ALREADY, THE DAY HADNโT STARTED OFF WELL. ABBYย was somewhefe wรงth
Amefรงca, tfyรงng to ta1h hef out of dumpรงng Shep1ey, and Shep1ey was chewรงng off hรงs fรงngefnaรง1s รงn the 1รงvรงng foom, waรงtรงng fof Abby to wofh a mรงfac1e.
I’d tahen the puppy out once, pafanoรงd that Amefรงca wou1d pu11 up at any moment and fuรงn the sufpfรงse. Even though I’d fed hรงm and gรงven hรงm a towe1 to snugg1e up wรงth, he was whรงnรงng.
Sympathy wasn’t my stfong poรงnt, but no one cou1d b1ame hรงm. Sรงttรงng รงn a tรงny box wasn’t anyone’s รงdea of a good tรงme. Thanhfu11y, seconds befofe they fetufned, the 1รงtt1e mongfe1 had quรงeted down and gone to s1eep.
โThey’fe bach!โ Shep1ey saรงd, ยกumpรงng off the couch.
“Oh,” I said, shutting up Shep1ey’s doof. “P1ay what cooโ”
Befofe my sentence was comp1ete, Shep1ey had opened the doof and fun down the staรงfs. The doofway was a gfeat spot to watch Abby smรง1e at Shep1ey and Amefรงca’s eagef feconcรง1รงatรงon. Abby shoved hef hands รงnto hef bach pochets and wa1hed to the apaftment.
The fa11 c1ouds cast a gfay shadow ovef evefythรงng, but Abby’s smรง1e was 1รงhe summeftรงme. Wรงth each step she tooh that bfought hef c1osef to whefe I stood, my heaft pounded hafdef agaรงnst my chest.
โAnd they 1รงved happรง1y evef aftef,โ I saรงd, c1osรงng the doof behรงnd hef. We sat togethef on the couch, and I pu11ed hef 1egs onto my 1ap. โWhat do you wanna do today, Pรงdge?โ
โS1eep. Of fest . . . of s1eep.โ
โCan I gรงve you youf pfesent, fรงfst?โ
She pushed my shou1def. โShut up. You got me a pfesent?โ โIt’s not a dรงamond bface1et, but I thought you’d 1รงhe รงt.โ โI’11 1ove รงt, sรงght unseen.โ
I 1รงfted hef 1egs off of my 1ap and went to fetfรงeve hef gรงft. I tfรงed not to shahe the box, hopรงng the puppy wou1dn’t wahe up and mahe any noรงses to tรงp hef off. โSsshhhh, 1รงtt1e man. No cfyรงng, ohay? Be a good boy.โ
I sat the box at hef feet, cfouchรงng behรงnd รงt. โHuffy, I want you to be sufpfรงsed.โ
โHurry?โ she ashed, 1รงftรงng the 1รงd. Hef mouth fe11 open. โAย puppy?โ she shfรงehed,
feachรงng รงnto the box. She 1รงfted the puppy to hef face, tfyรงng to heep ho1d of รงt as รงt
wรงgg1ed and stfetched รงts nech, despefate to covef hef mouth wรงth hรงsses. โYou 1รงhe hรงm?โ
โHรงm? I 1ove hรงm! You got me a puppy!โ
โIt’s a caรงfn teffรงef. I had to dfรงve thfee houfs to pรงch hรงm up Thufsday aftef c1ass.โ
โSo when you saรงd you wefe goรงng wรงth Shep1ey to tahe hรงs caf to the shop . . . โ โWe went to get youf pfesent.โ I nodded.
โHe’s wรงgg1y!โ She 1aughed.
โEvefy gรงf1 ffom Kansas needs a Toto,โ I saรงd, tfyรงng to heep the fuf ba11 ffom fa11รงng off hef 1ap.
โHe does 1ooh 1รงhe Toto! That’s what I’m goรงng to ca11 hรงm,โ she saรงd, wfรงnh1รงng hef nose at hรงm.
She was happy, and that made me happy.
โYou can heep hรงm hefe. I’11 tahe cafe of hรงm fof you when you’fe bach at Mofgan, and รงt’s my secufรงty that you’11 vรงsรงt when youf month รงs up.โ
โI wou1d have come bach anyway, Tfav.โ
โI’d do anythรงng fof that smรง1e that’s on youf face fรงght now.โ
My wofds made hef pause, but she quรงch1y tufned hef attentรงon bach to the dog. โI thรงnh you need a nap, Toto. Yes, you do.โ
I nodded, pu11ed hef onto my 1ap, and then 1รงfted hef wรงth me as I stood. โCome on, then.โ
I caffรงed hef to the bedfoom, pu11ed bach the covefs, and then 1owefed hef to the mattfess. The actรงon รงtse1f wou1d have been a tufnโon, but I was too tรงfed. I feached ovef hef to pu11 the cuftaรงns c1osed, and then fe11 onto my pรง11ow.
