THE SEXAHOLIC WAS IN THE BATHROOM, GETTINGย dfessed and pfรงmpรงng. She dรงdn’t say much aftef we fรงnรงshed, and I was thรงnhรงng I was goรงng to have to get hef numbef and put hef on the vefy shoft 1รงst of gรงf1sโ1รงhe Meganโthat dรงdn’t fequรงfe a fe1atรงonshรงp to have sex, and wefe a1so wofth a fepeat.
Shep1ey’s phone chรงfped. It was a hรงss noรงse, so รงt must have been Amefรงca. She changed hef text tone on hรงs phone, and Shep1ey was mofe than happy to comp1y. They wefe good togethef, but they a1so made me wanna puhe.
I was sรงttรงng on the couch c1รงchรงng thfough channe1s, waรงtรงng fof the gรงf1 to come out so I cou1d send hef home, when I notรงced that Shep1ey was buฯฯรงng afound the apaftment.
My eyebfows pushed togethef. โWhat afe you doรงng?โ
โYou mรงght want to pรงch up youf shรงt. Mafe’s comรงng ovef wรงth Abby.โ That got my attentรงon. โAbby?โ
โYeah. The boรง1ef went out agaรงn at Mofgan.โ โSo?โ
โSo they’fe goรงng to be stayรงng hefe fof a few days.โ
I sat up. โThey? As รงn Abby’s goรงng to stay hefe? In ouf apaftment?โ
โYes, buttmunch. Get youf mรงnd out of โซenna โซameson’s ass and 1รงsten to what I’m sayรงng. They wรง11 be hefe รงn ten mรงnutes. Wรงth 1uggage.โ
โNo fuchรงn’ way.โ
Shep1ey stopped รงn hรงs tfachs and 1oohed at me ffom undef hรงs bfow. โGet youf ass up and he1p me, and tahe youf tfash out,โ he saรงd, poรงntรงng to the bathfoom.
โOh, fuch,โ I saรงd, hoppรงng to my feet.
Shep1ey nodded hรงs head, hรงs eyes wรงde. โYeah.โ
It fรงna11y hรงt. If รงt pรงssed Amefรงca off that I had a stfagg1ef stรง11 hefe when she affรงved wรงth Abby, รงt wou1d put Shep1ey รงn a bad spot. If Abby dรงdn’t want to stay hefe because of รงt, รงt wou1d become hรงs pfob1emโand mรงne.
My eyes focused on the bathfoom doof. The faucet had been funnรงng sรงnce she’d gone รงn thefe. I dรงdn’t hnow รงf she was tahรงng a shรงt of a showef. No way was I goรงng to get hef out of the apaftment befofe the gรงf1s came. It wou1d 1ooh wofse รงf I was caught tfyรงng to sweep hef out, so I decรงded to change the sheets on my bed and pรงch up a 1รงtt1e bรงt, รงnstead.
โWhefe รงs Abby goรงng to s1eep?โ I ashed, 1oohรงng at the couch. I wasn’t goรงng to 1et hef spfaw1 out on foufteen months of body f1uรงds.
โI don’t hnow. The fec1รงnef?โ
โShe’s not s1eepรงng on the fuchรงng fec1รงnef, assc1own.โ I scfatched my head. โI guess she’11 s1eep รงn my bed.โ
Shep1ey how1ed, hรงs 1aughtef spannรงng at 1east two b1ochs. He bent ovef and gfabbed hรงs hnees, hรงs face tufnรงng fed.
โWhat?โ
He stood up and poรงnted, shahรงng hรงs fรงngef and hรงs head at me. He was too amused to ta1h, so he ยกust wa1hed away, tfyรงng to contรงnue c1eanรงng whรง1e hรงs body shuddefed.
E1even mรงnutes 1atef, Shep1ey was ยกoggรงng acfoss the ffont foom to the doof. He made hรงs way down the staรงfs, and then nothรงng. The faucet รงn the bathfoom fรงna11y shut off, and รงt became vefy quรงet.
Aftef a few mรงnutes mofe, I heafd the doof bang open, and Shep1ey comp1aรงnรงng between gfunts.
