Warnerโs head is on my lap.
His face is smooth and calm and peaceful in a way Iโve never seen it and I almost reach out to stroke his hair before I remember exactly how awkward this actually is.
Murderer on my lapย Murderer on my lapย Murderer on my lapย I look to my right.
Warnerโs legs are resting on Adamโs knees and he looks just as uncomfortable as I am.
โHang tight, guys,โ Kenji says, still driving the tank toward Omega Point. โI know this is about a million different kinds of weird, but I didnโt exactly have enough time to think of a better plan.โ
He glances at theย 2ย 3 of us but no one says a word until
โIโm so happy you guys are okay.โ I say it like those 9 syllables have been sitting inside of me for too long, like theyโve been kicked out, evicted from my mouth, and only then do I realize exactly how worried I was that the 3 of us wouldnโt make it back alive. โIโm so, so happy youโre okay.โ
Deep, solemn, steady breathing all around.
โHow are you feeling?โ Adam asks me. โYour armโ youโre all right?โ โYeah.โ I flex my wrist and try not to wince. โIโm okay. These gloves and
this metal thing actually helped, I think.โ I wiggle my fingers. Examine my
gloves. โNothing is broken.โ
โThat was pretty badass,โ Kenji says to me. โYou really saved us back there.โ
I shake my head. โKenjiโabout what happenedโin the houseโIโm really sorry, Iโโ
โHey, how about letโs not talk about that right now.โ โWhatโs going on?โ Adam asks, alert. โWhat happened?โ โNothing,โ Kenji says quickly.
Adam ignores him. Looks at me. โWhat happened? Are you all right?โ โI justโI j-justโโ I struggle to speak. โWhat happenedโ with Warnerโs
daโโ
Kenji swears very loudly.
My mouth freezes midmovement.
My cheeks burn as I realize what Iโve said. As I remember what Adam said just before we ran from that house. Heโs suddenly pale, pressing his lips together and looking away, out the tiny window of this tank.
โListen . . .โ Kenji clears his throat. โWe donโt have to talk about that, okay? In fact, I think I might ratherย notย talk about that? Because that shit is just too weird for me toโโ
โI donโt know how itโs even possible,โ Adam whispers. Heโs blinking, staring straight ahead now, blinking and blinking and blinking and โI keep thinking I must be dreaming,โ he says, โthat Iโm just hallucinating this whole thing. But thenโโhe drops his head in his hands, laughs a harsh laughโโthat is one face I will never forget.โ
โDidnโtโdidnโt you ever meet the supreme commander?โ I dare to ask. โOr even see a picture of him . . . ? Isnโt that something youโd see in the army?โ
Adam shakes his head.
Kenji speaks. โHis whole kick was always being, like, invisible. He got some sick thrill out of being this unseen power.โ
โFear of the unknown?โ
โSomething like that, yeah. I heard he didnโt want his pictures anywhereโ didnโt make any public speeches, eitherโbecause he thought if people could put a face on him, it would make him vulnerable. Human. And he always got his thrills from scaring the shit out of everyone. Being the ultimate power.
The ultimate threat. Likeโhow can you fight something if you canโt even see it? Canโt even find it?โ
โThatโs why it was such a big deal for him to be here,โ I realize out loud. โPretty much.โ
โBut you thought your dad was dead,โ I say to Adam. โI thought you said he was dead?โ
โJust so you guys know,โ Kenji interjects, โIโm still voting for theย we donโt have to talk about thisย option. You know. Just so you know. Just putting that out there.โ
โI thought he was,โ Adam says, still not looking at me. โThatโs what they told me.โ
โWho did?โ Kenji asks. Catches himself. Winces. โShit. Fine.ย Fine. Iโm curious.โ
Adam shrugs. โItโs all starting to come together now. All the things I didnโt
understand. How messed up my life was with James. After my mom died, my dad was never around unless he wanted to get drunk and beat the crap out of someone. I guess he was living a completely different life somewhere else.
