… and if it were as bad as that, I suspect you would not tell me. As for the women, do at least try to make sure they are clean and free of disease. Beyond that, do what you must to make your time bearable. And please, try not to get yourself killed. At the risk of sounding maudlin, I don’t know what I would do without you.
—from the Earl of Kilmartin to his cousin Michael Stirling, sent in care of the 52nd Foot Guards during the Napoleonic Wars
For all his faults—and Francesca was willing to allow that Michael Stirling had many—he really was the dearest man.
He was a horrible flirt (she’d seen him in action, and even she had to admit that otherwise intelligent women lost all measure of sense when he chose to be charming), and he certainly didn’t approach his life with the gravity that she and John would have liked him to, but even with all that, she couldn’t help but love him.
He was the best mend John had ever had—until he d married her, of course
—and over the last two years, he’d become her close confidant as well.
It was a funny thing, that. Who would have thought she’d have counted a man as one of her closest friends? She was not uncomfortable around men; four brothers tended to wring the delicacy out of even the most feminine of creatures. But she was not like her sisters. Daphne and Eloise—and Hyacinth, too, she supposed, although she was still a bit young to know for sure—were so open and sunny. They were the sorts of females who excelled at hunting and shooting—the kinds of pursuits that tended to get them labeled as “jolly good sports.” Men always felt comfortable in their presence, and the feeling was, Francesca had observed, entirely mutual.
But she was different. She’d always felt a little different from the rest of her family. She loved them fiercely, and would have laid down her life for any one of them, but even though she looked like a Bridgerton, on the inside she always felt like a bit of a changeling.
Where the rest of her family was outgoing, she was… not shy, precisely, but a bit more reserved, more careful with her words. She’d developed a reputation for irony and wit, and she had to admit, she could rarely resist the opportunity to needle her siblings with a dry remark. It was done out of love, of course, and perhaps a touch of the desperation that comes from having spent far too much time with one’s family, but they teased Francesca right back, so all was fair.
It was the way of her family. They laughed, they teased, they bickered. Francesca’s contributions to the din were simply a touch quieter than the rest, a bit more sly and subversive.
She often wondered if part of her attraction to John had been the simple fact that he removed her from the chaos that was so often the Bridgerton household. Not that she didn’t love him; she did. She adored him with every last breath in her body. He was her kindred spirit, so like her in so many ways. But it had, in a strange sort of fashion, been a relief to exit her mother’s home, to escape to a more serene existence with John, whose sense of humor was precisely like hers.
He understood her, he anticipated her. He completed her.
It had been the oddest sensation when she’d met him, almost as if she were a jagged puzzle piece finally finding its mate. Their first meeting hadn’t been one of overwhelming love or passion, but rather filled with the most bizarre sense that she’d finally found the one person with whom she could completely be herself.
It had been instant. It had been sudden. She couldn’t remember just what it was he’d said to her, but from the moment words first left his lips, she had felt at home.
And with him had come Michael, his cousin—although truth be told, the two men were much more like brothers. They’d been raised together, and they were so close in age that they’d shared everything.
Well, almost everything. John was the heir to an earldom, and Michael was just his cousin, and so it was only natural that the two boys would not be treated quite the same. But from what Francesca had heard, and from what she knew of the Stirling family now, they had been loved in equal measure, and she rather thought that was the key to Michael’s good humor.
Because even though John had inherited the title and the wealth, and well, everything, Michael didn’t seem to envy him.
He didn’t envy him. It was amazing to her. He’d been raised as John’s brother—John’s older brother, even—and yet he’d never once begrudged John any of his blessings.
And it was for that reason that Francesca loved him best. Michael would surely scoff if she tried to praise him for it, and she was quite certain that he would point to his many misdeeds (none of which, she feared, were exaggerated) to prove that his soul was black and he was a scoundrel through and through—but the truth of the matter was that Michael Stirling possessed a generosity of spirit and a capability for love that was unmatched among men.
And if she didn’t find a wife for him soon, she was going to go mad.
“What,” she said, aware that her voice was quite suddenly piercing the silence of the night, “is wrong with my sister?”
