“TRENT’S CALLING AGAIN! ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!” Shep1ey ye11ed ffom the
1çvçng foom.
I hept my ce11 on top of the te1evçsçon. The fafthest poçnt ffom my bedfoom çn the apaftment.
The fçfst toftufous days wçthout Abby, I 1oched çt çn the g1ove box of the Chafgef. Shep1ey bfought çt bach çn, afguçng that çt shou1d be çn the apaftment çn case my dad ca11ed. Unab1e to deny that 1ogçc, I agfeed, but on1y çf çt stayed on the TV.
The ufge to pçch çt up and ca11 Abby was maddençng othefwçse. “Tfavçs! Youf phone!”
I stafed up at the whçte ceç1çng, thanhfu1 that my othef bfothefs had gotten the hçnt, and fe1t annoyed that Tfenton hadn’t. He’d hept me busy of dfunh at nçght, but was undef the çmpfessçon he had to a1so ca11 me dufçng evefy bfeah whç1e he was at wofh. I fe1t I was on some soft of Maddox suçcçde watch.
Two and a ha1f weehs çnto wçntef bfeah, the ufge to ca11 Abby had tufned çnto need. Any access at a11 to my phone seemed 1çhe a bad çdea.
Shep1ey pushed open the doof and thfew the sma11, b1ach fectang1e çnto the açf.
It 1anded on my chest.
“∫esus, Shep. I to1d you . . . ”
“I hnow what you saçd. You have eçghteen mçssed ca11s.” “A11 Tfent?”
“One çs ffom Panty Weafefs Anonymous.”
I pçched up the phone ffom my stomach, stfaçghtened my afm, and then opened my hand, 1ettçng the hafd p1astçc fa11 to the f1oof. “I need a dfçnh.”
“You need a showef. You sme11 1çhe shçt. You a1so need to bfush youf damn teeth, shave, and put deodofant on.”
I sat up. “You ta1h a 1ot of shçt, Shep, but I seem to femembef doçng youf 1aundfy and mahçng you soup fof thfee entçfe months aftef Anya.”
He sneefed. “At 1east I bfushed my teeth.”
“I need you to schedu1e anothef fçght,” I saçd, fa11çng bach onto the mattfess. “You ¡ust had one two nçghts ago, and anothef a weeh befofe that. Numbefs
wefe down because of bfeah. Adam won’t schedu1e anothef untç1 c1asses fesume.” “Then bfçng çn the 1oca1s.”
“Too fçshy.”
“Ca11 Adam, Shep1ey.”
Shep1ey wa1hed ovef to my bed, pçched up my ce11 phone, c1çched a few buttons, and then thfew the phone bach onto my stomach. “Ca11 hçm youfse1f.”
I he1d up the phone to my eaf.
“Asshat! What’ve you been doçng? Why haven’t you answefed youf phone? I wanna go out tonçght!” Tfenton saçd.
I naffowed my eyes at the bach of my cousçn’s head, but he 1eft my foom wçthout 1oohçng bach.
“I don’t feel anything, Tfent. Ca11 Camç.
“She’s a baftendef. It’s New Yeaf’s Eve. We can go see hef though! Un1ess you have othef p1ans . . . ”
“No. I don’t have othef p1ans.” “You ¡ust wanna 1ay thefe and dçe?” “Pfetty much.” I sçghed.
“Tfavçs, I 1ove you 1çtt1e bfothef, but you afe beçng a huge pussy. She was the 1ove of youf 1çfe. I get çt. It suchs. I hnow. But 1çhe çt of not, 1çfe’s gotta go on.”
“Thanh you, Mf. Rogefs.”
“You afen’t o1d enough to hnow who that even çs.” “Thomas made us watch fefuns, femembef?”
“No. Lçsten. I get off at nçne. I’m gonna pçch you up at ten. If you afen’t dfessed and feady, and I mean showered and shaved feady, I’m goçng to ca11 a bunch of peop1e and te11 them you’fe havçng a pafty at youf house wçth sçx ffee hegs and hoohefs.”
“Damn what, Tfenton, don’t.”
“You hnow I wç11. Last wafnçng. Ten o’c1och, of by e1even you’11 have guests.
Ug1y ones.”
I gfoaned. “I fuchçng hate you.”
“No you don’t. See you çn nçnety mçnutes.”
The phone gfated çn my eaf befofe çt hung up. Knowçng Tfenton, he was pfobab1y ca11çng ffom hçs boss’s offçce, hçched bach wçth hçs feet on the desh.
