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Chapter no 18

These Hollow Vows (These Hollow Vows, 1)

โ€œFIREย GIRL. WAKE UP,โ€ a raspy voice says by my ear.

When Pretha returned me to the palace, I went straight to bedโ€”upset

with myself for spying on people who have trusted me and more upset with myself for feeling . . . whatever it is I felt when I saw Finn kiss that girl.

โ€œFire Girl.โ€ A pointed nail grazes the shell of my ear, and my eyes snap open.

King Mordeusโ€™s goblin is crouched over my pillow.

Finally.

โ€œWhatโ€™s taken you so long?โ€ I ask in a hiss as I swing my legs over the side of the bed.

โ€œThe king has had matters to deal with, girl. He works on his own timeline.โ€

I snort.ย Allย faeries seem to work on their own timeline. I blame immortality for their lack of urgency. โ€œLet me get dressed.โ€

He shakes his head. โ€œNo time.โ€

I look down at my thin sleep shift. โ€œAre you kidding me? Iโ€™m not going like this.โ€

โ€œNow or wait another week. Itโ€™s up to you.โ€

Glaring, I grab my satchel from where I tucked it beneath the mattress. Before I can turn back to the goblin, his cracked fingers wrap around my wrist. The room disappears around us.

When we appear at the Court of the Moon, I expect to find myself in the throne room. Instead, Iโ€™m in the entrance of a small sitting room. The king is lounging on a red wingback chair. The goblin releases my arm, the room spins, and I fall to the ground before I can get my feet under me.

Bile rises in my throat, and I put the back of my hand to my mouth.

โ€œAbriella, youโ€™re looking lovely,โ€ the king says. Heโ€™s dressed in all black todayโ€”from his pants to his crisp tunic to the velvet robe draped across his shoulders. Even his fingernails have been painted black. Three sentries

stand on either side of him, forked tongues darting out every so often, as if they can taste danger in the air.

I lift my chin even as nausea grips me. I refuse to show weakness in front of this maleโ€”though in honesty Iโ€™d find some enjoyment in vomiting on the king. โ€œIโ€™ve had your mirror for a week. I donโ€™t appreciate being kept

waiting.โ€

โ€œNor I,โ€ he says, his tone bored. โ€œAnd it took you longer than I expected.

My spies tell me you ultimately asked the golden prince for it. Thatโ€™s so clever. I only wish theyโ€™d been able to see what payment he required for that favor. I certainly hope he made the most of it.โ€

Nausea is replaced by anger in a flash, and cracks of darkness web out from my fingertips on the marble floor. The kingโ€™s sentries reach for their

swords, and I spare a glance at the endless depths revealed in the crumbling marble.

Whatever this power of mine is, itย blossomsย in the Unseelie palace.

โ€œWell now.โ€ The kingโ€™s eyes darken, and his nostrils flare as he looks at the mess Iโ€™ve made. โ€œI see you havenโ€™t learned to control your magic yet.โ€

I havenโ€™t even learned what it canย doย yet, apparently. I certainly didnโ€™t know I could do this. But I make a fist and concentrate on winding the power back into myself. I imagine it coiled in my gut, not dormant, but like a powerful snakeโ€”alert and ready to strike.

The king scans my face. โ€œWhat I wouldnโ€™t give for such a gift.โ€

I donโ€™t care what he thinks about my powers, and I donโ€™t want to stay here any longer than I have to. Itโ€™s not the court I object to, but Mordeus. The way he looks at meโ€”as if he wants to climb inside my brain and take a look around. It makes my skin crawl. I push myself off the floor and

straighten my shift as best I can. โ€œLet me see my sister.โ€ โ€œYou know I canโ€™t do that.โ€

โ€œLet me see her, and Iโ€™ll give you the mirror.โ€

โ€œAs youโ€™ve already discovered, you can see your sisterย in the mirror,โ€ he says.

I donโ€™t even want to know how he knows that. Images of his spies

watching me in my chambers flash through my mind and make me shiver. But no. Surely heโ€™s just guessing. โ€œThatโ€™s not good enough.โ€

He shrugs. โ€œIt will have to be. Itโ€™s all I can offer. Have you enjoyed that this past week? Having the image of whatever you ask at your fingertips?โ€

I shake my head. โ€œI want to see her. In person.โ€ Itโ€™s been too long, and her absence is a constant awareness at the back of my mind.