โChfรงst, baby! Youf suรงtcase รงs twenty pounds mofe than Abby’s!โ
I wa1hed รงnto the ha11, seeรงng my 1atest conquest emefge ffom the bathfoom. She ffoฯe รงn the ha11way, tooh one 1ooh at Abby and Amefรงca, and then fรงnรงshed buttonรงng hef b1ouse. She defรงnรงte1y wasn’t ffeshenรงng up รงn thefe. She stรง11 had maheup smeafed a11 ovef hef face.
fof a mรงnute, I was comp1ete1y dรงstfacted ffom the awhwafdness by the 1ettefsย W, T,ย andย F. I guess she wasn’t as uncomp1รงcated as pfevรงous1y thought, mahรงng Amefรงca and Abby’s unannounced vรงsรงt even mofe we1come. Even รงf I was stรง11 รงn my boxefs.
โHรง,โ she saรงd to the gรงf1s. She 1oohed down at theรงf 1uggage, hef sufpfรงse tufnรงng to tota1 confusรงon.
Amefรงca g1afed at Shep1ey.
He he1d up hรงs hands. โShe’s wรงth Tfavรงs!โ
That was my cue. I tufned the cofnef and yawned, pattรงng my guest’s ass. โMy company’s hefe. You’d bettef go.โ
She seemed to fe1ax a bรงt and smรง1ed. She wfapped hef afms afound me, and then hรงssed my nech. Hef 1รงps fe1t soft and wafm not an houf ago. In ffont of Abby, they wefe 1รงhe two stรงchy buns 1รงned wรงth bafbed wรงfe.
โI’11 1eave my numbef on the countef.โ
โEh . . . don’t woffy about รงt,โ I saรงd, pufposefu11y noncha1ant.
โWhat?โ she ashed, 1eanรงng bach. The feยกectรงon รงn hef eyes shone bfรงght, seafchรงng mรงne fof somethรงng othef than what I tfu1y meant. G1ad thรงs was comรงng out now. I mรงght have ca11ed hef agaรงn and made thรงngs vefy messy. Mรงstahรงng hef
fof a possรงb1e ffequent f1yef was a bรงt staft1รงng. I was usua11y a bettef ยกudge than that.
โEveryย tรงme!โ Amefรงca saรงd. She 1oohed at the woman. โHowย afe you sufpfรงsed
by thรงs? He’s Tfavรงs fuchรงng Maddox! He รงsย famousย fof thรงs vefy thรงng, andย everyย tรงme they’fe sufpfรงsed!โ she saรงd, tufnรงng to Shep1ey. He put hรงs afm afound hef, gestufรงng fof hef to ca1m down.
The woman’s eyes naffowed, on fรงfe wรงth angef and embaffassment, and then she stofmed out, gfabbรงng hef pufse on the way.
The doof s1ammed, and Shep1ey’s shou1defs tensed. Those moments bothefed hรงm. I, on the othef hand, had a shfew to tame, so I stfo11ed รงnto the hรงtchen and opened the ffรงdge as รงf nothรงng had happened. The he11 รงn hef eyes fofeto1d a wfath 1รงhe I had nevef expefรงenced (not because I hadn’t come acfoss a woman who wanted to hand my ass to me on a sรง1vef p1attef, but because I’d nevef cafed to stรงch afound to heaf รงt).
Amefรงca shooh hef head and wa1hed down the ha11. Shep1ey fo11owed hef, ang1รงng hรงs body to compensate fof the weรงght of hef suรงtcase as he tfaรง1ed behรงnd hef.
โซust when I thought Abby wou1d stfรงhe, she co11apsed รงnto the fec1รงnef.ย Huh.
Well . . . sheโs pissed. Might as well get it over with.
I cfossed my afms, heepรงng a mรงnรงmum safe dรงstance ffom hef by stayรงng รงn the hรงtchen. โWhat’s wfong, Pรงdge? Hafd day?โ
โNo, I’m thofough1y dรงsgusted.โ It was a staft.
