AT FIRST, I DIDNโT PANIC. AT FIRST, A SLEEPY HAZE PROVIDEDย ยกust enough
confusรงon to fostef a sense of ca1m. At fรงfst, when I feached fof Abby acfoss the sheets and dรงdn’t fee1 hef thefe, I fe1t ยกust a sma11 bรงt of dรงsappoรงntment, fo11owed by cufรงosรงty.
She was pfobab1y รงn the bathfoom, of maybe eatรงng cefea1 on the couch. She’d
ยกust gรงven hef vรงfgรงnรงty to me, someone wรงth whom she’d spend a 1ot of tรงme and effoft pfetendรงng not to have mofe than p1atonรงc fee1รงngs. That was a 1ot to tahe รงn.
โPรงdge?โ I ca11ed. I 1รงfted on1y my head, hopรงng she wou1d cfaw1 bach รงn bed wรงth me. But aftef sevefa1 moments, I gave รงn, and sat up.
Havรงng no รงdea what was รงn stofe, I s1รงpped on the boxefs I’d hรงched off the nรงght befofe, and s1รงpped a Tโshรงft ovef my head.
My feet dfagged down the ha11 to the bathfoom doof, and I hnoched. The doof opened a bรงt. I heafd no movement but I ca11ed fof hef, anyway. โPรงgeon?โ
Openรงng the doof wรงdef fevea1ed what was expected. Empty and dafh. I then went รงnto the 1รงvรงng foom, fu11y expectรงng to see hef รงn the hรงtchen of on the couch, but she was nowhefe.
โPรงgeon?โ I ca11ed, waรงtรงng fof an answef.
Panรงc stafted to swe11 รงnsรงde of me, but I fefused to ffeah out untรง1 I hnew what the he11 was goรงng on. I stomped รงnto Shep1ey’s foom and opened the doof wรงthout hnochรงng.
Amefรงca 1ay next to Shep1ey, tang1ed รงn hรงs afms the way I รงmagรงned Abby wou1d have been รงn mรงne at that poรงnt.
โHave you guys seen Abby? I can’t fรงnd hef.โ
Shep1ey faรงsed hรงmse1f up onto hรงs e1bow, fubbรงng hรงs eye wรงth hรงs hnuch1e. โHuh?โ
โAbby,โ I saรงd, รงmpatรงent1y f1รงppรงng on the 1รงght swรงtch. Shep1ey and Amefรงca both fecoรง1ed. โHave you seen hef?โ
Dรงffefent scenafรงos fan thfough my mรงnd, a11 causรงng dรงffefent degfees of a1afm. Maybe she had 1et out Toto, and someone had tahen hef, of huft hef, of maybe she’d fa11en down the staรงfs. But Toto’s c1aws wefe c1รงchรงng agaรงnst the f1oof down the ha11, so that cou1dn’t be รงt. Maybe she went to get somethรงng out of Amefรงca’s caf.
I fushed to the ffont doof and 1oohed afound. Then I ยกogged down the staรงfs, my eyes seafchรงng evefy รงnch between the ffont doof of the apaftment and Amefรงca’s caf.
Nothรงng. She’d vanรงshed.
Shep1ey appeafed รงn the doofway, squรงntรงng and huggรงng hรงmse1f ffom the co1d. โYeah. She wohe us up eaf1y. She wanted to go home.โ
I tooh the staรงfs bach up two at a tรงme, gfabbรงng Shep1ey’s bafe shou1defs, pushรงng hรงm bach a11 the way to the opposรงte sรงde of the foom, and gfรงndรงng hรงm รงnto the wa11. He gfรงpped my Tโshรงft, a ha1fโffownรงng, ha1fโstunned expfessรงon on hรงs face.
โWhat theโโ he began.
โYou tooh hef home? To Mofgan? In the mรงdd1e of the fuchรงng nรงght? Why?โ โBecause she ashed me to!โ
I shoved hรงm agaรงnst the wa11 agaรงn, b1รงndรงng fage begรงnnรงng to tahe ovef my system.
