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Chapter no 12

The Way I Used to Be

โ€œSO, SOMETHING REALLY WEIRDย happened yesterday,โ€ I tell Mara as we begin our walk home from school.

โ€œOooh, what?โ€ she asks eagerly.

โ€œSo, do you know that guy Josh Miller? Heโ€™s a senior on the basketball team?โ€

โ€œOf course.โ€

โ€œYeah. Of course. Well, he was talking to me. Likeย talkingย to me. It almost seemed likeย .ย .ย . I donโ€™t know. No, forget it. Itโ€™s stupid.โ€ I laugh.

โ€œNo, what? You have to tell me nowโ€”Iโ€™m hooked!โ€

โ€œOkay. But first, believe me, I know full well exactly how stupid this is going to sound,โ€ I warn her.

โ€œOh. My. Godโ€”just tell me!โ€ she demands, laughing.

โ€œWell, you know how I dropped band? So, I got put in this study hall instead. And heโ€™s in thereโ€”Joshโ€”and he gave up the seat next to him so I could sit there. And then he was trying to talk to me, almost like he was actuallyย .ย .ย . interested.โ€ I wait for her to start laughing, but she just continues to look at me. โ€œInterested in me, I mean,โ€ I clarify.

โ€œOkay, first of all, why would you think I would think thatโ€™s stupid? And second of allย .ย .ย . WOOO-HOOOO!โ€ she screams, jumping up and down right in the middle of the street. โ€œYEEEEESSSS!โ€

โ€œOh my gosh, stop! Youโ€™re crazy!โ€ I yell. But weโ€™re both laughing uncontrollably.

โ€œSo what happened next?โ€ she asks, her laugh fading as she tries to catch her breath.

โ€œWhat do you mean? Nothing. Was something supposed to happen next?โ€

โ€œI mean, how did you leave things? What exactly did he say to you?โ€

โ€œHe said he was going to save me a seat tomorrow.โ€

โ€œPerfect!โ€ she shouts. โ€œSo then tomorrow youโ€”โ€

โ€œWait.โ€ I interrupt her. โ€œIโ€™m not actually going to be there tomorrow, though.โ€

โ€œWhy not?โ€

โ€œWell, I kind of volunteered in the library for that period,โ€ I admit.

She stares into my eyes, unblinking, her smile fading rapidly. โ€œIโ€™m sorry, did you suffer a blow to the head?โ€

โ€œYou think I shouldโ€™ve stayed in the study hall?โ€

โ€œDuh-uh!โ€ she yells. โ€œOf course, Edy. Have you learned nothing this summer?โ€

I think about it for several minutes as we walk. Mara keeps letting out these small exasperated breaths, and looking at me and shaking her head, periodically sighing. โ€œOh, Edy.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re right,โ€ I tell her once we reach the corner where we need to part. โ€œYouโ€™re totally right. I donโ€™t know why I did that. I just got scared, I guess.โ€

โ€œScared of what? Itโ€™s Joshua Millerโ€”this is a great thing, Edy.โ€

I just shrug. Because I canโ€™t tell her exactly what I mean. And I know she wouldnโ€™t be able to understand even if I could.

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