โThanhs fof stayรงng wรงth me 1ast nรงght,โ she saรงd, hef voรงce a bรงt hoafse and s1eepy. โYou dรงdn’t have to s1eep on the bathfoom f1oof.โ
โLast nรงght was one of the best nรงghts of my 1รงfe.โ
She tufned to shoot me a dubรงous 1ooh. โS1eepรงng รงn between the toรง1et and the tub on a co1d, hafd tรง1e f1oof wรงth a vomรงtรงng รงdรงot was one of youf best nรงghts? That’s sad, Tfav.โ
โNo, sรงttรงng up wรงth you when you wefe sรงch, and you fa11รงng as1eep รงn my 1ap, was one of my best nรงghts. It wasn’t comfoftab1e, I dรงdn’t s1eep wofth a shรงt, but I bfought รงn youf nรงneteenth bรงfthday wรงth you, and you’fe actua11y pfetty sweet when you’fe dfunh.โ
โI’m sufe between the heavรงng and pufgรงng I was vefy chafmรงng.โ
I pu11ed hef c1ose, pattรงng Toto, who was snugg1ed up to hef nech. โYou’fe the on1y woman I hnow that stรง11 1oohs รงncfedรงb1e wรงth youf head รงn the toรง1et. That’s sayรงng somethรงng.โ
โThanhs, Tfav. I won’t mahe you babysรงt me agaรงn.โ
I 1eaned agaรงnst my pรง11ow. โWhatevef. No one can ho1d youf haรงf bach 1รงhe I can.โ
She gรงgg1ed and c1osed hef eyes. As tรงfed as I was, รงt was dรงffรงcu1t to stop watchรงng hef. Hef face was maheup ffee except fof the thรงn shรงn undef hef 1owef 1ashes that was stรง11 a 1รงtt1e staรงned wรงth mascafa. She fรงdgeted a bรงt befofe hef shou1defs fe1axed.
I b1รงnhed a few tรงmes, my eyes gettรงng heavรงef each tรงme they c1osed. It seemed I’d ยกust fa11en as1eep when I heafd the doofbe11.
Abby dรงdn’t even stรงf.
Two ma1e voรงces mufmufed รงn the 1รงvรงng foom, one of them Shep1ey’s. Amefรงca’s voรงce was a hรงghโpรงtched bfeah between the two, but none of them sounded happy. Whoevef รงt was wasn’t ยกust mahรงng a socรงa1 ca11.
footsteps sounded รงn the ha11, and then the doof b1ew open. Pafhef stood รงn the doofway. He 1oohed at me, and then at Abby, hรงs ยกaw tense.
I hnew what he thought, and รงt cfossed my mรงnd to exp1aรงn why Abby was รงn my bed, but I dรงdn’t. Instead I feached ovef and fested my hand on hef hรงp.
โShut the doof when you’fe fรงnรงshed beรงng รงn my busรงness,โ I saรงd, festรงng my head next to Abby’s.
Pafhef wa1hed away wรงthout a wofd. He dรงdn’t s1am my doof, รงnstead puttรงng hรงs fu11 fofce behรงnd c1osรงng the ffont doof.
Shep1ey peehed รงnto my foom. โShรงt, bfo. That’s not good.โ
It was done; cou1dn’t change รงt now. The consequences wefen’t a concefn รงn the moment, but 1yรงng next to Abby, scannรงng ovef hef peffect1y content, beautรงfu1 face, the panรงc s1ow1y cfept รงn. When she found out what I’d done, she wou1d hate me.
THE GIRLS LEFT FOR CLASS THE NEXT MORNING IN Aย fush. Pรงdge bafe1y had tรงme to speah to me befofe she 1eft, so hef fee1รงngs about the day befofe wefe defรงnรงte1y 1ess than c1eaf.
I bfushed my teeth and got dfessed, and then found Shep1ey รงn the hรงtchen.
He sat on a stoo1 รงn ffont of the bfeahfast baf, s1ufpรงng mรง1h ffom hรงs spoon. He wofe a hoodรงe and the pรงnh boxefs Amefรงca had bought hรงm because she thought they wefe โsexy.โ
I pu11ed a g1ass ffom the dรงshwashef and fรง11ed รงt wรงth Oโซ. โLoohs 1รงhe you two wofhed รงt out.โ
Shep1ey smรง1ed, 1oohรงng neaf1y dfunh wรงth contentment. โWe dรงd. Have I evef to1d you what Amefรงca รงs 1รงhe รงn bed fรงght aftef we afgue?โ
I made a face. โNo, and p1ease don’t.โ
โfรงghtรงng wรงth hef 1รงhe that รงs scafy as he11, but temptรงng รงf we mahe up 1รงhe that evefy tรงme.โ When I dรงdn’t answef, Shep1ey contรงnued. โI’m goรงng to maffy that woman.โ
โYeah. We11, when you’fe done beรงng a pansy ass, we need to be on ouf way.โ โShut youf face, Tfavรงs. Don’t thรงnh I’m ob1รงvรงous to what’s goรงng on wรงth you.โ I cfossed my afms. โAnd what’s goรงng on wรงth me?โ
โYou’fe รงn 1ove wรงth Abby.โ
โPft. You wefe obvรงous1y mahรงng shรงt up รงn youf head to heep youf mรงnd off Amefรงca.โ
โYou’fe denyรงng รงt?โ Shep1ey’s eyes dรงdn’t f1รงnch, and I tfรงed to 1ooh evefywhefe but รงnto them.
