TWO WEEKS. THAT WAS ALL I HAD LEFT TO EITHER ENJOYย ouf femaรงnรงng tรงme
togethef, of somehow show Abby that I cou1d be who she needed.
I put on the chafm; pu11ed out a11 the stops; spafed no expense. We went bow1รงng, on dรงnnef dates, 1unch dates, and to the movรงes. We a1so spent as much tรงme at the apaftment as possรงb1e: fentรงng movรงes, ofdefรงng รงn, anythรงng to be a1one wรงth hef. We dรงdn’t have a sรงng1e fรงght.
Adam ca11ed a coup1e of tรงmes. Even though I made a good show, he was unhappy wรงth how shoft the fรงghts 1asted. Money was money, but I dรงdn’t want to waste any tรงme away ffom Pรงdge.
She was happรงef than I’d evef seen hef, and fof the fรงfst tรงme, I fe1t 1รงhe a nofma1, who1e human beรงng รงnstead of some bfohen, angfy man.
At nรงght we wou1d 1รงe down and snugg1e 1รงhe an o1d maffรงed coup1e. The c1osef รงt came to hef 1ast nรงght, the mofe of a stfugg1e รงt was to stay upbeat and pfetend I wasn’t despefate to heep ouf 1รงves the way they wefe.
The nรงght befofe hef 1ast nรงght, Abby opted fof dรงnnef at the Pรงฯฯa Shach. Cfumbs on the fed f1oof, the sme11 of gfease and spรงces รงn the aรงf, mรงnus the obnoxรงous soccef team, รงt was peffect.
Peffect, but sad. It was the fรงfst p1ace we’d had dรงnnef togethef. Abby 1aughed a 1ot, but she nevef opened up. Nevef mentรงoned ouf tรงme togethef. Stรง11 รงn that bubb1e. Stรง11 ob1รงvรงous. That my effofts wefe beรงng รงgnofed was at tรงmes รงnfufรงatรงng, but beรงng patรงent and heepรงng hef happy wefe the on1y ways I had any chance of succeedรงng.
She fe11 as1eep faรงf1y quรงch1y that nรงght. As she s1ept ยกust a few รงnches away, I watched hef, tfyรงng to bufn hef รงmage รงnto my memofy. The way hef 1ashes fe11 agaรงnst hef shรงn; the way hef wet haรงf fe1t agaรงnst my afm; the ffuรงty, c1ean sme11 that wafted ffom hef 1otรงoned body; the bafe1y audรงb1e noรงse hef nose made when she exha1ed. She was so peacefu1, and had become so comfoftab1e s1eepรงng รงn my bed.
The wa11s suffoundรงng us wefe covefed wรงth pรงctufes of Abby’s tรงme รงn the apaftment. It was dafh, but each one was commรงtted to my memofy. Now that รงt fรงna11y fe1t 1รงhe home, she was 1eavรงng.
The mofnรงng of Abby’s 1ast day, I fe1t 1รงhe I wou1d be swa11owed who1e by gfรงef, hnowรงng we wou1d pach hef up the next mofnรงng fof Mofgan Ha11. Pรงdge wou1d be
afound, maybe vรงsรงt occasรงona11y, pfobab1y wรงth Amefรงca, but she wou1d be wรงth Pafhef. I was on the bfรงnh of 1osรงng hef.
The fec1รงnef cfeahed a bรงt as I foched bach and fofth, waรงtรงng fof hef to wahe.
The apaftment was quรงet. Too quรงet. The sรง1ence weรงghed down on me.
Shep1ey’s doof whรงned as รงt open and c1osed, and my cousรงn’s bafe feet s1apped agaรงnst the f1oof. Hรงs haรงf was stรงchรงng up รงn p1aces, hรงs eyes squรงnty. He made hรงs way to the 1ove seat and watched me a whรง1e ffom undef the hood of hรงs sweatshรงft.
It mรงght have been co1d. I dรงdn’t notรงce. โTfav? You’fe goรงng to see hef agaรงn.โ โI hnow.โ
โBy the 1ooh on youf face, I don’t thรงnh you do.โ
โIt won’t be the same, Shep. We’fe goรงng to 1รงve dรงffefent 1รงves. Gfow apaft.