“Francesca,” he said, and she could hear irritation— and, thankfully, a bit of amusement as well—in his voice, “I’m not going to marry your sister.”
“I didn’t say you had to marry her.”
“You didn’t have to. Your face is an open book.”
She looked up at him, twisting her lips. “You weren’t even looking at me.”
“Of course I was, and anyway, it wouldn’t matter if I weren’t. I know what you’re about.”
He was right, and it scared her. Sometimes she worried that he understood her as well as John did.
“You need a wife,” she said.
“Didn’t you just promise your husband that you would stop pestering me about this?”
“I did not, actually,” she said, giving him a rather superior glance. “He asked, of course—”
“Of course,” Michael muttered.
She laughed. He could always make her laugh.
“I thought wives were supposed to accede to their husbands’ wishes,” Michael said, quirking his right brow. “In fact, I’m quite certain it’s right there in the marriage vows.”
“I’d be doing you a grave disservice if I found you a wife like that” she said, punctuating the sentiment with a well-timed and extremely disdainful snort.
He turned and gazed down at her with a vaguely paternalistic expression. He should have been a nobleman, Francesca thought. He was far too irresponsible for the duties of a title, but when he looked at a person like that, all superciliousness and certitude, he might as well have been a royal duke.
“Your responsibilities as Countess of Kilmartin do not include finding me a wife,” he said.
“They should.”
He laughed, which delighted her. She could always make him laugh.
“Very well,” she said, giving up for now. “Tell me about something wicked, then. Something John would not approve of.”
It was a game they played, even in John’s presence, although John always made at least the pretense of discouraging them. But Francesca suspected that John enjoyed Michael’s tales as much as she did. Once he’d finished with his obligatory admonitions, he was always all ears.
Not that Michael ever told them much. He was far too discreet for that. But he dropped hints and innuendo, and Francesca and John were always thoroughly entertained. They wouldn’t trade their wedded bliss for anything, but who didn’t like to be regaled with tales of debauchery and spice?
“I’m afraid I’ve done nothing wicked this week,” Michael said, steering her around the corner to King Street.
“You? Impossible.”
“It’s only Tuesday,” he reminded her.
“Yes, but not counting Sunday, which I’m sure you would not desecrate”— she shot him a look that said she was quite certain he’d already sinned in every way possible, Sunday or no—“that does leave you Monday, and a man can do quite a bit on a Monday.”
“Not this man. Not this Monday.” “What did you do, then?”
He thought about that, then said, “Nothing, really.”
“That’s impossible,” she teased. “I’m quite certain I saw you awake for at least an hour.”
He didn’t say anything, and then he shrugged in a way she found oddly disturbing and said, “I did nothing. I walked, I spoke, I ate, but at the end of the day, there was nothing.”
Francesca impulsively squeezed his arm. “We shall have to find you something,” she said softly.
He turned and looked at her, his strange, silvery eyes catching hers with an intensity she knew he didn’t often allow to rise to the fore.
And then it was gone, and he was himself again, except she suspected that Michael Stirling wasn’t at all the man he wished people to believe him to be.
Even, sometimes, her.
“We should return home,” he said. “It’s growing late, and John will have my head if I let you catch a chill.”
“John would blame me for my foolishness, and well you know it,” Francesca said. “This is just your way of telling me you have a woman waiting for you, probably draped in nothing but the sheets on her bed.”
He turned to her and grinned. It was wicked and devilish, and she understood why half the ton—the female half, that was—fancied themselves in love with him, even with no title or fortune to his name.
“You said you wanted something wicked, didn’t you?” he asked. “Did you want more detail? The color of the sheets, perhaps?”
She blushed, drat it all. She hated that she blushed, but at least the reaction was covered by the night. “Not yellow, I hope,” she said, because she couldn’t bear to let the conversation end on her embarrassment. “It makes you look sallow.”
“I won’t be wearing the sheets,” he drawled. “Nevertheless.”
He chuckled, and she knew that he knew that she’d said it just to have the last word. And she thought he was going to allow her the small victory, but then, just when she was beginning to find relief in the silence, he said, “Red.”