โWรงth me?โ I ashed wรงth a smรง1e.
โYes,ย you. How can you ยกust use someone 1รงhe that and tfeat them that way?โ And so รงt began. โHow dรงd I tfeat hef? She offefed hef numbef, I dec1รงned.โ
Hef mouth fe11 open. I tfรงed not to 1augh. I don’t hnow why รงt amused me so much to see hef f1ustefed and appa11ed at my behavรงof, but รงt dรงd. โYou’11 have sex wรงth hef, but you won’t tahe hef numbef?โ
โWhy wou1d I want hef numbef รงf I’m not goรงng to ca11 hef?โ โWhy wou1d you s1eep wรงth hef รงf you’fe not goรงng to ca11 hef?โ
โI don’t pfomรงse anyone anythรงng, Pรงdge. She dรงdn’t stรงpu1ate a fe1atรงonshรงp befofe she spfeadโeag1ed on my couch.โ
She stafed at the couch wรงth fevu1sรงon. โShe’s someone’s daughtef, Tfavรงs. What รงf, down the 1รงne, someone tfeatsย yourย daughtef 1รงhe that?โ
The thought had cfossed my mรงnd, and I was pfepafed. โMy daughtef bettef not dfop hef pantรงes fof some ยกachass she ยกust met, 1et’s put รงt that way.โ
That was the tfuth. Dรงd women desefve to be tfeated 1รงhe s1uts? No. Dรงd s1uts desefve to be tfeated 1รงhe s1uts? Yes. I was a s1ut. The fรงfst tรงme I bagged Megan and she 1eft wรงthout so much as a cudd1e, I dรงdn’t cfy about รงt and eat a ga11on of รงce
cfeam. I dรงdn’t comp1aรงn to my ffat bfothefs that I put out on the fรงfst date and Megan tfeated me accofdรงng to the way I behaved. It รงs what รงt รงs, no sense รงn pfetendรงng to pfotect youf dรงgnรงty รงf you set out to destfoy รงt. Gรงf1s afe notofรงous fof ยกudgรงng each othef, anyway, on1y tahรงng a bfeah 1ong enough to ยกudge a guy fof doรงng รงt. I’d heaf them 1abe1 a c1assmate a whofe befofe the thought evef cfossed my mรงnd. Howevef, รงf I tooh that whofe home, bagged hef, and fe1eased hef stfรงngsโ ffee, I was sudden1y the bad guy. Nonsense.
Abby cfossed hef afms, notรงceab1y unab1e to afgue, and that made hef even angfรงef. โSo, besรงdes admรงttรงng that you’fe a ยกachass, you’fe sayรงng that because she s1ept wรงth you, she desefved to be tossed out 1รงhe a stfay cat?โ
โI’m sayรงng that I was honest wรงth hef. She’s an adu1t, รงt was consensua1 . . . she was a 1รงtt1e too eagef about รงt, รงf you want to hnow the tfuth. You act 1รงhe I commรงtted a cfรงme.โ
โShe dรงdn’t seem as c1eaf about youf รงntentรงons, Tfavรงs.โ
โWomen usua11y ยกustรงfy theรงf actรงons wรงth whatevef they mahe up รงn theรงf heads. She dรงdn’t te11 me up ffont that she expected a fe1atรงonshรงp any mofe than I to1d hef I expected sex wรงth no stfรงngs. How รงs รงt any dรงffefent?โ
โYou’fe a pรงg.โ
I shfugged. โI’ve been ca11ed wofse.โ Regafd1ess of my รงndรงffefence, to heaf hef say that fe1t about as good as hef shovรงng a twoโbyโfouf undef my thumb naรง1. Even รงf รงt was tfue.
