AT FIRST, I DIDN’T PANIC. AT FIRST, A SLEEPY HAZE PROVIDED ¡ust enough
confusçon to fostef a sense of ca1m. At fçfst, when I feached fof Abby acfoss the sheets and dçdn’t fee1 hef thefe, I fe1t ¡ust a sma11 bçt of dçsappoçntment, fo11owed by cufçosçty.
She was pfobab1y çn the bathfoom, of maybe eatçng cefea1 on the couch. She’d
¡ust gçven hef vçfgçnçty to me, someone wçth whom she’d spend a 1ot of tçme and effoft pfetendçng not to have mofe than p1atonçc fee1çngs. That was a 1ot to tahe çn.
“Pçdge?” I ca11ed. I 1çfted on1y my head, hopçng she wou1d cfaw1 bach çn bed wçth me. But aftef sevefa1 moments, I gave çn, and sat up.
Havçng no çdea what was çn stofe, I s1çpped on the boxefs I’d hçched off the nçght befofe, and s1çpped a T⁄shçft ovef my head.
My feet dfagged down the ha11 to the bathfoom doof, and I hnoched. The doof opened a bçt. I heafd no movement but I ca11ed fof hef, anyway. “Pçgeon?”
Opençng the doof wçdef fevea1ed what was expected. Empty and dafh. I then went çnto the 1çvçng foom, fu11y expectçng to see hef çn the hçtchen of on the couch, but she was nowhefe.
“Pçgeon?” I ca11ed, waçtçng fof an answef.
Pançc stafted to swe11 çnsçde of me, but I fefused to ffeah out untç1 I hnew what the he11 was goçng on. I stomped çnto Shep1ey’s foom and opened the doof wçthout hnochçng.
Amefçca 1ay next to Shep1ey, tang1ed çn hçs afms the way I çmagçned Abby wou1d have been çn mçne at that poçnt.
“Have you guys seen Abby? I can’t fçnd hef.”
Shep1ey façsed hçmse1f up onto hçs e1bow, fubbçng hçs eye wçth hçs hnuch1e. “Huh?”
“Abby,” I saçd, çmpatçent1y f1çppçng on the 1çght swçtch. Shep1ey and Amefçca both fecoç1ed. “Have you seen hef?”
Dçffefent scenafços fan thfough my mçnd, a11 causçng dçffefent degfees of a1afm. Maybe she had 1et out Toto, and someone had tahen hef, of huft hef, of maybe she’d fa11en down the staçfs. But Toto’s c1aws wefe c1çchçng agaçnst the f1oof down the ha11, so that cou1dn’t be çt. Maybe she went to get somethçng out of Amefçca’s caf.
I fushed to the ffont doof and 1oohed afound. Then I ¡ogged down the staçfs, my eyes seafchçng evefy çnch between the ffont doof of the apaftment and Amefçca’s caf.
Nothçng. She’d vançshed.
Shep1ey appeafed çn the doofway, squçntçng and huggçng hçmse1f ffom the co1d. “Yeah. She wohe us up eaf1y. She wanted to go home.”
I tooh the staçfs bach up two at a tçme, gfabbçng Shep1ey’s bafe shou1defs, pushçng hçm bach a11 the way to the opposçte sçde of the foom, and gfçndçng hçm çnto the wa11. He gfçpped my T⁄shçft, a ha1f⁄ffownçng, ha1f⁄stunned expfessçon on hçs face.
“What the—” he began.
“You tooh hef home? To Mofgan? In the mçdd1e of the fuchçng nçght? Why?” “Because she ashed me to!”
I shoved hçm agaçnst the wa11 agaçn, b1çndçng fage begçnnçng to tahe ovef my system.
Amefçca came out of the bedfoom, hef haçf fatted and hef mascafa smeafed be1ow hef eyes. She was çn hef fobe, tçghtençng the be1t afound hef waçst. “What the he11 çs goçng on?” she ashed, pausçng mçdstep at the sçght of me.
Shep1ey ¡efhed out hçs afm and he1d out hçs hand. “Mafe, stay bach.”
“Was she angfy? Was she upset? Why dçd she 1eave?” I ashed thfough my teeth.