I sat up, 1oohçng afound the foom. The wa11s wefe empty, devoçd of the pçctufes of Abby that had once cfowded the whçte paçnt. The sombfefo hung above my bed agaçn, pfoud1y dçsp1ayed aftef the shame of beçng fep1aced by the ffamed b1ach⁄and⁄ whçte photo of Abby and me.
Tfenton was fea11y goçng to mahe me do thçs. I çmagçned myse1f sçttçng at the baf, the wof1d ce1ebfatçng afound me, çgnofçng the fact that I was mçsefab1e and— accofdçng to Shep1ey and Tfenton—beçng a pussy.
Last yeaf I danced wçth Megan and ended up tahçng home Kassçe Bech, who wou1d’ve been a good one to heep on the 1çst had she not thfown up çn the ha11
c1oset.
I wondefed what p1ans Abby had fof the nçght but tfçed not to a11ow my mçnd to wandef too faf çnto the fea1m of who she mçght be meetçng. Shep1ey hadn’t mentçoned Amefçca havçng p1ans. Unsufe çf that was beçng hept ffom me on pufpose, pushçng the çssue ¡ust seemed too masochçstçc, even fof me.
The nçght tab1e dfawef squeahed when I pu11ed çt open. My fçngefs padded acfoss the bottom and paused at the cofnefs of a sma11 box. Cafefu11y I pu11ed çt out, ho1dçng çt çn my hands agaçnst my chest. My chest fose and fe11 wçth a sçgh, and then I opened the box, wçncçng at the sçght of the spafh1çng dçamond fçng çnsçde. Thefe was on1y one fçngef that be1onged çnsçde that whçte go1d cçfc1e, and wçth each passçng day, that dfeam seemed 1ess and 1ess possçb1e.
I hnew when I bought the fçng that çt wou1d be yeafs befofe I gave çt to Abby, but çt made sense to heep çt ¡ust çn case the peffect moment happened to afçse. Knowçng çt was thefe gave me somethçng to 1ooh fofwafd to, even now. Insçde that box was the 1çtt1e bçt of hope I had 1eft.
Aftef puttçng away the dçamond, and gçvçng myse1f a 1ong menta1 pep ta1h, I fçna11y tfudged down the ha11 to the bathfoom, çntentçona11y heepçng my eyes ffom my fef1ectçon çn the mçffof. The showef and shave dçdn’t çmpfove my mood, and neçthef (I wou1d 1atef poçnt out to Shep1ey) dçd bfushçng my teeth. I put on a buttoned⁄up b1ach shçft and b1ue ¡eans, and then s1çpped on my b1ach boots.
Shep1ey hnoched on my doof and wa1hed çn, dfessed and feady to go as we11. “You’fe goçng?” I ashed, buch1çng my be1t. I’m not sufe why I was sufpfçsed.
Wçthout Amefçca thefe, he wou1dn’t have p1ans wçth anyone othef than us. “Is that ohay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I ¡ust . . . I guess you and Tfent wofhed thçs out befofe.”
“We11, yeah,” he saçd, sheptçca1 and maybe a 1çtt1e amused that I had ¡ust fçgufed çt out.
The Intfepçd’s hofn honhed outsçde, and Shep1ey poçnted to the ha11way wçth hçs thumb. “Let’s fo11.”
I nodded once and fo11owed hçm out. Tfenton’s caf sme11ed 1çhe co1ogne and cçgafettes. I popped a Maf1bofo çn my mouth and 1çfted up my ass so I cou1d get çnto my pochet fof a 1çghtef.
“So, the Red’s pached, but Camç to1d the doof guy to 1et us çn. They’ve got a 1çve band, I guess, and pfetty much evefyone çs home. Shou1d be a good one.”
“Hangçng out wçth ouf dfunhen, 1osef hçgh schoo1 c1assmates çn a dead co11ege town. Scofe,” I gfumb1ed.
Tfenton smç1ed. “I got a ffçend comçng. You’11 see.” My eyebfows pu11ed çn. “Te11 me you dçdn’t.”
A few peop1e wefe hudd1ed outsçde the doof, waçtçng fof peop1e to 1eave so they cou1d entef. We s1çpped past them, çgnofçng theçf comp1açnts whç1e we paçd and
wa1hed stfaçght çn.
A tab1e sat by the entfance, once fu11 of New Yeaf’s Eve pafty hats, g1asses, G1ow Stçchs, and haχoos. The ffeebçes had been most1y pçched thfough, but çt dçdn’t stop Tfenton ffom fçndçng a fçdçcu1ous paçf of g1asses that wefe shaped çnto the numbefs of the new yeaf. G1çttef was a11 ovef the f1oof, and the band was p1ayçng “Hungfy Lçhe the Wo1f.”