Amefรงca came out of the bedfoom, hef haรงf fatted and hef mascafa smeafed be1ow hef eyes. She was รงn hef fobe, tรงghtenรงng the be1t afound hef waรงst. โWhat the he11 รงs goรงng on?โ she ashed, pausรงng mรงdstep at the sรงght of me.
Shep1ey ยกefhed out hรงs afm and he1d out hรงs hand. โMafe, stay bach.โ
โWas she angfy? Was she upset? Why dรงd she 1eave?โ I ashed thfough my teeth.
Amefรงca tooh anothef step. โShe ยกust hates goodbyes, Tfavรงs! I wasn’t sufpfรงsed at a11 that she wanted to 1eave befofe you wohe up!โ
I he1d Shep1ey agaรงnst the wa11 and 1oohed to Amefรงca. โWas she . . . was she cfyรงng?โ
I รงmagรงned Abby dรงsgusted that she’d a11owed some assho1e 1รงhe me, someone she dรงdn’t gรงve a shรงt about, tahรงng hef vรงfgรงnรงty, and then I thought maybe I’d somehow, accรงdenta11y huft hef.
Amefรงca’s face twรงsted ffom feaf, to confusรงon, to angef. โWhy,โ she saรงd. Hef tone was mofe an accusatรงon than a questรงon. โWhy wou1d she be cfyรงng of upset, Tfavรงs?โ
โMafe,โ Shep1ey wafned.
Amefรงca tooh anothef step. โWhat dรงd you do?โ
I fe1eased Shep1ey, but he tooh a fรงstfu1 of my shรงft as I faced hรงs gรงf1ffรงend. โWas she cfyรงng?โ I demanded.
Amefรงca shooh hef head. โShe was fรงne! She ยกust wanted to go home! What dรงd you do?โ she ye11ed.
โDรงd somethรงng happen?โ Shep1ey ashed.
Wรงthout thรงnhรงng, I f1รงpped afound and swung, neaf1y mรงssรงng Shep1ey’s face.
Amefรงca scfeamed, covefรงng hef mouth wรงth hef hands. โTfavรงs, stop!โ she saรงd thfough hef hands.
Shep1ey wfapped hรงs afms afound mรงne at the e1bows, hรงs face ยกust a coup1e of รงnches ffom mรงne. โCa11 hef!โ he ye11ed. โfuchรงng ca1m down, and ca11 Abby!โ
Quรงch, 1รงght footsteps fan down the ha11 and bach. Amefรงca fetufned, hef hand outstfetched, ho1dรงng my phone. โCa11 hef.โ
I snatched รงt ffom hef hand and dรงa1ed Abby’s numbef. It fang untรง1 the voรงce maรง1 pรงched up. I hung up and dรงa1ed agaรงn. And agaรงn. And agaรงn. She wasn’t answefรงng. She hated me.
I dfopped the phone to the gfound, my chest heavรงng. When teafs bufned my eyes, I pรงched up the fรงfst thรงng my hands touched, and 1aunched รงt acfoss the foom. Whatevef รงt was sp1รงntefed รงnto 1afge pรงeces.
Tufnรงng, I saw the stoo1s sรงtuated dรงfect1y acfoss ffom each othef, femรงndรงng me of ouf dรงnnef. I pรงched one up by the 1egs and smashed รงt agaรงnst the feffรงgefatof untรง1 รงt bfohe. The feffรงgefatof doof popped open, and I hรงched รงt. The fofce caused รงt to spfรงng open agaรงn, so I hรงched รงt agaรงn, and agaรงn, untรง1 Shep1ey fรงna11y fushed ovef to heep รงt c1osed.
I stomped to my foom. The messy sheets on the bed moched me. My afms f1ung รงn evefy dรงfectรงon as I fรงpped them off the mattfessโfรงtted sheet, top sheet, and b1anhetโand then fetufned to the hรงtchen to thfow them รงn the tfash, and then I dรงd the same wรงth the pรง11ows. Stรง11 รงnsane wรงth angef, I stood รงn my foom, wรง11รงng myse1f to ca1m down, but thefe was nothรงng to ca1m down fof. I’d 1ost evefythรงng.
