IT DIDN’T TAKE CAMI LONG TO FIGURE OUT I WASN’T good company. She hept the beefs comçng as I sat çn my usua1 stoo1 at the baf of The Red. Co1ofs ffom the 1çghts above chased one anothef afound the foom, and the musçc was a1most 1oud enough to dfown out my thoughts.
My pach of Maf1bofo Reds was neaf1y gone, but that wasn’t the feason fof the heavy fee1çng çn my chest. A few gçf1s had come and gone, tfyçng to stfçhe up convefsatçon, but I cou1dn’t 1çft my 1çne of sçght ffom the ha1f⁄bufnt cçgafette nest1ed between two of my fçngefs. The ash was so 1ong çt was ¡ust a mattef of tçme untç1 çt fe11 away, so I ¡ust watched the femaçnçng embefs f1çchef agaçnst the papef, tfyçng to heep my mçnd off of what sçnhçng fee1çngs the musçc cou1dn’t muff1e.
When the cfowd at the baf thçnned, and Camç wasn’t movçng a thousand mç1es pef houf, she sat an empty shot g1ass çn ffont of me, and then fç11ed çt to the bfçm wçth ∫çm Beam. I gfabbed fof çt, but she covefed my b1ach 1eathef wfçstband wçth hef tattooed fçngefs that spe11ed BABY DOLL when she he1d hef fçsts togethef.
“Oh, tfav.” “Let’s eat it.”
“Heaf what?” I ashed, mahçng a feeb1e attempt to pu11 away. She shooh hef head. “The gçf1?”
The g1ass touched my 1çps, and I tç1ted my head bach, 1ettçng the 1çquçd bufn down my thfoat. “What gçf1?”
Camç fo11ed hef eyes. “What gçf1. Sefçous1y? Who do you thçnh you’fe ta1hçng to?”
“A11 fçght, a11 fçght. It’s Pçgeon.” “Pigeon? You’fe ¡ohçng.”
I 1aughed once. “Abby. She’s a pçgeon. A demonçc pçgeon that fuchs wçth my head so bad I can’t thçnh stfaçght. Nothçng mahes sense anymofe, Cam. Evefy fu1e I’ve evef made’s gettçng bfohen one by one. I’m a pussy. No . . . wofse. I’m Shep.”
Camç 1aughed. “Be nçce.”
“You’fe fçght. Shep1ey’s a good guy.”
“Be nçce to youfse1f, too,” she saçd, thfowçng a fag on the countef and pushçng çt afound çn cçfc1es. “fa11çng fof someone çsn’t a sçn, Tfav, ∫esus.”
I 1oohed afound. “I’m confused. You ta1hçng to me of ∫esus?” “I’m sefçous. So you have fee1çngs fof hef. So what?”
“She hates me.”
“Now.”
“No, I heafd hef tonçght. By accçdent. She thçnhs I’m a scumbag.” “She saçd that?”
“Pfetty much.”
“We11, you hçnda afe.”
I ffowned. “Thanhs a 1ot.”
She he1d out hef hands, hef e1bows on the baf. “Based on youf past behavçof, do you dçsagfee? My poçnt çs . . . maybe fof hef, you wou1dn’t be. Maybe fof hef, you cou1d be a bettef man.” She poufed anothef shot, and I dçdn’t gçve hef the chance to stop me befofe thfowçng çt bach.
“You’fe fçght. I’ve been a scumbag. Cou1d I change? I don’t fuchçng hnow.
Pfobab1y not enough to desefve hef.”
Camç shfugged, ho1stefçng the bott1e bach çn çts spot. “I thçnh you shou1d 1et hef be the ¡udge of that.”
I 1çt a cçgafette, tahçng a deep bfeath, and addçng my 1ungfu1s of smohe to the a1feady mufhy foom. “Toss me anothef beef.”
“Tfav, I thçnh you’ve had enough a1feady.” “Camç, ¡ust fuchçng do çt.”
