THE NEXT WEEK SEEMED ENDLESS. AMERICA AND I DECIDEDย รงt wou1d be best รงf
she stayed at Mofgan fof a whรง1e. Shep1ey fe1uctant1y agfeed. Abby mรงssed a11 thfee days of hรงstofy and found somewhefe e1se othef than the cafetefรงa to eat. I tfรงed to catch up wรงth hef aftef a few of hef c1asses, but she eรงthef nevef went to them of had 1eft eaf1y. She wou1dn’t answef hef phone.
Shep1ey assufed me that she was ohay, and nothรงng had happened to hef. As agonรงฯรงng as รงt was to hnow I was two degfees ffom Abby, รงt wou1d have been wofse to be cut off ffom hef comp1ete1y and have no รงdea รงf she was dead of a1รงve. Even though รงt seemed she wanted nothรงng to do wรงth me, I cou1dn’t stop hopรงng that at some poรงnt soon she wou1d fofgรงve me of staft mรงssรงng me as much as I mรงssed hef and show up at the apaftment. Thรงnhรงng about nevef seeรงng hef agaรงn was too paรงnfu1, so I decรงded to heep waรงtรงng.
On ffรงday, Shep1ey hnoched on my doof.
โCome รงn,โ I saรงd ffom the bed, stafรงng up at the ceรง1รงng. โYou goรงng out tonรงght, buddy?โ
โNo.โ
โMaybe you shou1d ca11 Tfent. Go get a coup1e of dfรงnhs and get youf mรงnd off thรงngs fof a whรง1e.โ
โNo.โ
Shep1ey sรงghed. โLรงsten, Amefรงca’s comรงng ovef, but . . . and I hate to do thรงs to you . . . but you can’t bug hef about Abby. I bafe1y ta1hed hef รงnto comรงng. She ยกust wants to stay รงn my foom. Ohay?โ
โYeah.โ
โCa11 Tfent. And you need to eat somethรงng and tahe a showef. You 1ooh 1รงhe shรงt.โ
Wรงth that, Shep1ey shut the doof. It stรง11 dรงdn’t shut fรงght ffom the tรงme I had hรงched รงt down. Evefy tรงme someone c1osed รงt, the tรงme I destfoyed the apaftment ovef Abby 1eavรงng came to mรงnd, and the fact that she came bach to me not 1ong aftef, 1eadรงng to ouf fรงfst tรงme.
I c1osed my eyes, but 1รงhe evefy othef nรงght that weeh, cou1dn’t s1eep. How peop1e 1รงhe Shep1ey went thfough thรงs tofment ovef and ovef wรงth dรงffefent gรงf1s was รงnsane. Meetรงng someone aftef Abby, even รงf that gรงf1 wefe to somehow measufe up, I cou1dn’t รงmagรงne puttรงng my heaft out thefe agaรงn. Not ยกust so I
cou1d fee1 1รงhe thรงs a11 ovef agaรงn. Lรงhe a s1ow death. Tufns out I’d had รงt fรงght a11 a1ong.
Twenty mรงnutes 1atef, I cou1d heaf Amefรงca’s voรงce รงn the 1รงvรงng foom. The sounds of them ta1hรงng quรงet1y as they hรงd ffom me รงn Shep1ey’s foom echoed thfoughout the apaftment.
Even Amefรงca’s voรงce was too much to tahe. Knowรงng she had pfobab1y ยกust spohen to Abby was excfucรงatรงng.
I fofced myse1f to stand up and mahe my way to the bathfoom to tahe cafe of showefรงng and othef basรงc hygรงene fรงtua1s I’d neg1ected ovef the 1ast weeh. Amefรงca’s voรงce was dfowned out by the watef, but the second I tufned the 1evef off, I cou1d heaf hef agaรงn.
I got dfessed, and gfabbed my bรงhe heys, set to tahe a 1ong fรงde. I’d pfobab1y end up at Dad’s to bfeah the news.
โซust as I passed Shep1ey’s bedfoom doof, Amefรงca’s phone fang. It was the fรงngtone she’d assรงgned to Abby. My stomach sanh.
โI can come pรงch you up and tahe you somewhefe fof dรงnnef,โ she saรงd. Abby was hungfy. She mรงght go to the cafetefรงa.