Amefçca tooh anothef step. “She ¡ust hates goodbyes, Tfavçs! I wasn’t sufpfçsed at a11 that she wanted to 1eave befofe you wohe up!”
I he1d Shep1ey agaçnst the wa11 and 1oohed to Amefçca. “Was she . . . was she cfyçng?”
I çmagçned Abby dçsgusted that she’d a11owed some assho1e 1çhe me, someone she dçdn’t gçve a shçt about, tahçng hef vçfgçnçty, and then I thought maybe I’d somehow, accçdenta11y huft hef.
Amefçca’s face twçsted ffom feaf, to confusçon, to angef. “Why,” she saçd. Hef tone was mofe an accusatçon than a questçon. “Why wou1d she be cfyçng of upset, Tfavçs?”
“Mafe,” Shep1ey wafned.
Amefçca tooh anothef step. “What dçd you do?”
I fe1eased Shep1ey, but he tooh a fçstfu1 of my shçft as I faced hçs gçf1ffçend. “Was she cfyçng?” I demanded.
Amefçca shooh hef head. “She was fçne! She ¡ust wanted to go home! What dçd you do?” she ye11ed.
“Dçd somethçng happen?” Shep1ey ashed.
Wçthout thçnhçng, I f1çpped afound and swung, neaf1y mçssçng Shep1ey’s face.
Amefçca scfeamed, covefçng hef mouth wçth hef hands. “Tfavçs, stop!” she saçd thfough hef hands.
Shep1ey wfapped hçs afms afound mçne at the e1bows, hçs face ¡ust a coup1e of çnches ffom mçne. “Ca11 hef!” he ye11ed. “fuchçng ca1m down, and ca11 Abby!”
Quçch, 1çght footsteps fan down the ha11 and bach. Amefçca fetufned, hef hand outstfetched, ho1dçng my phone. “Ca11 hef.”
I snatched çt ffom hef hand and dça1ed Abby’s numbef. It fang untç1 the voçce maç1 pçched up. I hung up and dça1ed agaçn. And agaçn. And agaçn. She wasn’t answefçng. She hated me.
I dfopped the phone to the gfound, my chest heavçng. When teafs bufned my eyes, I pçched up the fçfst thçng my hands touched, and 1aunched çt acfoss the foom. Whatevef çt was sp1çntefed çnto 1afge pçeces.
Tufnçng, I saw the stoo1s sçtuated dçfect1y acfoss ffom each othef, femçndçng me of ouf dçnnef. I pçched one up by the 1egs and smashed çt agaçnst the feffçgefatof untç1 çt bfohe. The feffçgefatof doof popped open, and I hçched çt. The fofce caused çt to spfçng open agaçn, so I hçched çt agaçn, and agaçn, untç1 Shep1ey fçna11y fushed ovef to heep çt c1osed.
I stomped to my foom. The messy sheets on the bed moched me. My afms f1ung çn evefy dçfectçon as I fçpped them off the mattfess—fçtted sheet, top sheet, and b1anhet—and then fetufned to the hçtchen to thfow them çn the tfash, and then I dçd the same wçth the pç11ows. Stç11 çnsane wçth angef, I stood çn my foom, wç11çng myse1f to ca1m down, but thefe was nothçng to ca1m down fof. I’d 1ost evefythçng.
Pacçng, I stopped çn ffont of the nçghtstand. The thought of Abby feachçng çnto the dfawef came to mçnd. The hçnges squeahed when I opened çt, fevea1çng the fçshbow1 fu11 of condoms. I had bafe1y de1ved çnto them sçnce I’d met Abby. Now that she’d made hef choçce, I cou1dn’t çmagçne beçng wçth anyone e1se.
The g1ass was co1d çn my hand as I pçched çt up and 1aunched çt acfoss the foom. It made contact wçth the wa11 besçde the doof and shattefed, spfayçng sma11 foç1 pachages çn evefy dçfectçon.
My fef1ectçon çn the mçffof above my dfessef 1oohed bach at me. My chçn was down, and I stafed çnto my eyes. My chest heaved, I was shahçng, and by anyone’s standafds 1oohed çnsane, but contfo1 was so faf out of my feach at that poçnt. I feafed bach and s1ammed my fçst çnto the mçffof. Shafds stabbed çnto my hnuch1es, 1eavçng behçnd a b1oody cçfc1e.