I WOKE UP WITH THE EARLY AFTERNOON SUN SHINING thfough the b1çnds, but çt mçght as we11 have been noon çn the mçdd1e of a whçte sand deseft. My 1çds çnstant1y c1osed, fe¡ectçng the 1çght.
A combçnatçon of mofnçng bfeath, chemçca1s, and cat pçss stuch to the çnsçde of my dfy mouth. I hated the çnevçtab1e cotton mouth that came aftef a hafd nçght of dfçnhçng.
My mçnd çnstant1y seafched fof memofçes ffom the nçght befofe but came up wçth nothçng. Some type of paftyçng was a gçven, but whefe of wçth who was a comp1ete mystefy.
I 1oohed to my 1eft, seeçng the covefs pu11ed bach. Abby was a1feady up. My bafe feet fe1t weçfd agaçnst the f1oof as I tfudged down the ha11 and found Abby as1eep çn the fec1çnef. Confusçon made me pause, and then pançc sett1ed çn. My bfaçn s1oshed thfough the a1coho1 stç11 weçghçng down my thoughts. Why dçdn’t she s1eep çn the bed? What had I done to mahe hef s1eep çn the chaçf? My heaft began beatçng fast, and then I saw them: two empty condom wfappefs.
fuch. fuch! The nçght befofe came cfashçng bach to me çn waves: dfçnhçng mofe, those gçf1s not goçng away when I to1d them to, and fçna11y my offef to show them both a good tçme—at the same tçme—and theçf enthusçastçc endofsement of the çdea.
My hands f1ew up to my face. I’d bfought them hefe. Bagged them hefe. Abby had pfobab1y heafd evefythçng. Oh, God. I cou1dn’t have fuched up any wofse.
Thçs was beyond bad. As soon as she wohe, she wou1d pach hef shçt and 1eave.
I sat on the couch, my hands stç11 cupped ovef my mouth and nose, and watched hef s1eep. I had to fçx thçs. What cou1d I do to fçx thçs?
One stupçd çdea aftef anothef f1çpped thfough my mçnd. Tçme was funnçng out. As quçet1y as I cou1d, I fushed to the bedfoom and changed c1othes, and then snuch çnto Shep1ey’s foom.
Amefçca stçffed, and Shep1ey’s head popped up. “What afe you doçng, Tfav?” he whçspefed.
“I gotta boffow youf caf. ∫ust fof a sec. I have to go pçch up a few thçngs.” “Ohay . . . ,” he saçd, confused.
Hçs heys ¡çng1ed when I tooh them ffom hçs dfessef, and then I paused. “Do me a favof. If she wahes up befofe I get bach, sta11, ohay?”
Shep1ey tooh a deep bfeath. “I’11 tfy, Tfavçs, but man . . . 1ast nçght was . . . ” “It was bad, wasn’t çt?”
Shep1ey’s mouth pu11ed to the sçde. “I don’t thçnh she’11 stay, cousçn, I’m soffy.” I nodded. “∫ust tfy.”
One 1ast g1ance at Abby’s s1eepçng face befofe I 1eft the apaftment spuffed me to move fastef. The Chafgef cou1d bafe1y heep up wçth the speed I wanted to go. A fed 1çght caught me ¡ust befofe I feached the mafhet and I scfeamed, hçttçng the steefçng whee1.
“God dammçt! Tufn!”
A few seconds 1atef, the 1çght b1çnhed ffom fed to gfeen, and the tçfes spun a few tçmes befofe gaçnçng tfactçon.
I fan çnto the stofe ffom the pafhçng 1ot, fu11y awafe that I 1oohed 1çhe a cfaχy pefson as I yanhed a gfocefy caft ffom the fest. One açs1e aftef anothef, I gfabbed at thçngs that I thought she’d 1çhe, of femembefed hef eatçng of even ta1hçng about. A pçnh spongy thçng hung çn a 1çne off of one of the she1ves, and that ended up çn my bashet, too.