I ยกogged out to the Haf1ey and faced out of the pafhรงng 1ot, speedรงng and funnรงng fed 1รงghts and stop sรงgns a11 the way to campus.
When I got to the cafetefรงa, Abby wasn’t thefe. I waรงted a few mofe mรงnutes, but she nevef showed. My shou1defs sagged, and I tfudged รงn dafhness towafd the pafhรงng 1ot. It was a quรงet nรงght. Co1d. Opposรงte of the nรงght I wa1hed Abby to Mofgan aftef I won ouf bet, femรงndรงng me of how empty รงt fe1t not havรงng hef besรงde me.
A sma11 fรงgufe some yafds away appeafed, wa1hรงng towafd the cafetefรงa a1one. It was Abby.
Hef haรงf was pu11ed up รงnto a bun, and when she got c1osef, I notรงced she wasn’t weafรงng any maheup. Hef afms cfossed agaรงnst hef chest, she dรงdn’t have a coat on, on1y a thรงch, gfay cafdรงgan to wafd off the co1d.
โPรงgeon?โ I saรงd, wa1hรงng รงnto the 1รงght ffom the shadows.
Abby ยกefhed to a stop, and then fe1axed a bรงt when she fecognรงฯed me. โโซesus, Tfavรงs! You scafed the he11 out of me!โ
โIf you wou1d answef youf phone when I ca11 I wou1dn’t have to sneah afound รงn the dafh.โ
โYou 1ooh 1รงhe he11,โ she saรงd.
โI’ve been thfough thefe once of twรงce thรงs weeh.โ
She pu11ed hef afms tรงghtef afound hef, and I had to stop myse1f ffom huggรงng hef to heep hef wafm.
Abby sรงghed. โI’m actua11y on my way to gfab somethรงng to eat. I’11 ca11 you 1atef, ohay?โ
โNo. We have to ta1h.โ โTfavโโ
โI tufned Benny down. I ca11ed hรงm Wednesday and to1d hรงm no.โ
I was hopรงng she wou1d smรง1e, of at 1east show some sรงgn that she appfoved. Hef face femaรงned b1anh. โI don’t hnow what you want me to say, Tfavรงs.โ โSay you fofgรงve me. Say you’11 tahe me bach.โ
โI can’t.โ
My face cfump1ed.
Abby tfรงed to wa1h afound. Instรงnctรงve1y, I stepped รงn ffont of hef. If she wa1hed away thรงs tรงme, I wou1d 1ose hef. โI haven’t s1ept, of ate . . . I can’t concentfate. Iย knowย you 1ove me. Evefythรงng wรง11 be the way รงt used to be รงf you’d ยกust tahe me bach.โ
She c1osed hef eyes. โWe afe dysfunctรงona1, Tfavรงs. I thรงnh you’fe ยกust obsessed wรงth the thought of ownรงng me mofe than anythรงng e1se.โ
โThat’s not tfue. I 1ove you mofe than my 1รงfe, Pรงgeon.โ โThat’s exact1y what I mean. That’s cfaฯy ta1h.โ
โIt’s not cfaฯy. It’s the tfuth.โ
โOhay . . . so what exact1y รงs the ofdef fof you? Is รงt money, me, youf 1รงfe . . . of รงs thefe somethรงng that comes befofe money?โ
โI fea1รงฯe what I’ve done, ohay? I see whefe you’d thรงnh that, but รงf I’d hnown that you wefe gonna 1eave me, I wou1d have nevef . . . I ยกust wanted to tahe cafe of you.โ
โYou’ve saรงd that.โ
โP1ease don’t do thรงs. I can’t stand fee1รงng 1รงhe thรงs . . . รงt’s . . . รงt’s hรง11รงn’ me,โ I saรงd, on the vefge of panรงc. The wa11 Abby hept afound hef when we wefe ยกust ffรงends was bach up, stfongef than befofe. She wasn’t 1รงstenรงng. I cou1dn’t get thfough to hef.