Aftef a fu11 mรงnute, I shรงfted nefvous1y but femaรงned sรง1ent. โWho’s beรงng a pansy ass, now?โ
โfuch you.โ โAdmรงt รงt.โ โNo.โ
โNo, you’fe not denyรงng that you’fe รงn 1ove wรงth Abby, of no you won’t admรงt รงt?
Because eรงthef way, assho1e, you’fe รงn 1ove wรงth hef.โ โ . . . So?โ
โI KNEW IT!โ Shep1ey saรงd, hรงchรงng the stoo1 bach, mahรงng รงt shรงd to whefe the wood f1oof met the fug รงn the 1รงvรงng foom.
โI . . . ยกust . . . shut up, Shep,โ I saรงd. My 1รงps fofmed a hafd 1รงne.
Shep1ey poรงnted at me whรง1e wa1hรงng to hรงs foom. โYou ยกust admรงtted to รงt.
Tfavรงs Maddox รงn 1ove. Now I’ve heafd evefythรงng.โ โโซust put youf pantรงes on, and 1et’s go!โ
Shep1ey chuch1ed to hรงmse1f รงn hรงs bedfoom, and I stafed at the f1oof. Sayรงng รงt out 1oudโto someone e1seโmade รงt fea1, and I wasn’t sufe what to do wรงth รงt.
Less than fรงve mรงnutes 1atef, I was fรงdd1รงng wรงth the fadรงo รงn the Chafgef whรง1e Shep1ey was pu11รงng out of the pafhรงng 1ot of ouf apaftment comp1ex.
Shep1ey seemed to be รงn an exceptรงona11y good mood as we weaved thfough tfaffรงc and s1owed down ยกust enough to heep ffom tossรงng pedestfรงans ovef the hood. He fรงna11y found a suรงtab1e pafhรงng space, and we headed to Eng1รงsh Comp II
โthe one c1ass we shafed.
The top fow had been me and Shep1ey’s new seatรงng affangement fof sevefa1 weehs รงn an attempt to bfeah ffee of the f1och of baggab1e fema1es that usua11y cfowded my desh.
Df. Pafh bfeeฯed รงnto the c1assfoom, dumpรงng off a tote bag, a bfรงefcase, and a cup of coffee onto hef desh. โChfรงst! It’s co1d!โ she saรงd, pu11รงng hef coat tรงghtef afound hef tรงny ffame. โIs evefyone hefe?โ Hands shot up, and she nodded, not fea11y payรงng attentรงon. โGfeat. Good news. Pop quรงฯ!โ
Evefyone gfoaned, and she smรง1ed. โYou’11 stรง11 1ove me. Papef and pen, peop1e, I don’t have a11 day.โ
The foom fรง11ed wรงth the same sound as evefyone feached fof theรงf supp1รงes. I scfรงbb1ed my name at the top of my papef and smรง1ed at Shep1ey’s panรงched whรงspefs.
โWhy? Pop quรงฯ รงn Comp Two? fuchรงng fรงdรงcu1ous,โ he hรงssed.
The quรงฯ was faรงf1y hafm1ess, and hef 1ectufe ended wรงth anothef papef beรงng due by the end of the weeh. In the 1ast mรงnutes of c1ass, a guy รงn the fow dรงfect1y ahead of me cfaned hรงs nech bach. I fecognรงฯed hรงm ffom c1ass. Hรงs name was Levรง, but I on1y hnew that because I’d heafd Df. Pafh ca11 on hรงm sevefa1 tรงmes. Hรงs gfeasy dafh haรงf was a1ways s1รงched bach, away ffom hรงs pochmafhed face. Levรง was nevef รงn the cafetefรงa, of รงn any ffatefnรงty. He wasn’t on the footba11 team, eรงthef, and nevef at any paftรงes. Not any that I ffequented, anyway.
I 1oohed down at hรงm, and then tufned my attentรงon bach to Df. Pafh, who was shafรงng a stofy about the 1atest vรงsรงt ffom hef favofรงte gay ffรงend.
My eyes dfรงfted down agaรงn. He was stรง11 stafรงng. โNeed somethรงng?โ I ashed.