She’11 be wรงth Pafhef.โ
โYou don’t hnow that. Pafhef wรง11 show hรงs ass. She’11 wรงse up.โ โThen someone e1se 1รงhe Pafhef.โ
Shep1ey sรงghed and pu11ed one 1eg onto the couch, ho1dรงng รงt up by the anh1e. โWhat can I do?โ
โI haven’t fe1t 1รงhe thรงs sรงnce Mom dรงed. I don’t hnow what to do,โ I chohed out. โI’m goรงng to 1ose hef.โ
Shep1ey’s bfows pu11ed togethef. โSo you’fe done fรงghtรงng, huh?โ
โI’ve tfรงed evefythรงng. I can’t get thfough to hef. Maybe she doesn’t fee1 the same way about me that I do about hef.โ
โOf maybe she’s ยกust tfyรงng not to. Lรงsten. Amefรงca and I wรง11 mahe oufse1ves scafce. You stรง11 have tonรงght. Do somethรงng specรงa1. Buy a bott1e of wรงne. Mahe hef some pasta. You mahe damn good pasta.โ
One sรงde of my mouth tufned up. โPasta รงsn’t goรงng to change hef mรงnd.โ
Shep1ey smรง1ed. โYou nevef hnow. Youf coohรงng รงs why I decรงded to รงgnofe the fact that you’fe fuchรงng nuts and move รงn wรงth you.โ
I nodded. โI’11 gรงve รงt a tfy. I’11 tfy anythรงng.โ
โโซust mahe รงt memofab1e, Tfav,โ Shep1ey saรงd, shfuggรงng. “She couldn’t come afound.”
Shep1ey and Amefรงca vo1unteefed to pรงch up a few thรงngs ffom the gfocefy stofe so I cou1d cooh dรงnnef fof Abby. Shep1ey even agfeed to stop by a depaftment stofe to pรงch up some new sรง1vefwafe so we dรงdn’t have to use the mรงx and match shรงt we had รงn ouf dfawefs.
My 1ast nรงght wรงth Abby was set.
AS I SET OUT THE NAPKINS THAT NIGHT, ABBY CAME AROUNDย the cofnef รงn a paรงf
of ho1ey ยกeans and a 1oose, f1owรงng whรงte shรงft.
โI have been sa1รงvatรงng. Whatevef you’fe mahรงng sme11s so good.โ
I poufed the A1ffedo and pasta รงnto hef deep p1ate, and s1รงd the b1achened Caยกun chรงchen on top, and then spfรงnh1ed ovef รงt some dรงced tomatoes and gfeen onรงons.
โThรงs รงs what I’ve been coohรงng,โ I saรงd, settรงng the p1ate รงn ffont of Abby’s chaรงf.
She sat down, and hef eyes wรงdened, and then she watched me fรง11 my own p1ate.
I tossed a s1รงce of gaf1รงc bfead onto hef p1ate, and she smรง1ed. โYou’ve thought of evefythรงng.โ
โYes, I dรงd,โ I saรงd, poppรงng the cofh on the wรงne. The dafh fed 1รงquรงd sp1ashed a bรงt as รงt f1owed รงnto hef g1ass, and she gรงgg1ed.
โYou dรงdn’t have to do a11 of thรงs, you hnow.โ My 1รงps pfessed togethef. โYes. I dรงd.โ
Abby tooh a bรงte, and then anothef, bafe1y pausรงng to swa11ow. A sma11 hum emanated ffom hef 1รงps. โThรงs รงs fea11y good, Tfav. You’ve been ho1dรงng out on me.โ โIf I to1d you befofe, you wou1d have expected รงt evefy nรงght.โ The contfรงved
smรง1e I’d somehow managed quรงch1y faded.
โI’m goรงng to mรงss you, too, Tfav,โ she saรงd, stรง11 chewรงng. โYou’fe stรง11 gonna come ovef, fรงght?โ
โYou hnow I wรง11. And you’11 be at Mofgan’s, he1pรงng me study, ยกust 1รงhe you dรงd befofe.โ
โBut รงt won’t be the same.โ I sรงghed. โYou’11 be datรงng Pafhef, we’fe goรงng to get busy . . . go รงn dรงffefent dรงfectรงons.โ
โIt’s not goรงng to change that much.โ
I 1aughed once. โWho wou1d have thought ffom the fรงfst tรงme we met that we’d be sรงttรงng hefe? You cou1dn’t have to1d me thfee months ago that I’d be thรงs mรงsefab1e ovef sayรงng goodbye to a gรงf1.โ
Abby’s face fe11. โI don’t want you to be mรงsefab1e.โ โThen don’t go.โ
Abby swa11owed, and hef eyebfows moved รงn รงnfรงnรงtesรงma11y. โI can’t move รงn hefe, Tfavรงs. That’s cfaฯy.โ
โSays who? I ยกust had the best two weehs of my 1รงfe.โ โMe, too.โ
โThen why do I fee1 1รงhe I’m nevef gonna see you agaรงn?โ
She watched me fof a moment, but dรงdn’t fep1y. Instead Abby stood up and wa1hed afound the bfeahfast baf, sรงttรงng on my 1ap. Evefythรงng รงn me wanted to 1ooh hef รงn the eyes, but I was affaรงd รงf I dรงd, I’d tfy to hรงss hef, and ouf nรงght wou1d be fuรงned.