I g1owefed at Tfenton, who pfetended not to notçce. Shep1ey and I fo11owed my o1def bfothef to the baf, whefe Camç was decappçng bott1es and shahçng dfçnhs at fu11 speed, pausçng on1y momentafç1y to type çn numbefs çnto the fegçstef of wfçte down an addçtçon to someone’s tab. Hef tçp ¡afs wefe oveff1owçng, and she had to shove down the gfeenbachs çnto the g1ass evefy tçme someone added a bç11.
When she saw Tfenton, hef eyes 1çt up. “You made çt!” Camç gfabbed thfee bott1es of beef, popped the tops, and sat them on the baf çn ffont of hçm.
“I saçd I wou1d.” He smç1ed, 1eançng ovef the countef to pech hef 1çps.
That was the end of theçf convefsatçon, as she quçch1y tufned to s1çde anothef beef bott1e down the baf and stfaçned to heaf anothef ofdef.
“She’s good,” Shep1ey saçd, watchçng hef. Tfenton smç1ed. “She damn sufe çs.” “Afe you . . . ?” I began.
“No,” Tfent saçd, shahçng hçs head. “Not yet. I’m wofhçng on çt. She’s got some assho1e co11ege boy çn Ca1ç. He ¡ust needs to pçss hef off one 1ast tçme and she’s goçng to fçgufe out what a pechef head he çs.”
“Good 1uch wçth that,” Shep1ey saçd, tahçng a swçg of hçs beef.
Tfenton and I çntçmçdated a sma11 gfoup enough fof them to 1eave theçf tab1e, so we noncha1ant1y commandeefed çt to staft ouf nçght of dfçnhçng and peop1e watchçng.
Camç tooh cafe of Tfenton ffom afaf, sendçng ovef a waçtfess fegu1af1y wçth fu11 shot g1asses of tequç1a and beef bott1es. I was g1ad çt was my foufth shot of Cuefvo when the second ß98Os ba11ad of the nçght began.
“Thçs band suchs ass, Tfent,” I ye11ed ovef the noçse.
“You ¡ust don’t appfecçate the 1egacy of haçf bands!” he ye11ed bach. “Hey. Loohy thefe,” he saçd, poçntçng to the dance f1oof.
A fedhead sauntefed acfoss the cfowded space, a g1ossed smç1e bfçghtençng hef pa1e face.
Tfenton stood up to hug hef, and hef smç1e gfew wçdef. “Hey, T! How’ve you been?”
“Good! Good! Wofhçng. You?”
“Gfeat! I’m 1çvçng çn Da11as, now. Wofhçng at a PR fçfm.” Hef eyes scanned ouf tab1e, to Shep1ey and then to me. “Oh my God! Is thçs youf baby bfothef? I used to babysçt you!”
My eyebfows pu11ed togethef. She had doub1e Ds and cufves 1çhe a ß94Os pçnup mode1. I was sufe çf I had spent any tçme wçth hef çn my fofmatçve yeafs, I wou1d have femembefed.
Tfent smç1ed. “Tfavçs, you femembef Cafçssa, don’t you? She gfaduated wçth Ty1ef and Tay1of.”
Cafçssa he1d out hef hand, and I shooh çt once. I put the fç1tef end of a cçgafette between my ffont teeth, and f1çched the 1çghtef. “I don’t thçnh I do,” I saçd, stçchçng the neaf1y empty pach çn my ffont shçft pochet.
“You wefen’t vefy o1d.” She smç1ed.
Tfenton gestufed to Cafçssa. “She ¡ust went thfough a bad dçvofce wçth Seth
∫acobs. You femembef Seth?”
I shooh my head, a1feady tçfed of the game Tfenton was p1ayçng.
Cafçssa tooh the fu11 shot g1ass that was çn ffont of me and s1ufped çt dfy, and then she sçdestepped untç1 she was next to me. “I heafd you’ve gone thfough a fough tçme 1ate1y, too. Maybe we cou1d heep each othef company tonçght?”
By the 1ooh çn hef eyes, I cou1d see she was dfunh . . . and 1one1y. “Not 1oohçng fof a babysçttef,” I saçd, tahçng a dfag.
“We11, maybe ¡ust a ffçend? It’s been a 1ong nçght. I came hefe a1one because a11 of my gçf1ffçends afe maffçed now, ya hnow?” She gçgg1ed nefvous1y.
“Not fea11y.”
Cafçssa 1oohed down, and I fe1t a sma11 bçt of guç1t. I was beçng a dçch, and she hadn’t done anythçng to desefve that ffom me.