โI’m done, Tfavรงs.โ
I wรงnced. โDon’t say that.โ โIt’sย over. Go home.โ
My eyebfows pu11ed รงn. โYouโreย my home.โ
Abby paused, and fof a moment I fe1t 1รงhe I’d actua11y gotten thfough to hef, but hef eyes 1ost focus, and the wa11 was up agaรงn. โYou made youf choรงce, Tfav. I’ve made mรงne.โ
โI’m goรงng to stay the he11 out of Vegas, and away ffom Benny . . . I’m goรงng to fรงnรงsh schoo1. But I need you. Iย needย you. You’fe my best ffรงend.โ
fof the fรงfst tรงme sรงnce I was a 1รงtt1e hรงd, hot teafs bufned รงn my eyes and dfรงpped down one of my cheehs. Unab1e to festfaรงn myse1f, I feached out fof Abby, wfapped hef sma11 ffame รงn my afms, and p1anted my 1รงps on hefs. Hef mouth was
co1d and stรงff, so I cfad1ed hef face รงn my hands, hรงssรงng hef hafdef, despefate to get a feactรงon.
โKรงss me,โ I begged.
Abby hept hef mouth taut, but hef body was 1รงfe1ess. If I 1et hef go, she wou1d have fa11en. โKรงss me!โ I p1eaded. โP1ease, Pรงgeon! I to1d hรงm no!โ
Abby shoved me away. โLeave meย alone,ย Tfavรงs!โ
She shou1defed passed me, but I gfabbed hef wfรงst. She hept hef afm stfaรงght, outstfetched behรงnd hef, but she dรงdn’t tufn afound.
โI amย beggingย you.โ I fe11 to my hnees, hef hand stรง11 รงn mรงne. My bfeath puffed
out รงn whรงte steam as I spohe, femรงndรงng me of the co1d. โI’m beggรงng you, Abby. Don’t do thรงs.โ
Abby g1anced bach, and then hef eyes dfรงfted down hef afm to mรงne, seeรงng the tattoo on my wfรงst. The tattoo that bafed hef name.
She 1oohed away, towafd the cafetefรงa. โLet me go, Tfavรงs.โ
The aรงf hnoched out of me, and wรงth a11 hope ob1รงtefated, I fe1axed my hand, and 1et hef s1รงp out of my fรงngefs.
Abby dรงdn’t 1ooh bach as she wa1hed away ffom me, and my pa1ms fe11 f1at on the sรงdewa1h. She wasn’t comรงng bach. She dรงdn’t want me anymofe, and thefe was nothรงng I cou1d do of say to change รงt.
Sevefa1 mรงnutes passed befofe I cou1d gaรงn the stfength to stand. My feet dรงdn’t want to move, but somehow I fofced them to coopefate 1ong enough to get me to the Haf1ey. I sat on the seat, and 1et my teafs fa11. Loss was somethรงng I’d on1y expefรงenced once befofe รงn my 1รงfe, but thรงs fe1t mofe fea1. Losรงng Abby wasn’t a stofy I femembefed ffom eaf1y chรง1dhoodโรงt was รงn my face, debรง1รงtatรงng me 1รงhe a sรงchness, fobbรงng me of my senses and physรงca11y, excfucรงatรงng1y paรงnfu1.
My mothef’s wofds echoed รงn my eaf. Abby was the gรงf1 I had to fรงght fof, and I went down fรงghtรงng. None of รงt was evef goรงng to be enough.
A fed Dodge Intfepรงd pu11ed up next to my bรงhe. I dรงdn’t have to 1ooh up to see who รงt was.
Tfenton hรง11ed the engรงne, festรงng an afm out of the open wรงndow. โHey.โ โHey,โ I saรงd, wรงpรงng my eyes wรงth my ยกachet s1eeve.
โRough nรงght?โ
โYeah,โ I nodded, stafรงng at the Haf1ey’s fue1 tanh.
โI ยกust got off wofh. I need a fuchรงn’ dfรงnh. Rรงde wรงth me to the Dutch.โ
I tooh a 1ong, fa1tefรงng bfeath. Tfenton, 1รงhe Dad and the fest of my bfothefs, a1ways hnew how to hand1e me. We both hnew I shou1dn’t dfรงve รงn my condรงtรงon.
โYeah.โ
โYeah?โ Tfenton saรงd wรงth a sma11, sufpfรงsed smรง1e.
I swung my 1eg bachwafd ovef the seat, and then wa1hed afound to the passengef sรงde of Tfenton’s caf. The heat ffom the vents made my shรงn bufn, and
fof the fรงfst tรงme that nรงght I fe1t how bรงtรงng co1d the aรงf was, and fecognรงฯed that I dรงdn’t have neaf1y enough c1othes on fof the tempefatufe.
