Chapter no 30 – Amelia

When in Rome

Oโ€œย h stop, itโ€™s not that bad!โ€ I rest my elbows on the table and point my empty fork at Madison across

the table.

Madison wraps her hand around her throat and gags after taking a bite from one of the pancakes I made. She mouths the wordย waterย like sheโ€™s been in the Sahara Desert for thirty-five years. I grab an uneaten biscuit and throw it at her head.

She grabs the biscuit from her lap and takes a big bite. โ€œThe biscuits are good. Your pancakes, however, are inedible.โ€ A big smile wraps around her mouthful.

โ€œThatโ€™s because the biscuits were from a can,โ€ James offers unhelpfully from down the table.

I gasp in mock outrage and look daggers at him. โ€œYou canโ€™t just out my biscuits like that!โ€

Emily laughs. โ€œHate to burst your bubble but we all took one bite of those biscuits and knew you didnโ€™t make them.โ€

โ€œSo rude! Annie, tell them my pancakes werenโ€™t that bad.โ€

My sweet Annie presses her lips together with an apologetic smile. She says nothing. I drop my head into my hands, laughing and feeling my own heated skin on my

face. Iโ€™ve had two glasses of red wine, and red wine always makes my cheeks pink. Well, that and the table roasting. But I love it. Weโ€™re all sitting on Jamesโ€™s back porch, eating and drinking. Iโ€™m free and untethered here surrounded by these people. All day Iโ€™ve felt like singingโ€”something I havenโ€™t felt like doing in a long time.

The sun set an hour ago after painting the sky in a dusky pink and orange sunset, and now the warm string lights around the edges of the screened-in porch cast a thematic glow on the evening. Beyond this porch are hundreds of acres of vegetable crops, barns, and greenhouses. I know because James gave me the full tourโ€”and although I would have rather spent the day with Noah, I enjoyed every second of my new friendship with James.

I still canโ€™t believe Iโ€™m here with these people. These people who like me enough to poke fun at me. To acknowledge when Iโ€™m bad at something. To let me fail and enjoy the hell out of it over and over again.

And then the other reason my cheeks are pink is sitting down at the foot of the table to my right.ย Noah.ย I can hardly think of his name without breaking out in chill bumps. Just having him in the same vicinity as me after that kiss has my skin so hot I could fry bacon on it. I have been studiously avoiding glancing at him tonight because I donโ€™t trust myself to look in his evergreen eyes and not think of his hands on me. Of his smile. Of the feel of his laugh.

Iโ€™ll blurt to everyone that I caught feelings, and then his sisters will be upset because weย justย talked about how it would be best if I didnโ€™t get romantically involved with him. But now I have and all I can see is that still frame of Gregory Peckโ€™s downcast face at the end ofย Roman Holiday.ย Is that what Noah will look like when I leave? Maybe Iโ€™m being presumptuous. Maybe his life will keep moving and

he wonโ€™t miss a beat. Maybe it was just a kiss for him and it wonโ€™t leave him with a completely gutted, hollowed-out sort of feeling like it has me.

I feel his eyes on me now and itโ€™s agony not to look at him. I need a reason to get out from under his gaze, so I set down my now empty wineglass and stand. โ€œJames, is that piano in your living room in working condition?โ€ My stomach flutters. Because the truth is, Iโ€™ve been dying to play piano all day, ever since I got here this morning and noticed it. Iโ€™m also a little nervous to play it because it feels like testing out a leg after removing a cast. When I put my weight on it, will I feel that old sharp pain or will it have healed?

โ€œOf course,โ€ he says happily.

โ€œGreat! Who wants to play a game with me?โ€

Ten minutes later, weโ€™re all huddled in Jamesโ€™s living room, laughing our butts off. They were skeptical when I first suggested we play a musical game, but once they learned the rules, everyone was up for it.

It goes like this: One person suggests a genre (โ€™90s pop, grunge rock, R&B, etc.), another selects a childrenโ€™s nursery song, and then one of us has to sing it in the chosen style while I play the piano. I was actually introduced to the game when I was a guest onย The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon,ย and then I enjoyed it so much that itโ€™s become my go-to game when Iโ€™m in the studio creating a new album and feeling blocked. Itโ€™s been forever since Iโ€™ve played it, though.

Surprisingly, everyone participates. I started us off having to sing โ€œTwinkle Twinkle Little Starโ€ in the style of โ€™80s funk songs. Donโ€™t tell anyone, but I played the chords for โ€œSheโ€™s a Bad Mama Jamaโ€ and then replaced the lyrics. It worked a little too well. James went next, completely

shocking me with his phenomenal piano skills, and sang โ€œOh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?โ€ in a blues style. He and I then took turns playing piano for everyone else when it was their turn to sing.