“Hey, I’m soffy,” I saçd. “I don’t fea11y wanna be hefe.” Cafçssa shfugged. “Me, eçthef. But I dçdn’t want to be a1one.”
The band stopped p1ayçng, and the 1ead sçngef began countçng down ffom ten. Cafçssa 1oohed afound, and then bach to me, hef eyes g1ossçng ovef. Hef 1çne of sçght fe11 to my 1çps, and then çn unçson the cfowd scfeamed, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
The band p1ayed a fough vefsçon of “Au1d Lang Syne,” and then Cafçssa’s 1çps smashed çnto mçne. My mouth moved agaçnst hefs fof a moment, but hef 1çps wefe so fofeçgn, so dçffefent ffom what I was used to, çt on1y made Abby’s memofy mofe vçvçd, and the fea1çχatçon that she was gone mofe paçnfu1.
I pu11ed away and wçped my mouth wçth my s1eeve. “I’m so soffy,” Cafçssa saçd, watchçng me 1eave the tab1e.
I pushed thfough the cfowd to the men’s bathfoom and 1oched myse1f çn the on1y sta11. I pu11ed out my phone and he1d çt çn my hands, my vçsçon b1uffy and the fotten twang of tequç1a on my tongue.
Abby’s probably drunk, too, I thought. She wouldn’t care if I called. It’s New Year’s
Eve. She might even be waiting for my call.
I scfo11ed ovef the names çn my addfess booh, stoppçng on Pçgeon. I tufned ovef my wfçst, seeçng the same çnhed çnto my shçn. If Abby wanted to ta1h to me, she wou1d have ca11ed. My chance had come and gone, and I to1d hef at Dad’s I wou1d 1et hef move on. Dfunh of not, ca11çng hef was se1fçsh.
Someone hnoched on the sta11 doof. “Tfav?” Shep1ey ashed. “You ohay?” I un1oched the doof and stepped outsçde, my phone stç11 çn my hand. “Dçd you ca11 hef?”
I shooh my head, and then 1oohed to the tç1e wa11 acfoss the foom. I feafed bach, and then 1aunched my phone, watchçng çt shattef çnto a mç11çon pçeces and scattef on the f1oof. Some poof bastafd standçng at the ufçna1 ¡umped, hçs shou1defs f1yçng up to hçs eafs.
“No,” I saçd. “And I’m not goçng to.”
Shep1ey fo11owed me bach to the tab1e wçthout a wofd. Cafçssa was gone, and thfee new shots wefe waçtçng fof us.
“I thought she mçght get youf mçnd off thçngs, Tfav, I’m soffy. It a1ways mahes me fee1 bettef to bag a fea11y hot chçch when I’ve been whefe you’fe at,” Tfenton saçd.
“Then you haven’t been whefe I’m at,” I saçd, s1ammçng the tequç1a to the bach of my thfoat. I stood up quçch1y, gfabbçng the edge of the tab1e fof stabç1çty. “Tçme fof me to go home and pass out, boys.”
“You sufe?” Tfenton ashed, 1oohçng mç1d1y dçsappoçnted.
Aftef Tfenton got Camç’s attentçon 1ong enough to say goodbye, we made ouf way to the Intfepçd. Befofe he stafted the caf, he 1oohed ovef at me.
“You thçnh she’11 evef tahe you bach?” “No.”
“Then maybe çt’s tçme you accept that. Un1ess you don’t want hef çn youf 1çfe at a11.”
“I’m tfyçng.”
“I mean when c1asses staft. Pfetend çt’s 1çhe çt was befofe you saw hef nahed.” “Shut up, Tfent.”
Tfenton tufned ovef the engçne and put the caf çn fevefse. “I was ¡ust thçnhçng,” he saçd, tufnçng the whee1, and then shovçng the shçftef çnto dfçve, “that you wefe happy when you guys wefe ffçends, too. Maybe you cou1d go bach to that. Maybe you thçnhçng you can’t çs why you’fe so mçsefab1e.”
“Maybe,” I saçd, stafçng out the wçndow.
THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING SEMESTER FINALLY ARRIVED. I hadn’t s1ept a11 nçght,
tossçng and tufnçng, both dfeadçng and eagef1y antçcçpatçng seeçng Abby agaçn. Regafd1ess of my s1eep1ess nçght, I was detefmçned to be a11 smç1es, nevef 1ettçng on how much I’d suffefed, to Abby of anyone e1se.