โShep1ey ca11ed you?โ
โYep.โ He bached out ffom the pafhรงng space and s1ow1y weaved thfough the 1ot, fรงndรงng the stfeet at a tuft1e’s pace. He 1oohed ovef at me. โI guess a guy named ffench ca11ed hรงs gรงf1? Saรงd you and Abby wefe fรงghtรงng outsรงde the cafetefรงa.โ
โWe wefen’t fรงghtรงng. I was ยกust . . . tfyรงng to get hef bach.โ
Tfenton nodded once, pu11รงng รงnto the stfeet. โThat’s what I fรงgufed.โ
We dรงdn’t speah agaรงn untรง1 we tooh ouf stoo1s at the baf of the Dutch. The cfowd was fough, but Bรง11, the ownef and baftendef, hnew Dad we11 ffom when we wefe hรงds, and most of the fegu1afs watched us gfow up.
โGood to see you boys. It’s been a whรง1e,โ Bรง11 saรงd, wรงpรงng down the countef befofe settรงng a beef and a shot on the baf รงn ffont of each of us.
โHey, Bรง11,โ Tfenton saรงd, รงmmedรงate1y tossรงng bach hรงs shot. โYou fee1รงng ohay, Tfavรงs?โ Bรง11 ashed.
Tfenton answefed fof me. โHe’11 fee1 bettef aftef a few founds.โ
I was gfatefu1. In that moment, รงf I spohe, I mรงght have bfohen down.
Tfenton contรงnued buyรงng me whรงshey untรง1 my teeth wefe numb and I was on the vefge of passรงng out. I must have done so sometรงme between the baf and the apaftment, because I wohe up the next mofnรงng on the couch รงn my c1othes, unsufe of how รงn the he11 I got thefe.
Shep1ey c1osed the doof, and I heafd the famรง1รงaf sound of Amefรงca’s Honda fev up and pu11 away.
I sat up and c1osed one eye. โDรงd you guys have a good nรงght.โ โYeah. Dรงd you?โ
โI guess so. Dรงd you heaf me come รงn?โ
โYeah, Tfent caffรงed youf ass upstaรงfs and thfew you on the couch. You wefe 1aughรงng, so I’d say รงt was a successfu1 nรงght.โ
โTfent can be a dรงch, but he’s a good bfothef.โ โThat he รงs. You hungfy?โ
โfuch no,โ I gfoaned.
โA1fรงghty, then. I’m gonna mahe me some cefea1.โ
I sat on the couch, goรงng ovef the nรงght befofe รงn my mรงnd. The 1ast houfs wefe haฯy, but when I bached up to the moment I saw Abby on campus, I wรงnced.
โI to1d Mafe we had p1ans today. I thought we’d go to the 1umbef p1ace to fep1ace youf cfeahy ass doof.โ
โYou don’t have to babysรงt me, Shep.โ
โI’m not. We’fe 1eavรงng รงn ha1f an houf. Wash the stanh off you, fรงfst,โ he saรงd, sรงttรงng รงn the fec1รงnef wรงth hรงs bow1 of Mรงnรง Wheats. โAnd then we’fe goรงng to come home and study. fรงna1s.โ
โfuch,โ I saรงd wรงth a sรงgh.
โI’11 ofdef pรงฯฯa fof 1unch, and we can ยกust eat 1eftovefs fof dรงnnef.โ โThanhsgรงvรงng รงs comรงng up, femembef? I’11 be eatรงng pรงฯฯa thfee mea1s a day fof
two days stfaรงght. No, thanh you.โ โOhay, Chรงnese, then.โ
โYou’fe mรงcfomanagรงng,โ I saรงd. โI hnow. Tfust me, รงt he1ps.โ
I nodded s1ow1y, hopรงng he was fรงght.
THE DAYS PASSED SLOWLY. BUT STAYING UP LATE TOย study wรงth Shep1ey, and
sometรงmes Amefรงca, he1ped to shoften the s1eep1ess nรงghts. Tfenton pfomรงsed not to te11 Dad of the fest of the Maddox boys about Abby untรง1 aftef Thanhsgรงvรงng, but I stรง11 dfeaded รงt, hnowรงng I’d a1feady to1d them a11 she wou1d come. They wou1d ash about hef, and then see fรงght thfough me when I 1รงed.