“I beg your pardon?” But of course she knew what he meant. “Red sheets, I think.”
“I can’t believe you told me that.”
“You asked, Francesca Stirling.” He looked down at her, and one lock of midnight black hair fell onto his forehead. “You’re just lucky I don’t tell your husband on you.”
“John would never worry over me,” she said.
For a moment she didn’t think he would reply, but then he said, “I know,” and his voice was oddly grave and serious. “It’s the only reason I tease
you.”
She’d been watching the pavement, looking for rough spots, but his tone was so serious she had to look up.
“You’re the only woman I know who would never stray,” he said, touching her chin. “You have no idea how much I admire you for that.”
“I love your cousin,” she whispered. “I would never betray him.” He brought his hand back to his side. “I know.”
He looked so handsome in the moonlight, and so un-bearably in need of love, that her heart nearly broke. Surely there was no woman who could resist him, not with that perfect face and tall, muscular body. And anyone who took the time to explore what was underneath would come to know him as she did—as a kindhearted man, loyal and true.
With a hint of the devil, of course, but Francesca supposed that was what would attract the ladies in the first place.
“Shall we?” Michael said, suddenly all charm. He tilted his head back in the direction of home, and she sighed and turned around.
“Thank you for taking me out,” she said, after a few minutes of companionable silence. “I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I was going mad with the rain.”
“You didn’t say that,” he said, immediately giving himself a mental kick. She’d said that she’d been feeling a bit odd, not that she’d been going mad, but only an idiot savant or a lovesick fool would have noticed the difference.
“Didn’t I?” She scrunched her brow together. “Well, I was certainly thinking it. I’ve been rather sluggish, if you must know. The fresh air did me a great deal of good.”
“Then I’m happy to have helped,” he said gallantly.
She smiled as they ascended the front steps to Kil-martin House. The door opened as their feet touched the top stair—the butler must have been watching for them— and then Michael waited as Francesca was divested of her cloak in the front hall.
“Will you stay for another drink, or must you leave immediately for your appointment?” she inquired, her eyes glinting with the devil.
He glanced at the clock at the end of the hall. It was half eight, and while he had no place to be—there was no lady waiting for him, although he could certainly find one at the drop of a hat, and he rather thought he would—he didn’t much feel like remaining here at Kilmartin House.
“I must go,” he said. “I’ve much to do.”
“You’ve nothing to do, and you know it,” she said. “You just wish to be wicked.”
“It’s an admirable pastime,” he murmured.
She opened her mouth to offer a retort, but just then Simons, John’s recently hired valet, came down the stairs.
“My lady?” he inquired.
Francesca turned to him and inclined her head, indicating that he should proceed.
“I’ve rapped on his lordship’s door and called his name—twice—but he seems to be sleeping quite soundly. Do you still wish me to wake him?”
Francesca nodded. “Yes. I’d love to let him sleep. He’s been working so hard lately”—she directed this last bit at Michael—“but I know that this meeting with Lord Liverpool is very important. You should—No, wait, I’ll rouse him myself. It will be better that way.”
She turned to Michael. “I shall see you tomorrow?”
“Actually, if John hasn’t yet left, I’ll wait,” he replied. “I came on foot, so I might as well avail myself of his carriage once he’s done with it.”
She nodded and hurried up the stairs, leaving Michael with nothing to do but hum under his breath as he idly examined the paintings in the hall.
And then she screamed.
Michael had no recollection of running up the stairs, but somehow there he was, in John’s and Francesca’s bedchamber, the one room in the house he never invaded. “Francesca?” he gasped. “Frannie, Frannie, what is—” She was sitting next to the bed, clutching John’s forearm, which was dangling over the side. “Wake him up,
Michael,“ she cried. ”Wake him up. Do it for me. Wake him up!“
Michael felt his world slip away. The bed was across the room, a good twelve feet away, but he knew.
No one knew John as well as he did. No one.
And John wasn’t there in the room. He was gone. What was on the bed— It wasn’t John.