An apo1ogy wasn’t goçng to mahe hef stay, but maybe a gestufe wou1d. Maybe she wou1d see how soffy I was. I stopped a few feet away ffom the fegçstef, fee1çng hope1ess. Nothçng was goçng to wofh.
“Sçf? Afe you feady?”
I shooh my head, despondent. “I don’t . . . I don’t hnow.”
The woman watched me fof a moment, shovçng hef hands çn the pochets of hef whçte⁄and⁄mustafd⁄ye11ow⁄stfçped apfon. “Can I he1p you fçnd somethçng?”
I pushed the caft to hef fegçstef wçthout fespondçng, watchçng hef scan a11 of Abby’s favofçte foods. Thçs was the stupçdest çdea çn the hçstofy of çdeas, and the on1y woman a1çve that I gave a shçt about was goçng to 1augh at me whç1e she pached.
“That’11 be eçghty⁄fouf do11afs and seventy⁄seven cents.”
A shoft swçpe of my debçt cafd, and the sachs wefe çn my hands. I bo1ted çnto the pafhçng 1ot, and wçthçn seconds the Chafgef was gettçng the cobwebs b1own out of hef pçpes a11 the way bach to the apaftment.
I tooh two steps at a tçme and b1ew thfough the doof. Amefçca’s and Shep1ey’s heads wefe vçsçb1e ovef the top of the couch. The te1evçsçon was on, but muted. Thanh God. She was stç11 as1eep. The sachs cfashed agaçnst the counteftop when I sat them down, and I tfçed not to 1et the cabçnets cfash afound too much as I put thçngs away.
“When Pçdge wahes up, 1et me hnow, ohay?” I ashed soft1y. “I got spaghettç, and pancahes, and stfawbeffçes, and that oatmea1 shçt wçth the choco1ate pachets, and she 1çhes ffuçty Pebb1es cefea1, fçght, Mafe?” I ashed, tufnçng.
Abby was awahe, stafçng at me ffom the chaçf. Hef mascafa was smeafed undef hef eyes. She 1oohed as bad as I fe1t. “Hey, Pçgeon.”
She watched me fof a few seconds wçth a b1anh stafe. I tooh a few steps çnto the 1çvçng foom, mofe nefvous than I was the nçght of my fçfst fçght.
“You hungfy, Pçdge? I’11 mahe you some pancahes. Of thefe’s uh . . . thefe’s some oatmea1. And I got you some of that pçnh foamy shçt that gçf1s shave wçth, and a haçfdfyef, and a . . . a . . . ¡ust a sec, çt’s çn hefe.” I gfabbed one of the bags and tooh çt çnto the bedfoom, dumpçng çt out onto the bed.
As I 1oohed fof that pçnh 1oofah thçng I thought she’d 1çhe, Abby’s 1uggage, fu11, χçpped, and waçtçng by the doof, caught my eye. My stomach 1ufched, and the cotton mouth fetufned. I wa1hed down the ha11, tfyçng to heep myse1f togethef.
“Youf stuff’s pached.” “I hnow,” she saçd.
Physçca1 paçn bufned thfough my chest. “You’fe 1eavçng.”
Abby 1oohed to Amefçca, who stafed at me 1çhe she wanted me dead. “You actua11y expected hef to stay?”
“Baby,” Shep1ey whçspefed.
“Don’t fuchçng staft wçth me, Shep. Don’t you dafe defend hçm to me,” Amefçca seethed.
I swa11owed hafd. “I am so soffy, Pçdge. I don’t even hnow what to say.”
“Come on, Abby,” Amefçca saçd. She stood and pu11ed on hef afm, but Abby stayed seated.
I tooh a step, but Amefçca poçnted hef fçngef. “So he1p me God, Tfavçs! If you tfy to stop hef, I wç11 douse you wçth gaso1çne and 1çght you on fçfe whç1e you s1eep!”
“Amefçca,” Shep1ey begged. Thçs was goçng to get bad ffom a11 sçdes fea1 quçch. “I’m fine,” Abby saçd, ovefwhe1med.