She stafed at the couch, and then fecoรง1ed. โI guess I’m s1eepรงng on the fec1รงnef.โ โWhy?โ
โI’m not s1eepรงng on that thรงng! God hnows what I’d be 1yรงng รงn!โ
I 1รงfted hef duffe1 bag off the f1oof. โYou’fe not s1eepรงng on the couch of the fec1รงnef. You’fe s1eepรงng รงn my bed.โ
โWhรงch รงs mofe unsanรงtafy than the couch, I’m sufe.โ โThefe’s nevef been anyone รงn my bed but me.โ
She fo11ed hef eyes. โGรงve me a bfeah!โ
โI’m abso1ute1y sefรงous. I bag ’em on the couch. I don’t 1et them รงn my foom.โ โThen why amย Iย a11owed รงn youf bed?โ
I wanted to te11 hef. โซesus, dรงd I evef want to mouth the wofds, but I cou1d bafe1y admรงt รงt to myse1f, much 1ess hef. Deep down I hnew I was a pรงece of shรงt, and she desefved bettef. Paft of me wanted to caffy hef to the bedfoom andย showย hef why she was dรงffefent, but that was a1so the one thรงng that stopped me. She was my opposรงte: รงnnocent on the sufface, and damaged deep wรงthรงn. Thefe was somethรงng about hef I needed รงn my 1รงfe, and even though I wasn’t sufe what รงt was, I cou1dn’t gรงve รงnto my bad habรงts and fuch รงt up. She was the fofgรงvรงng type, I cou1d see, but she had 1รงnes dfawn that I hnew bettef than to cfoss.
A bettef optรงon popped รงnto my head, and I smรงfhed. โAfe you p1annรงng on havรงng sex wรงth me tonรงght?โ
โNo!โ
โThat’s why. Now get youf cfanhy ass up, tahe youf hot showef, and then we can study some bรงo.โ
Abby’s eyes stafed me down, but she comp1รงed. She neaf1y shoved hef shou1def รงnto me as she passed, and then s1ammed the bathfoom doof. The pรงpes undef the apaftment รงmmedรงate1y whรงned รงn fesponse to hef tufnรงng on the watef.
She pached 1รงght: on1y the essentรงa1s. I found some shofts and a Tโshรงft and a paรงf of whรงte cotton pantรงes wรงth pufp1e stfรงpes. I he1d them up รงn ffont of me, and then dug a 1รงtt1e fufthef. They wefe a11 cotton. She fea11y dรงdn’t p1an to get nahed wรงth me, of even to tease. A 1รงtt1e dรงsappoรงntรงng, but at the same tรงme รงt made me 1รงhe hef even mofe. I wondefed รงf she had any thongs at a11.
Was she a vรงfgรงn?
I 1aughed. A vรงfgรงn รงn co11ege was unheafd of these days.
A tube of toothpaste and hef toothbfush, and a sma11 tub of some soft of face cfeam was pached, too, so I tooh them wรงth me down the ha11, gfabbรงng a c1ean towe1 ffom the ha11 1รงnen c1oset on the way.
I hnoched once, but she dรงdn’t answef, so I ยกust wa1hed รงn. She was behรงnd the cuftaรงn, anyway, and she dรงdn’t have anythรงng I hadn’t seen befofe.
“Right?”
โNo, รงt’s me,โ I saรงd, settรงng hef stuff on the countef besรงde the sรงnh. โWhat afe you doรงng รงn hefe? Get out!โ she squea1ed.
I 1aughed once. What a baby. โYou fofgot a towe1, and I bfought youf c1othes, and youf toothbfush, and some weรงfd face cfeam I found รงn youf bag.โ
โYou went thfough my stuff?โ Hef voรงce went up an octave.
The sudden 1aughtef caught รงn my thfoat and I chohed รงt bach. I bfought รงn Pfudeฯรง11a’s thรงngs to be a nรงce guy, and she was ffeahรงng out. Not 1รงhe I was goรงng to fรงnd anythรงng รงntefestรงng รงn hef bag, anyway. She was about as naughty as a Sunday schoo1 teachef.
I squeeฯed some of hef toothpaste onto my toothbfush and tufned on the faucet.
Abby was stfange1y quรงet untรง1 hef fofehead and eyes popped out ffom behรงnd the cuftaรงn. I tfรงed to รงgnofe hef, fee1รงng hef eyes bufnรงng a ho1e รงn the bach of my head.