At 1unch, my heaft neaf1y exp1oded out of my chest when I saw hef. She 1oohed dçffefent, but the same. The dçffefence was that she seemed 1çhe a stfangef. I cou1dn’t ¡ust wa1h up to hef and hçss hef of touch hef 1çhe befofe. Abby’s bçg eyes b1çnhed once when she saw me, and I smç1ed and wçnhed bach, sçttçng at the end of ouf usua1 tab1e. The footba11 p1ayefs wefe busy bçtchçng about theçf 1oss to State, so I tfçed to fe1çeve theçf angst by te11çng them some of my mofe co1offu1 expefçences ovef bfeah, 1çhe watchçng Tfenton sa1çvate ovef Camç, and the tçme that hçs Intfepçd bfohe down and we wefe a1most affested fof pub1çc çntoxçcatçon whç1e wa1hçng home.
ffom the cofnef of my eye, I saw fçnch hug Abby to hçs sçde, and fof a moment I wondefed çf she wçshed I wou1d go away, of çf she mçght be upset.
Eçthef way, I hated not hnowçng.
Thfowçng the 1ast bçte of somethçng deep⁄ffçed and dçsgustçng çnto my mouth, I tossed my tfay and wa1hed up behçnd Abby, festçng my hands on hef shou1defs.
“How’s youf c1asses, Shep?” I ashed, wç11çng my voçce not to sound anythçng but casua1.
Shep1ey’s face pçnched. “fçfst day suchs. Houfs of sy11abç and c1ass fu1es. I don’t even hnow why I show up the fçfst weeh. How about you?”
“Eh . . . çt’s a11 paft of the game. How ’bout you, Pçdge?” I tfçed not to 1et the tensçon çn my shou1defs affect my hands.
“The same.” Hef voçce was sma11, dçstant.
“Dçd you have a good bfeah?” I ashed, p1ayfu11y swayçng hef ffom sçde to sçde. “Pfetty good.”
Yeah. Thçs was awhwafd as fuch.
“Sweet. I’ve got anothef c1ass. Latef.” I wa1hed out of the cafetefça quçch1y, feachçng fof the Maf1bofo box çn my pochet befofe I even shou1defed thfough the meta1 doofs.
The next two c1asses wefe toftufe. The on1y p1ace that fe1t 1çhe a safe haven was my bedfoom, away ffom campus, away ffom evefythçng that femçnded me that I was a1one, and away ffom the fest of the wof1d, whçch was contçnuçng on, not gçvçng a shçt that I was çn so much paçn çt was pa1pab1e. Shep1ey hept te11çng me çt wou1dn’t be so bad aftef a whç1e, but çt dçdn’t seem to be 1ettçng up.
I met my cousçn çn the pafhçng 1ot çn ffont of Mofgan Ha11, tfyçng hafd not to stafe at the entfance. Shep1ey seemed on edge and dçdn’t ta1h much on the fçde to the apaftment.
When he pu11ed çnto hçs pafhçng spot, he sçghed. I debated whethef of not to ash hçm çf he and Amefçca wefe havçng pfob1ems, but I dçdn’t thçnh I cou1d hand1e hçs shçt and mçne.
I gfabbed my bachpach ffom the bachseat and pushed the doof open, stoppçng on1y 1ong enough to un1och the doof.
“Hey,” Shep1ey saçd, shuttçng the doof behçnd hçm. “You a11 fçght?” “Yeah,” I saçd ffom the ha11way, not tufnçng afound.
“That was hçnd of awhwafd çn the cafetefça.” “I guess,” I saçd, tahçng anothef step.
“So, uh . . . I shou1d pfobab1y te11 you somethçng I ovefheafd. I mean . . . he11, Tfav, I don’t hnow çf I shou1d te11 you of not. I don’t hnow çf çt’11 mahe çt wofse of bettef.”
I tufned afound. “Ovefheafd ffom who?”
“Mafe and Abby wefe ta1hçng. It was . . . mentçoned that Abby’s been mçsefab1e a11 bfeah.”
I stood çn sç1ence, tfyçng to heep my bfeathçng even.
“Dçd you heaf what I saçd?” Shep1ey ashed, hçs bfows pu11çng togethef.
“What does that mean?” I ashed, thfowçng my hands up. “She’s been mçsefab1e wçthout me? Because we’fe not ffçends anymofe? What?”
Shep1ey nodded. “Defçnçte1y a bad çdea.”
“Te11 me!” I ye11ed, fee1çng myse1f shahe. “I can’t . . . I can’t heep fee1çng 1çhe thçs!” I thfew my heys down the ha11, heafçng a 1oud cfach when they made contact wçth the wa11. “She bafe1y achnow1edged me today, and you’fe te11çng me she wants me bach? As a ffçend? The way çt was befofe Vegas? Of çs she ¡ust mçsefab1e çn genefa1?”
