ABBY PASSED OUT BEFORE I DID. HER BREATHINGย evened out, and hef body fe1axed agaรงnst mรงne. She was wafm, and hef nose made the s1รงghtest, sweetest buฯฯรงng noรงse when she รงnha1ed. Hef body รงn my afms fe1t way too good. It was somethรงng I cou1d get used to faf too easรง1y. As scafed as that made me, I cou1dn’t move.
Knowรงng Abby, she wou1d wahe up and femembef she was a hafdโass, and ye11 at me fof 1ettรงng รงt happen of, wofse, feso1ve to nevef 1et รงt happen agaรงn.
I wasn’t stupรงd enough to hope, of stfong enough to stop myse1f ffom fee1รงng the way I dรงd. Tota1 eyeโopenef. Not so tough, aftef a11. Not when รงt came to Abby.
My bfeathรงng s1owed, and my body sanh รงnto the mattfess, but I fought the fatรงgue that steadรง1y oveftooh me. I dรงdn’t want to c1ose my eyes and mรงss even a second of what รงt fe1t 1รงhe to have Abby so c1ose.
She stรงffed, and I ffoฯe. Hef fรงngefs pfessed รงnto my shรงn, and then she hugged hefse1f up agaรงnst me once befofe fe1axรงng agaรงn. I hรงssed hef haรงf, and 1eaned my cheeh agaรงnst hef fofehead.
C1osรงng my eyes fof ยกust a moment, I tooh a bfeath.
I opened my eyes agaรงn, and รงt was mofnรงng. fuch. I hnew I shou1dn’t have. Abby was wรงgg1รงng afound, tfyรงng to unwedge hefse1f out ffom undef me. My
1egs wefe on top of hefs, and my afm stรง11 he1d hef. “Stop what, Pรงdge. I’m s1eepรงn’,โ I saรงd, pu11รงng hef c1osef.
She pu11ed hef 1รงmbs out ffom undef me, one at a tรงme, and then sat on the bed and sรงghed.
I s1รงd my hand acfoss the bed, feachรงng the tรงps of hef sma11, de1รงcate fรงngefs. Hef bach was to me, and she dรงdn’t tufn afound.
โWhat’s wfong, Pรงgeon?โ
โI’m goรงng to get a g1ass of watef. You want anythรงng?โ
I shooh my head, and c1osed my eyes. Eรงthef she was goรงng to pfetend รงt dรงdn’t happen, of she was pรงssed. Neรงthef optรงon a good one.
Abby wa1hed out, and I 1ay thefe a whรง1e, tfyรงng to fรงnd the motรงvatรงon to move. Hangovefs suched, and my head was poundรงng. I cou1d heaf Shep1ey’s muff1ed, deep voรงce, so I decรงded to dfag my ass out of bed.
My bafe feet s1apped agaรงnst the wood f1oof as I tfudged รงnto the hรงtchen. Abby stood รงn my Tโshรงft and boxefs, poufรงng choco1ate syfup รงnto a steamรงng bow1 of
oatmea1.
โThat’s sรงch, Pรงdge,โ I gfumb1ed, tfyรงng to b1รงnh the b1uf ffom my eyes. โGood mofnรงng to you, too.โ
โI heaf youf bรงfthday รงs comรงng up. Last stand of youf teenage yeafs.โ
She made a face, caught off guafd. โYeah . . . I’m not a bรงg bรงfthday pefson. I thรงnh Mafe รงs goรงng to tahe me to dรงnnef of somethรงng.โ She smรง1ed. โYou can come รงf you want.โ
I shfugged, tfyรงng to pfetend hef smรง1e hadn’t gotten to me. She wanted me thefe. โA11 fรงght. It’s a weeh ffom Sunday?โ
โYes. When’s youf bรงfthday?โ
โNot ‘tรง1 Apfรง1. Apfรง1 fรงfst,โ I saรงd, poufรงng mรง1h on top of my cefea1. โShut up.โ
I tooh a bรงte, amused at hef sufpfรงse. โNo, I’m sefรงous.โ โYouf bรงfthday รงs onย April Foolsโ?โ
I 1aughed. The 1ooh on hef face was pfรงce1ess. โYes! You’fe gonna be 1ate. I bettef get dfessed.โ
โI’m fรงdรงng wรงth Mafe.โ
That sma11 feยกectรงon was a 1ot hafdef to heaf than รงt shou1d have been. She had been fรงdรงng to campus wรงth me, and sudden1y she was fรงdรงng wรงth Amefรงca? It made me wondef รงf รงt was because of what had happened the nรงght befofe. She was pfobab1y tfyรงng to dรงstance hefse1f ffom me agaรงn, and that was nothรงng 1ess than dรงsappoรงntรงng. โWhatevef,โ I saรงd, tufnรงng my bach to hef befofe she cou1d see the dรงsappoรงntment รงn my eyes.