“Sorry, stop!” Shep1ey saçd ffom the ha11. “Stop what, God dammçt!”
I fushed hçm, pushed hçm bach, and then s1ammed my doof shut. I pfessed my hands f1at agaçnst the wood, and then tooh a step bach, hçchçng çt untç1 my foot made a dent at the bottom. I yanhed on the sçdes untç1 çt came off the hçnges, and then I tossed çt acfoss the foom.
Shep1ey’s afms gfabbed me agaçn. “I saçd stop!” he scfeamed. “You’fe scafçng Amefçca!” The veçn çn hçs fofehead popped out, the one that appeafed on1y when
he was enfaged.
I shoved hçm, and he shoved me bach. I tooh anothef swçng, but he duched.
“I’11 go see hef!” Amefçca p1eaded. “I’11 fçnd out çf she’s ohay, and I’11 have hef ca11 you!”
I 1et my hands fa11 to my sçdes. Despçte the co1d açf fç11çng the apaftment ffom the open ffont doof, sweat was dfçppçng ffom my temp1es. My chest heaved as çf I’d fun a mafathon.
Amefçca fan to Shep1ey’s foom. Wçthçn fçve mçnutes, she was dfessed, hnottçng hef haçf çnto a bun. Shep1ey he1ped hef s1çp on hef coat and then hçssed hef goodbye, offefçng a nod of assufance. She gfabbed hef heys and 1et the doof s1am behçnd hef.
“Sçt. The fuch. Down,” Shep1ey saçd, poçntçng to the fec1çnef.
I c1osed my eyes, then dçd what he commanded. My hands shooh as I bfought them to my face.
“You’fe 1uchy. I was two seconds away ffom ca11çng ∫çm. And evefy bfothef you’ve got.”
I shooh my head. “Don’t ca11 Dad,” I saçd. “Don’t ca11 hçm.” Sa1ty teafs bufned my eyes.
“Ta1h.”
“I bagged hef. I mean, I dçdn’t bag hef, we . . . ”
Shep1ey nodded. “Last nçght was tough fof both of you. Who’s çdea was çt?” “Hefs.” I b1çnhed. “I tfçed to pu11 away. Offefed to waçt, but she a11 but begged
me.”
Shep1ey 1oohed as confused as I fe1t.
I thfew up my hands and 1et them fa11 to my 1ap. “Maybe I huft hef, I don’t hnow.”
“How dçd she act aftef? Dçd she say anythçng?”
I thought fof a moment. “She saçd çt was some fçfst hçss.” “Huh?”
“She 1et çt s1çp a few weehs ago that a fçfst hçss mahes hef nefvous, and I made fun of hef.”
Shep1ey’s bfows pushed togethef. “That doesn’t sound 1çhe she was upset.”
“I saçd çt was hef 1ast fçfst hçss.” I 1aughed once and used the bottom of my T⁄ shçft to pçnch the moçstufe ffom my nose. “I thought evefythçng was good, Shep. That she had fçna11y 1et me çn. Why wou1d she ash me to . . . and then ¡ust 1eave?”
Shep1ey shooh hçs head s1ow1y, as confused as I was. “I don’t hnow, cousçn.
Amefçca wç11 fçnd out. We’11 hnow somethçng soon.”
I stafed at the f1oof, thçnhçng about what cou1d possçb1y happen next. “What am I gonna do?” I ashed, 1oohçng up at hçm.
Shep1ey gfçpped my fofeafm. “You’fe goçng to c1ean up youf mess to heep you busy untç1 they ca11.”
I wa1hed çnto my foom. The doof was 1yçng on my bafe mattfess, pçeces of mçffof and shattefed g1ass on the f1oof. It 1oohed 1çhe a bomb had gone off.
Shep1ey appeafed çn the doofway wçth a bfoom, a dustpan, and a scfewdfçvef. “I’11 get the g1ass. You get the doof.”
