The house smells like popcorn and Pop-Tarts. I donโt know how to cook many things, so when Annie called earlier
suggesting we have an Audrey Hepburn introductory movie night tonight, I turned to the only things in Noahโs pantry that I could make without fear of setting the house on fire. Even the popcorn was touch-and-go there for a minute.
โYou have everything you need?โ Noah asks me, lingering by the front door with his keys in hand.
He and I have steered clear of each other today. Something happened yesterday that has set us on a trajectory that neither of us can afford to follow. First, thereโs this ridiculous sexual chemistry between us that, at times, feels like desire is going to set my skin on literal fire. Second, we have an emotional connection. Friendship. Those two combined feel absolutely lethal.
So without acknowledging it, we took a step back. I hung out at his house this afternoon and read more of the fantasy book he let me borrow, and even though heโs supposed to have Mondays off, he went into the shop and worked for most of the afternoon. Now, heโs going to Jamesโs house while the Walker sisters and I take over his house.
โYep!โ I say, mimicking a normal person who isnโt nervous to spend an evening with other women having a girlsโ night. But I am. I donโt want a repeat of Hankโs. Iโm determined to show them that Iโm completely normal. N.O.R.M.A.L. Or at least, trick them into thinking I am.
Noah sees right through me. He can feel my nervous energy from a mile away. My foot is tapping. Iโm blinking too much. Iโm a bottle rocket about to take off.
He tilts his head slightly, those green eyes zero in on me, and when he lifts his brow invitingly, thatโs all it takes for me to spill my guts.
โOkayyyyy. No! Iโm so nervous! I donโt think I can do this. Do you know how long itโs been since Iโve had a girlsโ movie night? High school, Noah! HIGH SCHOOL! We were still talking about Backstreet Boys and layering our Hollister polo shirts!โ
His moody mouth grins, and he takes a step toward where Iโm standing on the threshold of the entryway. โYouโll be fine.โ He takes another step.ย Closer, closer, closer.ย This is why weโve avoided each other. This keeps happening when weโre in the same vicinity, and I think weโre both incapable of stopping it. Our bodies are on a wavelength our minds are not privy to.
I have to tilt my chin higher and higher as he gets closer. I love that heโs taller than me. โYou donโt have any better advice for me?โ
โNope.โ
โNo tips for how to get your sisters to love me?โ
He shrugs. โDonโt get water rings on the coffee table.โ โThat will make them love me?โ
Heโs so close now our chests are nearly touching. โYouโll be fine.โ
โNoah?โ
โHmm?โ
โWhat are you doing?โ I ask quietly. Like someone else might overhear our secret.
โHell if I know. I think I was going to hug you.โ I bite my lips against a smile. โWas?โ
โWell, now Iโm here and I donโt feel like itโs a good idea anymore.โ
I nod, unable to keep the smile from my mouth. He doesnโt have to explain. We both feel it like a change in pressure before a storm. Thereโs no wondering if he likes me or notโI know he does. He wants me, and I want him, but we canโt let that happen. Because for whatever reason, heโs not interested in anything romantic with me.ย Smart.ย A relationship with me would complicate his life beyond what he even realizes.
โMight still do it anyway,โ he says, either hesitation or nerves touching his voice.
Honesty bleeds between us. โI want you to.โ
A soft smile touches his full lips. โOkay, I will. Here I go. Iโm going to hug you now.โ Iโve never been preemptively warned about a hug. Itโs adding a whole new anticipation to the embrace.
His hand slowly rises and I stay very still as his fingers settle lightly against my bicep. His thumb rubs a quiet little streak of heat across a one-inch section of my skin, and I feel myself melting toward him. I shu๏ฌe a little. He tugs a little. The result is me entering his arms, and just before weโre settled into what I know would be a life-changing hug, the front door flies open.
โHiya! Ohย shiiiit!โ Itโs Madison, holding a pan covered in plastic wrap. She whistles while coming to a stop in the doorway. Noah and I jump apart looking as guilty as
teenagers emerging from a dark room. The other sisters come up behind Madison.
โThatโs another dollar in the jar,โ says Annie, popping her head over Madisonโs shoulder.
Emily surfaces on the other side. โWhat? What did I miss?โ
My face is on fire. Noah rubs his jaw.
โI think I just interrupted a little sensual rendezvous,โ says Madison with an indulgent eyebrow arch.