โ€œHave a seat.โ€ Mordeus waves and a decanter filled with dark red liquid appears in his hand. โ€œLetโ€™s drink to your success.โ€

Drink faerie wine.ย Hard pass.ย โ€œNo, thank you.โ€

โ€œI insist.โ€ He pours two glasses and nods to the empty chair beside him. โ€œWe drink, and then I will tell you of the next relic I need you to retrieve so that you may see your sisterย in personย all the sooner.โ€

Games. Heโ€™s playing games with me.ย Clinging to the last of my patience only because I have no choice, I enter the room and sit. When he passes me a glass, I accept it, hoping to speed him along.

Mordeus lifts his glass. โ€œTo power,โ€ he says. I arch a brow, and he pauses with the glass halfway to his lips. โ€œNo?โ€

โ€œIn my world, power means the ability to cheat someone out of their life, their choices, and their free will.โ€ His piercing gray stare burns into me, and I feel like he sees too much. I roll the glass between my hands and study the liquid. โ€œI donโ€™t care to toast to power.โ€

โ€œTo what would you like to toast?โ€

I meet his gaze and let the silence hang heavily for a beat before I raise my glass. โ€œTo promises kept and delivered.โ€

โ€œAh, yes. Your concern is still your sister.โ€ He nods. โ€œI will toast to that, as I look forward to you delivering on yours.โ€ His smile sends an uneasy

chill up my spine as he taps his glass to mine.

I watch him drink and sit with my wine untouched for several long minutes before he releases an exasperated sigh. โ€œWe wonโ€™t be discussing the information youโ€™re waiting for until you drink, girl.โ€

I want to argue, but whatโ€™s the point? Everythingโ€™s about power to this male, whoโ€™s stolen most of his. He will not stand for even this small defiance. I take the smallest sip possible. The wine is sweet and velvety, and it spreads warmth through my chest. โ€œThe second relic?โ€ I prompt.

He smirks. โ€œSuch a taskmaster you are. Donโ€™t you want to enjoy your wine for a moment?โ€

I glare at him. Hard.

Mordeus leans back in his chair. โ€œThe second relic is called the

Grimoricon, and it will be much trickier to retrieve than the mirror.โ€

Of course it will. I canโ€™t expect Sebastian to hand over everything I need to get my sister back. Though Iโ€™m beginning to believe he wouldโ€”for me,

for Jas. If only telling him wouldnโ€™t void my bargain with Mordeus. โ€œWhat is the Grimoricon?โ€

โ€œYou may know it as the Great Book. Itโ€™s the sacred text of Faerie, and it contains the earliest spells and magic from the Old Ones.โ€

โ€œA book?โ€

He takes another swallow of his wine. โ€œOf sorts. Something that powerful cannot be contained by pages alone, so like all the greatest magical texts, it can change its shape and appearance.โ€

โ€œInto what?โ€ I donโ€™t feel any ill effects from my sip of wine, so I brave another. It is truly delicious. Besides, if he wants me to retrieve this book, drugging me senseless wonโ€™t help.

โ€œIntoย anything,ย my girl. It can and will turn itself into anything if it senses danger.โ€

A book that senses danger and changes form. Looks like we started out with the easiest of the relics. โ€œWhere is it?โ€

โ€œThat I cannot answer. The Seelie Court stole it during the war and has guarded it since, though it belongs to my court and its magic cannot be used by the golden fae.โ€

โ€œThen why did they steal it?โ€

He takes another sip and stares off into space, as if flipping through millennia of memories to find the answer. โ€œThe same reason theyโ€™ve taken everything else. To weaken us.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re saying you want me to find a book that could be anywhere in the Seelie Court and that could look likeย anything?โ€ Itโ€™s worse than a needle in a haystack. At least when you come across the needle, you know youโ€™ve found what youโ€™re looking for. I could be sleeping next to the Grimoricon

each night and never know it.

โ€œIโ€™ll let you keep the mirror,โ€ he says, his gaze dropping to my lap, where Iโ€™m clutching the mirror in a white-knuckled hand.

Every time I thought about losing the mirrorโ€”my only connection to Jas

โ€”I pushed the thought away, unable to consider it. Now, knowing Iโ€™ll be able to check in on her, my shoulders sag.

โ€œGood luck.โ€

 

 

Mordeusโ€™s goblin whisks me away from the Unseelie palace and back to the gardens surrounding the queenโ€™s castle.

โ€œWhy could you get me from my rooms, but you canโ€™t return me to them?โ€ I ask him, fighting the nausea that goblin travel brings.

