Donโt look at him.
If I looked at him, I would lose it, and I was already half out of my mind. The stress, guilt, and exhaustion of the past four days had seeped into my bones, turning me into a walking zombie.
But I couldnโt help myself. I looked.
And my heart promptly splintered into even more pieces than it already had.
Rhys stared at me, so still he couldโve passed for a statue had it not been for the pain flickering in his eyes.
โHad?โ That calm, even tone never boded well.
โIt was fun while it lasted.โ The words tasted bitter on my tongue, like poison pills of lies I fed myself to get through the next hour and possibly the rest of my life. โBut people know. Everyoneโs watching us. We canโt continue whateverโฆthis is.โ
โFun.โ Still in that dangerously calm voice.
โRhys.โ I wrapped my arms tighter around myself. The hospital staff had set the temperature to a comfortable seventy-three degrees, but my skin felt like ice beneath my palms. โPlease donโt make this any harder than it has to be.โ
Please let my heart break in peace.
โThe hell I wonโt.โ His gray eyes had darkened to a near black, and a vein throbbed in his temple. โTell me something, princess. Are you doing this because you want to, or because you feel like you have to?โ
โI donโtย feelย like I have to. Iย doย have to!โ Frustration seared through me, sharp and hot. Didnโt he get it? โItโs only a matter of time before the press confirms the allegations. Elin and Markus and my family already know. What do you think is going to happen once itโs all out in the open?โ
โYour Majesty!โ โGrandfather!โ
Nikolai, Markus, and Elin rushed to Edvardโs side while I stood there, unable to move.
I should join them. Make sure he was okay.
Butย of courseย he wasnโt okay. Heโd just collapsedโฆ because of me and what I said. Because I thought, for one second, I could have a semblance of control over my life.
If he died, the last conversation we had would have been an argument.
โYou will end the relationship and never see Mr.
Larsen again.โ โNo.โ
Something inside me shriveled into a husk.
โBridgetโฆโ
The sound of my name, deep and raw, scraped against my willpower, leaving dents in something that had never been strong to begin with. Not when it came to him.
I closed my eyes, trying to find the cool, unshakable version of myself I presented to the public. The one whoโd smiled through hours of standing and waving while my feet bled through my heels. The one whoโd walked behind my fatherโs casket and held back tears until I crumpled into a ball in the bathroom during the wake.
But I couldnโt. Iโd never been able to hide who I truly was from Rhys.
I heard him walk toward me. Smelled that clean, masculine scent that had become my comfort scent over the years because it meant he was near and I was safe. Felt him rub away a tear I hadnโt even noticed had escaped with his thumb.
Donโt look at him. Donโt look at him.
โPrincess, look at me.โ
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut tighter. My emotions formed a tight knot in my throat, making it near impossible to breathe.
โBridget.โ Firmer this time, more commanding. โLook at me.โ
I resisted for another minute, but the need to save myself from further heartache paled compared to my need to soak in every last bit of Rhys Larsen I could.
I looked at him.
Gray thunderstorms stared back at me, crackling with turmoil.
โThe mess with the pictures, weโll figure it out.โ He grasped my chin and rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip, his expression fierce. โI told you, youโre mine, and Iโm not letting you go. I donโt care if the entire Eldorran military tries to drag me away.โ
I wished it were that easy and I could sink into his faith, letting it sweep me away.
But our problems went way beyond the pictures now. โYou donโt get it. Thereย is noย happily ever after for us.โ
We werenโt a fairytale. We were a forbidden love letter, tucked into the back of a drawer and retrieved only in the darkness of night. We were the chapter of bliss before the climax hit and everything crumbled into ash. We were a story that was always meant to end. โThis is it.โ
My mother died giving birth to me.
My father died on his way back from buying something
Iโdย asked him to get.
My grandfather almost died because Iโd refused to give up the one thing that ever made me happy.
That was what I got for being selfish, for wanting something forย me.ย Future queens didnโt live for themselves, they lived for their country. That was the price of power.
No matter how much I tried to change reality, it remained the truth, and it was time I grew up and faced it.
Rhysโs grip on my chin tightened. โI donโt need a happily ever after. I need to be by your side. I need you happy and healthy and safe. Goddammit Bridget, I needย you.ย In any way I can have you.โ His voice broke for the first time in all my years with him, and my heart cracked in response. โIf you think Iโm leaving you to deal with this bullshit alone, you donโt know me at all.โ
Trouble was, Iย didย know him, and I knew the one thing that would make him snap, but I couldnโt bring myself to say it right now.
One last selfish thing.
โKiss me,โ I whispered.
Rhys didnโt question the sudden shift in my tone. Instead, he curled his hand around the back of my neck and crushed his lips to mine. Deep, hard, and possessive, like nothing had changed between us.
He always knew what I needed without me saying it.
I drank up every drop of him I could. His taste, his touch, his scentโฆI wished I could bottle it all up so I had something to keep me warm in the nights and years to come.