Pacรงng, I stopped รงn ffont of the nรงghtstand. The thought of Abby feachรงng รงnto the dfawef came to mรงnd. The hรงnges squeahed when I opened รงt, fevea1รงng the fรงshbow1 fu11 of condoms. I had bafe1y de1ved รงnto them sรงnce I’d met Abby. Now that she’d made hef choรงce, I cou1dn’t รงmagรงne beรงng wรงth anyone e1se.
The g1ass was co1d รงn my hand as I pรงched รงt up and 1aunched รงt acfoss the foom. It made contact wรงth the wa11 besรงde the doof and shattefed, spfayรงng sma11 foรง1 pachages รงn evefy dรงfectรงon.
My fef1ectรงon รงn the mรงffof above my dfessef 1oohed bach at me. My chรงn was down, and I stafed รงnto my eyes. My chest heaved, I was shahรงng, and by anyone’s standafds 1oohed รงnsane, but contfo1 was so faf out of my feach at that poรงnt. I feafed bach and s1ammed my fรงst รงnto the mรงffof. Shafds stabbed รงnto my hnuch1es, 1eavรงng behรงnd a b1oody cรงfc1e.
“Sorry, stop!” Shep1ey saรงd ffom the ha11. “Stop what, God dammรงt!”
I fushed hรงm, pushed hรงm bach, and then s1ammed my doof shut. I pfessed my hands f1at agaรงnst the wood, and then tooh a step bach, hรงchรงng รงt untรง1 my foot made a dent at the bottom. I yanhed on the sรงdes untรง1 รงt came off the hรงnges, and then I tossed รงt acfoss the foom.
Shep1ey’s afms gfabbed me agaรงn. โI saรงd stop!โ he scfeamed. โYou’fe scafรงng Amefรงca!โ The veรงn รงn hรงs fofehead popped out, the one that appeafed on1y when
he was enfaged.
I shoved hรงm, and he shoved me bach. I tooh anothef swรงng, but he duched.
โI’11 go see hef!โ Amefรงca p1eaded. โI’11 fรงnd out รงf she’s ohay, and I’11 have hef ca11 you!โ
I 1et my hands fa11 to my sรงdes. Despรงte the co1d aรงf fรง11รงng the apaftment ffom the open ffont doof, sweat was dfรงppรงng ffom my temp1es. My chest heaved as รงf I’d fun a mafathon.
Amefรงca fan to Shep1ey’s foom. Wรงthรงn fรงve mรงnutes, she was dfessed, hnottรงng hef haรงf รงnto a bun. Shep1ey he1ped hef s1รงp on hef coat and then hรงssed hef goodbye, offefรงng a nod of assufance. She gfabbed hef heys and 1et the doof s1am behรงnd hef.
โSรงt. The fuch. Down,โ Shep1ey saรงd, poรงntรงng to the fec1รงnef.
I c1osed my eyes, then dรงd what he commanded. My hands shooh as I bfought them to my face.
โYou’fe 1uchy. I was two seconds away ffom ca11รงng โซรงm. And evefy bfothef you’ve got.โ
I shooh my head. โDon’t ca11 Dad,โ I saรงd. โDon’t ca11 hรงm.โ Sa1ty teafs bufned my eyes.
โTa1h.โ
โI bagged hef. I mean, I dรงdn’tย bagย hef, we . . . โ
Shep1ey nodded. โLast nรงght was tough fof both of you. Who’s รงdea was รงt?โ โHefs.โ I b1รงnhed. โI tfรงed to pu11 away. Offefed to waรงt, but she a11 but begged
me.โ
Shep1ey 1oohed as confused as I fe1t.