Noah grabs a hat from the coatrack on the wall and pushes his hand back through his hair before slapping it firmly on his sexy head.ย Sexy? Noโฆstop that, Amelia.
โIt was notโฆthat,โ says Noah with pain in his voice. โOkay, Iโm leaving.โ He wonโt make eye contact with me. I think heโs too embarrassed.
The sisters part as Noah barrels through them out the door and into the night. Iโve never seen someone jump into a truck and back out of a driveway so quickly.
The moment he drives off, they all turn their eyes to me. I am one big prickle of embarrassment. Did we just get caught naked playing Twister rather than about to hug? Feels like it. But geez, that was going to be some hug. A hug so powerful it wouldโve made Noahโs baby.
I hold up my hands and lie. โIt wasnโt sensual.โ
Madison scoffs. โYeah right, that was so sexy. I know because I was grossed-out seeing my brother in a sexy situation.โ
โA hug! Thatโs all,โ I plead defensively for myself as much as them.
โAn erotic hug,โ Madison adds with a wicked gleam in her eye as she closes the front door with her foot, closing us all in together.
We all sniff and wipe our eyes as THE END flashes across the TV screen.
โI love her,โ Annie says in a weepy voice.
โI told you she was incredible.โ I use a tissue to blot under my eyes. It doesnโt matter that Iโve seen this movie twenty times,ย Roman Holidayย never fails to make me cry at the end. Weep. Like a pitiful little baby.
โButโฆโ Emily has to take a moment to collect herself before continuing. โBut why did she have to leave in the end?โ
Madison blows her nose. โShe had to! She had a duty to her country. She couldnโt just stay in Rome with him forever. She had to go, Em.โ
Weโre all spread out in various positions of sitting and lying down across Noahโs living room. Iโm on the couch with Annie, Emily is in an armchair, and Madison is lying on a pallet of blankets and pillows on the floor. Weโre all disheveled and dressed for nothing but comfort in sweats and messy buns. Iโve been having to blow my bangs out of my eyes every other second because Iโm not used to them yet, but theyโre worth it. I love them. I love what they represent to me.
The girls all see me fidgeting with the bangs and look at me meaningfully. โWhat?โ I ask, lowering my hand from my freshly chopped locks.
โYou cut your hair,โ says Madison.
Emilyโs eyes bounce from me, to the TV, and back to me. โJust like Audrey did in the movie.โ
โAnd youโre in Rome,โ Annie adds.
I gasp and my hands fly to my head. โYouโre right. But, you guys, I swear Iโm not being creepy and trying to copy
the movie. I justโฆwell, I did intentionally copy it in the beginning by leaving in the night and coming to Rome and all thatโฆbut the copying stops there!โ
Emily nudges my knee with her foot. โThatโs not why weโre worried. Weโre worried, becauseโฆAudrey leaves in the end. Thereโs no happily ever after.โ
Oh. That.
I swallow. โWell, thatโs not necessarily true.โ Iโm grasping at straws. What felt liberating about this movie at the beginning of my adventure is now feeling like a death sentence. โI think Audrey did get her happily ever after. It justโฆwasnโt with Gregory Peck. She had a happily ever after for herself. And that was enough for her. I think we can all learn a lesson there.โ
I have three puppies staring back at me that all look as if Iโve just mercilessly kicked them. Madison is the first to attempt to recover the happy mood, but her voice sounds too peppy. โTrue. Andโฆitโs not like we actually expected youโI mean Audreyโto stay in Rome for good. Thatโs impractical for yourโHER career.โ
โBut now we know youโherโorโฆugh. Forget it. Weโre all talking about you, and we know it,โ Annie says quietly, pulling that mood right back down. โAnd itโs going to be hard to say goodbye.โ
โAnd Noahโฆโ Emily adds, ensuring that the mood is now buried six feet under and completely unrecoverable. โHeโll have to say goodbye to youโฆjust like Gregory Peck did with Audrey.โ All our glittering eyes shift to the TV screen frozen on the downcast face of the man himself.
Oh, Gregory.ย How have I never realized before that this movie is a tragedy? It might as well be Shakespeare! GOD! How could Audrey just leave like that in the end?
I blink at the TV. โMaybe they stay in contact.โ
โUh-uh,โ grunts Emily, clearly projecting when she says, โHe has major trust issues. Heโll never have a long-distance relationship.โ
โYou know a lot about Gregory Peckโs characterโs backstory?โ I ask sarcastically.
