The next day, I accompanied Jules to her motherโs funeral.
Besides the minister and funeral home staff, we were the only people in attendance, and the service passed without any fanfare.
โWould you like to say any words before we put Adeline to rest?โ the minister asked after he delivered the eulogy.
Jules shook her head. โNo,โ she whispered. โI donโt want to say anything.โ
I reached for her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze, wishing I could do more to help. Jules didnโt look at me, but she gave me a small squeeze back.
The minister nodded, the staff lowered the casket into the ground, and that was that.
It was, in Julesโs words, anticlimactic, but that didnโt stop a knot from forming in my stomach when I stared at Adelineโs burial plot.
Decades of life, snuffed out just like that, with no one except her daughter and a stranger seeing her off. A lifetime of dreams, fears, accomplishments, and regrets, wiped out by a single freak accident.
It was fucking depressing.
I allowed myself to dwell in melancholy for a moment before I pushed it aside and placed a gentle hand on Julesโs elbow. The minister and funeral home staff had already left,
but she hadnโt moved since the service. โWe should head out. Our flight leaves soon.โ
There was only one evening flight from Columbus to
D.C. today, so we were flying together by default.
โRight.โ Jules sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. โThanks for being here with me,โ she said as we walked toward the exit. โYou really didnโt have to.โ
โNo, but I wanted to.โ My mouth tugged up in a half smile. โWho knows what trouble youโd get into if I leave you alone?โ
โThe possibilities are endless,โ she said solemnly. โYou sure you donโt want a tour of the Whittlesburg police station before we leave?โ
โIโm sure itโs fascinating, but Iโll pass.โ I examined her, trying to figure out where her head was at. โHow are you feeling?โ
โSurprisingly okay.โ Jules tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. โI think the shock has worn off, and now Iโm justโฆ resigned, I guess. Iโll never get to say bye to my mom or make amends.โ She hesitated. โActually, I know our flight leaves soon, but can we make one stop before we head to the airport? Iโll keep it quick.โ
โYeah, of course.โ We were squeezed for time, but I wasnโt going to say no to her after her motherโs funeral.
Fifteen minutes later, we arrived at a small, dilapidated house near the outskirts of town. Chipped blue paint covered its exterior, and the door was unlocked when Jules twisted the knob.
โThe house my mom rented before she died,โ she said after she caught my questioning stare. โWhen I notified the landlord of her death, they said I could drop by and pick up any personal items. I wasnโt going to, butโฆโ
โI understand.โ It was Julesโs last chance. She was probably never coming back to Ohio.
We stepped into the house. There wasnโt much furniture except for a couch, TV, and a dining slash coffee table. Dirty
dishes piled high in the sink, and a pot of flowers sat dying on the windowsill.
It was eerie, like the house was patiently waiting for an owner who would never return.
I followed Jules into the bedroom and stayed by the door while she approached the cluster of framed photos on the dresser. They all featured a beautiful older woman with red hair, obviously her mom. In one, she was wearing a gown and smiling at a fancy-looking party; in another, she was being crowned Miss Teen Whittlesburg, according to the sash across her chest.
There were no photos of anyone else, including Jules.
โI thought she would have at least one photo of me,โ Jules murmured, running her hand over the teen pageant picture. โAll these yearsโฆโ She shook her head and let out a self-deprecating laugh. โIt was stupid. I held out hope, but Adelineโs never cared much about anyone except herself.โ
An ache bloomed in my chest. Neither of us had model parents, but I hated seeing her hope vanish. โIโm sorry, Red.โ
โDonโt be.โ Jules dropped her hand before facing me. โWe can leave. We have a flight to catch, and I got what I wanted.โ
โWhatโs that?โ โClosure.โย Closure.
The word echoed in my mind during our ride to the airport.
Maybe that was what I needed with Michael. Iโd avoided contacting him for two years, thinking that was the solution to my problem. All itโd done was allow thoughts of him to fester like cancer. Slow, invisible, and gradually bleeding me of life until I was nothing but a shell of myself.
The monsters in our imagination are often worse those
in reality.
The sudden, blinding clarity sliced through me like a blade.
โYou okay?โ Jules asked after we passed through security. Whittlesburg was so close to Columbus it took us less than an hour to arrive at the airport. โYou look delirious.โ
โYep,โ I said, still high from my discovery. It was so fucking obvious I felt like an idiot for not thinking of it earlier, but we were the blindest when it came to our own lives.
I didnโt look forward to seeing Michael, but itโll be like ripping off a Band-Aid. Once I did it, I could finally move on. I was sure of it.
Closure.
The answer had been there all along.
โWe spent two whole days together and didnโt kill each other.โ Jules cocked an eyebrow as we picked up sandwiches and chips from one of the airportโs delis and settled at a table in the food court. Our flight didnโt leave for another seventy-five minutes, so we had time to kill. โWeโre making progress.โ
โIt was a day and a half, tops.โ I smiled, welcoming the shift to a lighter tone after the heaviness of our morning. Sadness lingered in Julesโs eyes, but she seemed determined to leave the past behind her. โWe still have some time left.โ
โHow reassuring.โ She bit into her sandwich, chewed, and swallowed before adding hesitantly, โIโve been thinking about what you said at Bridgetโs weddingโฆโ
My pulse quickened. โYeah?โ
โYou might be right.โ She didnโt look at me, but pink crept over her cheeks. โAbout there being a difference between what something is supposed to be and what it actually is.โ
The quickening turned into a roar. Warmth glowed in my chest and filled some of the cracks that had formed over
the years.
โIโm always right.โ It was all I could do to suppress a grin.
Iโd never wanted an exclusive relationship. It came with too many expectations, and honestly, Iโd neverย likedย anyone enough to go on more than three dates with them.
Lusted for, sure. Liked? No.
But with Julesโฆfuck, I didnโt even know how it happened. Iย likedย her, even when she pissed me off, which was half the time. Our arguments lit me up more than my conversations with anyone else did, and when we actually talked, she was the only person I felt like who got me. The only person who saw past the doctor, the playboy, the adrenaline junkie, and every other mask I wore to hide the messy imperfect pieces underneath.
I swallowed the odd lump in my throat while Jules rolled her eyes and smiled. โAlways modest.โ
โThat too.โ
Her smile widened, and our gazes lingered for a moment before her expression turned serious again. โSo, what does that mean for us?โ
Good question. I had no experience with the whole relationship thing, butโฆ
โIt means we should probably go on a date.โ My grin exploded at the way her eyes widened. โDonโt look so shocked. Itโs a date, Red. Not a marriage proposal.โ
โObviously,โ she huffed, though the nervous look in her eyes remained. โIโve been on dates before.โ
My smile slipped at the reminder.
Of course Jules had been on dates before. That didnโt mean I wanted to think about it.
A ribbon of possessiveness unfurled in my stomach, and it took all my willpower not to grill her for the full name, number, and address of every guy whoโd ever fucking touched her.
โNot with me.โ I rubbed a speck of sauce from the corner of her mouth. My thumb lingered on her bottom lip, and dark satisfaction flared through me when her breath hitched. โWhenย I take you out, itโll be the best damn date youโve ever had.โ
โYour ego truly knows no bounds.โ The breathlessness of her voice erased the sting of her insult.
I leaned forward and replaced my thumb with my lips. โLetโs make a bet, Red.โ My mouth brushed over hersโnot in a kiss, but in a promise. โI bet after our date, you wonโt even be able toย thinkย about another man.โ
The last part came out as a low growl.
Jules audibly swallowed. โYouโre setting very high expectations, Chen.โ
My smile returned. โDonโt worry. I never set expectations I canโt meet.โ