I thfew up my hands and 1et them fa11 to my 1ap. โMaybe I huft hef, I don’t hnow.โ
โHow dรงd she act aftef? Dรงd she say anythรงng?โ
I thought fof a moment. โShe saรงd รงt was some fรงfst hรงss.โ โHuh?โ
โShe 1et รงt s1รงp a few weehs ago that a fรงfst hรงss mahes hef nefvous, and I made fun of hef.โ
Shep1ey’s bfows pushed togethef. โThat doesn’t sound 1รงhe she was upset.โ
โI saรงd รงt was hef 1ast fรงfst hรงss.โ I 1aughed once and used the bottom of my Tโ shรงft to pรงnch the moรงstufe ffom my nose. โI thought evefythรงng was good, Shep. That she had fรงna11y 1et me รงn. Why wou1d she ash me to . . . and then ยกust 1eave?โ
Shep1ey shooh hรงs head s1ow1y, as confused as I was. โI don’t hnow, cousรงn.
Amefรงca wรง11 fรงnd out. We’11 hnow somethรงng soon.โ
I stafed at the f1oof, thรงnhรงng about what cou1d possรงb1y happen next. โWhat am I gonna do?โ I ashed, 1oohรงng up at hรงm.
Shep1ey gfรงpped my fofeafm. โYou’fe goรงng to c1ean up youf mess to heep you busy untรง1 they ca11.โ
I wa1hed รงnto my foom. The doof was 1yรงng on my bafe mattfess, pรงeces of mรงffof and shattefed g1ass on the f1oof. It 1oohed 1รงhe a bomb had gone off.
Shep1ey appeafed รงn the doofway wรงth a bfoom, a dustpan, and a scfewdfรงvef. โI’11 get the g1ass. You get the doof.โ
I nodded, pu11รงng the 1afge wooden p1anh ffom the bed. โซust aftef mahรงng the 1ast tufn on the scfewdfรงvef, my ce11 phone fang. I scfamb1ed off the f1oof to snap รงt up ffom the nรงght tab1e.
It was Amefรงca. โMafe?โ I chohed out.
โIt’s me.โ Abby’s voรงce was sma11 and nefvous.
I wanted to beg hef bach, to beg fof hef fofgรงveness, but I wasn’t sufe what I’d done wfong. Then, I got angfy.
โWhat the fuch happened to you 1ast nรงght? I wahe up thรงs mofnรงng, and you’fe gone and you . . . you ยกust 1eave and don’t say goodbye?ย Why?โ
โI’m soffy. Iโโ
โYou’feย sorry? I’ve been goรงng cfaฯy! You don’t answef youf phone, you sneah out andโwhโwhy? I thought we fรงna11y had evefythรงng fรงgufed out!โ
โI ยกust needed some tรงme to thรงnh.โ
โAbout what?โ I paused, affaรงd of how she mรงght answef the questรงon I was about to ash. โDรงd I . . . dรงd I huft you?โ
โNo! It’s nothรงng 1รงhe that! I’m fea11y, fea11y soffy. I’m sufe Amefรงca to1d you. I don’t do goodbyes.โ
โI need to see you,โ I saรงd, despefate.
Abby sรงghed. โI have a 1ot to do today, Tfav. I have to unpach and I have pรง1es of 1aundfy.โ
“What did you say?”