“Francesca,” he whispered, moving slowly toward her. His limbs felt strange and funny and gruesomely sluggish. “Francesca.”
She looked up at him with huge, stricken eyes. “Wake him up, Michael.” “Francesca, I—”
“Now!” she screamed, launching herself at him. “Wake him up! You can do it. Wake him up! Wake him up!”
And all he could do was stand there as she beat her fists against his chest, stand there as she grabbed his cravat and shook and yanked until he was gasping for breath. He couldn’t even embrace her, couldn’t offer her comfort, because he was every bit as devastated and confused.
And then suddenly the fire left her, and she collapsed in his arms, her tears soaking his shirt. “He had a headache,” she whimpered. “That’s all. He just had a headache. It was just a headache.” She looked up at him, her eyes searching his face, looking for answers he’d never be able to give her. “It was just a headache,” she said again.
And she looked broken.
“I know,” he said, even though he knew it wasn’t enough. “Oh, Michael,” she sobbed. “What am I to do?”
“I don’t know,” he said, because he didn’t. Between Eton, Cambridge, and the army, he’d been trained for everything that the life of an English gentleman was supposed to offer. But he hadn’t been trained for this.
“I don’t understand,” she was saying, and he supposed she was saying a lot of things, but none of it made any sense to his ears. He didn’t even have the strength to stand, and together the two of them sank to the carpet, leaning against the side of the bed.
He stared sightlessly at the far wall, wondering why he wasn’t crying. He was numb, and his body felt heavy, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that his very soul had been ripped from his body.
Not John.
Why?
Why?
And as he sat there, dimly aware of the servants gathering just outside the open door, it occurred to him that Francesca was whimpering those very same words.
“Not John. “Why?
“Why?”
“Do you think she might be with child?”
Michael stared at Lord Winston, a new and apparently overeager appointee to the Committee for Privileges of the House of Lords, trying to make sense of his words. John had been dead barely a day. It was still hard to make sense of anything. And now here was this puffy little man, demanding an audience, prattling on about some sacred duty to the crown.
“Her ladyship,” Lord Winston said. “If she’s carrying, it will complicate everything.”
“I don’t know,” Michael said. “I didn’t ask her.”
“You need to. I’m sure you’re eager to assume control of your new holdings, but we really must determine if she’s carrying. Furthermore, if she is pregnant, a member of our committee will need to be present at the birth.”
Michael felt his face go slack. I beg your pardon? he somehow managed to say.
“Baby switching,” Lord Winston said grimly. “There have been instances
—”
“For God’s sake—”
“It’s for your protection as much as anyone’s,” Lord Winston cut in. “If her ladyship gives birth to a girl, and there is no one present to witness it, what is to stop her from switching the babe with a boy?”
Michael couldn’t even bring himself to dignify this with an answer.
“You need to find out if she is carrying,” Lord Winston pressed. “Arrangements will need to be made.”
“She was widowed yesterday,” Michael said sharply. “I will not burden her with such intrusive questions.”
“There is more at stake here than her ladyship’s feelings,” Lord Winston returned. “We cannot properly transfer the earldom while there is doubt as to the succession.”
“The devil take the earldom,” Michael snapped.
Lord Winston gasped, drawing back in visible horror. “You forget yourself, my lord.”
“I’m not your lord,” Michael bit off. “I’m not anyone’s—” He halted his words, sinking into a chair, trying very hard to get past the fact that he was perilously close to tears. Right here, in John’s study, with this damnable little man who didn’t seem to understand that a man had died, not just an earl, but a man, Michael wanted to cry.
And he would, he suspected. As soon as Lord Winston left, and Michael could lock the door and make sure that no one could see him, he would probably bury his face in his hands and cry.
“Someone has to ask her,” Lord Winston said. “It won’t be me,” Michael said in a low voice. “I will do it, then.”
Michael leapt from his seat and pinned Lord Winston against the wall. “You will not approach Lady Kil-martin,” he growled. “You will not even breathe the same air. Do I make myself clear?”
“Quite,” the smaller man gurgled.
Michael let go, dimly aware that Lord Winston’s face was beginning to turn purple. “Get out,” he said.
