… Did Francesca say that she misses me? Or did you merely infer it?
—-from the Earl of Kilmartin to his mother, Helen Stirling, two years and two months after his departure for India
Three hours later, Francesca was sitting in her bedroom back at Kilmartin House when she heard Michael return. Janet and Helen had come home quite a bit earlier, and when Francesca had (somewhat purposefully) run into them in the hall, they’d informed her that Michael had chosen to round out his evening with a visit to his club.
Most likely to avoid her, she’d decided, even though there was no reason for him to expect to see her at such a late hour. Still, she had left the ball earlier that evening with the distinct impression that Michael did not desire her company. He had defended her honor with all the valor and purpose of a
true hero, but she couldn’t help but feel that it was done almost reluctantly, as if it was something he had to do, not something he wanted to do.
And even worse, that she was someone whose company he had to endure, rather than the cherished friend she had always told herself she was.
That, she realized, hurt.
Francesca told herself that when he returned to Kil-martin House she would leave well enough alone. She would do nothing but listen at the door as he tramped down the hallway to his bedchamber. (She was honest enough with herself to admit that she was not above— and in fact fundamentally unable to resist—eavesdropping.) Then she would scoot over to the heavy oak door that connected their rooms (locked on both sides since her return from her mother’s; she certainly didn’t fear Michael, but proprieties were proprieties) and then listen there a few minutes longer.
She had no idea what she’d be listening for, or even why she felt the need to hear his footsteps as he moved about his room, but she simply had to do it. Something had changed tonight. Or maybe nothing had changed, which might have been worse. Was it possible that Michael had never been the man she’d thought he was? Could she have been so close to him for so long, counted him as one of her dearest friends, even when they’d been estranged, and still not known him?
She’d never dreamed that Michael might have secrets from her. From her!
Everyone else, maybe, but not her.
And it left her feeling rather off balance and untidy. Almost as if someone had come up to Kilmartin House and shoved a pile of bricks under the south wall, setting the entire world at a drunken slant. No matter what she did, no matter what she thought, she still felt as if she were sliding. To where, she didn’t know, and she didn’t dare hazard a guess.
But the ground was most definitely no longer firm beneath her feet.
Her bedroom faced the front of Kilmartin House, and when all was quiet she could hear the front door close, provided the person closing it did so
with enough force. It didn’t need to be slammed, but—
Well, whatever firmness it required, Michael evidently was exercising it, because she heard the telltale thunk beneath her feet, followed by a low rumble of voices, presumably Priestley chatting with him as he took his coat.
Michael was home, which meant she could finally just go to bed and at least pretend to sleep. He was home, which meant that it was time to declare the evening officially over. She should put this behind her, move on, maybe pretend nothing had happened…
But when she heard his footsteps coming up the stairs, she did the one thing she never would have expected herself to do—
She opened her door and dashed out into the hall.
She had no idea what she was doing. Not even a clue. By the time her bare feet touched the runner carpet, she was so shocked at her own actions that she found herself somewhat frozen and out of breath.
Michael looked exhausted. And surprised. And heart-stoppingly handsome with his cravat slightly loosened and his midnight hair falling in wavy locks over his forehead. Which left her wondering—When had she begun to notice how handsome he was? It had always been something that had simply been there, that she knew in an intellectual sense but never really took note of.
But now…
Her breath caught. Now his beauty seemed to fill the air around her, swirling about her skin, leaving her shivery and hot, all at the same time.
“Francesca,” Michael said, her name more of a tired statement than anything else.
And of course she had nothing to say. It was so unlike her to do something like this, to rush in without thinking about what she was planning, but she
didn’t particularly feel like herself that evening. She was so unsettled, so off balance, and the only thought in her head (if indeed there had been any) before dashing out her door was that she had to see him. Just catch a glimpse and maybe hear his voice. If she could convince herself that he really was the person she thought she knew, then maybe she was still the same, too.
Because she didn’t feel the same. And it shook her to the core.
“Michael,” she said, finally finding her voice. “I… Good evening.”
He just looked at her, raising one brow at her remarkably meaningless statement.
She cleared her throat. “I wanted to make sure you were, er… all right.” The ending sounded a little weak, even to her ears, but it was the best adjective she could come up with on such short notice.
“I’m fine,” he said gruffly. “Just tired.”
“Of course,” she said. “Of course, of course.”
He smiled, but entirely without humor. “Of course.”
She swallowed, then tried to smile, but it felt forced. “I didn’t thank you earlier,” she said.
“For what?”
“For coming to my aid,” she replied, thinking that ought to be obvious. “I would have… Well, I would have defended myself.” At his wry glance, she added, somewhat defensively, “My brothers showed me how.”
He crossed his arms and looked down at her in a vaguely paternalistic manner. “In that case, I’m sure you would have rendered him a soprano in no time.”
She pinched her lips together. “Regardless,” she said, deciding not to comment upon his sarcasm, “I very much appreciated not having to, er…” She blushed. Oh, God, she hated when she blushed.