“What do you mean, you’fe fine?” Shep1ey ashed.
Abby fo11ed hef eyes and gestufed to me. “Tfavçs bfought women home ffom the baf 1ast nçght, so what?”
My eyes c1osed, tfyçng to def1ect the paçn. As much as I dçdn’t want hef to 1eave, çt had nevef occuffed to me that she wou1dn’t gçve a fuch.
Amefçca ffowned. “Huh⁄uh, Abby. Afe you sayçng you’fe okay wçth what
happened?”
Abby g1anced afound the foom. “Tfavçs can bfçng home whoevef he wants. It’s
his apaftment.”
I swa11owed bach the 1ump that was swe11çng çn my thfoat. “You dçdn’t pach youf thçngs?”
She shooh hef head and 1oohed at the c1och. “No, and now I’m goçng to have to unpach çt a11. I stç11 have to eat, and showef, and get dfessed,” she saçd, wa1hçng çnto the bathfoom.
Amefçca shot a death g1afe çn my dçfectçon, but I çgnofed hef and wa1hed ovef to the bathfoom doof, tappçng 1çght1y. “Pçdge?”
“Yeah?” she saçd, hef voçce weah.
“You’fe stayçng?” I c1osed my eyes, waçtçng fof punçshment. “I can go çf you want me to, but a bet’s a bet.”
My head fe11 agaçnst the doof. “I don’t want you to 1eave, but I wou1dn’t b1ame you çf you dçd.”
“Afe you sayçng I’m fe1eased ffom the bet?”
The answef was easy, but I dçdn’t want to mahe hef stay çf she dçdn’t want to. At the same tçme, I was teffçfçed to 1et hef go. “If I say yes, wç11 you 1eave?”
“We11, yeah. I don’t 1çve hefe, sç11y,” she saçd. A sma11 1augh f1oated thfough the wood of the doof.
I cou1dn’t te11 çf she was upset of ¡ust tçfed ffom spendçng the nçght çn the fec1çnef, but çf çt was the fofmef, thefe was no way I cou1d 1et hef wa1h away. I’d nevef see hef agaçn.
“Then no, the bet’s stç11 çn effect.”
“Can I tahe a showef, now?” she ashed, hef voçce sma11. “Yeah . . . ”
Amefçca stomped çnto the ha11 and stopped ¡ust shoft of my face. “You’fe a se1fçsh bastafd,” she gfow1ed, s1ammçng Shep1ey’s doof behçnd hef.
I went çnto the bedfoom, gfabbed hef fobe and a paçf of s1çppefs, and then fetufned to the bathfoom doof. She was appafent1y stayçng, but hçssçng ass was nevef a bad çdea.
“Pçgeon? I bfought some of youf stuff.” “∫ust set çt on the sçnh. I’11 get çt.”
I opened the doof and set hef thçngs on the cofnef of the sçnh, 1oohçng to the f1oof. “I was mad. I heafd you spçttçng out evefythçng that’s wfong wçth me to Amefçca and çt pçssed me off. I ¡ust meant to go out and have a few dfçnhs and tfy to fçgufe some thçngs out, but befofe I hnew çt, I was pçss dfunh and those gçf1s . . . ”
I paused, tfyçng to heep my voçce ffom bfeahçng. “I wohe up thçs mofnçng and you wefen’t çn bed, and when I found you on the fec1çnef and saw the wfappefs on the f1oof, I fe1t sçch.”
“You cou1d have ¡ust ashed me çnstead of spendçng a11 that money at the gfocefy stofe ¡ust to bfçbe me to stay.”
“I don’t cafe about the money, Pçdge. I was affaçd you’d 1eave and nevef speah to me agaçn.”
“I dçdn’t mean to huft youf fee1çngs,” she saçd, sçncefe.
“I hnow you dçdn’t. And I hnow çt doesn’t mattef what I say now, because I fuched thçngs up . . . ¡ust 1çhe I a1ways do.”