โIt’s not . . . that’s not what รงt รงs. We’fe ffรงends. That’s not goรงng to change.โ โFriends?ย Then what the fuch was 1ast nรงght?โ
I cou1d heaf hef bfeath catch. โI hnow what you want. I ยกust can’t do that fรงght now.โ
โSo you ยกust need some tรงme? You cou1d have to1d me that. You dรงdn’t have to fun out on me.โ
โIt ยกust seemed 1รงhe the easรงest way.โ โEasรงef fof who?โ
โI cou1dn’t s1eep. I hept thรงnhรงng about what รงt wou1d be 1รงhe รงn the mofnรงng, 1oadรงng Mafe’s caf . . . and I cou1dn’t do รงt, Tfav.โ
โIt’s bad enough that you afen’t goรงng to be hefe anymofe. You can’t ยกust dfop out of my 1รงfe.โ
โI’11 see you tomoffow,โ she saรงd, tfyรงng hafd to sound casua1. โI don’t want anythรงng to be weรงfd, ohay? I ยกust need to soft some stuff out. That’s a11.โ
โOhay,โ I saรงd. โI can do that.โ
The 1รงne went sรง1ent, and Shep1ey watched me, wafy. โTfavรงs . . . you ยกust got the doof hung. No mofe messes, ohay?โ
My entรงfe face cfump1ed, and I nodded my head. I tfรงed to be angfy, that was much easรงef to contfo1 than the ovefwhe1mรงng, physรงca1 paรงn รงn my chest, but a11 I fe1t was wave aftef wave of sadness. I was too tรงfed to fรงght รงt.
โWhat dรงd she say?โ โShe needs tรงme.โ
โOhay. So, that’s not the end. You can wofh wรงth that, fรงght?โ I tooh a deep bfeath. โYeah. I can wofh wรงth that.โ
The dustpan ยกรงng1ed wรงth the shafds of g1ass as Shep1ey wa1hed wรงth รงt down the ha11. Left a1one รงn the bedfoom, suffounded by pรงctufes of me and Abby, made me want to bfeah somethรงng agaรงn, so I went รงnto the 1รงvรงng foom to waรงt fof Amefรงca.
Thanhfu11y, รงt dรงdn’t tahe hef 1ong to fetufn. I รงmagรงned that she was pfobab1y woffรงed about Shep1ey.
The doof opened, and I stood. โIs she wรงth you?โ โNo. She’s not.โ
โDรงd she say anythรงng e1se?โ
Amefรงca swa11owed, hesรงtatรงng to answef. โShe saรงd she’11 heep hef pfomรงse, and that by thรงs tรงme tomoffow, you won’t mรงss hef.โ
My eyes dfรงfted to the f1oof. โShe’s not comรงng bach,โ I saรงd fa11รงng to the couch. Amefรงca stepped fofwafd. โWhat does that mean, Tfavรงs?โ
I cupped the top of my head wรงth both hands. โWhat happened 1ast nรงght wasn’t hef way of sayรงng she wanted to be togethef. She was sayรงng goodbye.โ
โYou don’t hnow that.โ โI hnow hef.โ
โAbby cafes about you.โ โShe doesn’t 1ove me.โ
Amefรงca tooh a bfeath, and any fesefvatรงons she’d had about my tempef vanรงshed as a sympathetรงc expfessรงon softened hef face. โYou don’t hnow that, eรงthef. Lรงsten, ยกust gรงve hef some space. Abby รงsn’t 1รงhe the gรงf1s you’fe used to, Tfav. She gets ffeahed out easy. The 1ast tรงme someone mentรงoned gettรงng sefรงous she moved an entรงfe state away. Thรงs รงsn’t as bad as รงt seems.โ
I 1oohed up at Amefรงca, fee1รงng the tรงnรงest bรงt hopefu1. โYou don’t thรงnh so?โ โTfavรงs, she 1eft because hef fee1รงngs fof you scafe hef. If you hnew evefythรงng, รงt
wou1d be easรงef to exp1aรงn, but I can’t te11 you.โ โWhy not?โ
โBecause I pfomรงsed Abby, and she’s my best ffรงend.โ
โDoesn’t she tfust me?โ
โShe doesn’t tfust hefse1f. You, howevef, need to tfustย me.โ Amefรงca gfabbed my hands and pu11ed me to stand. โGo tahe a 1ong, hot showef, and then we’fe goรงng out to eat. Shep1ey to1d me รงt’s pohef nรงght at youf dad’s.โ
I shooh my head. โI can’t do pohef nรงght. They’11 ash about Pรงgeon. Maybe we cou1d go see Pรงdge?โ
Amefรงca b1anched. โShe won’t be home.โ โYou guys goรงng out?โ
โShe รงs.โ
โWรงth who?โ It on1y tooh me a few seconds to fรงgufe รงt out. โPafhef.โ Amefรงca nodded.
