I jump up, frantic, and tell Warner Iโll be right back.
Iโm saying donโt leave yet, donโt go anywhere just yet Iโll be right back but I donโt wait for his response because Iโm on my feet and Iโm running toward the lighted hallway and I almost slam right into Adam. He steadies me and pulls me tight, so close, always forgetting not to touch me like this and heโs anxious and he says, โAre you okay?โ and โIโm so sorry,โ and โIโve been looking for you everywhere,โ and โI thought youโd come down to the medical wing,โ and โit wasnโt your fault, I hope you know thatโโ
It keeps hitting me in the face, in the skull, in the spine, this knowledge of just how much I care about him. How much I know he cares about me. Being close to him like this is a painful reminder of everything I had to force myself to walk away from. I take a deep breath.
โAdam,โ I ask, โis Kenji okay?โ
โHeโs not conscious yet,โ he says to me, โbut Sara and Sonya think heโs going to be okay. Theyโre going to stay up with him all night, just to be sure he makes it through in one piece.โ A pause. โNo one knows what happened,โ he says. โBut it wasnโt you.โ His eyes lock mine in place. โYou know that, right? You didnโt even touch him. I know you didnโt.โ
And even though I open my mouth a million times to say, It was Warner. Warner did it. Heโs the one who did this to Kenji, you have to get him and catch him and stop him he is lying to all of you! Heโs going to escape tomorrow! I donโt say any of it and I donโt know why.
I donโt know why Iโm protecting him.
I think part of me is afraid to say the words out loud, afraid to make them true. I still donโt know whether or not Warner is really going to leave or even how heโs going to escape; I donโt know if itโs even possible. And I donโt know if I can tell anyone about Warnerโs ability yet; I donโt think I want to explain to Adam that while he and the rest of Omega Point were tending to Kenji, I was hiding in a tunnel with Warnerโour enemy and hostageโholding his hand and testing out his new power.
I wish I werenโt so confused.
I wish my interactions with Warner would stop making me feel so guilty. Every moment I spend with him, every conversation I have with him makes me feel like Iโve somehow betrayed Adam, even though technically weโre not even together anymore. My heart still feels so tied to Adam; I feel bound to
him, like I need to make up for already having hurt him so much. I donโt want to be the reason for the pain in his eyes, not again, and somehow Iโve decided that keeping secrets is the only way to keep him from getting hurt. But deep down, I know this canโt be right. Deep down, I know it could end badly.
But I donโt know what else to do.
โJuliette?โ Adam is still holding me tight, still so close and warm and wonderful. โAre you okay?โ
And Iโm not sure what makes me ask it, but suddenly I need to know. โAre you ever going to tell him?โ
Adam pulls back, just an inch. โWhat?โ
โWarner. Are you ever going to tell him the truth? About the two of you?โ
Adam is blinking, stunned, caught off guard by my question. โNo,โ he finally says. โNever.โ
โWhy not?โ
โBecause it takes a lot more than blood to be family,โ he says. โAnd I want nothing to do with him. Iโd like to be able to watch him die and feel no sympathy, no remorse. Heโs the textbook definition of a monster,โ Adam says to me. โJust like my dad. And Iโll drop dead before I recognize him as my brother.โ
Suddenly Iโm feeling like I might fall over.
Adam grabs my waist, tries to focus my eyes. โYouโre still in shock,โ he says. โWe need to get you something to eatโor maybe some waterโโ
โItโs okay,โ I tell him. โIโm okay.โ I allow myself to enjoy one last second in his arms before I break away, needing to breathe. I keep trying to convince myself that Adam is right, that Warner has done terrible, awful things and I shouldnโt forgive him. I shouldnโt smile at him. I shouldnโt even talk to him. And then I want to scream because I donโt think my brain can handle the split personality I seem to be developing lately.
I tell Adam I need a minute. I tell him I need to stop by the bathroom before we head over to the medical wing and he says okay, he says heโll wait for me.
He says heโll wait for me until Iโm ready.
And I tiptoe back into the dark tunnel to tell Warner that I have to leave, that I wonโt be coming back after all, but when I squint into the darkness I canโt see a thing.
I look around. Heโs already gone.