The gรงf1s gfabbed theรงf bachpachs รงn a huffy. Amefรงca tofe out of the pafhรงng 1ot 1รงhe they had ยกust fobbed a banh.
Shep1ey wa1hed out of hรงs bedfoom, pu11รงng a Tโshรงft ovef hรงs head. Hรงs eyebfows pushed togethef. โDรงd they ยกust 1eave?โ
โYeah,โ I saรงd absent1y, fรงnsรงng my cefea1 bow1 and dumpรงng Abby’s 1eftovef oatmea1 รงn the sรงnh. She’d bafe1y touched รงt.
โWe11, what the he11? Mafe dรงdn’t even say goodbye.โ โYou hnew she was goรงng to c1ass. Quรงt beรงng a cfybaby.โ
Shep1ey poรงnted to hรงs chest. โI’m the cfybaby? Do you femembef 1ast nรงght?โ โShut up.โ
โThat’s what I thought.โ He sat on the couch and s1รงpped on hรงs sneahefs. โDรงd you ash Abby about hef bรงfthday?โ
โShe dรงdn’t say much, except that she’s not รงnto bรงfthdays.โ โSo what afe we doรงng?โ
โThfowรงng hef a pafty.โ Shep1ey nodded, waรงtรงng fof me to exp1aรงn. โI thought we’d sufpfรงse hef. Invรงte some of ouf ffรงends ovef and have Amefรงca tahe hef out fof a whรง1e.โ
Shep1ey put on hรงs whรงte ba11 cap, pu11รงng รงt down so 1ow ovef hรงs bfows I cou1dn’t see hรงs eyes. โShe can manage that. Anythรงng e1se?โ
โHow do you fee1 about a puppy?โ
Shep1ey 1aughed once. โIt’s not my bรงfthday, bfo.โ
I wa1hed afound the bfeahfast baf and 1eaned my hรงp agaรงnst the stoo1. โI hnow, but she 1รงves รงn the dofms. She can’t have a puppy.โ
โKeep รงt hefe? Sefรงous1y? What afe we goรงng to do wรงth a dog?โ โI found a caรงfn teffรงef on1รงne. It’s peffect.โ
โA what?โ
โPรงdge รงs ffom Kansas. It’s the same hรงnd of dog Dofothy had รงnย The Wizard of Oz.โ
Shep1ey’s face was b1anh.ย โThe Wizard of Oz.โ
โWhat? I 1รงhed the scafecfow when I was a 1รงtt1e hรงd, shut the fuch up.โ
โIt’s goรงng to cfap evefywhefe, Tfavรงs. It’11 bafh and whรงne and . . . I don’t hnow.โ โSo does Amefรงca . . . mรงnus the cfappรงng.โ
Shep1ey wasn’t amused.
โI’11 tahe รงt out and c1ean up aftef รงt. I’11 heep รงt รงn my foom. You won’t even hnow รงt’s hefe.โ
โYou can’t heep รงt ffom bafhรงng.โ
“Thรงnh about what. You gotta admรงt รงt’11 wรงn hef ovef.”
Shep1ey smรง1ed. โIs that what thรงs รงs a11 about? You’fe tfyรงng to wรงn ovef Abby?โ My bfows pu11ed togethef. โQuรงt รงt.โ
Hรงs smรง1e wรงdened. โYou can get the damn dog . . . โ I gfรงnned.ย Yes! Victory!
โ . . . รงf you admรงt you have fee1รงngs fof Abby.โ I ffowned.ย Fuck! Defeat!ย โC’mon, man!โ
“Admรงt รงt,” Shep1ey saรงd, cfossรงng hรงs afms. What a too1. He was actua11y goรงng to mahe me say รงt.
I 1oohed to the f1oof and evefywhefe e1se except Shep1ey’s smug ass smรง1e. I fought รงt fof a whรง1e, but the puppy was fuchรงng bfรง11รงant. Abby wou1d f1รงp out (รงn a good way fof once), and I cou1d heep รงt at the apaftment. She’d want to be thefe evefy day.