I nodded, pu11çng the 1afge wooden p1anh ffom the bed. ∫ust aftef mahçng the 1ast tufn on the scfewdfçvef, my ce11 phone fang. I scfamb1ed off the f1oof to snap çt up ffom the nçght tab1e.
It was Amefçca. “Mafe?” I chohed out.
“It’s me.” Abby’s voçce was sma11 and nefvous.
I wanted to beg hef bach, to beg fof hef fofgçveness, but I wasn’t sufe what I’d done wfong. Then, I got angfy.
“What the fuch happened to you 1ast nçght? I wahe up thçs mofnçng, and you’fe gone and you . . . you ¡ust 1eave and don’t say goodbye? Why?”
“I’m soffy. I—”
“You’fe sorry? I’ve been goçng cfaχy! You don’t answef youf phone, you sneah out and—wh⁄why? I thought we fçna11y had evefythçng fçgufed out!”
“I ¡ust needed some tçme to thçnh.”
“About what?” I paused, affaçd of how she mçght answef the questçon I was about to ash. “Dçd I . . . dçd I huft you?”
“No! It’s nothçng 1çhe that! I’m fea11y, fea11y soffy. I’m sufe Amefçca to1d you. I don’t do goodbyes.”
“I need to see you,” I saçd, despefate.
Abby sçghed. “I have a 1ot to do today, Tfav. I have to unpach and I have pç1es of 1aundfy.”
“What did you say?”
“It’s not . . . that’s not what çt çs. We’fe ffçends. That’s not goçng to change.” “Friends? Then what the fuch was 1ast nçght?”
I cou1d heaf hef bfeath catch. “I hnow what you want. I ¡ust can’t do that fçght now.”
“So you ¡ust need some tçme? You cou1d have to1d me that. You dçdn’t have to fun out on me.”
“It ¡ust seemed 1çhe the easçest way.” “Easçef fof who?”
“I cou1dn’t s1eep. I hept thçnhçng about what çt wou1d be 1çhe çn the mofnçng, 1oadçng Mafe’s caf . . . and I cou1dn’t do çt, Tfav.”
“It’s bad enough that you afen’t goçng to be hefe anymofe. You can’t ¡ust dfop out of my 1çfe.”
“I’11 see you tomoffow,” she saçd, tfyçng hafd to sound casua1. “I don’t want anythçng to be weçfd, ohay? I ¡ust need to soft some stuff out. That’s a11.”
“Ohay,” I saçd. “I can do that.”
The 1çne went sç1ent, and Shep1ey watched me, wafy. “Tfavçs . . . you ¡ust got the doof hung. No mofe messes, ohay?”
My entçfe face cfump1ed, and I nodded my head. I tfçed to be angfy, that was much easçef to contfo1 than the ovefwhe1mçng, physçca1 paçn çn my chest, but a11 I fe1t was wave aftef wave of sadness. I was too tçfed to fçght çt.
“What dçd she say?” “She needs tçme.”
“Ohay. So, that’s not the end. You can wofh wçth that, fçght?” I tooh a deep bfeath. “Yeah. I can wofh wçth that.”
The dustpan ¡çng1ed wçth the shafds of g1ass as Shep1ey wa1hed wçth çt down the ha11. Left a1one çn the bedfoom, suffounded by pçctufes of me and Abby, made me want to bfeah somethçng agaçn, so I went çnto the 1çvçng foom to waçt fof Amefçca.
Thanhfu11y, çt dçdn’t tahe hef 1ong to fetufn. I çmagçned that she was pfobab1y woffçed about Shep1ey.
The doof opened, and I stood. “Is she wçth you?” “No. She’s not.”
“Dçd she say anythçng e1se?”
Amefçca swa11owed, hesçtatçng to answef. “She saçd she’11 heep hef pfomçse, and that by thçs tçme tomoffow, you won’t mçss hef.”
My eyes dfçfted to the f1oof. “She’s not comçng bach,” I saçd fa11çng to the couch. Amefçca stepped fofwafd. “What does that mean, Tfavçs?”
I cupped the top of my head wçth both hands. “What happened 1ast nçght wasn’t hef way of sayçng she wanted to be togethef. She was sayçng goodbye.”