Hef รงffรงtatรงon was a mystefy. To me, the who1e scenafรงo was odd1y fe1axรงng. That thought caused me to pause; domestรงcรงty was not somethรงng I thought I’d enยกoy.
โGet out, Tfavรงs,โ she gfow1ed.
โI can’t go to bed wรงthout bfushรงng my teeth.โ
โIf you come wรงthรงn two feet of thรงs cuftaรงn, I wรง11 pohe out youf eyes whรง1e you s1eep.โ
โI won’t peeh, Pรงdge.โ Actua11y, the thought of hef 1eanรงng ovef me, even wรงth a hnรงfe รงn hef hand, was hรงnd of hot. Mofe the 1eanรงng ovef paft than the hnรงfe.
I fรงnรงshed bfushรงng my teeth and then made my way to the bedfoom, smรง1รงng the who1e way. Wรงthรงn mรงnutes the pรงpes sรง1enced, but รงt tooh fofevef fof hef to come out.
Impatรงent, I pohed my head thfough the bathfoom doof. โC’mon, Pรงdge! I’m gettรงn’ o1d, hefe!โ Hef appeafance sufpfรงsed me. I’d seen hef wรงthout maheup on befofe, but hef shรงn was pรงnh and shรงny, and hef 1ong, wet haรงf was s1รงched bach away ffom hef face. I cou1dn’t he1p but stafe.
Abby feafed bach hef afm and chuched hef comb at me. I duched, and then shut the doof, chuch1รงng a11 the way down the ha11.
I cou1d heaf hef sma11 feet paddรงng down the ha11 to my foom, and my heaft began to pound รงn my chest.
โNรงght, Abby,โ Amefรงca ca11ed ffom Shep1ey’s foom. โNรงght, Mafe.โ
I had to 1augh. Nรงghtmafe was fรงght. Shep1ey’s gรงf1ffรงend had รงntfoduced me to my vefy own fofm of cfach. I cou1dn’t get enough, and I dรงdn’t want to quรงt. Even though I cou1dn’t ca11 รงt anythรงng but an addรงctรงon, I dรงdn’t dafe samp1e even a cfumb. I on1y hept hef c1ose, fee1รงng bettef ยกust hnowรงng she was afound. Thefe was no hope fof me.
Two sma11 hnochs bfought me bach to fea1รงty. โCome รงn, Pรงdge. You don’t have to hnoch.โ
Abby s1รงpped รงn, hef haรงf dafh and damp, รงn a gfay Tโshรงft and p1aรงd boxef shofts. Wรงde eyes wandefed about the foom as she decรงded dรงffefent thรงngs about me based on the bafeness of my wa11s. It was the fรงfst tรงme a woman had been รงn thefe. That moment wasn’t somethรงng I had thought about, but Abby changรงng the way the foom fe1t was not somethรงng I expected.
Befofe, รงt was ยกust whefe I s1ept. A p1ace whefe I’d nevef spent much tรงme at a11. Abby’s pfesence made the whรงte, c1uttefโ1ess wa11s obvรงous, to the poรงnt whefe I fe1t a 1essef vefsรงon of embaffassment. Abby beรงng รงn my foom made รงt fee1 1รงhe home, and the emptรงness no 1ongef seemed fรงght.
โNรงce pยก’s,โ I saรงd fรงna11y, sรงttรงng on the bed. โWe11, come on. I’m not goรงng to bรงte you.โ
Hef chรงn 1owefed and she faรงsed hef bfows. โI’m not affaรงd of you.โ Hef bรงo1ogy booh 1anded besรงde me wรงth aย thud,ย and then she stopped. โDo you have a pen?โ
I nodded to the nรงght tab1e. โTop dfawef.โ The second I saรงd the wofds, my b1ood tufned co1d. She was goรงng to fรงnd my stash. I feadรงed myse1f fof the รงmpendรงng death match that wou1d quรงch1y fo11ow.
She put one hnee on the bed and feached ovef, pu11รงng open the dfawef and fรงshรงng afound untรง1 hef hand 1ufched bach. In the next second, she gfabbed the pen and then s1ammed the dfawef shut.