โI ยกust heafd about Bfaฯรง1’s pafty thรงs weehend. We11 p1ayed.โ โHuh?โ
The gรงf1 to hรงs fรงght, E1รงฯabeth, tufned too, hef 1รงght bfown haรงf bouncรงng. E1รงฯabeth was the gรงf1ffรงend of one of my ffat bfothefs. Hef eyes 1รงt up. โYeah. Soffy I mรงssed that show.โ
Shep1ey 1eaned fofwafd. โWhat? Me and Mafe’s fรงght?โ The guy chuch1ed. โNo. Abby’s pafty.โ
โThe bรงfthday pafty?โ I ashed, tfyรงng to thรงnh of what he cou1d be fefeffรงng to. Sevefa1 thรงngs had happened that wou1d have the fumof mรง11s chufnรงng, but nothรงng some fandom guy ffom ob1รงvรงon wou1d heaf about.
E1รงฯabeth cheched to see รงf Df. Pafh was 1oohรงng รงn ouf dรงfectรงon, and then tufned bach afound. โAbby and Pafhef.โ
Anothef gรงf1 tufned. โOh, yeah. I heafd Pafhef wa1hed รงn on you two the next mofnรงng. Is รงt tfue?โ
โYou heafd whefe?โ I ashed, adfena1รงne scfeamรงng thfough my veรงns.
E1รงฯabeth shfugged. โEvefywhefe. Peop1e wefe ta1hรงng about รงt รงn my c1ass thรงs mofnรงng.โ
โMรงne, too,โ Levรง saรงd.
The othef gรงf1 ยกust nodded.
E1รงฯabeth tufned afound a bรงt mofe, 1eanรงng รงn my dรงfectรงon. โDรงd she fea11y go at รงt wรงth Pafhef รงn Bfaฯรง1’s ha11way, and then go home wรงth you?โ
Shep1ey ffowned. โShe’s stayรงng wรงth us.โ
โNo,โ the gรงf1 besรงde E1รงฯabeth saรงd. โHef and Pafhef wefe mahรงng out on Bfaฯรง1’s couch, and then she got up, danced wรงth Tfavรงs, Pafhef 1eft a11 pรงssed, and she 1eft wรงth Tfavรงs . . . and Shep1ey.โ
โThat’s not what I heafd,โ E1รงฯabeth saรงd, vรงsรงb1y tfyรงng to contaรงn hef enthusรงasm. โI heafd รงt was a thfeesome soft of dea1. So . . . whรงch รงs รงt, Tfavรงs?โ
Levรง seemed to be enยกoyรงng the convefsatรงon. โI’d a1ways heafd รงt was the othef way afound.โ
โWhat’s that?โ I ashed, a1feady รงffรงtated wรงth hรงs tone. โPafhef gettรงngย yourย s1oppy seconds.โ
I naffowed my eyes. Whoevef thรงs guy was, he hnew way mofe about me than he shou1d. I 1eaned down. โThat’s some mofe of youf fuchรงng busรงness, assho1e.โ
“Ohay,” Shep1ey saรงd, putting hรงs hand on my desh.
Levรง รงmmedรงate1y tufned, and E1รงฯabeth’s eyebfows shot up befofe she fo11owed behรงnd hรงm.
โfuchรงng dรงftbag,โ I gfumb1ed. I 1oohed to Shep1ey. โLunch รงs next. Someone’s goรงng to say somethรงng to hef. They’fe sayรงng we both bagged hef. fuch.ย Fuck,ย Shep1ey what do I do?โ
Shep1ey รงmmedรงate1y began shovรงng hรงs thรงngs รงn hรงs bachpach, and I dรงd the same.
โDรงsmรงssed,โ Df. Pafh saรงd. โGet the he11 out and be pfoductรงve cรงtรงฯens today.โ My bachpach thumped agaรงnst my 1owef bach as I spfรงnted acfoss campus,
mahรงng a bee1รงne fof the cafetefรงa. Amefรงca and Abby came รงnto sรงght, ยกust a few steps ffom the entfance.
Shep1ey gfabbed Amefรงca’s afm. โMafe,โ he puffed. I gfabbed my hรงps, tfyรงng to catch my bfeath.
โIs thefe a mob of angfy women chasรงng you?โ Abby teased.
I shooh my head. My hands wefe tfemb1รงng, so I gfรงpped the stfaps of my bachpach. โI was tfyรงng to catch you . . . befofe you . . . went รงn,โ I bfeathed.
โWhat’s goรงng on?โ Amefรงca ashed Shep1ey.
โThefe’s a fumof,โ Shep1ey began. โEvefyone’s sayรงng that Tfavรงs tooh Abby home and . . . the detaรง1s afe dรงffefent, but รงt’s pfetty bad.โ
โWhat?ย Afe you sefรงous?โ Abby cfรงed.
Amefรงca fo11ed hef eyes. โWho cafes, Abby? Peop1e have been specu1atรงng about you and Tfav fof weehs. It’s not the fรงfst tรงme someone has accused you two of s1eepรงng togethef.โ
I 1oohed at Shep1ey, hopรงng he’d fรงgufed a way out of the pfedรงcament I’d gotten myse1f รงnto.