“Knee him in the ballocks?” Michael finished helpfully, one comer of his mouth curving into a mocking smile.
“Indeed,” she ground out, quite convinced that her cheeks had gone from pink straight to crimson, skipping all shades of rose, fuchsia, and red along the way.
“You’re quite welcome,” he said abruptly, giving her a nod that was meant to indicate the end of the conversation. “Now, if you will excuse me.”
He moved as if heading for his bedroom door, but Francesca wasn’t quite ready (and she was certain that the devil himself only knew why) to end the conversation. “Wait!” she called out, gulping when she realized that now she was going to have to say something.
He turned around, slowly and with a strange sense of deliberation. “Yes?” “I… I just…”
He waited while she floundered, then finally said, “Can it wait until morning?”
“No! Wait!” And this time she reached out and grabbed his arm. He froze.
“Why are you so angry with me?” she whispered.
He just shook his head, as if he couldn’t quite believe her question. But he did not take his eyes off of her hand on his arm. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Why are you so angry with me?” she repeated, and she realized that she hadn’t even realized she’d felt this way until the words had left her lips. But something wasn’t right between them, and she had to know why.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he muttered. “I’m not angry with you. I’m merely tired, and I want to go to bed.”
“You are. I’m sure you are.” Her voice was rising with conviction. Now that she’d said it, she knew it was true. He tried to hide it, and he’d become quite accomplished at apologizing when it slipped to the fore, but there was anger inside of him, and it was directed at her.
Michael placed his hand over hers. Francesca gasped at the heat of the contact, but then all he did was lift her hand off of his arm and allow it to drop. “I’m going to bed,” he announced.
And then he turned his back on her. Walked away.
“No! You can’t go!” She dashed after him, unthinking, unheedful… Right into his bedroom.
If he hadn’t been angry before, he was now. “What are you doing here?” he demanded.
“You can’t just dismiss me,” she protested.
He stared at her. Hard. “You are in my bedchamber,” he said in a low voice. “I suggest you leave.”
“Not until you explain to me what is going on.”
Michael held himself perfectly still. His every muscle had frozen into a hard, stiff line, and it was a blessing, really, because if he’d allowed himself to move—if he’d felt even capable of moving—he would have lunged at her. And what he would do when he caught her was anyone’s guess.
He’d been pushed to the edge. First by her brother, and then by Sir Geoffrey, and now by Francesca herself, standing in front of him without a bloody clue.
His world had been overturned by a single suggestion.
Why don’t you just marry her?
It dangled before him like a ripe apple, a wicked possibility that shouldn’t be his to take.
John, his conscience pounded. John. Remember John.
“Francesca,” he said, his voice hard and controlled, “it is well past midnight, and you are in the bedchamber of a man to whom you are not married. I suggest you leave.”
But she didn’t. Damn her, she didn’t even move. She just stood there, three feet past the still-open doorway, staring at him as if she’d never seen him before.
He tried not to notice that her hair was loose. He tried not to see that she was wearing her nightclothes. They were demure, yes, but still meant to be removed, and his gaze kept dipping to the silken hem, which brushed the top of her foot, allowing him a tantalizing peek at her toes.
Good God, he was staring at her toes. Her toes. What had his life come to? “Why are you angry with me?” she asked again.
“I’m not,” he snapped. “I just want you to get the h—” He caught himself at the last moment. “To get out of my room.”
“Is it because I wish to remarry?” she asked, her voice choked with emotion. “Is that it?”
He didn’t know how to answer, so he just glared at her.
“You think I’m betraying John,” she said accusingly. “You think I should spend my days mourning your cousin.”
Michael closed his eyes. “No, Francesca,” he said wearily, “I would never
—”
But she wasn’t listening. “Do you think I don’t mourn him?” she demanded. “Do you think I don’t think about him each and every day? Do you think it feels good to know that when I marry, I’ll be making a mockery of the sacrament?”
He looked at her. She was breathing hard, caught up in her anger and maybe her grief as well.
“What I had with John,” she said, her entire body shaking now, “I’m not going to find with any of the men send-ing me flowers. And it feels like a desecration—a selfish desecration that I’m even considering remarrying. If I didn’t want a baby so… so damned much…”
She broke off, maybe from overemotion, maybe just at the shock of having actually cursed aloud. She just stood there, blinking, her lips parted and quivering, looking as if she might break at the merest touch.
He should have been more sympathetic. He should have tried to comfort her. And he would have done both of those things, if they had been in any other room besides his bedchamber. But as it was, it was all he could do just to control his breathing.
And himself.
She looked back up at him, her eyes huge and heart-stoppingly blue, even in the candlelight. “You don’t know,” she said, turning away. She walked to a long, low bureau of drawers. She leaned heavily against it, her fingers biting the wood. “You just don’t know,” she whispered, her back still to him.