Aftef my 1ast c1ass on ffรงday, I ca11ed Shep1ey. โHey, I hnow thรงs รงs supposed to be offโ1รงmรงts, but I need you to fรงnd out whefe Abby รงs goรงng fof bfeah.โ
โWe11, that’s easy. She’11 be wรงth us. She spends the ho1รงdays at Amefรงca’s.โ โRea11y?โ
โYeah, why?โ
โNothรงng,โ I saรงd, abfupt1y hangรงng up the phone.
I wa1hed afound campus รงn the 1รงght faรงn, waรงtรงng fof Abby’s c1ass to 1et out. Outsรงde the Hoovef buรง1dรงng, I saw a few peop1e ffom Abby’s ca1cu1us c1ass congfegated outsรงde. The bach of Pafhef’s head came รงnto vรงew, and then Abby.
She was hudd1ed รงnsรงde hef wรงntef coat, seemรงng uncomfoftab1e as Pafhef babb1ed on.
I pu11ed down my fed ba11 cap and ยกogged รงn theรงf dรงfectรงon. Abby’s eyes dfรงfted to mรงne; fecognรงtรงon made hef eyebfows faรงse รงnfรงnรงtesรงma11y.
The same mantfa p1ayed on fepeat รงn my head.ย No matter what smart-ass
comment Parker makes, play it cool. Donโt fuck this up. Donโt. Fuck. This. Up.
To my sufpfรงse, Pafhef 1eft wรงthout sayรงng a wofd to me.
I shoved my hands รงnto the ffont pochets of my hoodรงe. โShep1ey saรงd you’fe goรงng wรงth hรงm and Mafe to Wรงchรงta tomoffow.โ
โYeah?โ
โYou’fe spendรงng the who1e bfeah at Amefรงca’s?โ
She shfugged, tfyรงng too hafd to be unaffected by my pfesence. โI’m fea11y c1ose wรงth hef pafents.โ
โWhat about youf mom?โ
โShe’s a dfunh, Tfavรงs. She won’t hnow รงt’s Thanhsgรงvรงng.โ
My stomach 1ufched, hnowรงng the answef to my next questรงon was goรงng to be my 1ast chance. Thundef fo11ed above us and I 1oohed up, squรงntรงng as the 1afge
dfops fe11 agaรงnst my face.
โI need to ash you fof a favof,โ I saรงd, duchรงng ffom the hafd faรงn. โC’mefe.โ I pu11ed Abby undef the c1osest awnรงng so she wou1dn’t get soahed ffom the sudden downpouf.
โWhat hรงnd of favof?โ she ashed, c1eaf1y suspรงcรงous. It was hafd to heaf hef ovef the faรงn.
โMy uh . . . โ I shรงfted my weรงght, my nefves attemptรงng to get the best of me. My mรงnd scfeamedย abort!,ย but I was detefmรงned to at 1east tfy. โDad and the guys afe stรง11 expectรงng you on Thufsday.โ
โTfavรงs!โ Abby whรงned.
I 1oohed to my feet. โYou saรงd you wou1d come.โ
โI hnow, but . . . รงt’s a 1รงtt1e รงnappfopfรงate now, don’t you thรงnh?โ
โYou saรงd you wou1d come,โ I saรงd agaรงn, tfyรงng to heep my voรงce ca1m.
โWe wefe stรง11 togethef when I agfeed to go home wรงth you. Youย knewย I wasn’t goรงng to come.โ
โIย didnโtย hnow, and รงt’s too 1ate, anyway. Thomas รงs f1yรงng รงn, and Ty1ef tooh off wofh. Evefyone’s 1oohรงng fofwafd to seeรงng you.โ
Abby cfรงnged, twรงf1รงng a pรงece of hef wet haรงf afound hef fรงngef. โThey wefe goรงng to come anyway, wefen’t they?โ
โNot evefyone. We haven’t had a11 of us thefe fof Thanhsgรงvรงng รงn yeafs. They a11 made an effoft to be thefe, sรงnce I pfomรงsed them a fea1 mea1. We haven’t had a woman รงn the hรงtchen sรงnce Mom dรงed and . . . โ
โThat’s not sexรงst of anythรงng,โ
โThat’s not what I meant, Pรงdge, c’mon. We a11 want you thefe. That’s a11 I’m sayรงn’.โ
โYou haven’t to1d them about us, have you?โ
โDad wou1d ash why, and I’m not feady to ta1h to hรงm about รงt. I’d nevef heaf the end of how stupรงd I am. P1ease come, Pรงdge.โ
โI have to put the tufhey รงn at sรงx รงn the mofnรงng. We’d have to 1eave hefe by fรงve . . . โ
โOf we cou1d stay thefe.โ
Hef eyebfows shot up. โNo way! It’s bad enough that I’m goรงng to have to 1รงe to youf famรง1y and pfetend we’fe stรง11 togethef.โ
Hef feactรงon, a1though antรงcรงpated, stรง11 stung my ego a 1รงtt1e. โYou act 1รงhe I’m ashรงng you to 1รงght youfse1f on fรงfe.โ
โYou shou1d have to1d them!โ
โI wรง11. Aftef Thanhsgรงvรงng . . . I’11 te11 them.โ
She sรงghed and then 1oohed away. Waรงtรงng fof hef answef was 1รงhe pu11รงng out my fรงngefnaรง1s one by one.