Rhys picked me up and carried me to the couch, where he pulled my skirt up and my panties down and sank into me with exquisite, deliberate slowness. Stretching me. Filling me. Breaking me into a thousand pieces and putting me back together, over and over again.
Even if my heart ached, my body responded to him the way it always had: eager, willing, and desperate for more.
Rhys palmed my breast and swiped his thumb over my nipple, playing with the sensitized nub until a fresh wave of heat crested in my stomach. All the while he pumped into me, the slow, leisurely slides of his cock hitting a spot that made me see stars.
โRhys,ย please.โ
โWhat do you want, princess?โ He pinched my nipple, the sudden roughness of the action causing my mouth to fall open with a gasp.
You. Forever.
Since I couldnโt say that, I settled for a panted, โFaster.
Harder.โ
He lowered his head and replaced his hand with his mouth, swirling and licking while he picked up the pace. My nails dug into his back, and just as I teetered over the precipice, he slowed down again.
I nearly screamed with frustration.
Faster. Slower. Faster. Slower.
Rhys seemed to intuit the precise second I was about to come, and he varied his speed, edging me until I was a dripping, whimpering mess. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he groaned and slammed into me, his mouth claiming mine in a bruising kiss as he fucked into me so hard the couch inched across the floor with a squeak.
Lights exploded behind my eyes. I arched up, my cry swallowed by his kiss as another orgasm tore through me and left me drained.
Rhys came right after me with a silent shudder, and we sank into each otherโs arms, our heavy breaths mingling as one.
I loved sex with him, but I loved the quiet moments afterward even more.
โAgain.โ I wrapped my limbs around him, not ready to break free of our cocoon yet.ย Just a little more time.
โInsatiable,โ he whispered, running the tip of his nose up my neck and along my jawline.
I smiled at the reminder of our afternoon at the hotel. Our last truly happy time together before everything went to hell.
โYou love it,โ I said. โYeah princess, I do.โ
We spent the next hour like that, climbing high and crashing down together.
It was perfect, as were all our stolen moments together. We fucked hard and fast and made love sweet and slow. We pretended this was our life, not just a snapshot in time, and I pretended like my heart still beat in my chest when the pieces lay scattered at our feet.
โThereโs no other way, Your Highness.โ Elinโs eyes flickered with sympathy for a second before it vanished and her expression hardened again. โIt has to be done.โ
โNo.โ I shook my head, denial digging its claws deep into my skin. โItโs too soon. Heโs fine. The doctors saidโโ
โThe doctors said heโll recoverโฆthis time. The fact is, His Majesty was hospitalized twice in one year. We canโt risk a third hospitalization.โ
โWe can cut back on his workload,โ I said desperately. โHave his aides handle the more strenuous paperwork and meetings. He can still be king.โ
Elin glanced at Markus, who stood in the corner looking grimmer than Iโd ever seen him.
โWeโd discussed this with His Majesty after his first hospitalization,โ he said. โHe expressly said that if he collapses a second time, he would step down.โ
I vaguely remembered my grandfather saying something like that in the weeks after his first collapse, but Iโd been so focused on Nikolaiโs abdication the implications of it had gone right over my head.
โI realize this is perhaps not the best time to discuss this,โ Elin said with another flicker of sympathy. โBut His Majestyโs condition is stable, and we need to start preparations right away.โ
โPreparations.โ Something terrible took root in my stomach and spread. It seeped into my chest, my neck, my arms and my legs, numbing me from inside out.
Elin and Markus exchanged glances again.
โYes,โ Elin said. โPreparations for your coronation as queen.โ
Iโd thought I had more time, both with Rhys and to convince Parliament to repeal the Royal Marriages Law, but I didnโt. Time was up.
โDo you remember Costa Rica?โ Rhysโs lips brushed against mine as he spoke. He lay on top of me, his powerful body swallowing me up, but heโd propped a forearm on the couch so he didnโt crush me with his weight.
โHow could I forget?โ It was one of the happiest memories of my life.
โYou asked me if Iโd ever been in love. I said no.โ He pressed a soft kiss to my mouth. โAsk me again, princess.โ
My lungs constricted.ย Breathe.
But that was hard when everything hurt to the point where I couldnโt remember what it felt likeย notย to hurt. My heart, my head, my soul.
โI canโt.โ I forced myself to push Rhys away.
My skin immediately chilled at the absence of his heat, and small shivers wracked me as I got off the couch and walked to the bathroom. I cleaned myself and straightened my clothes with shaky hands while his gaze burned a hole in my back through the open door.
โWhy not?โ
โBecause.โย Tell him. Just tell him.ย โIโm going to be queen.โ
โWe already knew that.โ
โYou donโt understand.โ I washed my hands and returned to the room, where I finally looked at him again. Tension lined his face and notched a deep groove between his brows. โI donโt mean someday. I mean Iโm going to be queen in nine months.โ
Rhys froze.