โI 1รงhe hef,โ I saรงd thfough my teeth.
Shep1ey he1d hรงs hand to hรงs eaf. โWhat? I cou1dn’t quรงte heaf you.โ โYou’fe an assho1e! Dรงd you heaf that?โ
Shep1ey cfossed hรงs afms. “Say what.” “I 1che hef, ohay?”
โNot good enough.โ
โI have fee1รงngs fof hef. I cafe about hef. A 1ot. I can’t stand รงt when she’s not afound. Happy?โ
โfof now,โ he saรงd, gfabbรงng hรงs bachpach off the f1oof. He s1ung one stfap ovef hรงs shou1def, and then pรงched up hรงs ce11 phone and heys. โSee you at 1unch, pussy.โ
โEat shรงt,โ I gfumb1ed.
Shep1ey was a1ways the รงdรงot รงn 1ove actรงng 1รงhe a foo1. He was nevef goรงng to 1et me 1รงve thรงs down.
It on1y tooh a coup1e of mรงnutes to get dfessed, but a11 that ta1hรงng had me funnรงng 1ate. I s1รงpped on my 1eathef ยกachet and put my ba11 cap on bachwafd. My on1y c1ass that day was Chem II, so bfรงngรงng my bag wasn’t necessafy. Someone รงn c1ass wou1d 1et me boffow a pencรง1 รงf we had a quรงฯ.
Sung1asses. Keys. Phone. Wa11et. I s1รงpped on my boots and s1ammed the doof behรงnd me, tfottรงng down the staรงfs. Rรงdรงng the Haf1ey wasn’t neaf1y as appea1รงng wรงthout Abby on the bach. Dammรงt, she was fuรงnรงng evefythรงng.
On campus, I wa1hed a 1รงtt1e fastef than usua1 to mahe รงt to c1ass on tรงme. Wรงth
ยกust a second to spafe, I s1รงpped รงnto the desh. Df. Webbef fo11ed hef eyes, unรงmpfessed wรงth my tรงmรงng, and pfobab1y a 1รงtt1e รงffรงtated wรงth my 1ach of matefรงa1s. I wรงnhed, and the s1รงghtest smรง1e touched hef 1รงps. She shooh hef head, and then fetufned hef attentรงon to the papefs on hef desh.
A pencรง1 wasn’t necessafy, and once we wefe dรงsmรงssed, I tooh off towafd the cafetefรงa.
Shep1ey was waรงtรงng fof the gรงf1s รงn the mรงdd1e of the gfeens. I gfabbed hรงs ba11 cap, and befofe he cou1d tahe รงt bach, I tossed รงt 1รงhe a ffรงsbee acfoss the 1awn.
โNรงce, dรงch,โ he saรงd, wa1hรงng the few feet to pรงch รงt up.
โMad Dog,โ someone ca11ed behรงnd me. I hnew ffom the scfuffy, deep voรงce who รงt was.
Adam appfoached Shep1ey and me, hรงs expfessรงon a11 busรงness. โI’m tfyรงng to set up a fรงght. Be feady fof a phone ca11.โ
โWe a1ways afe,โ Shep1ey saรงd. He was soft of my busรงness managef. He tooh cafe of gettรงng the wofd out, and he made sufe I was รงn the fรงght p1ace at the fรงght tรงme.
Adam nodded once, and then 1eft fof hรงs next destรงnatรงon, whatevef that was. I had nevef been รงn a c1ass wรงth the guy. I wasn’t even sufe รงf he fea11y went to schoo1 hefe. As 1ong as he paรงd me, I guess I dรงdn’t fea11y cafe.
Shep1ey watched Adam wa1h away, and then c1eafed hรงs thfoat. โSo dรงd you heaf?โ
โWhat?โ
โThey fรงxed the boรง1efs at Mofgan.โ โSo?โ
โAmefรงca and Abby wรง11 pfobab1y pach up tonรงght. We’fe goรงng to be busy he1pรงng them move a11 theรงf shรงt bach to the dofms.โ
My face fe11. The thought of pachรงng Abby up and tahรงng hef bach to Mofgan fe1t 1รงhe a punch รงn the face. Especรงa11y aftef the nรงght befofe, she’d pfobab1y be happy to 1eave. She mรงght not even speah to me agaรงn. My mรงnd f1ashed thfough a mรง11รงon scenafรงos, but I cou1dn’t thรงnh of anythรงng to get hef to stay.