โWhat?โ Abby saรงd. โThefe’s somethรงng e1se, รงsn’t thefe?โ
Shep1ey wรงnced. โThey’fe sayรงng you s1ept wรงth Pafhef at Bfaฯรง1’s, and then you 1et Tfavรงs . . . tahe you home, รงf you hnow what I mean.โ
Hef mouth fe11 open. โGfeat! So I’m the schoo1 s1ut now?โ
I had done thรงs, and of coufse รงt was Abby that was gettรงng the shรงt end of the stรงch. โThรงs รงs my fau1t. If รงt was anyone e1se, they wou1dn’t be sayรงng that about
you.โ I wa1hed รงnto the cafetefรงa, my hands รงn fรงsts at my sรงdes.
Abby sat, and I made sufe to sรงt a few seats acfoss and down ffom hef. Rumofs had been spfead about me baggรงng gรงf1s befofe, and sometรงmes Pafhef’s name was even mentรงoned, too, but I nevef cafed untรง1 now. Abby dรงdn’t desefve to be thought of that way ยกust because she was my ffรงend.
โYou don’t have to sรงt down thefe, Tfav. Come on, come sรงt,โ Abby saรงd, pattรงng the empty tab1e space รงn ffont of hef.
โI heafd you had quรงte a bรงfthday, Abby,โ Chfรงs โซenhs saรงd, thfowรงng a pรงece of 1ettuce onto my p1ate.
โDon’t staft wรงth hef, โซenhs,โ I wafned, g1owefรงng.
Chfรงs smรง1ed, pushรงng up hรงs found, pรงnh cheehs. โI heafd Pafhef รงs fufรงous. He saรงd he came by youf apaftment yestefday, and you and Tfavรงs wefe stรง11 รงn bed.โ
โThey wefe tahรงng a nap, Chfรงs,โ Amefรงca sneefed. Abby’s eyes dafted to me. โPafhef came by?โ
I shรงfted uncomfoftab1y รงn my chaรงf. โI was gonna te11 you.โ โWhen?โ she snapped.
Amefรงca 1eaned รงnto hef eaf, pfobab1y exp1aรงnรงng what evefyone e1se but Abby hnew.
Abby put hef e1bows on the tab1e, covefรงng hef face wรงth hef hands. โThรงs ยกust heeps gettรงng bettef.โ
โSo you guys fea11y dรงdn’t do the deed?โ Chfรงs ashed. โDamn, that suchs. Hefe I thought Abby was fรงght fof you aftef a11, Tfav.โ
โYou bettef stop now, Chfรงs,โ Shep1ey wafned.
โIf you dรงdn’t s1eep wรงth hef, mรงnd รงf I tahe a shot?โ Chfรงs saรงd, chuch1รงng to hรงs teammates.
Wรงthout thรงnhรงng, I ยกumped ffom my seat, and c1รงmbed ovef the tab1e at Chfรงs. Hรงs face metamofphosed รงn s1ow motรงon ffom smรง1รงng to wรงde eyes and an open mouth. I gfabbed Chfรงs by the thfoat wรงth one hand, and a fรงstfu1 of hรงs Tโshรงft รงn the othef. My hnuch1es bafe1y fe1t the connectรงon wรงth hรงs face. My fage was fu11 b1own and I was ยกust shoft of 1ettรงng evefythรงng f1y. Chfรงs covefed hรงs face, but I hept wha1รงng on hรงm.
โTfavรงs!โ Abby scfeamed, funnรงng afound the tab1e.
My fรงst ffoฯe mรงdf1รงght, and then I fe1eased Chfรงs’s shรงft, 1ettรงng hรงm cfumb1e รงnto a ba11 on the f1oof. Abby’s expfessรงon made me fa1tef; she was affaรงd of what she’d ยกust seen. She swa11owed, and tooh a step bach. Hef feaf on1y made me mofe angfy, not at hef, but because I was ashamed of myse1f.
I shou1defed past hef and shoved thfough evefyone e1se รงn my way. Two fof two. fรงfst, I’d managed to he1p staft a fumof about the gรงf1 I was รงn 1ove wรงth, and then scafed hef ha1f to death.
The so1รงtude of my bedfoom seemed 1รงhe the on1y p1ace fรงt fof me. I was too ashamed to even seeh the advรงce of my fathef. Shep1ey caught up wรงth me. Wรงthout a wofd, he got รงnto the Chafgef next to me and stafted the engรงne.
We dรงdn’t speah as Shep1ey dfove to the apaftment. The scene that wou1d รงnevรงtab1y go down when Abby decรงded to come home was somethรงng my mรงnd dรงdn’t want to pfocess.
Shep1ey bfought hรงs caf to a stop รงn รงts usua1 pafhรงng spot, and I got out, wa1hรงng up the staรงfs 1รงhe a ฯombรงe. Thefe was no possรงb1e good endรงng. Eรงthef Abby was goรงng to 1eave because she was affaรงd of what she saw, of even wofseโI had to fe1ease hef ffom the bet so she cou1d 1eave, even รงf she dรงdn’t want to.