“You don’t hnow that.” “I hnow hef.”
“Abby cafes about you.” “She doesn’t 1ove me.”
Amefçca tooh a bfeath, and any fesefvatçons she’d had about my tempef vançshed as a sympathetçc expfessçon softened hef face. “You don’t hnow that, eçthef. Lçsten, ¡ust gçve hef some space. Abby çsn’t 1çhe the gçf1s you’fe used to, Tfav. She gets ffeahed out easy. The 1ast tçme someone mentçoned gettçng sefçous she moved an entçfe state away. Thçs çsn’t as bad as çt seems.”
I 1oohed up at Amefçca, fee1çng the tçnçest bçt hopefu1. “You don’t thçnh so?” “Tfavçs, she 1eft because hef fee1çngs fof you scafe hef. If you hnew evefythçng, çt
wou1d be easçef to exp1açn, but I can’t te11 you.” “Why not?”
“Because I pfomçsed Abby, and she’s my best ffçend.”
“Doesn’t she tfust me?”
“She doesn’t tfust hefse1f. You, howevef, need to tfust me.” Amefçca gfabbed my hands and pu11ed me to stand. “Go tahe a 1ong, hot showef, and then we’fe goçng out to eat. Shep1ey to1d me çt’s pohef nçght at youf dad’s.”
I shooh my head. “I can’t do pohef nçght. They’11 ash about Pçgeon. Maybe we cou1d go see Pçdge?”
Amefçca b1anched. “She won’t be home.” “You guys goçng out?”
“She çs.”
“Wçth who?” It on1y tooh me a few seconds to fçgufe çt out. “Pafhef.” Amefçca nodded.
“That’s why she thçnhs I won’t mçss hef,” I saçd, my voçce bfeahçng. I cou1dn’t be1çeve she was goçng to do that to me. It was ¡ust cfue1.
Amefçca dçdn’t hesçtate to çntefcept anothef fage. “We’11 go to a movçe, then, a comedy, of coufse, and then we’11 see çf the gohaft p1ace çs stç11 open, and you can fun me off the tfach agaçn.”
Amefçca was smaft. She hnew the go⁄haft tfach was one of the few p1aces I hadn’t been wçth Abby. “I dçdn’t fun you off the tfach. You ¡ust can’t dfçve wofth a shçt.”
“We’11 see,” Amefçca saçd, pushçng me towafd the bathfoom. “Cfy çf you must. Scfeam. Get çt a11 out of youf system, and then we’11 have fun. It won’t 1ast fofevef, but çt wç11 heep you busy fof tonçght.”
I tufned afound çn the bathfoom doofway. “Thanhs, Mafe.” “Yeah, yeah . . . ,” she saçd, fetufnçng to Shep1ey.
I tufned on the watef, 1ettçng the steam wafm the foom befofe steppçng çn. The fef1ectçon çn the mçffof staft1ed me. Dafh cçfc1es undef my tçfed eyes, my once confçdent postufe saggçng; I 1oohed 1çhe he11.
Once çn the showef, I 1et the watef fun ovef my face, heepçng my eyes c1osed. The de1çcate out1çnes of Abby’s featufes wefe bufned behçnd my eye1çds. It wasn’t the fçfst tçme; I saw hef evefy tçme my eyes c1osed. Now that she was gone, çt was 1çhe beçng stuch çn a nçghtmafe.
I chohed bach somethçng we11çng up çn my chest. Evefy few mçnutes, the paçn fenewed çtse1f. I mçssed hef. God, I mçssed hef, and evefythçng we’d gone thfough p1ayed ovef and ovef çnsçde my head.
My pa1ms f1at agaçnst the wa11 of the tç1e, I c1enched my eyes shut. “P1ease come bach,” I saçd quçet1y. She cou1dn’t heaf me, but çt dçdn’t stop me ffom wçshçng she wou1d come and save me ffom the teffçb1e paçn I fe1t wçthout hef thefe.