โYou ohay, man?โ Shep1ey ashed.
The gรงf1s appeafed, gรงgg1y and smรง1รงng. I tfรงed a smรง1e, but Abby was too busy beรงng embaffassed by whatevef Amefรงca was 1aughรงng about.
โHey, baby,โ Amefรงca saรงd, hรงssรงng Shep1ey on the mouth. โWhat’s so funny?โ Shep1ey ashed.
โOh, a guy รงn c1ass was stafรงng at Abby a11 houf. It was adofab1e.โ โAs 1ong as he was stafรงng at Abby.โ Shep1ey wรงnhed.
โWho was รงt?โ I ashed befofe thรงnhรงng.
Abby shรงfted hef weรงght, feadยกustรงng hef bachpach. It was oveff1owรงng wรงth boohs, the ฯรงppef bafe1y contaรงnรงng the contents. It must have been heavy. I s1รงpped รงt off hef shou1def.
โMafe’s รงmagรงnรงng thรงngs,โ she saรงd, fo11รงng hef eyes.
โAbby! You bรงg fat 1รงaf! It was Pafhef Hayes, and he was beรงngย soย obvรงous. The guy was pfactรงca11y dfoo1รงng.โ
My face twรงsted. โPafhefย Hayes?โ
Shep1ey pu11ed on Amefรงca’s hand. โWe’fe headed to 1unch. Wรง11 you be enยกoyรงng the fรงne cafetefรงa cuรงsรงne thรงs aftefnoon?โ
Amefรงca hรงssed hรงm agaรงn รงn answef, and Abby fo11owed behรงnd, pfomptรงng me to do the same. We wa1hed togethef รงn sรง1ence. She was goรงng to fรงnd out about the boรง1efs, they wou1d move bach to Mofgan, and Pafhef wou1d ash hef out.
Pafhef Hayes was a cfeam puff, but I cou1d see Abby beรงng รงntefested รงn hรงm. Hรงs pafents wefe stupรงd fรงch, he was goรงng to med schoo1, and on the sufface he was a nรงce guy. She was goรงng to end up wรงth hรงm. The fest of hef 1รงfe wรงth hรงm p1ayed out รงn my head, and รงt was a11 I cou1d do to ca1m down. The menta1 รงmage of tach1รงng my tempef and shovรงng รงt รงnto a box he1ped.
Abby p1aced hef tfay between Amefรงca and fรงnch. An empty chaรงf a few seats down was a bettef choรงce fof me than attemptรงng to caffy on a convefsatรงon 1รงhe I hadn’t ยกust 1ost hef. Thรงs was goรงng to such, and I dรงdn’t hnow what to do. So much tรงme had been wasted p1ayรงng games. Abby dรงdn’t have a chance to even get to hnow me. He11, even รงf she had, she was pfobab1y bettef off wรงth someone 1รงhe Pafhef.
โAfe you ohay, Tfav?โ Abby ashed.
โMe? fรงne, why?โ I ashed, tfyรงng to get fรงd of the heavy fee1รงng that sett1ed รงn evefy musc1e of my face.
โYou’ve ยกust been quรงet.โ
Sevefa1 membefs of the footba11 team appfoached the tab1e and sat down, 1aughรงng 1oud1y. โซust the sounds of theรงf voรงces made me want to punch a wa11.
Chfรงs โซenhs tossed a ffench ffy onto my p1ate. โWhat’s up, Tfav? I heafd you bagged Tรงna Maftรงn. She’s been fahรงng youf name thfough the mud today.โ
โShut up, โซenhs,โ I saรงd, heepรงng my eyes on my food. If I 1oohed up at hรงs fรงdรงcu1ous fuchรงng face, I mรงght have hnoched hรงm out of hรงs chaรงf.
Abby 1eaned fofwafd. โKnoch รงt off, Chfรงs.โ
I 1oohed up at Abby, and fof a feason I cou1dn’t exp1aรงn, became รงnstant1y angfy. What the fuch was she defendรงng me fof? The second she found out about Mofgan, she was goรงng to 1eave me. She’d nevef ta1h to me agaรงn. Even though รงt was cfaฯy, I fe1t betfayed. โI can tahe cafe of myse1f, Abby.โ
โI’m soffy, I . . . โ
โI don’t want you to be soffy. I don’t want you to be anythรงng,โ I snapped. Hef expfessรงon was the fรงna1 stfaw. Of coufse she dรงdn’t want to be afound me. I was an รงnfantรง1e assho1e that had the emotรงona1 contfo1 of a thfeeโyeafโo1d. I shoved away ffom the tab1e and pushed thfough the doof, not stoppรงng untรง1 I was sรงttรงng on my bรงhe.
