Chapter no 63

Unravel Me (Shatter Me Book 2)

Breakfast is an ordeal.

Warner has disappeared and heโ€™s left a trail of chaos in his wake.

No one knows how he escaped, how he managed to get out of his room and find his way out of here and everyone is blaming Castle. Everyone is saying he was stupid to trust Warner, to give him a chance, to believe he might have changed.

Angryย is an insult to the level of aggression in here right now.

But Iโ€™m not going to be the one to tell everyone that Warner was already out of his room last night. Iโ€™m not going to be the one to tell them that he probably didnโ€™t have to do much to find the exit. I wonโ€™t explain to them that heโ€™s not an idiot.

Iโ€™m sure he figured it out easily enough. Iโ€™m sure he found a way to get past the guards.

Now everyone is ready to fight, but for all the wrong reasons. They want to murder Warner: first for all heโ€™s done; second for betraying their trust. More frightening still, everyone is worried that heโ€™ll give away all of our most sensitive information. I have no idea what Warner managed to discover about this place before he left, but nothing that happens now can possibly be good.

No one has even touched their breakfasts.

Weโ€™re all dressed, armed, ready to face what could be an almost instant death, and Iโ€™m feeling little more than entirely numb. I didnโ€™t sleep at all last night, my heart and mind plagued and conflicted and I canโ€™t feel my limbs, I canโ€™t taste the food Iโ€™m not eating and I canโ€™t see straight, I canโ€™t focus on the things Iโ€™m supposed to be hearing. All I can think about are all the casualtiesย and Warnerโ€™s lips on my neck, his hands on my body, the pain and passion inย his eyes and the many possible ways I could die today. I can only think aboutย Warner touching me, kissing me, torturing me with his heart andย Adam sitting beside me, not knowing what Iโ€™ve done.

It probably wonโ€™t even matter after today.

Maybe Iโ€™ll be killed and maybe all the agony of these past 17 years will have been for naught. Maybe Iโ€™ll just fall right off the face of the Earth, gone forever, and all of my adolescent angst will have been a ridiculous afterthought, a laughable memory.

But maybe Iโ€™ll survive.

Maybe Iโ€™ll survive and Iโ€™ll have to face the consequences of my actions. Iโ€™ll have to stop lying to myself; Iโ€™ll have to actually make a decision.

I have to face the fact that Iโ€™m battling feelings for someone who has no qualms about putting a bullet in another manโ€™s head. I have to consider the possibility that I might really be turning into a monster. A horrible, selfish creature who cares only about herself.

Maybe Warner was right all along.

Maybe he and I really are perfect for each other.

Just about everyone has filed out of the dining hall. People are saying last- minute good-byes to the old and the young ones theyโ€™re leaving behind.

James and Adam had a lengthy good-bye just this morning. Adam and I have to head out in about 10 minutes.

โ€œWell damn. Who died?โ€

I spin around at the sound of his voice. Kenji is up. Heโ€™s in this room. Heโ€™s standing next to our table and he looks like heโ€™s about to fall right over but heโ€™sย awake. Heโ€™s alive.

Heโ€™s breathing.

โ€œHoly crap.โ€ Adam is gaping. โ€œHolyย shit.โ€

โ€œGood to see you too, Kent.โ€ Kenji grins a crooked grin. He nods at me. โ€œYou ready to kick some ass today?โ€

I tackle him.

โ€œWHOAโ€”heyโ€”thank you, yeahโ€”thatโ€™sโ€”uhโ€”โ€ He clears his throat.

Tries to shift away from me and I flinch, pull back. Iโ€™m covered everywhere except for my face; Iโ€™m wearing my gloves and my reinforced knuckles, and my suit is zipped up to my neck. Kenji never usually shies away from me.