Thatโs why he used to leave me and James alone all the time.โ
โBut that doesnโt make sense,โ Kenji says. โI mean, not the parts about your dad being a dick, but just, like, the whole scope of it. Because if you and Warner are brothers, and youโre eighteen, and Warner is nineteen, and Anderson has always been married to Warnerโs momโโ
โMy parents were never married,โ Adam says, eyes widening as he speaks the last word.
โYou were the love child?โ Kenji says, disgusted. โI meanโyou know, no offense to youโitโs just, I do not want to think about Anderson having some kind of passionate love affair. That is just sick.โ
Adam looks like heโs been frozen solid. โHoly shit,โ he whispers.
โBut I mean, why even have a love affair?โ Kenji asks. โI never understood that kind of crap. If youโre not happy, just leave. Donโt cheat. Doesnโt take a genius to figure that shit out. I meanโโhe hesitatesโโIโmย assumingย it was a love affair,โ Kenji says, still driving and unable to see the look on Adamโs face. โMaybe it wasnโt aย loveย affair. Maybe it was just another dude-being-a- jackass kind of thโโ He catches himself, cringes. โShit. See, this is why I doย notย talk to people about their personal problemsโโ
โIt was,โ Adam says, barely breathing now. โI have no idea why he never married her, but I know he loved my mom. He never gave a damn about the rest of us,โ he says. โJust her. It was always about her. Everything was about her. The few times a month he was ever at home, I was always supposed to stay in my room. I was supposed to be very quiet. I had to knock on my own door and get permission before I could come out, even just to use the bathroom. And he used to get pissed whenever my mom would let me out. He didnโt want to see me unless he had to. My mom had to sneak me my dinner just so he wouldnโt go nuts about how she was feeding me too much and not saving anything for herself,โ he says. He shakes his head. โAnd he was even worse when James was born.โ
Adam blinks like heโs going blind.
โAnd then when she died,โ he says, taking a deep breath, โwhen she died all he ever did was blame me for her death. He always told me it was my fault she got sick, and it was my fault she died. That I needed too much, that she didnโt eat enough, that she got weak because she was too busy taking care of us, giving food to us, giving . . . everything to us. To me and James.โ His eyebrows pull together. โAnd I believed him for so long. I figured that was why he left all the time. I thought it was some kind of punishment. I thought I
deserved it.โ
Iโm too horrified to speak.
โAnd then he just . . . I mean he was never around when I was growing up,โ Adam says, โand he was always an ass-hole. But after she died he just . . . lost his mind. He used to come by just to get piss-drunk. He used to force me to stand in front of him so he could throw his empty bottles at me. And if I flinchedโif Iย flinchedโโ
He swallows, hard.
โThatโs all he ever did,โ Adam says, his voice quieter now. โHe would come over. Get drunk. Beat the shit out of me. I was fourteen when he stopped coming back.โ Adam stares at his hands, palms up. โHe sent some money every month for us to survive on and thenโโ A pause. โTwo years later I got a letter from our brand-new government telling me my father was dead. I figured he probably got wasted again and did something stupid. Got hit by a car. Fell into the ocean. Whatever. It didnโt matter. I was happy he was dead, but I had to drop out of school. I enlisted because the money was gone and I had to take care of James and I knew I wouldnโt find another job.โ
Adam shakes his head. โHe left us with nothing, not a single penny, not even a piece of meat to live off of, and now Iโm sitting here, in this tank, running from a global war my ownย fatherย has helped orchestrateโโhe laughs a hard, hollow laughโโand the one other worthless person on this planet is lying unconscious in my lap.โ Adam is actually laughing now, laughing hard, disbelieving, his hand caught in his hair, tugging at the roots, gripping his skull. โAnd heโsย brother. My own flesh and blood.
โMy father had an entirely separate life I didnโt know about and instead of being dead like he should be, he gave a who almost tortured me to death in a control and his hands are shaking and he has into fists and he presses them against his forehead โHe has to die.โ
And Iโm not breathing, not even a little bit, not even at all, when he says, โMy father,โ he says, โI have to kill him.โ