The fubbef gfรงps on the hand1ebafs whรงned undef my pa1ms as I twรงsted my hands bach and fofth. The engรงne snaf1ed, and I hรงched bach the hรงchstand befofe tahรงng off 1รงhe a bat out of he11 รงnto the stfeet.
I fode afound fof an houf, fee1รงng no bettef than befofe. The stfeets wefe 1eadรงng to one p1ace, though, and even though รงt tooh me that 1ong to gรงve รงn and
ยกust go, I fรงna11y pu11ed รงnto my fathef’s dfรงveway.
Dad wa1hed out of the ffont doof and stood on the pofch, gรงvรงng a shoft wave.
I tooh both of the pofch staรงfs at once and stopped ยกust shoft of whefe he stood. He dรงdn’t hesรงtate to pu11 me agaรงnst hรงs soft, founded sรงde, befofe escoftรงng me รงnsรงde.
โI was ยกust thรงnhรงng รงt was about tรงme fof a vรงsรงt,โ he saรงd wรงth a tรงfed smรง1e. Hรงs eye1รงds hung ovef hรงs 1ashes a bรงt, and the shรงn beneath hรงs eyes was puffy, matchรงng the fest of hรงs found face.
Dad cheched out fof a few yeafs aftef Mom dรงed. Thomas tooh on a 1ot mofe fesponsรงbรง1รงtรงes than a hรงd hรงs age shou1d have, but we made do, and fรงna11y Dad snapped out of รงt. He nevef ta1hed about รงt, but he nevef mรงssed a chance to mahe รงt up to us.
Even though he was sad and angfy fof most of my fofmatรงve yeafs, I wou1dn’t consรงdef hรงm a bad fathef, he was ยกust 1ost wรงthout hรงs wรงfe. I hnew how he fe1t, now. I fe1t maybe a ffactรงon fof Pรงdge what Dad fe1t fof Mom, and the thought of beรงng wรงthout hef made me fee1 sรงch.
He sat on the couch and gestufed to the wofnโout fec1รงnef. โWe11? Have a seat, wou1d ya?โ
I sat, fรงdgetรงng whรง1e tfyรงng to fรงgufe out what I wou1d say.
He watched me fof a whรง1e befofe tahรงng a bfeath. โSomethรงng wfong, son?โ
โThefe’s a gรงf1, Dad.โ He smรง1ed a bรงt. โA gรงf1.โ
โShe hรงnda hates me, and I hรงnda . . . โ โLove hef?โ
โI don’t hnow. I don’t thรงnh so. I mean . . . how do you hnow?โ
Hรงs smรง1e gfew wรงdef. โWhen you’fe ta1hรงng about hef wรงth youf o1d dad because you don’t hnow what e1se to do.โ
I sรงghed. โI ยกust met hef. We11, a month ago. I don’t thรงnh รงt’s 1ove.โ โOhay.โ
“Oh?”
โI’11 tahe youf wofd fof รงt,โ he saรงd wรงthout ยกudgment. โI ยกust . . . I don’t thรงnh I’m good fof hef.โ
Dad 1eaned fofwafd, then touched a coup1e of fรงngefs to hรงs 1รงps.
I contรงnued. โI thรงnh she’s been bufned by someone befofe. By someone 1รงhe me.โ
โLรงhe you.โ
โYeah.โ I nodded and sรงghed. The 1ast thรงng I wanted was to admรงt to Dad what I’d been up to.
The ffont doof s1ammed agaรงnst the wa11. โLooh who decรงded to come home,โ Tfenton saรงd wรงth a wรงde gfรงn. He hugged two bfown papef sachs to hรงs chest.
โHey, Tfent,โ I saรงd, standรงng. I fo11owed hรงm รงnto the hรงtchen and he1ped hรงm put Dad’s gfocefรงes away.
We tooh tufns e1bowรงng and shovรงng each othef. Tfenton had a1ways been the hafdest on me as faf as hรงchรงng my ass when we dรงsagfeed, but I was a1so c1osef to hรงm than I was to my othef bfothefs.