โ€œBecause you have a visitor in your chambers,โ€ the goblin says, โ€œand Iโ€™m not interested in losing my head today.โ€

โ€œBut how do you know that?โ€ I ask.

The goblin gives me a wide grin, showing all his yellow, pointed teeth, then disappears.

It seemed as if I was at the Unseelie Court for only a few hours, but the

sun is already high in the sky. The gardens are bustling with staff tending to the flowers, and the smells of lavender and roses call to me as I walk toward the palace entrance. Itโ€™s so tempting to take a seat here, maybe close my eyes, let the sun warm my face and the sound of the birds lull me to

sleep. But I resist. If thereโ€™s truly someone in my chambers, I want to know who it is.

โ€œHeโ€™s been waiting there all morning,โ€ a syrupy sweet voice says behind me. โ€œThe prince might be suspicious if you show up in your pajamas.โ€ I turn to see โ€œEurelodyโ€ motioning me toward a carriage. โ€œIโ€™ve already sent word to your maids that youโ€™re training with me all day.โ€

I grimace. โ€œIโ€™m too tired to train.โ€

โ€œAnd my ears are too pretty to listen to whining, yet here we are. Come on.โ€

I donโ€™t argueโ€”not when sheโ€™s right about the pajamas. But when we get to the house, we walk into mass chaos.

โ€œGet out of my way, Tynan,โ€ Jalek barks. โ€œNo.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re being ridiculous. Iโ€™m going on patrol, notโ€”โ€

โ€œFirst of all, I donโ€™t believe you,โ€ Tynan says. โ€œSecond, it doesnโ€™t matter

whereย you think youโ€™re going. Youโ€™re safest if you stay here.โ€

Pretha pulls me in the door and out of the way of the ruckus. Itโ€™s not uncommon for this group to fight, but this isnโ€™t their typical bickering. Jalek is dressed in his leathers, his broadsword strapped across his back. He glares at Tynan, whose silver facial webbing glows with his emotions. Finn stands between them, legs wide as he looks from one friend to the other.

โ€œPlease, Jalek,โ€ Tynan says, whispering now. โ€œBe sensible.โ€

โ€œIt was a dream,โ€ Jalek says. He folds his arms and looks to Finn. โ€œPlease explain that I cannot be expected to sit in my room in perpetuity just because I had a nightmare.โ€

โ€œIt wasnโ€™t just a nightmare. Iย heardย her.โ€ Tynan nearly vibrates with frustration. โ€œLook me in the eye and tell me you didnโ€™t wake up to the

Banshee sitting on your chest. Look me in the eye and tell me you are no more nervous about going out that door than you would be any other day.โ€

โ€œYou donโ€™t have to go, Jalek,โ€ Finn says. โ€œIโ€™ll send Kane.โ€

โ€œKane needs a break,โ€ Jalek says. โ€œHe was out half the night protecting the new portal.โ€

โ€œWhatโ€™s the Banshee?โ€ I ask, and three heads turn to me. Jalek glowers at Tynan. โ€œItโ€™s nonsense.โ€

โ€œSheโ€™s a woman who comes in your sleep and sits on your chest,โ€ Tynan says. โ€œShe appears both in this world and in your dream andโ€”โ€

โ€œA woman?โ€ I ask.

โ€œA spirit,โ€ Pretha says, sighing. โ€œWhen she visits you, she sits on your chest and says your name over and over. Itโ€™s considered a sign that your death is coming.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s a wonder that anyone ever dies if sheย warnsย them,โ€ Jalek says. But I can see the worry in his eyes. Maybe he doesnโ€™t want to believe the

Bansheeโ€™s call, but heโ€™s shaken.

โ€œItโ€™s too close to the solstice,โ€ Tynan says, swallowing.

โ€œThatโ€™s exactly why I want to go,โ€ Jalek says. โ€œSheโ€™s weakest tonight.โ€ โ€œSee! I knew you were lying,โ€ Tynan growls.

โ€œIโ€™m sending Kane,โ€ Finn says. โ€œItโ€™s not worth the risk.โ€

Jalekโ€™s jaw hardens. โ€œStop trying to coddle me. Iโ€™m not a child. I can make my own decisions.โ€

โ€œYou are part of this group, and youโ€™ve sworn fealty toย me.ย It isย decided,โ€ Finn says. His voice is so low I can barely hear his words, but the command in it is undeniable.