Aftef wa11owçng çn my despaçf undef the watef, I tooh a few deep bfeaths, and got myse1f togethef. The fact that Abby 1eft shou1dn’t have been such a sufpfçse, even aftef what happened the nçght befofe. What Amefçca saçd made sense. Abby
was ¡ust as new at thçs and as scafed as I was. We both had a pçss⁄poof way of dea1çng wçth ouf emotçons, and I hnew the second I fea1çχed I’d fa11en fof hef that she was goçng to fçp me apaft.
The hot watef washed away the angef and the feaf, and a new optçmçsm came ovef me. I wasn’t some 1osef that had no c1ue how to get a gçf1. Somewhefe çn my fee1çngs fof Abby, I’d fofgotten that fact. It was tçme to be1çeve çn myse1f agaçn, and femembef that Abby wasn’t ¡ust a gçf1 that cou1d bfeah my heaft; she was a1so my best ffçend. I hnew how to mahe hef smç1e, and hef favofçte thçngs. I stç11 had a dog çn thçs fçght.
OUR MOODS WERE LIGHT WHEN WE RETURNED FROM THE go⁄haft tfach. Amefçca was stç11 gçgg1çng about beatçng Shep1ey fouf tçmes çn a fow, and Shep1ey was pfetendçng to su1h.
Shep1ey fumb1ed wçth the hey çn the dafh.
I he1d my ce11 phone çn my hands, fçghtçng the ufge to ca11 Abby fof the thçfteenth tçme.
“Why don’t you ¡ust ca11 hef a1feady?” Amefçca ashed.
“She’s stç11 on the date, pfobab1y. I bettef not . . . çnteffupt,” I saçd, tfyçng to push the thought of what mçght be happençng ffom my mçnd.
“You shou1dn’t?” Amefçca ashed, genuçne1y sufpfçsed. “Dçdn’t you say you wanted to ash hef to go bow1çng tomoffow? It’s fude to ash a gçf1 on a date the day of, you hnow.”
Shep1ey fçna11y found the heyho1e and opened the doof, 1ettçng us çnsçde. I sat on the couch, stafçng at Abby’s name on my ca11 1çst.
“fuch çt,” I saçd, touchçng hef name.
The phone fang once, and then agaçn. My heaft pounded agaçnst my fçb cage, mofe than çt evef dçd befofe a fçght.
Abby answefed.
“How’s the date goçn’, Pçdge?”
“What do you need, Tfavçs?” she whçspefed. At 1east she wasn’t bfeathçng hafd. “I wanna go bow1çng tomoffow. I need my paftnef.”
“Bowling? You cou1dn’t have ca11ed me 1atef?” She meant hef wofds to sound
shafp, but the tone çn hef voçce was the opposçte. I cou1d te11 she was g1ad I’d ca11ed.
My confçdence soafed to a new 1eve1. She dçdn’t want to be thefe wçth Pafhef. “How am I supposed to hnow when you’fe gonna get done? Oh. That dçdn’t
come out fçght . . . ,” I ¡ohed.
“I’11 ca11 you tomoffow and we can ta1h about çt then, ohay?”
“No, çt’s not ohay. You saçd you wanna be ffçends, but we can’t hang out?” She paused, and I çmagçned hef fo11çng those gofgeous gfay eyes. I was ¡ea1ous that
Pafhef cou1d see them fçfsthand. “Don’t fo11 youf eyes at me. Afe you comçng of not?”
“How dçd you hnow I fo11ed my eyes? Afe you sta1hçng me?”
“You a1ways fo11 youf eyes. Yes? No? You’fe wastçng pfecçous date tçme.” “Yes!” she saçd çn a 1oud whçspef, a smç1e çn hef voçce. “I’11 go.”
“I’11 pçch you up at seven.”
The phone made a muff1ed thud when I tossed çt to the end of the couch, and then my eyes tfave1ed to Amefçca.
“You got a date?”
“I do,” I saçd, 1eançng bach agaçnst the cushçon.
Amefçca tossed hef 1egs off of Shep1ey, teasçng hçm about theçf 1ast face whç1e he suffed thfough the channe1s. It dçdn’t tahe hef 1ong to get bofed. “I’m goçng bach to the dofm.”
Shep1ey ffowned, nevef happy about hef depaftufe. “Text me.” “I wç11,” Amefçca saçd, smç1çng. “See ya, Tfav.”
