I’m sorry I called you a liar.”
“Go to sleep, sweet boy.… I love you so much.” “I love you so much, too, Mommy.”
“Good night, honey,” she said very softly. “Mommy, is Daisy with Grans now?”
“I think so.”
“Are they in heaven?” “Yes.”
“Do people look the same when they get to heaven?” “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“Then how do people recognize each other?”
“I don’t know, sweetie.” She sounded tired. “They just feel it. You don’t need your eyes to love, right? You just feel it inside you. That’s
how it is in heaven. It’s just love, and no one forgets who they love.” She kissed me again.
“Now go to sleep, honey. It’s late. And I’m so tired.”
But I couldn’t go to sleep, even after I knew she had fallen asleep. I could hear Daddy sleeping, too, and I imagined I could hear Via sleeping down the hallway in her room. And I wondered if Daisy was sleeping in heaven right then. And if she was sleeping, was she dreaming about me? And I wondered how it would feel to be in heaven someday and not have my face matter anymore. Just like it never, ever mattered to Daisy.