Pretha grabs my hand. โ€œLetโ€™s get you changed and back to the castle. The prince grows impatient.โ€

โ€œIf you just wanted me to change, why didnโ€™t we just do it in the carriage?โ€ I ask.

โ€œForgive Pretha,โ€ Finn says, watching Jalek storm up the stairs. โ€œShe didnโ€™t realize it was going to be civil war in our home today. But it would

be best if youโ€™d go. Jalekโ€™s mood wonโ€™t improve until after the sun sets on summer solstice.โ€

 

 

My door is indeed ajar when I return to my rooms at the Golden Palace.

I press one palm against my satchelโ€”the mirror still safely tucked inside

โ€”and the other to my thigh where my knife is strapped. โ€œHello?โ€ I call, stepping inside.

Sebastian spots me and springs off the chair, crossing to me in three long strides. โ€œWhere have you been?โ€

I swallow and toss the satchel on the bed. โ€œI was training with Eurelody.โ€ โ€œI came before breakfast, and you were already gone.โ€

โ€œShe . . . wanted an early start.โ€

He winces, and I wonder if he knows Iโ€™m lying. โ€œI thought you might have decided to return to the mortal realm.โ€

I press a hand to his heart and feel it racing beneath my palm. Heโ€™s warm and strong, and I miss confiding in him, miss feeling like Sebastianโ€™s goodness was something I deserved. If only there were a way around these lies. My heart burns with hatred for the shadow kingโ€”for what heโ€™s done to my sister and my life. โ€œIโ€™m sorry I worried you.โ€

Sebastian cups my jaw in one big palm and studies my face. โ€œYouโ€™re okay?โ€

โ€œYes. Iโ€™m fine.โ€

He lowers his mouth to mineโ€”a gentle sweep of his lips that quickly turns searching and intense. My breath leaves me in a rush, and I canโ€™t be bothered to find it again. Itโ€™s the first time weโ€™ve kissed since I discovered his true identity, and itโ€™s fierce. I feel every bit of his worry and terror in that kiss, feel it all the way down to my bones. Maybe I should pull away. Maybe I should tell him he has no right to kiss me. Maybe I should still be angry with him for lying to me for two years. But the truth is, his kiss is a balm to my loneliness and fear.

The heat and breadth of him make something inside of me cut loose. Iโ€™m safe here in his arms. As long as heโ€™s close, no one can hurt me, and I canโ€™t hurt him. If we never end this kiss, heโ€™ll never have to know I used him, lied to him, betrayed him.

His mouth softens against mine, and his hand slips from my hair to my neck, one big thumb stroking along my jaw as his other hand goes to my waist and pulls me tightly against him. I press closer. He groans in

approval, and I smile against his mouth, feeling powerful and loving it. I need to feel every inch of his strength, want to memorize every ragged breath he takes.

I donโ€™t know how long we kiss, but itโ€™s not long enough. Heโ€™s the one who pulls away. He leans his forehead against mine and weโ€™re both left gasping for air. I look down to the hand at my waist, where heโ€™s bunched

my skirt into his fist, exposing my thighs and the knife. If Sebastian notices, he doesnโ€™t say.

Blowing out a breath, he opens his hand and steps back. โ€œSorry.โ€ He drags a hand over his face, closes his eyes, and curses softly. โ€œI didnโ€™t come here to seduce you. I came to invite you to tonightโ€™s Litha celebration.โ€

A celebration, meaning more gowns and dancing and pretending I have nothing better to do than watch other girls flirt with Sebastian. Girls who donโ€™t already know how theyโ€™ll lose him. โ€œI think you know which of those options tempts me more.โ€ I extend a tentative hand, brushing a finger along his knuckles. โ€œYou donโ€™t need to apologize for kissing me.โ€

His lips twist into a lopsided smile. โ€œI donโ€™t?โ€ โ€œI kissed you back.โ€

โ€œI know, but . . .โ€ He blows out another breath and puts another step between us, as if he doesnโ€™t trust himself. โ€œEverythingโ€™s gotten so

complicated.โ€

I canโ€™t argue with that. And yet . . . โ€œWhy do you say that?โ€

โ€œThat first night I saw you in the gardens, I was so happy. I knew you were here for Jas, and yet . . .โ€ He swallows. โ€œJust seeing you on my lands was more than I ever imagined. Then, when you ran from me, I realized I needed to give up whatever hope I felt in that moment. You hated my kind too muchโ€”and right then you hated me too.โ€

โ€œI didnโ€™t hate you,โ€ I whisper. โ€œI was shocked and hurt. Maybe I wanted to hate you, but I couldnโ€™t.โ€

He swallows hard and backs away. Just one more step, but it feels like a mile. โ€œWhen you said you wanted to stay here, I couldnโ€™t let go of the hope that you might change your mind. And every day I see you here in my palace with my people, itโ€™s harder to ignore.โ€

I close the distance between us and take his hand, unwilling to accept what heโ€™s trying to say, even if I need to.