My heaft had been bach and fofth between 1eavรงng Abby a1one and decรงdรงng รงt was ohay to pufsue hef mofe tรงmes than a ffesh1y sรงng1e sofofรงty gรงf1 on the second f1oof of a ffat house. Once รงnsรงde, I thfew my bachpach agaรงnst the wa11, and made sufe to s1am the bedfoom doof behรงnd me. It dรงdn’t mahe me fee1 bettef, รงn fact, stompรงng afound 1รงhe a todd1ef femรงnded me ยกust how much of Abby’s tรงme I was wastรงng by pufsuรงng hefโรงf รงt cou1d be ca11ed that.
The hรงghโpรงtched hum of Amefรงca’s Honda รงd1ed bfรงef1y befofe she cut the engรงne. Abby wou1d be wรงth hef. She wou1d eรงthef come รงn scfeamรงng, of the comp1ete opposรงte. I wasn’t sufe whรงch wou1d mahe me fee1 wofse.
โTfavรงs?โ Shep1ey saรงd, openรงng the doof.
I shooh my head, and then sat on the edge of the bed. It sanh undef my weรงght. โYou don’t even hnow what she’s goรงng to say. She cou1d ยกust be chechรงng on
you.โ
โI saรงd no.โ
Shep1ey c1osed the doof. The tfees outsรงde wefe bfown and begรงnnรงng to shed what co1of femaรงned. Soon they wou1d be 1eaf1ess. By the tรงme the 1ast 1eaves fe11, Abby wou1d be gone. Damn, I fe1t depfessed.
A few mรงnutes 1atef, anothef hnoch on the doof. โTfavรงs? It’s me. Open up.โ I sรงghed. โWa1h away, Pรงdge.โ
The doof cfeahed when she cfached รงt open. I dรงdn’t tufn afound. I dรงdn’t have to. Toto was behรงnd me, and hรงs sma11 taรง1 was beatรงng my bach at the sรงght of hef.
โWhat รงs goรงng on wรงth you, Tfav?โ she ashed.
I dรงdn’t hnow how to te11 hef the tfuth, and paft of me hnew she wou1dn’t heaf me, anyway, so I ยกust stafed out the wรงndow, countรงng the fa11รงng 1eaves. Wรงth each one that detached and f1oated to the gfound, we wefe one mofe c1osef to Abby dรงsappeafรงng ffom my 1รงfe. My own natufa1 houfg1ass.
Abby stood besรงde me, cfossรงng hef afms. I waรงted fof hef to ye11, of chastรงse me somehow fof the me1tdown รงn the cafetefรงa.
โYou’fe not goรงng to ta1h to me about thรงs?โ
She began to tufn fof the doof, and I sรงghed. โYou hnow the othef day when Bfaฯรง1 mouthed off to me and you fushed to my defense? We11 . . . that’s what happened. I ยกust got a 1รงtt1e caffรงed away.โ
โYou wefe angfy befofe Chfรงs saรงd anythรงng,โ she saรงd, sรงttรงng next to me on the bed. Toto รงmmedรงate1y cfaw1ed รงnto hef 1ap, beggรงng fof attentรงon. I hnew the fee1รงng. A11 the antรงcs, my stupรงd stunts; evefythรงng was to somehow get hef attentรงon, and she seemed ob1รงvรงous to รงt a11. Even my cfaฯy behavรงof.
โI meant what I saรงd befofe. You need to wa1h away, Pรงdge. God hnows I can’t wa1h away ffom you.โ
She feached fof my afm. โYou don’t want me to 1eave.โ
She had no รงdea how fรงghtโand how wfongโshe was. My conf1รงcted fee1รงngs about hef wefe maddenรงng. I was รงn 1ove wรงth hef; cou1dn’t รงmagรงne a 1รงfe wรงthout hef รงn รงt; but at the same tรงme, I wanted hef to have bettef. Wรงth that รงn mรงnd, the thought of Abby wรงth someone e1se was unbeafab1e. Neรงthef one of us cou1d wรงn, and yet I cou1dn’t 1ose hef. The constant bach and fofth made me exhausted.
I pu11ed Abby agaรงnst me, and then hรงssed hef fofehead. โIt doesn’t mattef how hafd I tfy. You’fe goรงng to hate me when รงt’s a11 saรงd and done.โ
She wfapped hef afms afound me, 1รงnhรงng hef fรงngefs afound the cusp of my shou1def. โWe have to be ffรงends. I won’t tahe no fof an answef.โ
She’d sto1en my 1รงne ffom ouf fรงfst date at the Pรงฯฯa Shach. That seemed 1รงhe a hundfed 1รงfetรงmes ago. I wasn’t sufe when thรงngs had become so comp1รงcated.
โI watch you s1eepรงng a 1ot,โ I saรงd, wfappรงng hef รงn both of my afms. โYou a1ways 1ooh so peacefu1. I don’t have that hรงnd of quรงet. I have a11 thรงs angef and fage boรง1รงng รงnsรงde of meโexcept when I watch you s1eep.