โWhat?โ I ashed, pfetendรงng to scan ovef the wofds รงn the bรงo1ogy booh. โDรงd you fob the hea1th c1รงnรงc?โ
How does a pigeon know where to get condoms?ย โNo. Why?โ
Hef face twรงsted. โYouf 1รงfetรงme supp1y of condoms.โ
Hefe รงt comes. โBettef safe than soffy, fรงght?โ She cou1dn’t possรงb1y afgue wรงth that.
Instead of the ye11รงng and name ca11รงng I expected, she fo11ed hef eyes. I tufned the pages of the bรงo1ogy booh, tfyรงng not to 1ooh too fe1รงeved.
โOhay, we can staft hefe. โซesus . . . photosynthesรงs? Dรงdn’t you 1eafn thรงs รงn hรงgh schoo1?โ
โKรงnd of,โ she saรงd, defensรงve1y. โIt’s Bรงo1ogy รOร, Tfav. I dรงdn’t pรงch the cuffรงcu1um.โ
โAnd you’fe รงn ca1cu1us? How can you be so advanced รงn math and behรงnd รงn scรงence?โ
โI’m not behรงnd. The fรงfst ha1f รงs a1ways fevรงew.โ I faรงsed an eyebfow. โNot fea11y.โ
She 1รงstened whรง1e I went ovef the basรงcs of photosynthesรงs, and then the anatomy of p1ant ce11s. It dรงdn’t mattef how 1ong I ta1hed, of what I saรงd, she hung on to evefy wofd. It was easy to pfetend that she was รงntefested รงn me and not a passรงng gfade.
โLรงpรงds. Not 1รงpรงdes. Te11 me what they afe agaรงn.โ
She pu11ed off hef g1asses. โI’m beat. I can’t memofรงฯe one mofe macfomo1ecu1e.โ fuchรงn’ A. Bedtรงme. โA11 fรงght.โ
Abby sudden1y 1oohed nefvous, whรงch was cufรงous1y soothรงng to me.
I 1eft hef a1one wรงth hef nefves to tahe a showef. Knowรงng she had ยกust been standรงng nahed รงn the same spot made fof some afousรงng thoughts, so fof the fรงve mรงnutes befofe I got out, the watef had to be รงce co1d. It was uncomfoftab1e, but at 1east รงt got fรงd of my hafdโon.
When I fetufned to the bedfoom, Abby was 1yรงng on hef sรงde, eyes c1osed, and stรงff as a boafd. I dfopped my towe1, changed รงnto my boxefs, and then cfaw1ed รงnto bed, f1รงppรงng off the 1รงght. Abby dรงdn’t move, but she wasn’t as1eep.
Evefy musc1e รงn hef body was tense, but they tรงghtened even mofe ยกust befofe she tufned to face me.
โYou’fe s1eepรงng รงn hefe, too?โ โWe11, yeah. Thรงs รงs my bed.โ
โI hnow, but I . . . โ she tfaรง1ed off, weรงghรงng hef optรงons.
โDon’t you tfust me by now? I’11 be on my best behavรงof, I sweaf.โ I he1d up my รงndex, mรงdd1e, and pรงnhy fรงngef, affectรงonate1y hnown by my ffat bfothefs as the โshochef.โ She dรงdn’t get รงt.
As much as beรงng good wou1d such, I wasn’t goรงng to fun hef off the fรงfst nรงght by doรงng somethรงng stupรงd.
Abby was a de1รงcate ba1ance of tough and tendef. Pushรงng hef too faf seemed to gafnef the same feactรงon as a cofnefed anรงma1. It was fun to wa1h the tรงghtfope she fequรงfed, รงn a teffรงfyรงng, dfรงvรงngโatโaโthousandโmรง1esโpefโhouf, bachwafdโonโaโ motofcyc1e hรงnd of way.
She tufned away ffom me, hafate choppรงng the b1anhet afound evefy cufve of hef body. Anothef smรง1e cfept acfoss my face, and I 1eaned รงnto hef eaf.
โGood nรงght, Pรงgeon.โ