He toys with my fingers. โ€œI know you never wanted to be my bride. I know thatโ€™s not what keeps you here. When you were missing this morning, it was a painful reminder that youโ€™ve always intended this stay to be temporaryโ€”a means to an end. But I canโ€™t imagine spending my life with

anyone else. Youโ€™re the one whoโ€™s always made me laugh. Youโ€™re the one who makes me feel like I can still beย meย without letting my duty to my

crown swallow me whole. And yet that same duty might require losing you.โ€

My gut twists with guilt. Does he know something? Does he suspect that I am stealing from his kingdom? โ€œHow . . . why would you say that?โ€

โ€œMy mother is pressuring me to choose my bride,โ€ he says, his eyes downcast, as if heโ€™s confessing something shameful. โ€œShe informed me last night that I have until the next new moon to make my decision.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s just over three weeks away.โ€ My chest aches. It hurts to take a full breath. Heโ€™ll be choosing a bride, and while I should be focused on

what this means for my access to the castle, jealousy burns a hole in my gut and demands my attention. โ€œWhy so soon?โ€

โ€œShe wants me to have a queen. Someone who can support me. Ruling

. . .โ€ He shifts his gaze to the window, staring out across the gardens. โ€œIt gets lonely. And she wants me to have a partner before she begins to transition her power.โ€

โ€œHave you made a choice?โ€ I donโ€™t really want to know. I have no right to feel anything about Sebastianโ€™s future bride, yet this jealousy feels as if it might tear me apart from the inside.

Finally he lifts his head and meets my eyes again. โ€œI tell myself it doesnโ€™t matter. Among the nobility, marriages are more often about power and

alliances than about love. But then I think about you leaving and . . . Brie, if there is any chance that you could be happy living here, thatโ€™s what I want. I wantย youย as my queen.โ€

I feel like the room is closing in around me. I canโ€™t imagine what that life would look likeโ€”life as a princess of a kingdom that imprisons people fleeing a hostile land. But if Sebastian and I ruled, we would change all that.

Could I possibly be a force for good in this world? Not just another queen never wanting for anything and ruling over others, but a queen of

change? But no. Thatโ€™s not even a choice. When Sebastian knows the truth, he wonโ€™t want me anymore. Larkโ€™s vision assured me of that.

You could never be the Seelie queen.

And thereโ€™s the evidence of just how despicable I am. He thinks he wants meย forever,ย and part of me is considering it even as Iโ€™m betraying him. Iโ€™m the thief whoโ€™s stealing from the kingdom heโ€™d have me rule by his side.

And then there are these things I feel for Finnโ€”the way my power surges when heโ€™s close, the attraction I donโ€™t want but canโ€™t deny. Would Sebastian want me if he knew any of that? Even if he did, doesnโ€™t that prove I donโ€™t deserve him?

Iโ€™m silent too long, and Sebastian closes his eyes. The hurt that flashes across his face is a punch to the solar plexus. โ€œRight,โ€ he whispers. โ€œWell, at least now you know where I stand.โ€ He turns on his heel and heads out the door.

โ€œBash,โ€ I call, following. He stops, keeping his back to me. I donโ€™t trust myself to look at his face, so I speak to his broad shoulders instead of

asking him to turn around. โ€œI never wanted to marry a prince.โ€ I want to press my palm between his shoulder blades, to feel the reassurance of his strength, his heat. Or maybe wrap my arms around him, press my front to his back and rest my palm on his chest to feel the reassuring beat of his heart. I do neither. โ€œBut I would have married Sebastian, the mageโ€™s

apprentice, in a heartbeat.โ€

He hangs his head. โ€œYou canโ€™t have one without the other, Brie.โ€ โ€œAh,โ€ I say softly. โ€œBut the prince is growing on me.โ€

When he turns, the hope in his eyes cuts me deep, and I donโ€™t know what I hate more: that Iโ€™m manipulating him or that what I said is true.

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