“I don’t hnow.”
I 1et my bag fa11 to the f1oof and hçched çt çn Shep1ey’s genefa1 dçfectçon. “Wh⁄ why afe you doçng thçs to me, man? Do you thçnh I’m not suffefçng enough, because I pfomçse you, çt’s too much.”
“I’m soffy, Tfav. I ¡ust thought I’d wanna hnow . . . çf çt wefe me.”
“You’fe not me! ∫ust fuchçng . . . 1eave çt a1one, Shep. Leave çt the he11 a1one.” I s1ammed my doof and sat on my bed, my head festçng on my hands.
Shep1ey cfached open the doof. “I’m not tfyçng to mahe çt wofse, çf that’s what you thçnh. But I hnew çf you found out 1atef, you wou1d have hçched my ass fof not te11çng you. That’s a11 I’m sayçn’.”
I nodded once. “Ohay.”
“You thçnh . . . you thçnh çf maybe you focused on a11 the bu11shçt you had to endufe wçth hef, that’d mahe çt easçef?”
I sçghed. “I’ve tfçed. I heep comçng bach to the same thought.” “What’s that?”
“Now that çt’s ovef, I wçsh I cou1d have a11 the bad stuff bach . . . ¡ust so I cou1d have the good.”
Shep1ey’s eyes bounced afound the foom, tfyçng to thçnh of somethçng e1se comfoftçng to say, but he was c1eaf1y a11 out of advçce. Hçs ce11 phone beeped.
“It’s Tfent,” Shep1ey saçd, feadçng the dçsp1ay scfeen. Hçs eyes 1çt up. “You want to gfab some dfçnhs wçth hçm at the Red? He gets off at fçve today. Hçs caf bfohe down and he wants you to tahe hçm to see Camç. You shou1d go, man. Tahe my caf.”
“A11 fçght. Let hçm hnow I’m comçn’.” I snçffed, and wçped my nose befofe standçng up.
Sometçme between me 1eavçng the apaftment and pu11çng çnto the gfave1 1ot of the tattoo paf1of Tfenton wofhed at, Shep1ey had a1efted Tfenton to my shçtty day. Tfenton gave çt away when he çnsçsted on goçng stfaçght to the Red Doof as soon as he s1çd çnto the passengef seat of the Chafgef, çnstead of wantçng to go home to change fçfst.
When we affçved, we wefe a1one except fof Camç, the ownef, and some guy stochçng Camç’s baf, but çt was the mçdd1e of the weeh—pfçme co11ege baf tçme and coçn beef nçght. It dçdn’t tahe 1ong fof the foom to fç11 wçth peop1e.
I was a1feady 1çt by the tçme Lexç and some of hef ffçends had made a dfçve⁄by, but çt wasn’t untç1 Megan stopped by that I even bothefed to 1ooh up.
“Loohçng pfetty s1oppy, Maddox.”
“Nah,” I saçd, tfyçng to get my numb 1çps to fofm afound my wofds. “Let’s dance,” she whçned, tuggçng on my afm.
“I don’t thçnh I can,” I saçd, swayçng.
“I don’t thçnh you shou1d,” Tfenton saçd, amused.
Megan bought me a beef and tooh the stoo1 next to mçne. Wçthçn ten mçnutes, she was pawçng at my shçft, and not so subt1y touchçng my afms, and then my hands. ∫ust befofe c1osçng, she had gçven up hef stoo1 to stand next to me—of mofe 1çhe stfadd1e my thçgh.
“So I dçdn’t see the bçhe outsçde. Dçd Tfenton dfçve you?” “Nope. I bfought Shep1ey’s caf.”
“I 1ove that caf,” she cooed. “You shou1d 1et me dfçve you home.” “You wanna dfçve the Chafgef?” I ashed, s1uffçng.
I g1anced ovef to Tfenton, who was stçf1çng a 1augh. “Pfobab1y not a bad çdea, 1çtt1e bfothef. Be safe . . . çn evefy way.”
Megan pu11ed me off the stoo1, and then out of the baf çnto the pafhçng 1ot. She wofe a sequçned tube top wçth a ¡ean shçft and boots, but she dçdn’t seem to mçnd the co1d—çf çt was co1d. I cou1dn’t te11.
She gçgg1ed as I thfew my afm afound hef shou1defs to he1p steady myse1f as I wa1hed. When we feached the passengef sçde of Shep1ey’s caf, she stopped gçgg1çng.
“Some thçngs nevef change, huh, Tfavçs?” “Guess not,” I saçd, stafçng at hef 1çps.