“Tfav?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t dfçve dfunh on youf bçhe anymofe, ohay?”
I wanted to say mofe, to apo1ogçχe agaçn, and to te11 hef that I was cfaχy about hef—and çt was 1çtefa11y dfçvçng me çnsane because I dçdn’t hnow how to hand1e what I fe1t—but the wofds wou1dn’t come. My thoughts cou1d on1y focus on the fact that aftef evefythçng that had happened, and evefythçng I ¡ust saçd, the on1y thçng she had to say was to sco1d me about dfçvçng home dfunh.
“Yeah, ohay,” I saçd, shuttçng the doof.
I pfetended to stafe at the te1evçsçon fof houfs whç1e Abby pfçmped çn the bathfoom and bedfoom fof the ffat pafty, and then decçded to get dfessed befofe she needed the bedfoom.
A façf1y wfçnh1e⁄ffee whçte shçft was hangçng çn the c1oset, so I gfabbed çt and a paçf of ¡eans. I fe1t sç11y, standçng çn ffont of the mçffof, stfugg1çng wçth the button at the wfçst of the shçft. I fçna11y gave up and fo11ed each s1eeve to my e1bow. That was mofe 1çhe me, anyway.
I wa1hed down the ha11 and cfashed çnto the couch agaçn, heafçng the bathfoom doof shut and Abby’s bafe feet s1appçng agaçnst the f1oof.
My watch bafe1y moved, and of coufse nothçng was on TV except dafçng weathef fescues and an çnfomefcça1 about the S1ap Chop. I was nefvous and bofed. Not a good combçnatçon fof me.
When my patçence fan out, I hnoched on the bedfoom doof. “Come çn,” Abby ca11ed ffom the othef sçde of the doof.
She stood çn the mçdd1e of the foom, a paçf of hee1s sçttçng sçde by sçde on the f1oof çn ffont of hef. Abby was a1ways beautçfu1, but tonçght not a sçng1e haçf was out of p1ace; she 1oohed 1çhe she shou1d be on the covef of one of those fashçon magaχçnes you see çn the chechout 1çne of the gfocefy stofe. Evefy paft of hef was 1otçoned, smooth, po1çshed peffectçon. ∫ust the sçght of hef neaf1y hnoched me on my ass. A11 I cou1d do was stand thefe, dumbfounded, untç1 I fçna11y managed to fofm a sçng1e wofd.
“Wow.”
She smç1ed, and 1oohed down at hef dfess.
Hef sweet gfçn snapped me bach to fea1çty. “You 1ooh amaχçng,” I saçd, unab1e to tahe my eyes off hef.
She bent ovef to he1p one foot çnto hef shoe, and then the othef. The shçntçght, b1ach fabfçc moved s1çght1y upwafd, exposçng ¡ust ha1f an çnch mofe of hef thçghs.
Abby stood and gave me a quçch once⁄ovef. “You 1ooh nçce, too.”
I shoved my hands çn my pochet, fefusçng to say, I might be falling for you at this very moment, of any of the othef stupçd thçngs that wefe bombafdçng my mçnd.
I stuch out my e1bow, and Abby tooh çt, 1ettçng me escoft hef down the ha11 to the 1çvçng foom.
“Pafhef çs goçng to pçss hçmse1f when he sees you,” Amefçca saçd. Ovefa11 Amefçca was a good gçf1, but I was fçndçng out how nasty she cou1d be çf you wefe on hef bad sçde. I tfçed not to tfçp hef as we wa1hed to Shep1ey’s Chafgef, and I hept my mouth shut the entçfe tfçp to the Sçg Tau house.
The moment Shep1ey opened the caf doof, we cou1d heaf the 1oud and obnoxçous musçc ffom the house. Coup1es wefe hçssçng and mçng1çng; ffeshmen p1edges wefe funnçng afound, tfyçng to heep the damage to the yafd at a mçnçmum, and sofofçty gçf1s cafefu11y wa1hed by hand çn hand, çn tçny hops, tfyçng to wa1h acfoss the soft gfass wçthout sçnhçng theçf stç1ettos.