โThatโs not all.โ I could barely speak past the lump in my throat. โBecause of the Royal Marriages Law, I have toโโ
โDonโt say it.โ His voice was so quiet I almost didnโt hear him.
โIย haveย to marry or at least get engaged before my coronation.โ There would already be backlash against me taking the throne so soon.ย You need all the political goodwill you can get,ย Markus had said. I hated it, but he was right. โIโโ
โDonโt. Fucking. Say it.โ
โIโm marrying Steffan. He already agreed.โ
It wasnโt a marriage of love. It was a political contract. Nothing more, nothing less. Markus had reached out to the Holsteins yesterday and made them sign an NDA before making the proposition. Theyโd agreed a few hours later. Itโd all happened so quickly it made my head spin.
Just like that, I had a fiancรฉ, at least in theory. Per the agreement, Steffan would officially propose next month, after the furor over my grandfatherโs hospitalization died down. As a bonus, the engagement would drive the allegations about me and Rhys out of the headlines, as Elin had not so subtly pointed out.
Rhys unfolded himself from the couch. Heโd already fixed his clothes. All black. Black shirt, black pants, black boots, black expression.
โThe fuck you are.โ โRhys, itโs done.โ
โNo,โ he said flatly. โWhat did I tell you in the gazebo, princess? I said from that point on, no other man touches you, and I meant it. You sure as fuck arenโt marrying someone else. We have nine months. We will figure. It. Out.โ
I wanted to agree. I wanted to be selfish and steal more time with him, but that wouldnโt be fair to either of us.
Iโd already had Rhys for three years. It was time to let him go.
No more being selfish.
โWhat if Iย wantย to marry someone else?โ
Rhysโs nostrils flared. โDonโt lie to me. You barely know Steffan. You went onย threeย fucking dates with the guy.โ
โRoyal marriage isnโt about knowing someone. Itโs about suitability, and the fact is, heโs suitable and youโre not.โ I hoped Rhys didnโt notice the wobble in my voice. โPlus, Steffan and I have the rest of our lives to get to know each other.โ
A shudder rippled through his body, and hurt slashed across his face, so raw and visceral it cut through my soul.
โIโm the crown princess, and I need to act like one,โ I said, hating myself more with every second. โInย allย areas of my life. I canโt be with a bodyguard. Iโฆโ Tears clogged my throat, but I pushed past them. โIโm meant to be with a duke. We both know that.โ
Rhys flinched. One tiny movement, but it would haunt me forever.
โSo weโre over. Just like that.โ It came out low and dangerous, edged with pain.
No, not just like that. Youโll never know how much my heart is breaking right now.
โIโm sorry,โ I whispered.
I wished I could tell him Iโd never been happier than when I was with him.
I wished I could tell him it wasnโt about the throne or power, and that if I could, I would give up a kingdom for him.
Butย Iโm sorryย were the only words I was allowed to say.
The emotion wiped clean from Rhysโs eyes until I was staring at steel walls, harder and more guarded even than when weโd first met.
โNo, Your Highness,โ he said. โIโmย sorry.โ He walked out.
One minute, he was there. The next, he was gone.
I crumpled, my knees giving out beneath me as I sank onto the floor and hot tears scalded my cheeks and dripped off my chin. My chest heaved so hard I couldnโt draw enough oxygen into my lungs, and I was sure I would die right there on the hospital floor, just a few feet away from the best doctors and nurses in the country. But even they wouldnโt be able to fix what Iโd just broken.
โYou have to move.โ โI beg your pardon?โ
โYour house. Itโs a security nightmare. I donโt know who signed off on this location, but you have to move.โ
โHave you ever been in love?โ โNo. But I hope to be one day.โ โGood night, princess.โ
โGood night, Mr. Larsen.โ
Snippets of memories crowded my brain, and I pressed my face into the blanket draped over the couch, mu๏ฌing my sobs.
โYour Highness?โ Elinโs voice floated through the door, followed by a knock. โCan I come in?โ
No. I would be happy if I never talked to you again.
But I had responsibilities to fulfill, and an engagement to plan.
I forced my sobs to slow until they tapered off.
Deep, controlled breaths. Head tilted up. Tensed muscles. It was a trick Iโd learned that had come in handy quite a few times over the years.
โOne moment,โ I said after I got myself under control. I pushed myself off the floor and splashed water on my face before fixing my hair and clothes. I opened the door, my spine stiff. โWhat is it?โ
If Elin noticed any lingering redness around my eyes or nose, she didnโt mention it. โI saw Mr. Larsen leave.โ
My chin wobbled for a split second before I pressed my lips together. โYes.โ
โSo, itโs done.โ She regarded me with a searching look. I responded with a short nod.
โGood. Itโs the right thing to do, Your Highness,โ she said in a far gentler tone than I was used to. โYouโll see. Now.โ She snapped back to her usual brisk self. โShall we go over the plans for Lord Holsteinโs proposal?โ
โSure,โ I said hollowly. โLetโs go over the plans for the proposal.โ