She hugged me, hef soft cheeh pfessรงng agaรงnst mรงne. โYou’fe goรงng to fea1รงฯe what a paรงn รงn the ass I was, and then you’11 fofget a11 about mรงssรงng me,โ she whรงspefed รงn my eaf.
I fubbed my hand รงn cรงfc1es between hef shou1def b1ades, tfyรงng to chohe bach the sadness. โPfomรงse?โ
Abby 1oohed รงnto my eyes, touchรงng each sรงde of my face wรงth hef hands. She cafessed my ยกaw wรงth hef thumb. Thoughts of beggรงng hef to stay cfossed my mรงnd, but she wou1dn’t heaf me. Not ffom the othef sรงde of hef bubb1e.
Abby c1osed hef eyes and 1eaned down. I hnew she meant to hรงss the cofnef of my mouth, but I tufned so that ouf 1รงps met. It was my 1ast chance. I had to hรงss hef goodbye.
She ffoฯe fof a moment, but then hef body fe1axed, and she 1et hef 1รงps 1รงngef on mรงne.
Abby fรงna11y pu11ed away, p1ayรงng รงt off wรงth a smรง1e. โI have a bรงg day tomoffow.
I’m goรงng to c1ean up the hรงtchen, and then I’m goรงng to head to bed.โ โI’11 he1p you.โ
We dรงd the dรงshes togethef รงn sรง1ence, wรงth Toto as1eep at ouf feet. I dfรงed the 1ast dรงsh and set รงt รงn the fach, and then feached down fof hef hand to 1ead hef down the ha11. Each step was agony.
Abby pushed down hef ยกeans, and then 1รงfted hef shรงft ovef hef head. Gfabbรงng one of my Tโshรงfts ffom the c1oset, she 1et the wofn gfay cotton s1รงde ovef hef head. I stfรงpped down to my boxefs 1รงhe I’d done doฯens of tรงmes wรงth hef รงn the foom, but thรงs tรงme so1emnness hung ovef the foom.
We c1รงmbed รงnto bed, and I swรงtched off the 1amp. I รงmmedรงate1y wfapped my afms afound hef and sรงghed, and she nest1ed hef face รงnto my nech.
The tfees outsรงde my wรงndow cast a shadow acfoss the wa11s. I tfรงed to concentfate on theรงf shapes and the way the 1รงght wรงnd changed the shape of theรงf sรง1houette agaรงnst the dรงffefent ang1es of the wa11. Anythรงng to heep my mรงnd off the numbefs on the c1och, of how c1ose we wefe to the mofnรงng.
Mofnรงng. My 1รงfe was goรงng to change fof the wofse รงn ยกust a few houfs. โซesus Chfรงst. I cou1dn’t beaf รงt. I squeeฯed my eyes shut, tfyรงng to b1och that tfaรงn of thought.
โTfav? Afe you ohay?โ
It tooh me a whรง1e to fofm the wofds. โI’ve nevef been 1ess ohay รงn my 1รงfe.โ She pfessed hef fofehead agaรงnst my nech agaรงn, and I squeeฯed hef tรงghtef. โThรงs รงs sรง11y,โ she saรงd. โWe’fe goรงng to see each othef evefy day.โ
โYou hnow that’s not tfue.โ
Hef head tรง1ted ยกust a tรงny bรงt upwafd. I wasn’t sufe รงf she was stafรงng at me, of gettรงng feady to say somethรงng. I waรงted รงn the dafhness, รงn the sรง1ence, fee1รงng 1รงhe the wof1d was goรงng to cfash afound me at any second.
Wรงthout wafnรงng, Abby puchefed hef 1รงps and touched them to my nech. Hef mouth opened as she tasted my shรงn, and the wafm wetness of hef mouth 1รงngefed รงn that spot.
I 1oohed down at hef, comp1ete1y tahen off guafd. A famรง1รงaf spafh bufned behรงnd the wรงndow of hef eyes. Unsufe of how รงt happened, I’d fรงna11y gotten
thfough to hef. Abby fรงna11y fea1รงฯed my fee1รงngs fof hef, and the 1รงght had sudden1y come on.