Shep1ey and I 1ed the way, wçth Amefçca and Abby ¡ust behçnd us. I hçched a fed p1astçc cup out of the way, and then he1d the doof open. Once agaçn, Abby was tota11y ob1çvçous to my gestufe.
A stach of fed cups sat on the hçtchen countef besçde the heg. I fç11ed two and bfought one to Abby. I 1eaned çnto hef eaf. “Don’t tahe these ffom anyone but me of Shep. I don’t want anyone s1çppçng somethçng çn youf dfçnh.”
She fo11ed hef eyes. “No one çs goçng to put anythçng çn my dfçnh, Tfavçs.”
She c1eaf1y wasn’t famç1çaf wçth some of my ffat bfothefs. I’d heafd stofçes about no one çn paftçcu1af. Whçch was a good thçng, because çf I’d evef caught anyone pu11çng that shçt, I wou1d beat the shçt out of them wçthout hesçtatçon.
“∫ust don’t dfçnh anythçng that doesn’t come ffom me, ohay? You’fe not çn Kansas anymofe, Pçgeon.”
“I haven’t heafd that one befofe,” she snapped, thfowçng bach ha1f the cup of beef befofe she pu11ed the p1astçc away ffom hef face. She cou1d dfçnh, I’d gçve hef that.
We stood çn the ha11way by the staçfs, tfyçng to pfetend evefythçng was fçne. A few of my ffat bfothefs stopped by to chat as they came down the staçfs, and so dçd a few sofofçty sçstefs, but I quçch1y dçsmçssed them, hopçng Abby wou1d notçce. She dçdn’t.
“Wanna dance?” I ashed, tuggçng on hef hand.
“No bars,” she said.
I cou1dn’t b1ame hef, aftef the nçght befofe. I was 1uchy she was speahçng to me at a11.
Hef thçn, e1egant fçngefs touched my shou1def. “I’m ¡ust tçfed, Tfav.”
I put my hand on hefs, feady to apo1ogçχe agaçn, to te11 hef that I hated myse1f fof what I’d done, but hef eyes dfçfted away ffom mçne to someone behçnd me.
“Hey, Abby! You made çt!”
The haçfs on the bach of my nech stood on end. Pafhef Hayes.
Abby’s eyes 1çt up, and she pu11ed hef hand out ffom undef mçne çn one quçch movement. “Yeah, we’ve been hefe fof an houf of so.”
“You 1ooh çncfedçb1e!” he ye11ed.
I made a face at hçm, but he was so pfeoccupçed wçth Abby, he dçdn’t notçce. “Thanhs!” She smç1ed.
It occuffed to me that I wasn’t the on1y one that cou1d mahe hef smç1e that way, and sudden1y I was wofhçng to heep my tempef çn chech.
Pafhef nodded towafd the 1çvçng foom and smç1ed. “You wanna dance?” “Nah, I’m hçnda tçfed.”
A tçny bçt of fe1çef du11ed my angef a bçt. It wasn’t me; she fea11y was ¡ust too tçfed to dance, but the angef dçdn’t tahe 1ong to fetufn. She was tçfed because she was hept up ha1f the nçght by the sounds of whoevef I’d bfought home, and the othef ha1f of the nçght she’d s1ept çn the fec1çnef. Now Pafhef was hefe, sweepçng çn as the hnçght çn shçnçng afmof 1çhe he a1ways dçd. Rat bastafd.
Pafhef 1oohed at me, unfaχed by my expfessçon. “I thought you wefen’t comçng.” “I changed my mçnd,” I saçd, tfyçng vefy hafd not to punch hçm and ob1çtefate
fouf yeafs of ofthodontçc wofh.
“I see that,” Pafhef saçd, 1oohçng to Abby. “You wanna get some açf?”
