The day had finally come.
I stood five feet away from the pool, my skin etched with goosebumps even though the temperature hovered at a toasty eighty-four degrees thanks to the hotelโs state-of-the- art heating system.
I wore a one-piece Eres swimsuit, courtesy of Alex, whoโd handed me the shopping bag without a word when he picked me up for our lesson today.
After weeks of learning relaxation techniques and acclimating myself to the thought of being in water, it was time for me to getย inย the water.
I wanted to throw up. Panic gripped me, its icy claws digging into my sweat-slicked skin and drawing invisible blood. My stomach pumped in rhythm with my wild heart, causing my breakfast to slosh around like rubber ducks in a bath.
โBreathe.โ Alexโs calm voice steadied me somewhat. โRemember our lessons.โ
โOkay.โ I dragged in a lungful of air and almost gagged at the smell of chlorine. โI can do this, I can do this,โ I chanted.
โIโll go in first.โ He stepped into the pool until he was waist-deep in the water and held out his hand.
I stared at him, willing my feet to move.
โIโll be right here. I wonโt let anything happen to you.โ He radiated calm confidence. โDo you trust me?โ
I gulped. โY-yes.โ
I realized with a start that I did. One hundred percent. Alex may not be the nicest or easiest person to get along with, but I trusted him with my life. Literally.
I edged toward the pool and held my breath as I stepped in and grabbed his hand, letting his strength calm my thundering nerves. The water sloshed around my thighs, and I stumbled.
The hotelโs pool room spun, the pale blue walls and terracotta tiles flashing before me in a blur.ย Oh God, I canโt do this. I canโtโ
โClose your eyes. Deep breaths,โ Alex said. โThatโs itโฆโ
I did as he instructed, allowing his voice to wash over me until most of the panic subsided.
โHow do you feel?โ he asked.
โBetter.โ I cleared my throat and tried to focus on the small radius around us instead of the entire pool. It was a standard Olympic-size pool, but it might as well be the Atlantic Ocean. โIโIโm ready.โ
As ready as Iโll ever be.
We started on the shallow end, and Alex had me walk around so I could get used to the feeling of the water and my bodyโs buoyancy. After that, we went deeper until I was submerged up to my shoulders. I clung to the relaxation techniques Iโd learned over the past few months, and they workedโuntil we reached the part of the lesson where I had to put my head underwater.
I closed my eyes before I dipped my face in, unable to bear the sight of the water rushing toward me.
โHelp! Mommy, help me!โ
The words echoed in my head. So cold. So dark.
I couldnโt breathe.
Something glinted at the edges of my consciousness. A faint memory, perhaps, but it floated away every time I tried to grasp it.
โPlease!โ
I sank deeper. Deeper.
Deeper still. Pleasepleaseplease.
Icantbreathecantbreathecantbreathe.
โAva!โ
I gasped, the sound of my name jerking me back to the present. My screams echoed against the stone walls before fading into oblivion. I wasnโt sure how long Iโd been under. It felt like mere seconds, but judging by how cold I was and how much my throat hurt, it mustโve been longer.
Alex clutched my arms, his face white. โJesus,โ he breathed, pulling me roughly into his chest while I choked out a sob. We were no longer in the poolโhe mustโve carried me out during my mini blackout. โItโs okay. Youโre okay. Weโre out.โ
โIโm sorry.โ I buried my face in his chest, embarrassed and furious with myself. โI thought I could do it. I thought
โโ
โYou did great,โ he said firmly. โThis is your first lesson.
Thereโll be more, and youโll get better each time.โ โPromise?โ
โI promise.โ
I shuddered, curling into his warmth. He felt strong and solid beneath my touch, and I was once again struck by the contradiction that was Alex Volkov. So cold and uncaring to the world, yet so warm and protective when he wanted to be. Iโd known him for eight years, yet I hadnโt known him at all.
He wasnโt the man I thought he was. He was so much better, even when he tried to convince me he was worse, and I wanted him like nothing before. Not only physically,
but mentally and emotionally. I wanted every shadow of his soul and every piece of his beautiful, multilayered heart. I wanted to pour into him every drop of light I had to give until he consumed me whole. Until I was his, and he was mine.
We stayed thereโme cuddled up against his chest, him with his arms wrapped around meโuntil my lingering panic faded and I worked up the courage to say what I said next.
โAlexโฆโ
โYes, Sunshine?โ He ran a gentle hand through my hair. โKiss me.โ
His touch stilled, and he stiffened.
โPlease.โ I licked my lips. โForget about Josh orโฆ whatever else may be on your mind. If you want me, kiss me. I know what we said on your birthday, and Iโm sorry for going back on my word, but I needโฆโย You.ย โI need this.โ
Alex closed his eyes, his expression pained. โYou have no idea what youโre asking me.โ
โYes, I do.โ I pressed a hand against his abdomen, feeling it tremble beneath my touch. โUnless you donโt want to.โ
He left out a half-laugh, half-groan. โDoes this feel like I donโt want to?โ He grasped my hand and pulled it down until it rested on the most masculine part of him. My breath stuttered at his sheer heat and sizeโobvious even under his swim trunksโand I curled my fingers around the thick rod, fascinated by the power I held in my palm.
A low growl rumbled out of Alexโs chest. โWhat did I say about staying out of trouble, Sunshine? Keep doing that, and youโll be in aย worldย of trouble.โ
โMaybe I like trouble.โ I tightened my grip, and he hissed out a curse. โMaybe I want to stay there.โ
โIโm beginning to thinkย youโreย the trouble I need to stay away from,โ he muttered. He pinned my wrist to my side,
and a jolt of excitement flashed through me. โBut we canโt. You justโโ He gestured toward the pool with his free hand. โI just what? Had a panic attack? I get those all the time
when Iโm near water. If that bothers you, weโre in a hotel. We can find a room.โ It seemed like Iโd recovered all the boldness Iโd lost after kissing Alex on his birthday.
His mouth tilted up. โWhen did you get so feisty?โ
โWhen I got sick of everyone treating me like Iโm a fragile flower whoโll break if someone breathes on me the wrong way. Just because I have a phobia over one specific thing doesnโt mean Iโll freak out in other areas of my life.โ I paused, then added, โMadeline told me. About what youโ what you like in bed.โ
His expression darkened. The air turned ominous, and my heart gave an anxious thud.
โWhat, exactly, did she tell you?โ His voice lowered to a dangerous decibel.
โShe told meโโ I gulped. โShe told me you only do it from behind. That you donโt like kissing or face-to-face contact during sex. That youโฆโ
โThat I what?โ Alex asked silkily.
โThat you like choking and calling women names. In bed.โ The danger in the air thickened until I could almost taste it, and my bravado faltered.ย Maybe baiting the tiger wasnโt the best ideaโฆ
โYet youโre still here, asking me to kiss you.โ His grip on my wrist turned to iron. โWhy is that, Sunshine?โ
He hadnโt denied it, which meant it must be true. My heart raced.
โMaybeโโ I wet my lips with my tongue, conscious of his eyes tracking the movement the way a lion would a gazelle. โI like those things too.โ
Flames burned away the ice pools in his eyes until the heat seared me to my core. I couldnโt believe Iโd ever thought him cold. In that moment, he was a supernova waiting to erupt and swallow me whole.
And Iโd love every second.
Alex released me and stood, no trace of the patient, soothing man from earlier tonight in sight. In its place was something hungry and depraved that caused me to tremble with lust.
โGet up,โ he said, his voice soft but so commanding I obeyed without thinking. โYouโre about to find out what happens when you invite yourself into the lionโs den.โ