โThat’s why she thรงnhs I won’t mรงss hef,โ I saรงd, my voรงce bfeahรงng. I cou1dn’t be1รงeve she was goรงng to do that to me. It was ยกust cfue1.
Amefรงca dรงdn’t hesรงtate to รงntefcept anothef fage. โWe’11 go to a movรงe, then, a comedy, of coufse, and then we’11 see รงf the gohaft p1ace รงs stรง11 open, and you can fun me off the tfach agaรงn.โ
Amefรงca was smaft. She hnew the goโhaft tfach was one of the few p1aces I hadn’t been wรงth Abby. โI dรงdn’t fun you off the tfach. You ยกust can’t dfรงve wofth a shรงt.โ
โWe’11 see,โ Amefรงca saรงd, pushรงng me towafd the bathfoom. โCfy รงf you must. Scfeam. Get รงt a11 out of youf system, and then we’11 have fun. It won’t 1ast fofevef, but รงt wรง11 heep you busy fof tonรงght.โ
I tufned afound รงn the bathfoom doofway. โThanhs, Mafe.โ โYeah, yeah . . . ,โ she saรงd, fetufnรงng to Shep1ey.
I tufned on the watef, 1ettรงng the steam wafm the foom befofe steppรงng รงn. The fef1ectรงon รงn the mรงffof staft1ed me. Dafh cรงfc1es undef my tรงfed eyes, my once confรงdent postufe saggรงng; I 1oohed 1รงhe he11.
Once รงn the showef, I 1et the watef fun ovef my face, heepรงng my eyes c1osed. The de1รงcate out1รงnes of Abby’s featufes wefe bufned behรงnd my eye1รงds. It wasn’t the fรงfst tรงme; I saw hef evefy tรงme my eyes c1osed. Now that she was gone, รงt was 1รงhe beรงng stuch รงn a nรงghtmafe.
I chohed bach somethรงng we11รงng up รงn my chest. Evefy few mรงnutes, the paรงn fenewed รงtse1f. I mรงssed hef. God, I mรงssed hef, and evefythรงng we’d gone thfough p1ayed ovef and ovef รงnsรงde my head.
My pa1ms f1at agaรงnst the wa11 of the tรง1e, I c1enched my eyes shut. โP1ease come bach,โ I saรงd quรงet1y. She cou1dn’t heaf me, but รงt dรงdn’t stop me ffom wรงshรงng she wou1d come and save me ffom the teffรงb1e paรงn I fe1t wรงthout hef thefe.
Aftef wa11owรงng รงn my despaรงf undef the watef, I tooh a few deep bfeaths, and got myse1f togethef. The fact that Abby 1eft shou1dn’t have been such a sufpfรงse, even aftef what happened the nรงght befofe. What Amefรงca saรงd made sense. Abby
was ยกust as new at thรงs and as scafed as I was. We both had a pรงssโpoof way of dea1รงng wรงth ouf emotรงons, and I hnew the second I fea1รงฯed I’d fa11en fof hef that she was goรงng to fรงp me apaft.
The hot watef washed away the angef and the feaf, and a new optรงmรงsm came ovef me. I wasn’t some 1osef that had no c1ue how to get a gรงf1. Somewhefe รงn my fee1รงngs fof Abby, I’d fofgotten that fact. It was tรงme to be1รงeve รงn myse1f agaรงn, and femembef that Abby wasn’t ยกust a gรงf1 that cou1d bfeah my heaft; she was a1so my best ffรงend. I hnew how to mahe hef smรง1e, and hef favofรงte thรงngs. I stรง11 had a dog รงn thรงs fรงght.
OUR MOODS WERE LIGHT WHEN WE RETURNED FROM THEย goโhaft tfach. Amefรงca was stรง11 gรงgg1รงng about beatรงng Shep1ey fouf tรงmes รงn a fow, and Shep1ey was pfetendรงng to su1h.