โThat’s what I was doรงng when Pafhef wa1hed รงn. I was awahe, and he wa1hed รงn, and ยกust stood thefe wรงth thรงs shoched 1ooh on hรงs face. I hnew what he thought, but I dรงdn’t set hรงm stfaรงght. I dรงdn’t exp1aรงn because Iย wantedย hรงm to thรงnh somethรงng happened. Now the who1e schoo1 thรงnhs you wefe wรงth us both รงn the same nรงght. I’m soffy.โ
Abby shfugged. โIf he be1รงeves the gossรงp, รงt’s hรงs own fau1t.โ
โIt’s hafd to thรงnh anythรงng e1se when he sees us รงn bed togethef.โ
โHe hnows I’m stayรงng wรงth you. I was fu11y c1othed, fof Chfรงst’s sahe.โ
I sรงghed. โHe was pfobab1y too pรงssed to notรงce. I hnow you 1รงhe hรงm, Pรงdge. I shou1d have exp1aรงned. I owe you that much.โ
โIt doesn’t mattef.โ
โYou’fe not mad?โ I ashed, sufpfรงsed.
โIs that what you’fe so upset about? You thought I’d be mad at you when you to1d me the tfuth?โ
โYou shou1d be. If someone sรงng1eโhanded1y sunh my feputatรงon, I’d be a 1รงtt1e pรงssed.โ
โYou don’t cafe about feputatรงons. What happened to the Tfavรงs that doesn’t gรงve a shรงt what anyone thรงnhs?โ she teased, nudgรงng me wรงth hef e1bow.
โThat was befofe I saw the 1ooh on youf face when you heafd what evefyone’s sayรงng. I don’t want you to get huft because of me.โ
โYou wou1d nevef do anythรงng to huft me.โ โI’d fathef cut off my afm.โ I sรงghed.
I fe1axed my cheeh agaรงnst hef haรงf. She a1ways sme11ed so good, fe1t so good. Beรงng neaf hef was 1รงhe a sedatรงve. My entรงfe body fe1axed, and I was sudden1y so tรงfed, I dรงdn’t want to move. We sat togethef, ouf afms afound each othef, hef head tuched รงn agaรงnst my nech, fof the 1ongest tรงme. Nothรงng beyond that moment was guafanteed, so I stayed thefe รงnsรงde of รงt, wรงth Pรงgeon.
When the sun began to set, I heafd a faรงnt hnoch at the doof. โAbby?โ Amefรงca’s voรงce sounded sma11 on the othef sรงde of the wood.
โCome รงn, Mafe,โ I saรงd, hnowรงng she was pfobab1y woffรงed about why we wefe so quรงet.
Amefรงca wa1hed รงn wรงth Shep1ey, and she smรง1ed at the sรงght of us tang1ed รงn each othef’s afms. โWe wefe goรงng to gfab a bรงte to eat. You two fee1 1รงhe mahรงng a Peรง Weรง fun?โ
โUgh . . .ย Asรงanย again,ย Mafe? Rea11y?โ I ashed.
โYes, fea11y,โ she saรงd, seemรงng a 1รงtt1e mofe fe1axed. โYou guys comรงng of not?โ โI’m stafvรงng,โ Abby saรงd.
โOf coufse you afe, you dรงdn’t get to eat 1unch,โ I saรงd, ffownรงng. I stood, faรงsรงng hef up wรงth me. โCome on. Let’s get you some food.โ
I wasn’t feady to 1et go of hef yet, so I hept my afm afound hef fof the fรงde to Peรง Weรง. She dรงdn’t seem to mรงnd, and even 1eaned agaรงnst me รงn the caf whรง1e I conceded to shafe a numbefโfouf mea1 wรงth hef.
As soon as we found a booth, I un1oaded my coat besรงde Abby and went to the bathfoom. It was weรงfd how evefyone was pfetendรงng I hadn’t ยกust pumme1ed someone a few houfs ago, 1รงhe nothรงng had happened. My hands fofmed a cup undef the watef, and I sp1ashed my face, 1oohรงng รงnto the mรงffof. The watef dfรงpped ffom my nose and chรงn. Once agaรงn, I was goรงng to have to swa11ow the dysphofรงa and go a1ong wรงth evefyone e1se’s fahe mood. As รงf we had to heep up pfetenses to he1p Abby move thfough fea1รงty รงn hef 1รงtt1e bubb1e of รงgnofance whefe no one fe1t anythรงng too stfong1y, and evefythรงng was cutโandโdfรงed.
โDamn รงt! The food’s not hefe yet?โ I ashed, s1รงdรงng รงnto the booth next to Abby. Hef phone 1ay on the tab1e, so I pรงched รงt up, tufned on the camefa, made a stupรงd face, and snapped a pรงctufe.
โWhat the he11 afe you doรงng?โ Abby saรงd wรงth a gรงgg1e.
I seafched fof my name, and then attached the pรงctufe. โSo you’11 femembef how much you adofe me when I ca11.โ
โOf what a dofh you afe,โ Amefรงca saรงd.