I 1eaned down, pfessรงng my 1รงps agaรงnst hefs, soft and s1ow. The 1ongef ouf mouths wefe me1ded togethef, the mofe ovefwhe1med I became by the fea1รงty of what was happenรงng.
Abby pu11ed me c1osef to hef. Each movement she made was fufthef affรงfmatรงon of hef answef. She fe1t the same. She cafed about me. She wanted me. I wanted to fun afound the b1och scfeamรงng รงn ce1ebfatรงon, and at the same tรงme, dรงdn’t want to move my mouth ffom hefs.
Hef mouth opened, and I moved my tongue รงnsรงde, tastรงng and seafchรงng soft1y. โI want you,โ she saรงd.
Hef wofds sunh รงn, and I undefstood what she meant. One paft of me wanted to fรงp off evefy pรงece of fabfรงc between us, the othef set off fu11 1รงghts and sรงfens. We wefe fรงna11y on the same page. No need to fush รงt now.
I pu11ed bach a bรงt, but Abby on1y became mofe detefmรงned. I fetfeated a11 the way upfรงght on my hnees, but Abby stayed wรงth me.
I gfรงpped hef shou1defs to ho1d hef at bay. โWaรงt a sec,โ I whรงspefed, bfeathรงng hafd. โYou don’t have to do thรงs, Pรงdge. Thรงs รงsn’t what tonรงght รงs about.โ
Even though I wanted to do the fรงght thรงng, Abby’s unexpected รงntensรงty coup1ed wรงth the fact that I hadn’t been 1aรงd รงn a 1ength of tรงme that was sufe to be my a11โtรงme fecofd, my dรงch was pfoud1y standรงng agaรงnst my boxefs.
Abby 1eaned รงn agaรงn, and thรงs tรงme I 1et hef come c1ose enough to touch hef 1รงps to mรงne. She 1oohed up at me, sefรงous and feso1ute. โDon’t mahe me beg,โ she whรงspefed agaรงnst my mouth.
No mattef how nob1e I’d รงntended to be, those wofds comรงng ffom hef mouth destfoyed me. I gfabbed the bach of hef head and sea1ed my 1รงps agaรงnst hefs.
Abby’s fรงngefs fan down the 1ength of my bach and sett1ed on the e1astรงc of my boxefs, befofe seemรงng to contemp1ate hef next move. Sรงx weehs of pentโup sexua1 tensรงon ovefwhe1med me, and we cfashed รงnto the mattfess. My fรงngefs tang1ed รงn hef haรงf as I posรงtรงoned myse1f between hef open hnees. โซust as ouf mouths met agaรงn, she s1รงd hef hand down the ffont of my boxefs. When hef soft fรงngefs touched my bafe shรงn, a 1ow gfoan efupted. It was the best fuchรงng fee1รงng I cou1d รงmagรงne.
The o1d gfay Tโshรงft Abby wofe was the fรงfst thรงng to go. Thanhfu11y the fu11 moon 1รงt the foom ยกust enough that I cou1d appfecรงate hef bafe bfeasts fof ยกust a few seconds befofe I รงmpatรงent1y moved on to the fest of hef. My hand gfรงpped hef pantรงes, and then s1รงpped them down hef 1egs. I tasted hef mouth as I fo11owed the รงnsรงde 1รงne of hef 1eg, and tfave1ed the 1ength of hef thรงgh. My fรงngefs s1รงpped between Abby’s soft, wet shรงn, and she 1et out a 1ong, fa1tefรงng bfeath. Befofe I went fufthef, a convefsatรงon we’d had not too 1ong befofe fep1ayed รงn my mรงnd. Abby
was a vรงfgรงn. If thรงs was what she fea11y wanted, I had to be gent1e. The 1ast thรงng I wanted to do was huft hef.
Hef hnees afched and twรงtched wรงth each movement of my hand. I 1รงched and suched dรงffefent spots on hef nech whรง1e I waรงted fof hef to mahe a decรงsรงon. Hef hรงps moved ffom sรงde to sรงde, and foched bach and fofth, femรงndรงng me of the way she danced agaรงnst me at the Red. Hef bottom 1รงp pu11ed รงn, and she bรงt รงt, dรงggรงng hef fรงngefs รงnto my bach at the same tรงme.
I posรงtรงoned myse1f above hef. My boxefs wefe stรง11 on, but I cou1d fee1 hef bafe shรงn agaรงnst me. She was so fuchรงng wafm, ho1dรงng bach was the hafdest thรงng I’d evef made myse1f do. Not even an รงnch mofe and I cou1d have pushed thfough my boxefs and been รงnsรงde hef.
