That night I cut off the little braid on the back of my head. Dad noticed first.
โOh good,โ he said. โI never liked that thing.โ Via couldnโt believe I had cut it off.
โThat took you years to grow!โ she said, almost like she was angry. โWhy did you cut it off?โ
โI donโt know,โ I answered. โDid someone make fun of it?โ โNo.โ
โDid you tell Christopher you were cutting it off?โ โWeโre not even friends anymore!โ
โThatโs not true,โ she said. โI canโt believe you would just cut it off like that,โ she added snottily, and then practically slammed my bedroom door shut as she left the room.
I was snuggling with Daisy on my bed when Dad came to tuck me in later. He scooched Daisy over gently and lay down next to me on the blanket.
โSo, Auggie Doggie,โ he said, โit was really an okay day?โ He got that from an old cartoon about a dachshund named Auggie Doggie, by the way. He had bought it for me on eBay when I was about four, and we watched it a lot for a whileโespecially in the hospital. He would call me Auggie Doggie and I would call him โdear olโ Dad,โ like the puppy called the dachshund dad on the show.
โYeah, it was totally okay,โ I said, nodding. โYouโve been so quiet all night long.โ
โI guess Iโm tired.โ
โIt was a long day, huh?โ I nodded.
โBut it really was okay?โ
I nodded again. He didnโt say anything, so after a few seconds, I said: โIt was better than okay, actually.โ
โThatโs great to hear, Auggie,โ he said quietly, kissing my forehead.
โSo it looks like it was a good call Mom made, your going to school.โ โYeah. But I could stop going if I wanted to, right?โ
โThat was the deal, yes,โ he answered. โThough I guess it would depend on why you wanted to stop going, too, you know. Youโd have to let us know. Youโd have to talk to us and tell us how youโre feeling, and if anything bad was happening. Okay? You promise youโd tell us?โ
โYeah.โ
โSo can I ask you something? Are you mad at Mom or something? Youโve been kind of huffy with her all night long. You know, Auggie, Iโm as much to blame for sending you to school as she is.โ
โNo, sheโs more to blame. It was her idea.โ
Mom knocked on the door just then and peeked her head inside my room.
โJust wanted to say good night,โ she said. She looked kind of shy for a second.
โHi, Momma,โ Dad said, picking up my hand and waving it at her. โI heard you cut off your braid,โ Mom said to me, sitting down at
the edge of the bed next to Daisy.
โItโs not a big deal,โ I answered quickly. โI didnโt say it was,โ said Mom.
โWhy donโt you put Auggie to bed tonight?โ Dad said to Mom, getting up. โIโve got some work to do anyway. Good night, my son, my son.โ That was another part of our Auggie Doggie routine, though I wasnโt in the mood to say Good night, dear olโ Dad. โIโm so proud of you,โ said Dad, and then he got up out of the bed.
Mom and Dad had always taken turns putting me to bed. I know it was a little babyish of me to still need them to do that, but thatโs just how it was with us.
โWill you check in on Via?โ Mom said to Dad as she lay down next to me.
He stopped by the door and turned around. โWhatโs wrong with Via?โ
โNothing,โ said Mom, shrugging, โat least that she would tell me.
But โฆ first day of high school and all that.โ
โHmm,โ said Dad, and then he pointed his finger at me and winked. โItโs always something with you kids, isnโt it?โ he said.
โNever a dull moment,โ said Mom.
โNever a dull moment,โ Dad repeated. โGood night, guys.โ
As soon as he closed the door, Mom pulled out the book sheโd been
reading to me for the last couple of weeks. I was relieved because I really was afraid sheโd want to โtalk,โ and I just didnโt feel like doing that. But Mom didnโt seem to want to talk, either. She just flipped through the pages until she got to where we had left off. We were about halfway throughย The Hobbit.
โ โStop! stop!โย shouted Thorin,โย said Mom, reading aloud,ย โbut it was too late, the excited dwarves had wasted their last arrows, and now the bows that Beorn had given them were useless.
โThey were a gloomy party that night, and the gloom gathered still deeper on them in the following days. They had crossed the enchanted stream; but beyond it the path seemed to straggle on just as before, and in the forest they could see no change.โ
Iโm not sure why, but all of a sudden I started to cry.
Mom put the book down and wrapped her arms around me. She didnโt seem surprised that I was crying. โItโs okay,โ she whispered in my ear. โItโll be okay.โ
โIโm sorry,โ I said between sniffles.
โShh,โ she said, wiping my tears with the back of her hand. โYou have nothing to be sorry about.โฆโ
โWhy do I have to be so ugly, Mommy?โ I whispered. โNo, baby, youโre not โฆโ
โI know I am.โ
She kissed me all over my face. She kissed my eyes that came down too far. She kissed my cheeks that looked punched in. She kissed my tortoise mouth.
She said soft words that I know were meant to help me, but words canโt change my face.