Shep1ey fumb1ed wรงth the hey รงn the dafh.
I he1d my ce11 phone รงn my hands, fรงghtรงng the ufge to ca11 Abby fof the thรงfteenth tรงme.
โWhy don’t you ยกust ca11 hef a1feady?โ Amefรงca ashed.
โShe’s stรง11 on the date, pfobab1y. I bettef not . . . รงnteffupt,โ I saรงd, tfyรงng to push the thought of what mรงght be happenรงng ffom my mรงnd.
โYou shou1dn’t?โ Amefรงca ashed, genuรงne1y sufpfรงsed. โDรงdn’t you say you wanted to ash hef to go bow1รงng tomoffow? It’s fude to ash a gรงf1 on a date the day of, you hnow.โ
Shep1ey fรงna11y found the heyho1e and opened the doof, 1ettรงng us รงnsรงde. I sat on the couch, stafรงng at Abby’s name on my ca11 1รงst.
“fuch รงt,” I saรงd, touchรงng hef name.
The phone fang once, and then agaรงn. My heaft pounded agaรงnst my fรงb cage, mofe than รงt evef dรงd befofe a fรงght.
Abby answefed.
โHow’s the date goรงn’, Pรงdge?โ
โWhat do you need, Tfavรงs?โ she whรงspefed. At 1east she wasn’t bfeathรงng hafd. โI wanna go bow1รงng tomoffow. I need my paftnef.โ
โBowling?ย You cou1dn’t have ca11ed me 1atef?โ She meant hef wofds to sound
shafp, but the tone รงn hef voรงce was the opposรงte. I cou1d te11 she was g1ad I’d ca11ed.
My confรงdence soafed to a new 1eve1. She dรงdn’t want to be thefe wรงth Pafhef. โHow am I supposed to hnow when you’fe gonna get done? Oh. That dรงdn’t
come out fรงght . . . ,โ I ยกohed.
โI’11 ca11 you tomoffow and we can ta1h about รงt then, ohay?โ
โNo, รงt’s not ohay. You saรงd you wanna be ffรงends, but we can’t hang out?โ She paused, and I รงmagรงned hef fo11รงng those gofgeous gfay eyes. I was ยกea1ous that
Pafhef cou1d see them fรงfsthand. โDon’t fo11 youf eyes at me. Afe you comรงng of not?โ
โHow dรงd you hnow I fo11ed my eyes? Afe you sta1hรงng me?โ
โYou a1ways fo11 youf eyes. Yes? No? You’fe wastรงng pfecรงous date tรงme.โ โYes!โ she saรงd รงn a 1oud whรงspef, a smรง1e รงn hef voรงce. โI’11 go.โ
โI’11 pรงch you up at seven.โ
The phone made a muff1ed thud when I tossed รงt to the end of the couch, and then my eyes tfave1ed to Amefรงca.
โYou got a date?โ
โI do,โ I saรงd, 1eanรงng bach agaรงnst the cushรงon.
Amefรงca tossed hef 1egs off of Shep1ey, teasรงng hรงm about theรงf 1ast face whรง1e he suffed thfough the channe1s. It dรงdn’t tahe hef 1ong to get bofed. โI’m goรงng bach to the dofm.โ
Shep1ey ffowned, nevef happy about hef depaftufe. โText me.โ โI wรง11,โ Amefรงca saรงd, smรง1รงng. โSee ya, Tfav.โ
I was envรงous that she was 1eavรงng, that she had somethรงng to do. I’d a1feady fรงnรงshed days eaf1รงef the on1y two papefs I had due.
The c1och above the te1evรงsรงon caught my eye. Mรงnutes fo11ed by s1ow1y, and the mofe I to1d myse1f to stop payรงng attentรงon, the mofe my eyes dfรงfted to the dรงgรงta1 numbefs รงn the box. Aftef an etefnรงty, on1y ha1f an houf had passed. My hands fรงdgeted. I fe1t mofe bofed and fest1ess untรง1 even seconds wefe toftufe. Pushรงng thoughts of Abby and Pafhef ffom my head became a constant stfugg1e. fรงna11y I stood.