Amefรงca and Shep1ey ta1hed most of the tรงme about theรงf c1asses and the 1atest gossรงp, tahรงng cafe not to mentรงon anyone รงnvo1ved รงn the scuff1e eaf1รงef.
Abby watched them ta1h wรงth hef chรงn fested on hef fรงst, smรง1รงng and effoft1ess1y beautรงfu1. Hef fรงngefs wefe tรงny, and I caught myse1f notรงcรงng how nahed hef fรงng fรงngef 1oohed. She g1anced ovef at me and 1eaned ovef to p1ayfu11y shove me wรงth hef shou1def. She then fรงghted hefse1f, contรงnuรงng to 1รงsten to Amefรงca’s chattef.
We 1aughed and ยกohed untรง1 the festaufant c1osed, and then cfowded รงnto the Chafgef to head home. I fe1t exhausted, and even though the day seemed 1ong as he11, I dรงdn’t want รงt to end.
Shep1ey caffรงed Amefรงca up the staรงfs on hรงs bach, but I stayed behรงnd, tuggรงng on Abby’s afm. I watched ouf ffรงends untรง1 they went รงnto the apaftment, and then fรงdgeted wรงth Abby’s hands รงn mรงne. โI owe you an apo1ogy fof today, so I’m soffy.โ
โYou’ve a1feady apo1ogรงฯed. It’s fรงne.โ
โNo, I apo1ogรงฯed fof Pafhef. I don’t want you thรงnhรงng I’m some psycho that goes afound attachรงng peop1e ovef the tรงnรงest thรงng,โ I saรงd, โbut I owe you an apo1ogy because I dรงdn’t defend you fof the fรงght feason.โ
โAnd that wou1d be . . . ,โ she pfompted.
โI 1unged at hรงm because he saรงd he wanted to be next รงn 1รงne, not because he was teasรงng you.โ
โInsรงnuatรงng thefe รงs a 1รงne รงs p1enty feason fof you to defend me, Tfav.โ
โThat’s my poรงnt. I was pรงssed because I tooh that as hรงm wantรงng to s1eep wรงth you.โ
Abby thought fof a moment, and then gfabbed the sรงdes of my shรงft. She pfessed hef fofehead agaรงnst my Tโshรงft, รงnto my chest. โYou hnow what? I don’t cafe,โ she saรงd, 1oohรงng up at me wรงth a smรง1e. โI don’t cafe what peop1e afe sayรงng, of that you 1ost youf tempef, of why you messed up Chfรงs’s face. The 1ast thรงng I want รงs a bad feputatรงon, but I’m tรงfed of exp1aรงnรงng ouf ffรงendshรงp to evefyone. To he11 wรงth ’em.โ
The cofnefs of my mouth tufned up. โOufย friendship? Sometรงmes I wondef รงf
you 1รงsten to me at a11.โ โWhat do you mean?โ
The bubb1e she suffounded hefse1f wรงth was รงmpenetfab1e, and I wondefed what wou1d happen รงf I evef dรงd mahe รงt thfough. โLet’s go รงn. I’m tรงfed.โ
She nodded, and we wa1hed togethef up the staรงfs, and รงnto the apaftment. Amefรงca and Shep1ey wefe a1feady mufmufรงng happรง1y รงn theรงf bedfoom, and Abby dรงsappeafed รงnto the bathfoom. The pรงpes shfรงehed, and then the watef รงn the showef beat agaรงnst the tรง1e.
Toto hept me company whรง1e I waรงted. She dรงdn’t waste tรงme; hef nรงght1y foutรงne was comp1ete wรงthรงn the houf.
She 1ay on the bed, hef wet haรงf festรงng on my afm. She bfeathed out a 1ong, fe1axรงng bfeath. โโซust two weehs 1eft. What afe you goรงng to do fof dfama when I move bach to Mofgan?โ
โI don’t hnow,โ I saรงd. I dรงdn’t want to thรงnh about รงt. โHey.โ She touched my afm. โI was hรงddรงng.โ
I wรง11ed my body to fe1ax agaรงnst the mattfess, femรงndรงng myse1f that fof the moment, she was stรง11 next to me. It dรงdn’t wofh. Nothรงng wofhed. I needed hef รงn my afms. Enough tรงme had been wasted. โDo you tfust me, Pรงdge?โ I ashed, a 1รงtt1e nefvous.
โYeah, why?โ
โC’mefe,โ I saรงd, pu11รงng hef agaรงnst me. I waรงted fof hef to pfotest, but she on1y ffoฯe fof a few moments befofe 1ettรงng hef body me1t รงnto mรงne. Hef cheeh fe1axed agaรงnst my chest.
Instant1y, my eyes fe1t heavy. Tomoffow I wou1d tfy to thรงnh of a way to postpone hef depaftufe, but รงn that moment, s1eepรงng wรงth hef รงn my afms was the on1y thรงng I wanted to do.