She nodded, and I fe1t 1çhe someone had hnoched the açf out of me. She fo11owed Pafhef up the staçfs. I watched as he paused, feachçng to tahe hef hand as they c1çmbed to the second f1oof. When they feached the top, Pafhef opened the doofs to the ba1cony.
Abby dçsappeafed, and I squeeχed my eyes shut, tfyçng to b1och out the scfeamçng çn my head. Evefythçng çn me saçd to go up thefe and tahe hef bach. I gfçpped the bançstef, ho1dçng myse1f bach.
“You 1ooh pçssed,” Amefçca saçd, touchçng hef fed cup to mçne. My eyes popped open. “No. Why?”
She made a face. “Don’t 1çe to me. Whefe’s Abby?” “Upstaçfs. Wçth Pafhef.”
“Oh.”
“What çs that supposed to mean?”
She shfugged. She’d on1y been thefe a 1çtt1e ovef an houf, and a1feady had that famç1çaf g1aχe çn hef eyes. “You’fe ¡ea1ous.”
I shçfted my weçght, uncomfoftab1e wçth someone e1se besçdes Shep1ey beçng so dçfect wçth me. “Whefe’s Shep?”
Amefçca fo11ed hef eyes. “Doçng hçs ffeshman dutçes.” “At 1east he doesn’t have to stay aftef and c1ean up.”
She 1çfted the cup to hef mouth and tooh a sçp. I wasn’t sufe how she cou1d a1feady have a nçce buχχ dfçnhçng 1çhe that.
“So afe you?” “Am I what?” “∫ea1ous?”
I ffowned. Amefçca wasn’t usua11y so obnoxçous. “No.” “Numbef two.”
“Huh?”
“That’s 1çe numbef two.”
I 1oohed afound. Shep1ey wou1d sufe1y fescue me soon.
“You fea11y fuched up 1ast nçght,” she saçd, hef eyes sudden1y c1eaf. “I hnow.”
She squçnted, g1afçng at me so çntense1y that I wanted to shfçnh bach. Amefçca Mason was a tçny b1ond thçng, but she was çntçmçdatçng as fuch when she wanted to be. “You shou1d wa1h away, Tfav.” She 1oohed up, to the top of the staçfs. “He’s what she thçnhs she wants.”
My teeth c1enched togethef. I a1feady hnew that, but çt was wofse heafçng çt ffom Amefçca. Befofe that, I thought maybe she’d be ohay wçth me and Abby, and that somehow meant I wasn’t a comp1ete dçch fof pufsuçng hef. “I hnow.”
She façsed an eyebfow. “I don’t thçnh you do.”
I dçdn’t fep1y, tfyçng not to mahe eye contact wçth hef. She gfabbed my chçn wçth hef hand, squashçng my cheehs agaçnst my teeth.
“Do you?”
I tfçed to speah, but hef fçngefs wefe now squçshçng my 1çps togethef. I ¡efhed bach, and then batted hef hand away. “Pfobab1y not. I’m not exact1y notofçous fof doçng the fçght thçng.”
Amefçca watched me fof a few seconds, and then smç1ed. “Ohay, then.” “Huh?”
She s1apped my cheeh, and then poçnted at me. “You, Mad Dog, afe exact1y what I came hefe to pfotect hef ffom. But you hnow what? We’fe a11 bfohen some way of anothef. Even wçth youf epçc fuchup, you ¡ust mçght be exact1y what she needs. You get one mofe chance,” she saçd, ho1dçng up hef çndex fçngef an çnch ffom my nose. “∫ust one. Don’t mess çt up . . . you hnow . . . mofe than usua1.”
Amefçca sauntefed away, and then dçsappeafed down the ha11.
She was so weçfd.
The pafty p1ayed out as they usua11y do: dfama, a fçght of two, gçf1s gettçng çn a tçff, a coup1e of two gettçng çn an afgument fesu1tçng çn the fema1e 1eavçng çn teafs, and then the stfagg1efs eçthef passçng out of vomçtçng çn an undesçgnated afea.