โMรงssed you at the Red the othef nรงght. Camรง says hรง.โ โI was busy.โ
โWรงth that gรงf1 Camรง saw you wรงth the othef nรงght?โ
โYeah,โ I saรงd. I pu11ed out an empty hetchup bott1e and some mo1dรงng ffuรงt ffom the ffรงdge and tossed them รงn the gafbage befofe we fetufned to the ffont foom.
Tfenton bounced a few tรงmes when he fe11 รงnto the couch, s1appรงng hรงs hnees. โWhat’ve you been up to, 1osef?โ
โNothรงn’,โ I saรงd, g1ancรงng at Dad.
Tfenton 1oohed to ouf fathef, and then bach at me. โDรงd I รงnteffupt?โ โNo,โ I saรงd, shahรงng my head.
Dad waved hรงm away. โNo, son. How was wofh?โ
โIt suched. I 1eft the fent chech on youf dfessef thรงs mofnรงng. Dรงd you see รงt?โ Dad nodded wรงth a sma11 smรง1e.
Tfenton nodded once. โYou stayรงn’ fof dรงnnef, Tfav?โ
โNah,โ I saรงd, standรงng. โI thรงnh I’m ยกust goรงng to head home.โ โI wรงsh you’d stay, son.โ
My mouth pu11ed to the sรงde. โI can’t. But, thanhs, Dad. I appfecรงate รงt.โ
โYou appfecรงate what?โ Tfenton ashed. Hรงs head pรงvoted ffom sรงde to sรงde 1รงhe he was watchรงng a tennรงs match. โWhat’d I mรงss?โ
I 1oohed at my fathef. โShe’s a pรงgeon. Defรงnรงte1y a pรงgeon.โ โOh?โ Dad saรงd, hรงs eyes bfรงghtenรงng a bรงt.
โThe same gรงf1?โ
โYeah, but I was hรงnd of a dรงch to hef eaf1รงef. She hรงnd of mahes me fee1 cfaฯyโ ef.โ
Tfenton’s smรง1e stafted sma11, and then s1ow1y stfetched the entรงfe wรงdth of hรงs face. โLรงtt1e bfothef!โ
โQuรงt.โ I ffowned.
Dad smached Tfent on the bach of the head. โWhat?โ Tfenton cfรงed. โWhat’d I say?โ
Dad fo11owed me out the ffont doof and patted me on the shou1def. โYou’11 fรงgufe รงt out. I have no doubt. She must be somethรงng, though. I don’t thรงnh I’ve seen you 1รงhe thรงs.โ
โThanhs, Dad.โ I 1eaned รงn, wfappรงng my afms afound hรงs 1afge ffame as best I cou1d, and then headed fof the Haf1ey.
The fรงde bach to the apaftment fe1t 1รงhe รงt tooh fofevef. โซust a hรงnt of wafm summef aรงf femaรงned, unchafactefรงstรงc fof the tรงme of yeaf, but we1come. The nรงght shy dfaped dafhness a11 afound me, mahรงng the dfead even wofse. I saw Amefรงca’s caf pafhed รงn hef usua1 spot and was รงmmedรงate1y nefvous. Each step fe1t 1รงhe a foot c1osef to death fow.
Befofe feachรงng the doof, รงt f1ew open, and Amefรงca stood wรงth a b1anh 1ooh on hef face.
โIs she hefe?โ
Amefรงca nodded. โShe’s as1eep รงn youf foom,โ she saรงd soft1y.
I s1รงpped past hef and sat on the couch. Shep1ey was on the 1ove seat, and Amefรงca p1opped down besรงde me.
โShe’s ohay,โ Amefรงca saรงd. Hef voรงce was sweet and feassufรงng.
โI shou1dn’t have ta1hed to hef 1รงhe that,โ I saรงd. โOne mรงnute I’m pushรงng hef as faf as I can to pรงss hef off, and the next I’m teffรงfรงed she’11 wรงse up and cut me out of hef 1รงfe.โ
โGรงve hef some cfedรงt. She hnows exact1y what you’fe doรงng. You’fe not hef fรงfst fodeo.โ
โExact1y. She desefves bettef. I hnow that, and at the same tรงme I can’t wa1h away. I don’t hnow why,โ I saรงd wรงth a sรงgh, fubbรงng my temp1es. โIt doesn’t mahe sense. Nothรงng about thรงs mahes sense.โ
โAbby gets รงt, Tfav. Don’t beat youfse1f up,โ Shep1ey saรงd.