And somehow that was more than he could take. She had barged her way in here, demanding answers when she didn’t even understand the questions. She’d invaded his bedchamber, pushed him to the limit, and now she was just going to dismiss him? Turn her back on him and tell him he didn’t know?
“Don’t know what?” he demanded, just before he crossed the room. His feet were silent but swift, and before he knew it he was right behind her, close
enough to touch, close enough to grab what he wanted and— She whirled around. “You—”
And then she stopped. Didn’t make another sound. Did nothing but allow her eyes to lock onto his.
“Michael?” she whispered. And he didn’t know what she meant. Was it a question? A plea?
She stood there, stock still, the only sound her breath over her lips. And her eyes never left his face.
His fingers tingled. His body burned. She was close. As close as she’d ever stood to him. And if she were anyone else, he would have sworn that she wanted to be kissed.
Her lips were parted, her eyes were unfocused. And her chin seemed to tilt up, as if she were waiting, wishing, wondering when he would finally bend down and seal her fate.
He felt himself say something. Her name, maybe. His chest grew tight, and his heart pounded, and suddenly the impossible became the inevitable, and he realized that this time there was no stopping. This time it wasn’t about his control or his sacrifice or his guilt.
This time was for him.
And he was going to kiss her.
When she thought about it later, the only excuse she could come up with was that she didn’t know he was right behind her. The carpet was soft and thick, and she hadn’t heard his footsteps over the roaring of blood in her ears. She didn’t know all that, she couldn’t have, because then she never would have whirled around, intending for all the world to silence him with a scathing retort. She was going to say something horrid and cutting, and intended to make him feel guilty and awful, but when she turned…
He was right there.
Close, so close. Mere inches away. It had been years since anyone had stood so close to her, and never, ever Michael.
She couldn’t speak, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but breathe as she stared at his face, realizing with an awful intensity that she wanted him to kiss her.
Michael.
Good God, she wanted Michael.
It was like a knife slicing through her. She wasn’t supposed to feel this. She wasn’t supposed to want anyone. But Michael…
She should have walked away. Hell, she should have ran. But something rooted her to the spot. She couldn’t take her eyes off of his, couldn’t help but moisten her lips, and when his hands settled on her shoulders, she didn’t protest.
She didn’t even move.
And maybe, just maybe she even leaned in a little, something within her recognizing this moment, this subtle dance between man and woman.
It had been so long since she’d swayed into a kiss, but it seemed that there were some things a body did not forget.
He touched her chin, raised her face just the barest hint. Still, she didn’t say no.
She stared at him, licked her lips, and waited…
Waited for the moment, the first touch, because as terrifying and wrong as it was, she knew it would feel like perfection.
And it did.
His lips touched hers in the barest, softest hint of a caress. It was the sort of kiss that seduced with subtlety, sent tingles through her body and left her desperate for more. Somewhere in the hazy back recesses of her mind, she knew that this was wrong, that it was more than wrong—it was insane. But she couldn’t have moved if the fires of hell were licking at her feet.
She was mesmerized, transfixed by his touch. She couldn’t quite bring herself to make another move, to invite him in any other manner than the soft sway of her body, but neither did she make any attempt to break the contact.
She just waited, breath baited, for him to do something more.
And he did. His hand found the small of her back and splayed there, his fingers tempting her with their intoxicating heat. He didn’t exactly pull her toward him, but the pressure was there, and the space between them whispered away until she could feel the gentle scrape of his evening clothes through the silk of her dressing gown.
And she grew hot. Molten. Wicked.
His lips grew more demanding, and hers parted, allowing him greater exploration. He took full advantage, his tongue swooping in in a dangerous dance, teasing and tempting, stoking her desire until her legs grew weak, and she had no choice but to grasp onto his upper arms, to hold him, to touch him of her own accord, to acknowledge that she was there in the kiss, too, that she was taking part.
That she wanted this.
He murmured her name, his voice hoarse with desire and need and something more, something pained, but all she could do was hold onto him, and let him kiss her, and God help her, kiss him back.
Her hand moved to his neck, reveling in the soft heat of his skin. His hair was slightly long these days and curled onto her fingers, thick and crisp,
and— Oh, God, she just wanted to sink into it.
His hand slid up her back, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. His fingers caressed her shoulder, slid down her arm, and then over to her breast.
Francesca froze.
But Michael was too far gone to notice; he cupped her, moaning audibly as he squeezed.
“No,” she whispered. This was too much, it was too intimate. It was too… Michael.
“Francesca,” he murmured, his lips trailing along her cheek to her ear. “No,” she said, and she wrenched herself free. “I can’t.”
She didn’t want to look at him, but she couldn’t not do it. And when she did, she was sorry.
His chin was dipped, and his face was slightly turned, but he was still staring at her, his eyes searing and intense.
And she was burned.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered. He said nothing.
The words came faster, but not in greater numbers. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t… I… I—”
“Then go,” he bit off. “Now.” She ran.
She ran to her bedroom, and then the next day she ran to her mother.
And then the day after that, she ran all the way to Scotland