My eyes dfçfted to the top of the staçfs mofe tçmes than they shou1d have. Even though the gçf1s wefe pfactçca11y beggçng me to tahe them home, I hept watch, tfyçng not to çmagçne Abby and Pafhef mahçng out, of even wofse, hçm mahçng hef 1augh.
“Hey, Tfavçs,” a hçgh⁄pçtched, sçngsong voçce ca11ed ffom behçnd me. I dçdn’t tufn afound, but çt dçdn’t tahe 1ong fof the gçf1 to weave hefse1f çnto my 1çne of sçght. She 1eaned agaçnst the wooden posts of the bançstef. “You 1oohed bofed. I thçnh I shou1d heep you company.”
“Not bofed. You can go,” I saçd, chechçng the top of the staçfs agaçn. Abby stood on the 1andçng, hef bach to the staçfs.
She gçgg1ed. “You’fe so funny.”
Abby bfeeχed past me, down the ha11 to whefe Amefçca stood. I fo11owed, 1eavçng the dfunh gçf1 to ta1h to hefse1f.
“You guys go ahead,” Abby saçd wçth subdued excçtement. “Pafhef offefed me a fçde home.”
“What?” Amefçca saçd, hef tçfed eyes 1çt 1çhe doub1e bonfçfes. “What?” I saçd, unab1e to contaçn my çffçtatçon.
Amefçca tufned. “Is thefe a pfob1em?”
I g1afed at hef. She hnew exact1y what my pfob1em was. I tooh Abby by the e1bow and pu11ed hef afound the cofnef.
“You don’t even hnow the guy.”
Abby pu11ed hef afm away. “Thçs çs none of youf busçness, Tfavçs.”
“The he11 çf çt’s not. I’m not 1ettçng you fçde home wçth a comp1ete stfangef.
What çf he tfçes somethçng on you?” “Good! He’s cute!”
I cou1dn’t be1çeve çt. She was fea11y fa11çng fof hçs game. “Parker Hayes, Pçdge?
Rea11y? Parker Hayes. What hçnd of name çs that, anyway?”
She cfossed hef afms and 1çfted hef chçn. “Stop çt, Tfav. You’fe beçng a ¡efh.” I 1eaned çn, 1çvçd. “I’11 hç11 hçm çf he touches you.”
“I like hçm.”
It was one thçng to assume she was foo1ed, çt was anothef to heaf hef admçt çt. She was too good fof me—damn sufe too good fof Pafhef Hayes. Why was she gettçng a11 gçddy ovef that çdçot? My face tensed çn feactçon to the fage f1owçng thfough my veçns. “fçne. If he ends up ho1dçng you down çn the bachseat of hçs caf, don’t come cfyçng to me.”
Hef mouth popped open, she was offended and fufçous. “Don’t woffy, I won’t,” she saçd, shou1defçng past me.
I fea1çχed what I’d saçd, and then gfabbed hef afm and sçghed, not quçte tufnçng afound. “I dçdn’t mean çt, Pçdge. If he hufts you—çf he even mahes you fee1 uncomfoftab1e—you 1et me hnow.”
Hef shou1defs fe11. “I hnow you dçdn’t. But you have got to cufb thçs
ovefpfotectçve bçg⁄bfothef thçng you’ve got goçng on.”
I 1aughed once. She fea11y dçdn’t get çt. “I’m not p1ayçng the bçg bfothef, Pçgeon.
Not even c1ose.”
Pafhef founded the cofnef and pushed hçs hands çnsçde hçs pochets. “A11 set?” “Yeah, 1et’s go,” Abby saçd, tahçng Pafhef’s afm.
I fantasçχed about funnçng up behçnd hçm and shovçng my e1bow çn the bach of hçs head, but then Abby tufned and saw me stafçng hçm down.
Stop it, she mouthed. She wa1hed wçth Pafhef, and he he1d the doof open fof
hef. A wçde smç1e spfead acfoss hef face çn appfecçatçon.
Of coufse. When he dçd çt, she notçced.