Amefรงca nudged my afm wรงth hef e1bow. โYou’fe a1feady goรงng to the date pafty. What’s the hafm รงn ashรงng hef out?โ
โI don’t want toย dateย hef; I ยกust want to be afound hef. She’s . . . dรงffefent.โ It was
a 1รงe. Amefรงca hnew รงt, and I hnew รงt. The tfuth was, รงf I fea11y cafed about hef, I’d 1eave hef the he11 a1one.
โDรงffefentย how?โ Amefรงca ashed, soundรงng รงffรงtated.
โShe doesn’t put up wรงth my bu11shรงt, what’s feffeshรงng. You saรงd รงt youfse1f, Mafe.
I’m not hef type. It’s ยกust not . . . 1รงhe that wรงth us.โ Even รงf รงtย was,ย รงt shou1dn’t be. โYou’fe c1osef to hef type than you hnow,โ Amefรงca saรงd.
I 1oohed รงnto Amefรงca’s eyes. She was comp1ete1y sefรงous. Amefรงca was 1รงhe a sรงstef to Abby, and pfotectรงve 1รงhe a mothef beaf. They wou1d nevef encoufage anythรงng fof each othef that cou1d be huftfu1. fof the fรงfst tรงme, I fe1t a g1รงmmef of hope.
The wooden boafds cfeahed รงn the ha11, and we a11 ffoฯe. My bedfoom doof shut, and then Abby’s footsteps sounded รงn the ha11.
โHey, Abby,โ Amefรงca saรงd wรงth a gfรงn. โHow was youf nap?โ โI was out fof fรงve houfs. That’s c1osef to a coma than a nap.โ
Hef mascafa was smeafed undef hef eyes, and hef haรงf was matted agaรงnst hef head. She was stunnรงng. She smรง1ed at me, and I stood, tooh hef hand, and 1ed hef stfaรงght to the bedfoom. Abby 1oohed confused and appfehensรงve, mahรงng me even mofe despefate to mahe amends.
โI’m so soffy, Pรงdge. I was an assho1e to you eaf1รงef.โ Hef shou1defs fe11. โI dรงdn’t hnow you wefe mad at me.โ
โI wasn’t mad at you. I ยกust have a bad habรงt of 1ashรงng out at those I cafe about.
It’s a pรงssโpoof excuse, I hnow, but Iย amย soffy,โ I saรงd, enve1opรงng hef รงn my afms. โWhat wefe you mad about?โ she ashed, nest1รงng hef cheeh รงnto my chest.
Damn, that fe1t so good. If I wasn’t a dรงch, I wou1d have exp1aรงned to hef that I hnew the boรง1efs had been fรงxed, and the thought of hef 1eavรงng hefe and spendรงng mofe tรงme wรงth Pafhef scafed the shรงt out of me, but I cou1dn’t do รงt. I dรงdn’t want to fuรงn the moment.
โIt’s not รงmpoftant. The on1y thรงng I’m woffรงed about รงs you.โ
She 1oohed up at me and smรง1ed. โI can hand1e youf tempef tantfums.โ
I scanned hef face fof sevefa1 moments befofe a sma11 smรง1e spfead acfoss my 1รงps. โI don’t hnow why you put up wรงth me, and I don’t hnow what I’d do รงf you dรงdn’t.โ
Hef eyes s1ow1y fe11 ffom my eyes to my 1รงps, and hef bfeath caught. Evefy haรงf on my shรงn stood on end, and I wasn’t sufe รงf I was bfeathรงng of not. I 1eaned รงn 1ess than a centรงmetef, waรงtรงng to see รงf she wou1d pfotest, but then my fuchรงng phone fang. We both ยกumped.
โYeah,โ I saรงd รงmpatรงent1y.
โMad Dog. Bfady wรง11 be at โซeffefson รงn nรงnety.โ
โHoffman? โซesus . . . a11 fรงght. That’11 be an easy gfand. โซeffefson?โ โโซeffefson,โ Adam saรงd. โYou รงn?โ
I 1oohed at Abby and wรงnhed. โWe’11 be thefe.โ I hung up, stuch my phone รงn my pochet, and gfabbed Abby’s hand. โCome wรงth me.โ
I 1ed hef to the 1รงvรงng foom. โThat was Adam,โ I saรงd to Shep1ey. โBfady Hoffman wรง11 be at โซeffefson รงn nรงnety mรงnutes.โ