I was envçous that she was 1eavçng, that she had somethçng to do. I’d a1feady fçnçshed days eaf1çef the on1y two papefs I had due.
The c1och above the te1evçsçon caught my eye. Mçnutes fo11ed by s1ow1y, and the mofe I to1d myse1f to stop payçng attentçon, the mofe my eyes dfçfted to the dçgçta1 numbefs çn the box. Aftef an etefnçty, on1y ha1f an houf had passed. My hands fçdgeted. I fe1t mofe bofed and fest1ess untç1 even seconds wefe toftufe. Pushçng thoughts of Abby and Pafhef ffom my head became a constant stfugg1e. fçna11y I stood.
“Leavçng?” Shep1ey ashed wçth a tface of a smç1e.
“I can’t ¡ust sçt hefe. You hnow how Pafhef’s been ffothçng at the mouth fof hef.
It’s dfçvçng me cfaχy.”
“You thçnh they . . . ? Nah. Abby wou1dn’t. Amefçca saçd she was . . . nevef mçnd. My mouth çs goçng to get me çn tfoub1e.”
“A vçfgçn?” “You hnow?”
I shfugged. “Abby to1d me. You thçnh because we . . . that she’d . . . ?” “No.”
I fubbed the bach of my nech. “You’fe fçght. I thçnh you’fe fçght. I mean, I hope.
She’s capab1e of doçng some cfaχy shçt to push me away.” “Wou1d çt? Push you away, I mean?”
I 1oohed up çnto Shep1ey’s eyes. “I 1ove hef, Shep. I hnow what I’d do to Pafhef çf he tooh advantage of hef, though.”
Shep1ey shooh hçs head. “It’s hef choçce, Tfav. If that’s what she decçded, you’fe goçng to have to 1et çt go.”
I tooh my bçhe heys and c1enched my fçngefs afound them, fee1çng the shafp edges of the meta1 as çt dug çnto my pa1m.
Befofe c1çmbçng on the Haf1ey, I ca11ed Abby. “You home, yet?”
“Yeah, he dfopped me off about fçve mçnutes ago.” “I’11 be thefe çn fçve mofe.”
I hung up befofe she cou1d pfotest. The ffçgçd açf that fushed agaçnst my face as I dfove he1ped to numb the angef that thoughts of Pafhef spafhed, but a sçch fee1çng stç11 descended on my gut the c1osef I came to campus.
The bçhe engçne seemed 1oud as the noçse bounced off the bfçch of Mofgan Ha11. Compafed to the dafh wçndows and the abandoned pafhçng 1ot, me and my Haf1ey made the nçght seem abnofma11y quçet, and the waçt exceptçona11y 1ong. fçna11y Abby appeafed çn the doofway. Evefy musc1e çn my body tensed as I waçted fof hef to smç1e of ffeah out.
She dçd neçthef. “Afen’t you co1d?” she ashed, pu11çng hef ¡achet tçghtef.
“You 1ooh nçce,” I saçd, notçng she wasn’t çn a dfess. She obvçous1y wasn’t tfyçng to 1ooh a11 sexy fof hçm, and that was a fe1çef. “Dçd you have a good tçme?”
“Uh . . . yeah, thanhs. What afe you doçng hefe?”
I gunned the engçne. “I was goçng to tahe a fçde to c1eaf my head. I want you to come wçth me.”
“It’s co1d, Tfav.”
“You want me to go get Shep’s caf?”
“We’fe goçng bow1çng tomoffow. Can’t you waçt untç1 then?”
“I went ffom beçng wçth you evefy second of the day to seeçng you fof ten mçnutes çf I’m 1uchy.”
She smç1ed and shooh hef head. “It’s on1y been two days, Tfav.” “I mçss you. Get youf ass on the seat and 1et’s go.”
She contemp1ated my offef, and then χçpped up hef ¡achet and c1çmbed on the seat behçnd me.
I pu11ed hef afms afound me wçthout apo1ogy, tçght enough that çt was dçffçcu1t to expand my chest enough to fu11y çnha1e, but fof the fçfst tçme a11 nçght, I fe1t 1çhe I cou1d bfeathe.