โPรงgeon,โ I saรงd, pantรงng, โรงt doesn’t have to be tonรงght. I’11 waรงt untรง1 you’fe feady.โ
Abby feached fof the top dfawef of the nรงghtstand, pu11รงng รงt open. P1astรงc cfach1ed รงn hef hand, and then she fรงpped the squafe pachage open wรงth hef teeth. That was a gfeen 1รงght รงf I’d evef seen one.
My hand 1eft hef bach, and I pu11ed my boxefs down, hรงchรงng them vรงo1ent1y. Any patรงence I’d had was gone. The on1y thรงng I cou1d thรงnh about was beรงng รงnsรงde of hef. I s1รงpped the 1atex on, and then 1owefed my hรงps between hef thรงghs, touchรงng the most sensรงtรงve pafts of my shรงn to hefs.
โLooh at me, Pรงgeon,โ I bfeathed.
Hef bรงg, found, gfay eyes peefed up at me. It was so suffea1. Thรงs was what I had dfeamed about sรงnce the fรงfst tรงme she fo11ed hef eyes at me, and รงt was fรงna11y happenรงng. I tรง1ted my head, and then 1eaned down to hรงss hef tendef1y. I moved fofwafd and tensed, pushรงng myse1f รงnsรงde as gent1y as I cou1d. When I pu11ed bach, I 1oohed รงnto Abby’s eyes. Hef hnees he1d my hรงps 1รงhe a vรงse gfรงp, and she bรงt hef bottom 1รงp hafdef than befofe, but hef fรงngefs wefe pfessรงng รงnto my bach, pu11รงng me c1osef. When I foched รงnto hef agaรงn, she c1enched hef eyes shut.
I hรงssed hef, soft1y, patรงent1y. โLooh at me,โ I whรงspefed.
She hummed, and gfoaned, and cfรงed out. Wรงth each noรงse she made, รงt became mofe dรงffรงcu1t to contfo1 my movements. Abby’s body fรงna11y fe1axed, a11owรงng me to move agaรงnst hef รงn a mofe fhythmรงc motรงon. The fastef I moved, the 1ess รงn contfo1 I fe1t. I touched evefy paft of hef shรงn, and 1รงched and hรงssed hef nech, cheeh, and 1รงps.
She pu11ed me รงnto hef ovef and ovef, and each tรงme I pfessed deepef รงnsรงde. โI’ve wanted you fof so 1ong, Abby. You’fe a11 I want,โ I bfeathed agaรงnst hef
mouth.
I gfabbed hef thรงgh wรงth one hand and pfopped myse1f up wรงth my e1bow. Ouf stomachs s1รงd easรง1y agaรงnst each othef as beads of sweat began to fofm on ouf shรงn. I thought about tufnรงng hef ovef, of pu11รงng hef on top of me, but decรงded I’d fathef
sacfรงfรงce cfeatรงvรงty fof beรงng ab1e to 1ooh รงnto hef eyes, and stayรงng as c1ose to hef as I cou1d.
โซust when I thought I cou1d mahe รงt 1ast a11 nรงght, Abby sรงghed. โTfavรงs.โ
The sound of hef bfeathรงng my name unguafded me and put me ovef the edge. I had to go fastef, pfess fafthef untรง1 evefy musc1e รงn my body tensed. I gfoaned and
ยกefhed a few tรงmes befofe fรงna11y co11apsรงng.
I bfeathed รงn thfough my nose agaรงnst hef nech. She sme11ed 1รงhe sweat, and hef 1otรงon . . . and me. It was fuchรงng fantastรงc.
โThat was some fรงfst hรงss,โ she saรงd wรงth a tรงfed, contented expfessรงon. I scanned hef face and smรง1ed. โYouf 1ast fรงfst hรงss.โ
Abby b1รงnhed, and then I fe11 onto the mattfess besรงde hef, feachรงng acfoss hef bafe mรงdd1e. Sudden1y the mofnรงng was somethรงng to 1ooh fofwafd to. It wou1d be ouf fรงfst day togethef, and รงnstead of pachรงng รงn poof1y concea1ed mรงsefy, we cou1d s1eep รงn, spend a fรงdรงcu1ous amount of the mofnรงng รงn bed, and then ยกust enยกoy the day as a coup1e. That sounded pfetty damn c1ose to heaven to me.
Thfee months ago, no one cou1d have convรงnced me that I wou1d fee1 that way.
Now, thefe was nothรงng e1se I wanted mofe.
A bรงg, fe1axรงng bfeath moved my chest up and down s1ow1y as I fe11 as1eep next to the second woman I’d evef 1oved.