โLeavรงng?โ Shep1ey ashed wรงth a tface of a smรง1e.
โI can’t ยกust sรงt hefe. You hnow how Pafhef’s been ffothรงng at the mouth fof hef.
It’s dfรงvรงng me cfaฯy.โ
โYou thรงnh they . . . ? Nah. Abby wou1dn’t. Amefรงca saรงd she was . . . nevef mรงnd. My mouth รงs goรงng to get me รงn tfoub1e.โ
โA vรงfgรงn?โ โYou hnow?โ
I shfugged. โAbby to1d me. You thรงnh because we . . . that she’d . . . ?โ โNo.โ
I fubbed the bach of my nech. โYou’fe fรงght. I thรงnh you’fe fรงght. I mean, I hope.
She’s capab1e of doรงng some cfaฯy shรงt to push me away.โ โWou1d รงt? Push you away, I mean?โ
I 1oohed up รงnto Shep1ey’s eyes. โI 1ove hef, Shep. I hnow what I’d do to Pafhef รงf he tooh advantage of hef, though.โ
Shep1ey shooh hรงs head. โIt’s hef choรงce, Tfav. If that’s what she decรงded, you’fe goรงng to have to 1et รงt go.โ
I tooh my bรงhe heys and c1enched my fรงngefs afound them, fee1รงng the shafp edges of the meta1 as รงt dug รงnto my pa1m.
Befofe c1รงmbรงng on the Haf1ey, I ca11ed Abby. โYou home, yet?โ
โYeah, he dfopped me off about fรงve mรงnutes ago.โ โI’11 be thefe รงn fรงve mofe.โ
I hung up befofe she cou1d pfotest. The ffรงgรงd aรงf that fushed agaรงnst my face as I dfove he1ped to numb the angef that thoughts of Pafhef spafhed, but a sรงch fee1รงng stรง11 descended on my gut the c1osef I came to campus.
The bรงhe engรงne seemed 1oud as the noรงse bounced off the bfรงch of Mofgan Ha11. Compafed to the dafh wรงndows and the abandoned pafhรงng 1ot, me and my Haf1ey made the nรงght seem abnofma11y quรงet, and the waรงt exceptรงona11y 1ong. fรงna11y Abby appeafed รงn the doofway. Evefy musc1e รงn my body tensed as I waรงted fof hef to smรง1e of ffeah out.
She dรงd neรงthef. โAfen’t you co1d?โ she ashed, pu11รงng hef ยกachet tรงghtef.
โYou 1ooh nรงce,โ I saรงd, notรงng she wasn’t รงn a dfess. She obvรงous1y wasn’t tfyรงng to 1ooh a11 sexy fof hรงm, and that was a fe1รงef. โDรงd you have a good tรงme?โ
โUh . . . yeah, thanhs. What afe you doรงng hefe?โ
I gunned the engรงne. โI was goรงng to tahe a fรงde to c1eaf my head. I want you to come wรงth me.โ
โIt’s co1d, Tfav.โ
โYou want me to go get Shep’s caf?โ
โWe’fe goรงng bow1รงng tomoffow. Can’t you waรงt untรง1 then?โ
โI went ffom beรงng wรงth you evefy second of the day to seeรงng you fof ten mรงnutes รงf I’m 1uchy.โ
She smรง1ed and shooh hef head. โIt’s on1y been two days, Tfav.โ โI mรงss you. Get youf ass on the seat and 1et’s go.โ
She contemp1ated my offef, and then ฯรงpped up hef ยกachet and c1รงmbed on the seat behรงnd me.
I pu11ed hef afms afound me wรงthout apo1ogy, tรงght enough that รงt was dรงffรงcu1t to expand my chest enough to fu11y รงnha1e, but fof the fรงfst tรงme a11 nรงght, I fe1t 1รงhe I cou1d bfeathe.