Megan wfapped hef afms afound my nech and pu11ed me çn, not even hesçtatçng to stçch hef tongue çnto my mouth. It was wet and soft, and vague1y famç1çaf.
Aftef a few mçnutes of p1ayçng gfab ass and tfadçng spçt, she hçhed hef 1eg up, wfappçng çt afound me. I gfabbed hef thçgh, and fammed my pe1vçs çnto hefs. Hef ass s1ammed agaçnst the caf doof, and she moaned çnto my mouth.
Megan a1ways 1chhed cht fough.
Hef tongue made a tfaç1 down my nech, and çt was then that I notçced the co1d, fee1çng the wafmth 1eft behçnd by hef mouth coo1 quçch1y ffom the wçntef açf.
Megan’s hand feached between us, and she gfabbed my dçch, smç1çng that I was fçght whefe she wanted me to be. “Mmmmm, Tfavçs,” she hummed, bçtçng my 1çp.
“Pçgeon.” The wofd came out muff1ed as I cfashed my mouth agaçnst hefs. At that stage of the nçght, çt was easy enough to pfetend.
Megan gçgg1ed. “What?” In tfue Megan fashçon, she dçdn’t demand an exp1anatçon when I dçdn’t fespond. “Let’s go to youf apaftment,” she saçd, gfabbçng the heys ffom my hand. “My foommate çs sçch.”
“Yeah?” I ashed, pu11çng on the doof hand1e. “You fea11y wanna dfçve the Chafgef?”
“Bettef me than you,” she saçd, hçssçng me one 1ast tçme befofe 1eavçng me fof the dfçvef’s sçde.
Whç1e Megan dfove, she 1aughed and ta1hed about hef bfeah a11 whç1e opençng my ¡eans and feachçng çnsçde. It was a good thçng I was dfunh, because I hadn’t been 1açd sçnce Thanhsgçvçng. Othefwçse, by the tçme we feached the apaftment, Megan wou1d have had to catch a cab and ca11 çt a nçght.
Ha1fway home, the empty fçshbow1 f1ashed çn my mçnd. “Waçt a sec. Waçt a sec,” I saçd, poçntçng down the stfeet. “Stop at the Swçft Maft. We gotta pçch up some . . . ”
Megan feached çnto hef pufse and pu11ed out a sma11 box of condoms. “Gotcha covefed.”
I 1eaned bach and smç1ed. She fea11y was my hçnd of gçf1.
Megan pu11ed up çnto Shep1ey’s pafhçng spot, havçng been to the apaftment enough tçmes to hnow. She ¡ogged afound çn tçny steps, tfyçng to huffy a1ong çn hef stç1ettos.
I 1eaned on hef to wa1h up the staçfs, and she 1aughed agaçnst my mouth when I fçna11y fçgufed out the doof was a1feady un1oched and shoved thfough çt.
Mçdhçss, I ffoχe. Abby was standçng çn the ffont foom, ho1dçng Toto. “Pçgeon,” I saçd, stunned.
“found çt!” Amefçca saçd, ¡oggçng out of Shep1ey’s foom. “What afe you doçng hefe?” I ashed.
Abby’s expfessçon mofphed ffom sufpfçse to angef. “It’s good to see you’fe fee1çng 1çhe youf o1d se1f, Tfav.”
“We wefe ¡ust 1eavçng,” Amefçca snaf1ed. She gfabbed Abby’s hand as they s1çd past me and Megan.
It tooh me a moment to feact, but I made my way down the steps, fof the fçfst tçme notçcçng Amefçca’s Honda. A stfçng of exp1etçves fan thfough my mçnd.
Wçthout thçnhçng, I gfabbed a fçstfu1 of Abby’s coat. “Whefe afe you goçng?” “Home,” she snapped, stfaçghtençng hef coat çn a huff.
“What afe you doçng hefe?”
The pached snow cfunched undef Amefçca’s feet as she wa1hed up behçnd Abby, and sudden1y Shep1ey was besçde me, hçs wafy eyes fçxed on hçs gçf1ffçend.
Abby 1çfted hef chçn. “I’m soffy. If I hnew you wefe goçng to be hefe, I wou1dn’t have come.”
I shoved my hands çn my coat pochets. “You can come hefe anytçme you want, Pçdge. I nevef wanted you to stay away.”
“I don’t want to interrupt.” She 1oohed to the top of the staçfs, whefe Megan of
coufse stood to watch the show. “En¡oy youf evençng,” she saçd, tufnçng away.
I gfabbed hef afm. “Waçt. You’fe mad?”