“You will need—” “Get out!” he roared.
“I will come back tomorrow,” Lord Winston said, skittering out the door. “We will speak when you are in a calmer frame of mind.”
Michael leaned against the wall, staring at the open doorway. Good God, how had it all come to this? John hadn’t even been thirty. He was the picture of health. Michael might have been second in line for the earldom as long as John and Francesca’s marriage remained childless, but no one had truly thought he’d ever inherit.
Already he’d heard that men in the clubs were calling him the luckiest man in Britain. Overnight, he’d gone from the fringe of aristocracy to its very epicenter. No one seemed to understand that Michael had never wanted this. Never.
He didn’t want an earldom. He wanted his cousin back. And no one seemed to understand that.
Except, perhaps, Francesca, but she was so wrapped in her own grief that she could not quite comprehend the pain in Michael’s heart.
And he would never ask her to. Not when she was so wrecked by her own.
Michael wrapped his arms against his chest as he thought of her. For the rest of his life, he would not forgel the sight of Francesca’s face once the truth had finally sunk in. John was not sleeping. He was not going to wake up.
And Francesca Bridgerton Stirling was, at the tendei age of two and twenty, the saddest thing imaginable.
Alone.
Michael understood her despair better than anyone could ever imagine.
They’d put her to bed that night, he and her mother, who had hurried over at Michael’s urgent summons. And she’d slept like a baby, with nary even a whimper, her body worn out from the shock of it all.
But when she’d awakened the next morning, she’d acquired the proverbial stiff upper lip, determined to remain strong and steadfast, handling the myriad details that had showered down upon the house at John’s death.
The problem was, neither one of them had a clue what those details were. They were young; they had been carefree. They had never thought to deal with death.
Who knew, for example, that the Committee for Privileges would get involved? And demand a box seat at what ought to be a private moment for Francesca?
If indeed she was even carrying.
But bloody hell, he wasn’t going to ask her.
“We need to tell his mother,” Francesca had said earlier that morning. It was the first thing she’d said, actually. There was no preamble, no greeting, just, “We need to tell his mother.”
Michael had nodded, since of course she was right.
“We need to tell your mother, too. They’re both in Scotland; they won’t know yet.”
He nodded again. It was all he could manage. “I’ll write the notes.”
And he nodded a third time, wondering what he was supposed to do.
That question had been answered when Lord Winston had come to call, but Michael couldn’t bear to think about all that now. It seemed so distasteful. He didn’t want to think of all he would gain at John’s death. How could anyone possibly speak as if something good had come of all this?
Michael felt himself sinking down, down, sliding against the wall until he was sitting on the floor, his legs bent in front of him, his head resting on his knees. He hadn’t wanted this. Had he?
He’d wanted Francesca. That was all. But not like this. Not at this cost.
He’d never begrudged John his good fortune. He’d never coveted the title, the money, or the power.
He’d merely coveted his wife.
Now he was meant to assume John’s title, step into his shoes. And guilt was squeezing its merciless fist right around his heart.
Had he somehow wished for this? No, he couldn’t have. He hadn’t. Had he?
“Michael?”
He looked up. It was Francesca, still wearing that hollow look, her face a blank mask that tore at his heart far more than her wailing sorrow ever could have done.
“I sent for Janet.”
He nodded. John’s mother. She would be devastated. “And your mother as well.”
She would be equally bereft.
“Is there anyone else you think—”
He shook his head, aware that he should get up, aware that propriety dictated that he rise, but he just couldn’t find the strength. He didn’t want Francesca to see him so weak, but he couldn’t help it.
“You should sit down,” he finally said. “You need to rest.”
“I can’t,” she said. “I need to… If I stop, even for a moment, I will…” Her words trailed off, but it didn’t matter. He understood.
He looked up at her. Her chestnut hair was pulled back into a simple queue, and her face was pale. She looked young, barely out of the schoolroom, certainly too young for this sort of heartbreak. “Francesca,” he said, his word not quite a question, more of a sigh, really.
And then she said it. She said it without his having to ask. “I’m pregnant.”