Weโ€™re about an hour into the game, and the later it gets, the more fun it becomes. Even Noah sings, putting his whole heart into his โ€™90s pop rendition of โ€œHickory Dickory Dock.โ€ It seems I was wrong about Noah in the beginning. Heโ€™s a master of fun, and the more I get to experience these small moments with him where his eyes are crinkled in the corners and his mouth is spread wide in a smile, the harder I fall for him.

Everything about this night is wonderful. It feels too good to play and sing just for the hell of it again. It makes my fingers itch to create something new. To wear my voice out and really push myself with new riffs and runs. I feel that light inside me that had begun to dim burn a little brighter. My mind races to my upcoming tour and butterflies swarm my stomachโ€”feeling an eagerness to get back into music and performing.

But then I think of leaving all the people Iโ€™ve grown to love in this town, and my heart feels heavy again. I want to find a way to make it all work outโ€”but I donโ€™t know that there is a way. If I continue to visitโ€”or letโ€™s say for the sake of an argument that I move here permanently after the tour

โ€”eventually, word would get out, and it would take away the townโ€™s privacy. Not only would paparazzi swarm here, but fans, too. This sweet quiet place could get turned upside down. Iโ€™m not sure I could do that to them.

Suddenly needing a break from the piano and attention of everyone in the room, I stand and start in the direction of the kitchen. Of course Noah does the same, and just like

our episode at the front door earlier tonight, we pause facing each other.

โ€œSorry.โ€ Even just that single word from his mouth makes me feel tingly.

โ€œNo, Iโ€™m sorry.โ€ I stare in the general vicinity of his broad chest. โ€œYou go ahead.โ€

โ€œNo, you go first. I got in your way.โ€

Weโ€™re being so polite itโ€™s ridiculous. If we canโ€™t interact in this small way, how are we going to manage living under the same roof for another week? Weโ€™ll have to take shifts. A spreadsheet and a schedule will need to be made. Iโ€™ll use different colors of tape to mark lanes on the floor so we make sure to never accidentally fall in the otherโ€™s path again.

When I tell myself to stop being a coward, I look up. The heat in his eyes wraps around my heart and smothers it.ย He will have a Gregory Peck face,ย I think.ย He likes me, too.ย Those thick dark eyelashes will be cast down, hands in his pockets walking away, and Iโ€™m not sure I can take it.

โ€œWhoa, whoa, whoa!โ€ Madison rips our attention to her. Noah and I both swivel our heads back to the group,

chests still facing each other. Everyone is frowning and staring. Madison points in our direction, flicking her finger back and forth between us. โ€œWhatโ€™s going on here?โ€

โ€œWhat do you mean?โ€ I was going for nonchalant and normal. I think it sounded scripted.

The siblings and James exchange looks around the table and come to a unanimous, silent conclusion.

โ€œYou guys slept together, didnโ€™t you?โ€ Emily asks sharply.

Noah and I are immediately a clash of words.

โ€œNo!โ€ I say, honestly, because we didnโ€™t. Havenโ€™t. Wonโ€™t!

โ€œAbsolutely not.โ€ Noah has the audacity to sound commanding and not at all bumbling like me.

โ€œWe wouldย never.โ€ I give that last word a little too much force and Noah looks down at me with pinched brows. His eyes say,ย Never?

โ€œWhat the hell, yโ€™all?โ€ says Madison, and then immediately turns toward Annieโ€™s reprimanding expression. โ€œThis is not the time for your delicate sensibilities, Cherub Annie.โ€

James casually shakes his head while skewering Noah with a grin. โ€œI knew it. It was only a matter of time.โ€

โ€œStop.โ€ Noah is back to stern and grumpy. Just how I like him. โ€œYou know nothing. We have not slept together. Not that itโ€™s any of yโ€™allโ€™s business.โ€

Iโ€™m trying not to combust in flames of embarrassment. And it doesnโ€™t help matters that Noah seems to somehow discern my discomfort and moves even closer to me. Like heโ€™s going to use his body to shield me from their knowing eyes.

โ€œOkay, thatโ€™s it. Sit down and explain, because we can all tell that something has happened.โ€ Emily sounds frighteningly close to a mother right now. โ€œYou havenโ€™t looked at each other all night, barely spoken, and now whatever that uncomfortable little encounter was is the icing on the cake. Yโ€™all didย something.โ€

โ€œFess up.โ€ Madison crosses her arms, like a mob boss.