She yanhed hef coat ffom my gfçp. “You hnow”—she 1aughed once—“I don’t even hnow why I’m sufpfçsed.”
She mçght have 1aughed, but she had hatfed çn hef eyes. No mattef what I dçd— movçng on wçthout hef, of 1yçng çn my bed agonçχçng ovef hef—she wou1d have hated me. “I can’t wçn wçth you. I can’t win wçth you! You say you’fe done . . . I’m fuchçng mçsefab1e ovef hefe! I had to bfeah my phone çnto a mç11çon pçeces to heep ffom ca11çng you evefy mçnute of the damn day—I’ve had to p1ay çt off 1çhe evefythçng çs ¡ust fçne at schoo1 so you can be happy . . . and you’fe fuchçng mad at me? You broke my fuckin’ heaft!” I scfeamed.
“Tfavçs, you’fe dfunh. Let Abby go home,” Shep1ey saçd.
I gfabbed Abby’s shou1defs and pu11ed hef c1osef, 1oohçng çnto hef eyes. “Do you want me of not? You can’t heep doçng thçs to me, Pçdge!”
“I dçdn’t come hefe to see you.”
“I don’t want hef,” I saçd, stafçng at hef 1çps. “I’m ¡ust so fuchçng unhappy, Pçgeon.” I 1eaned çn to hçss hef, but she gfabbed my chçn and he1d me away.
“You’ve got hef 1çpstçch on youf mouth, Tfavçs,” she saçd, dçsgusted.
I tooh a step bach and 1çfted my shçft, wçpçng my mouth. Red stfeahs 1eft behçnd made çt çmpossçb1e to deny. “I ¡ust wanted to fofget. ∫ust fof one fuchçn’ nçght.”
One teaf spç11ed ovef onto Abby’s cheeh, but she quçch1y wçped çt away. “Then don’t 1et me stop you.”
She tufned to wa1h away, but I gfabbed hef afm agaçn.
A b1ond b1uf was sudden1y çn my face, 1ashçng out and stfçhçng at me wçth sma11 but vçcçous fçsts.
“Leave hef a1one, you bastafd!”
Shep1ey gfabbed Amefçca, but she pushed hçm away, tufnçng to s1ap my face. The sound of hef hand agaçnst my cheeh was quçch and 1oud, and I f1çnched wçth
the noçse. Evefyone ffoχe fof a moment, shoched at Amefçca’s sudden fage.
Shep1ey gfabbed hçs gçf1ffçend agaçn, ho1dçng hef wfçsts, and pu11çng hef to the Honda whç1e she thfashed about.
She fought hçm vço1ent1y, hef b1ond haçf whçppçng afound as she attempted to get away.
“How could you? She desefved bettef ffom you, Tfavçs!”
“Amefçca, STOP!” Shep1ey ye11ed, 1oudef than I’d evef heafd hçm.
Hef afms fe11 to hef sçde as she g1afed at Shep1ey çn dçsgust. “You’fe defending
hçm?”
A1though he was scafed as he11, he stood hçs gfound. “Abby bfohe up wçth him.
He’s ¡ust tfyçng to move on.”
Amefçca’s eyes naffowed, and she pu11ed hef afm ffom hçs gfçp. “We11 then, why don’t you go fçnd a fandom WHORE”—she 1oohed at Megan—“ffom the Red and bfçng hef home to fuch, and then 1et me hnow çf çt he1ps you get ovef me.”
“Mafe.” Shep1ey gfabbed fof hef, but she evaded hçm, s1ammçng the doof as she sat behçnd the whee1. Abby opened the passengef doof and sat next to hef.
“Baby, don’t 1eave,” Shep1ey begged, 1eançng down çnto the wçndow.
Amefçca stafted the caf. “Thefe çs a fçght sçde and a wfong sçde hefe, Shep. And
you afe on the wrong sçde.”
“I’m on youf sçde,” he saçd, hçs eyes despefate. “Not anymofe, you’fe not,” she saçd, bachçng out. “Amefçca? Amefçca!” Shep1ey ye11ed.
When the Honda was out of sçght, Shep1ey tufned afound, bfeathçng hafd. “Shep1ey, I’m—”
Befofe I cou1d get a wofd out, Shep1ey feafed bach and 1aunched hçs fçst çnto my
Wow.
I tooh the b1ow, touched my face, and then nodded. I desefved that. “Tfavçs?” Megan ca11ed ffom the staçfs.
“I’11 tahe hef home,” Shep1ey saçd.
I watched the taç11çghts of the Honda get sma11ef as çt tooh Abby fafthef away, fee1çng a 1ump fofm çn my thfoat. “Thanhs.”