โ€œHey, uh, maybe you should hold off on touching me for a little while, yeah?โ€ Kenji tries to smile, tries to make it sound like heโ€™s joking, but I feel the weight of his words, the tension and the sliver of fear heโ€™s trying so hard to hide. โ€œIโ€™m not too steady on my feet just yet.โ€

I feel the blood rush out of me, leaving me weak in the knees and needing to sit down.

โ€œIt wasnโ€™t her,โ€ Adam says. โ€œYou know she didnโ€™t even touch you.โ€

โ€œIย donโ€™tย know that, actually,โ€ Kenji says. โ€œAnd itโ€™s not like Iโ€™m blaming her

โ€”Iโ€™m just saying maybe sheโ€™s projecting and doesnโ€™t know it, okay? Because last I checked, I donโ€™t think we have any other explanations for what happened last night. It sure as hell wasnโ€™t you,โ€ he says to Adam, โ€œand shit, for all we know, Warner being able to touch Juliette could just be a fluke. We donโ€™t know anything about him yet.โ€ A pause. He looks around. โ€œRight?

Unless Warner pulled some kind of magical rabbit out of his ass while I was busy being dead last night?โ€

Adam scowls. I donโ€™t say a word.

โ€œRight,โ€ Kenji says. โ€œThatโ€™s what I thought. So. I think itโ€™s best if, unless absolutely necessary, I stay away.โ€ He turns to me. โ€œRight? No offense, right? I mean, I did nearly just die. I think you could cut me some slack.โ€

I can hardly hear my own voice when I say, โ€œYeah, of course.โ€ I try to laugh. I try to figure out why Iโ€™m not telling them about Warner. Why Iโ€™m still protecting him.ย Probably because Iโ€™m just as guilty as he is.

โ€œSoย anyway,โ€ Kenji says. โ€œWhen are we leaving?โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re insane,โ€ Adam tells him. โ€œYouโ€™re not going anywhere.โ€ โ€œBullshit Iโ€™m not.โ€

โ€œYou can barely stand up on your own!โ€ Adam says.

And heโ€™s right. Kenji is clearly leaning on the table for support. โ€œIโ€™d rather die out there than sit in here like some kind of idiot.โ€ โ€œKenjiโ€”โ€

โ€œHey,โ€ Kenji says, cutting me off. โ€œSo I heard through the very loud grapevine that Warner got his ass the hell out of here last night. Whatโ€™s that about?โ€

Adam makes a strange sound. Itโ€™s not quite a laugh. โ€œYeah,โ€ he says. โ€œWho even knows. I never thought it was a good idea to keep him hostage here. It was an even stupider idea to trust him.โ€

โ€œSo first you insult my idea, and then you insult Castleโ€™s, huh?โ€ Kenjiโ€™s eyebrow is cocked.

โ€œThey were bad calls,โ€ Adam says. โ€œBad ideas. Now we have to pay for it.โ€ โ€œWell how was I supposed to know Anderson would be so willing to let his

own son rot in hell?โ€

Adam flinches and Kenji backpedals.

โ€œOh, heyโ€”Iโ€™m sorry, manโ€”I didnโ€™t mean to say it like thatโ€”โ€

โ€œForget it.โ€ Adam cuts him off. His face is suddenly hard, suddenly cold, closed off. โ€œMaybe you should get back to the medical wing. Weโ€™re leaving soon.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not going anywhere butย out of here.โ€ โ€œKenji, pleaseโ€”โ€

โ€œNope.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re being unreasonable. This isnโ€™t a joke,โ€ I tell him. โ€œPeople are going to die today.โ€

But he laughs at me. Looks at me like Iโ€™ve said something obliquely entertaining. โ€œIโ€™m sorry, are you trying to teachย meย about the realities of war?โ€ He shakes his head. โ€œAre you forgetting that I was a soldier in Warnerโ€™s army? Do you have any idea how much crazy shit weโ€™ve seen?โ€ He gestures between himself and Adam. โ€œI know exactly what to expect today. Warner wasย insane.ย If Anderson is even twice as bad as his son, then we are diving right into a bloodbath. I canโ€™t leave you guys hanging like that.โ€