Emily gives me a pointed look. โI know every bit of it. I know what heโs been through. I know that he deserves a woman whoโs going to stick around and love him like he needs. And I know that erotic hallway hugs are not going to help the situation if Audrey knows sheโs leaving in the end.โ
Emily then takes a pillow to the face when Madison launches one from her pallet. โMind your own biscuits, Em! Gregory wouldnโt want you meddling. He can make his own choices.โ
โGregoryย has been through a world of hurt, and I just donโt want to see him go through it again, because the last time a woman passed through this town and stole his heart, he uprooted his life to follow her, and then when he had no choice but to come home, she stomped on it, making him lose faith in all women!โ Her eyes snap to meโexpression softer than the one sheโs giving her sister. โNo offense to you, Amelia.โ
I shake my head. โNone taken.โ And really, I donโt take offense to what she said, because in no way would I want to hurt Noah. Or anyone. And I think sheโs right. Thereโs no way I can give Noah what he needs or wants. Iโm about to set out on a nine-month world tour for goodnessโ sake. Noah seems like a matching-rocking-chairs-and-multiple- children kind of guy.
Suddenly, my mind snags back on something Emily said. โWhy did Noah have no choice but to come home?โ
โOkayyyy!โ Annie stands from the couch, grabs another one of the amazing spicy-chicken-calzone-things Madison made, and then settles back on the couch. โI think weโre getting off topic here.ย Gregoryย would not like it if we were spilling all his beans during girlsโ night.โ
Madison barely contains a laugh. โYou canโt sayย spills his beansย in reference to a man, Annie.โ
โWhy not?โ
โBecause Iโve heard men refer to their balls as beans sometimes.โ
Annie gasps. โNo.ย Why would they do that? Thatโs gross.โ
Madison gives Emily a look. โThis is why we need to take some trips and get out more. She needs to experience more of the world.โ
โSo I can learn more words for male genitalia? No, thank you,โ says Annie, snuggling deeper into her blanket and munching on the calzone.
Emily raises a brow at Madison. โYou havenโt seen the world and you seem to be doing just fine with terms for male anatomy.โ
โBut I could learn more! Just imagine. I could learn how to say balls in French! Italian! Spanish!โ
Annieย tsks. โAudrey Hepburn would never say anything so crude.โ
โActually,โ I interject, โAudrey was a call girl in another movie. Thatโs whatโs so great about her. Sheโs unpredictable. Youโll see her in a ball gown in one movie, and a manโs oversized shirt with no pants in another. And in her personal life, she had a baby deer for a pet.โ
โThatโs it. I want to be her.โ Madison holds her hand up and begins ticking items off her fingers. โShe travels. Has
an incredible fashion sense. And would definitely teach me the word for balls in French.โ
โWhy do you think Iโm always turning to Audrey when I feel lost?โ I donโt mention how watching Audrey movies also makes me feel close to my mom again when I miss her. Madison points at me. โYES. Iโm doing that from now on. I need a life coach and she seems like the closest
thing.โ
Emily scoffs. โI thought I was your life coach?โ โSelf-appointedย life coach.โ
โBut a life coach no less,โ Emily says grinning.
Madison does not return her sisterโs smile. โYou turned me into a teacher.โ
โAnd?โ
โI hate being a teacher.โ โOh, youโll grow to like it.โ
The three sisters continue to banter back and forth and itโs enough to erase the tension that had filled the room after the movie. At least it is for them. Theyโre laughing and my heart is sinking. Itโs sinking right down to the floor where my feet have been trying to sprout little baby roots. For a moment there, I forgot Iโll be leaving. This town is like an antigravity chamber. Iโm light and hopeful inside its city limits. But I know that when itโs time to go, Iโll leave. Just like Audrey.
Whatever has started to develop between me and Noah has to stop. Not only am I leaving soon, he made it clear in the beginning that anything romantic was off the table. I just wish his body language and eyes werenโt saying something different. I need to be careful with him. As the one who will be leaving when her car is fixed, I need to be the one to reaffirm the boundaries he originally put in place to protect himself.
Annieโthe ever emotionally perceptive sisterโmust read my thoughts. Iโm starting to think itโs her superpower. โYouโll figure it outโand youโll do whatโs best for you in the end, and whatever that is, itโs okay. Weโre your friends so we will support you. So will Noah.โ