She needs a leather jacket.

Annie is the only one who doesnโ€™t look concerned.

Noah and I retake our seats, looking as guilty as kids with orange powder staining their fingers saying they never ate the Cheetos.

โ€œWe kissed,โ€ he states plainly.

Itโ€™s a sea of pearly white molars as everyoneโ€™s mouthโ€” including mineโ€”hangs open. I thought heโ€™d deny it. Weโ€™d go on happily as if nothing ever happened for the rest of the week and Iโ€™d implement our color-coded lanes and that would be that. But no. He just dropped a conversational grenade and stepped back to watch it explode.

โ€œYou kissed?โ€ Emily does not look happy. โ€œThatโ€™s worse!โ€

A line between Noahโ€™s brows deepens. โ€œHow is that worse?โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know, but itโ€™s not better.โ€

โ€œWhy do you care so much?โ€ Noahโ€™s gaze zeros in on Emily with an intensity that for once reveals their sibling dynamic. Emily is loud and in charge most of the time, but Noah is the oldest and they all look to him for guidance at the end of the day. He carries so much on his shoulders.

โ€œSheโ€™sย leaving,ย Noah.โ€ Thatโ€™s the only explanation Emily offers and I feel her words like little jabs to my lungs. Emily looks at James, clearly hoping for backup. James shakes his head and looks downโ€”not jumping in like sheโ€™d hoped. Madison lays her hand on Emilyโ€™s forearm, but Emily rips her arm away. The levity from our musical game has disappeared and the atmosphere turns thick.

I watch as Noahโ€™s entire demeanor shifts. His large shoulders tip forward, his eyes are pillows, his smile is calming. He puts his hand on Emilyโ€™s knee. โ€œEm, Iโ€™m not leaving again. And I promise that if I ever do, youโ€™ll get plenty of warning. Not like I did last time.โ€

An entire conversation passes between these two in the quiet moments after his words. Emily relents, softening and nodding her head. Iโ€™m not sure what that was about, but the heaviness in the air tells me it was important. She looks

like a woman slowly sobering. Embarrassment washes over her face.

She bows out of the argument gracefully by slipping from the living room and returning with a cold, rock-hard pancake on a plate. She sits down, balancing the plate on her lap, and shovels a bite onto her fork. I think this is her way of apologizing to me.

โ€œYou donโ€™t have to do that. Really, weโ€™re good,โ€ I say meaningfully, because I wouldnโ€™t force these pancakes on my worst enemy.

She raises the fork to her mouth anyway, and we all watch in silence as she takes a bite. She chews. And chews. And chews. And then finally shivers it down and nods before chugging her beer. She then nods firmly at me and I smile in return. That was more than an apology, that was a pledge of her life.

A chuckle runs through the room, and after a while the conversation hums back toward normalcy. The siblings talk through their schedules for the next weekโ€”determining which days they will each visit their grandma. We all joke and cuss too much while Annie keeps adding tallies beside all our names so we know how much money to pay out at the end of the night. She didnโ€™t ask me if she could add me to the list, she just did. I caught a glance at her little notebook earlier and there it was.ย Amelia.ย Right next to the rest of the group and my heart burst like confetti.

Now Emily stands, collects the empty beer bottles and plates around the room. The group begins to break up, murmuring about how tired they are andย blah blah blah.ย I donโ€™t care how tired they are, they canโ€™t leave us.

โ€œWait!โ€ Iโ€™m frantically grabbing hold of Annieโ€™s shirt to keep her from getting away. โ€œYou guys canโ€™t leave yet. Itโ€™s early!โ€

โ€œItโ€™s after ten.โ€ Madison is suddenly the timekeeper apparently.

โ€œLike I said, early. Stay. Letโ€™s all play another game.

Monopoly or something.โ€

James laughs. โ€œThe hell we will. Monopoly would take all night. Some of us have to be up with the cows in the morning. Yโ€™all better get out of my house now.โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t worry,โ€ Annie tells me in her sweet southern drawl. โ€œWeโ€™ll have another group dinner before you leave town.โ€ Sheโ€™s completely misconstruing my reasons for wanting them to stay.

Iโ€™m losing. Theyโ€™re all scattering across the room like marbles now, and just Noah and I are left seated. I make eye contact with him, which is a mistake. His grin twistsโ€” the same unease Iโ€™m feeling sweeping over his expression. Weโ€™re both terrified to go home and be alone together. Both unconvinced the other has enough willpower to stay away.

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