But Iโ€™m caught on one sentence. One word. I just want to ask. โ€œWas he really that bad . . . ?โ€

โ€œWho?โ€ Kenji is staring at me. โ€œWarner. Was he really that ruthless?โ€

Kenji laughs out loud. Laughs louder. Doubles over. Heโ€™s practically wheezing when he says, โ€œRuthless? Juliette, the guy is sick. Heโ€™s an animal. I donโ€™t think he even knows what it means to be human. If thereโ€™s a hell out there, Iโ€™m guessing it was designed especially for him.โ€

Itโ€™s so hard to pull this sword out of my stomach. A rush of footsteps.

I turn around.

Everyone is supposed to exit the tunnels in a single-file line in an attempt to maintain order as we leave this underground world. Kenji and Adam and I are the only fighters who havenโ€™t joined the group yet.

We all get to our feet.

โ€œHeyโ€”so, does Castle know what youโ€™re doing?โ€ Adam is looking at Kenji. โ€œI donโ€™t think heโ€™d be okay with you going out there today.โ€

โ€œCastle wants me to be happy,โ€ Kenji says matter-of-factly. โ€œAnd I wonโ€™t be happy if I stay here. Iโ€™ve got work to do. People to save. Ladies to impress. Heโ€™d respect that.โ€

โ€œWhat about everyone else?โ€ I ask him. โ€œEveryone was so worried about youโ€”have you even seen them yet? To at least tell them youโ€™re okay?โ€

โ€œNah,โ€ Kenji says. โ€œTheyโ€™d probably shit a brick if they knew I was going up. I thought itโ€™d be safer to keep it quiet. I donโ€™t want to freak anyone out.

And Sonya and Saraโ€”poor kidsโ€”theyโ€™re passed the hell out. Itโ€™s my fault theyโ€™re so exhausted, and theyโ€™re still talking about heading out today. They want to fight even though theyโ€™re going to have a lot of work to do once weโ€™re done with Andersonโ€™s army. Iโ€™ve been trying to convince them to stay here but they can be so damn stubborn. They need to save their strength,โ€ he says, โ€œand theyโ€™ve already wasted too much of it on me.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not aย wasteโ€”,โ€ I try to tell him.

โ€œAnywayyy,โ€ Kenji says. โ€œCan we please get going? I know youโ€™re all about hunting down Anderson,โ€ he says to Adam, โ€œbut personally? I would love to catch Warner. Put a bullet through that worthless piece of crap and be done with it.โ€

Something punches me in the gut so hard Iโ€™m afraid Iโ€™m actually going to be sick. Iโ€™m seeing spots, struggling to keep myself standing, fighting to ignore the image of Warner dead, his body crumpled in red.

โ€œHeyโ€”you okay?โ€ Adam pulls me to the side. Takes a good look at my face.

โ€œIโ€™m okay,โ€ I lie to him. Nod too many times. Shake my head once or twice. โ€œI just didnโ€™t get enough sleep last night, but Iโ€™ll be fine.โ€

He hesitates. โ€œAre you sure?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m positive,โ€ I lie again. I pause. Grab his shirt. โ€œHeyโ€” just be careful out there, okay?โ€

He exhales a heavy breath. Nods once. โ€œYeah. You too.โ€

โ€œLetโ€™s go letโ€™s go letโ€™s go!โ€ Kenji interrupts us. โ€œToday is our day to die, ladies.โ€

Adam shoves him. A little.

โ€œOh, so now youโ€™re abusing the crippled kid, huh?โ€ Kenji takes a moment to steady himself before punching Adam in the arm. โ€œSave your angst for the battlefield, bro. Youโ€™re going to need it.โ€

A shrill whistle sounds in the distance. Itโ€™s time to go.

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