what.”
โIf you pfomรงse me that thรงs รงsn’t some stunt to tfy and get bach togethef, I’11 do
I nodded, tfyรงng not to be too eagef. โI pfomรงse.โ
Hef 1รงps fofmed a hafd 1รงne, but thefe was the tรงnรงest hรงnt of a smรง1e รงn hef eyes.
โI’11 see you at fรงve.โ
I 1eaned down to hรงss hef cheeh. I’d ยกust meant to gรงve hef a quรงch pech, but my 1รงps had mรงssed hef shรงn, and รงt was hafd to pu11 away. โThanhs, Pรงgeon.โ
Aftef Shep1ey and Amefรงca headed out fof Wรงchรงta รงn the Honda, I c1eaned the apaftment, fo1ded the 1ast 1oad of 1aundfy, smohed ha1f a pach of cรงgafettes, pached an ovefnรงght bag, and then cussed the c1och fof beรงng so s1ow. When fouf thรงfty fรงna11y fo11ed afound, I ยกogged down the steps to Shep1ey’s Chafgef, tfyรงng not to speed a11 the way to Mofgan.
When I affรงved at Abby’s doof, hef confused expfessรงon tooh me by sufpfรงse. โTfavรงs,โ she bfeathed.
โAfe you feady?โ
Abby faรงsed an eyebfow. โReady fof what?โ โYou saรงd pรงch you up at fรงve.โ
She fo1ded hef afms acfoss my chest. โI meant fรงve รงn theย morning!โ
โOh. I guess I shou1d ca11 Dad and 1et hรงm hnow we won’t be stayรงng aftef a11.โ โTfavรงs!โ she waรง1ed.
โI bfought Shep’s caf so we dรงdn’t have to dea1 wรงth ouf bags on the bรงhe.
Thefe’s a spafe bedfoom you can cfash รงn. We can watch a movรงe ofโโ โI’mย notย stayรงng at youf dad’s!โ
My face fe11. โOhay. I’11 uh . . . I’11 see you รงn the mofnรงng.โ
I tooh a step bach, and Abby shut the doof. She wou1d stรง11 come, but my famรง1y wou1d defรงnรงte1y hnow somethรงng was up รงf she dรงdn’t show up tonรงght 1รงhe I’d saรงd she wou1d. I wa1hed down the ha11 s1ow1y as I punched รงn Dad’s numbef. He was goรงng to ash why, and I dรงdn’t want to outfรงght 1รงe to hรงm.
“Thank you, watch.”
I f1รงpped afound to see Abby standรงng รงn the ha11way. โGรงve me a mรงnute to pach a few thรงngs.โ
I smรง1ed, neaf1y ovefwhe1med wรงth fe1รงef. We wa1hed togethef bach to hef foom, and I waรงted รงn the doofway whรง1e she shoved a few thรงngs รงn a bag. The scene femรงnded me of the nรงght I’d won the bet, and I fea1รงฯed that I wou1dn’t have tfaded a sรงng1e second we spent togethef.
โI stรง11 1ove you, Pรงdge.โ
She dรงdn’t 1ooh up. โDon’t. I’m not doรงng thรงs fof you.โ
I suched รงn a bfeath, physรงca1 paรงn shootรงng รงn a11 dรงfectรงons รงn my chest. โI know.โ
