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Chapter no 4

The Way I Used to Be

SATURDAY MORNING, PROMPTLY AT TEN,ย the doorbell rings. I call from my bedroom, โ€œIโ€™ll get it,โ€ but Mom beats me. I get to the living room just as sheโ€™s swinging the door open.

โ€œGood morning, you must be Stephen! Come on in, please, out of the rain.โ€

โ€œThanks, Mrs. McCrorey,โ€ Stephen says, walking through our front door cautiously, dripping puddles of water all over the floor, which I know is making Mom secretly hyperventilate.

I stand there and watch as Stephen Reinheiser hands my mom his raincoat and umbrella. Watch as this person who knows me in one very distinct way crosses this unspoken boundary and begins to know me in this way thatโ€™s entirely different.

โ€œYou can just leave your sneakers on the mat there,โ€ Mom tells him, wanting to ensure he does indeed take his wet shoes off before daring to step onto the carpet. This is a no-shoes house heโ€™s entering. Watching him stand in my living room in his socks, looking uncomfortable, I realize that he has boundaries too.

โ€œHey, Stephen,โ€ I finally say, making sure I smile. He smiles back, looking relieved to see me. โ€œSo, um, come in. I thought we could work at the table.โ€

โ€œSure,โ€ he mumbles, following behind me as I lead him to the dining room.

We sit down and Stephen pulls a notebook out of his backpack. I readjust the stack of Columbus books Iโ€™ve checked out from the library.

โ€œSo what are we working on, Minnie?โ€ Dad says too loudly, suddenly appearing in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room, holding a steaming cup of coffee. Stephen jumps before turning around in his seat to look up at my dad.

โ€œDad, this is Stephen. Stephen, my dad. Weโ€™re doing a history project on Columbus.โ€

I try to silently plead with him to just keep this brief. Both my dad and my mom were making such a huge deal of me having a boy over. I told them before he got here that itโ€™s not like that. I donโ€™t even think of Stephen in that way. I donโ€™t think Iโ€™ll ever think of anyone in that way.

Stephen adds, โ€œHero or Villain.โ€

โ€œAh. Hmm. Okay,โ€ Dad says, grinning at me before walking back into the living room.

โ€œWhoโ€™s Minnie?โ€ Stephen whispers.

โ€œDonโ€™t ask,โ€ I tell him, rolling my eyes.

โ€œSo, you stopped coming to lunch this week?โ€ he says, like a question. โ€œSorry.โ€

โ€œWhat for?โ€

โ€œWhat happened Monday. In the cafeteria. I wish I would have said something. I shouldโ€™ve said something. I hate those guysโ€”theyโ€™re morons.โ€

I shrug. โ€œDid Mara ask you about the book club thing?โ€

He nods.

โ€œWill you do it? We need people to come. At least six people. Miss Sullivanโ€™s really nice. Sheโ€™s been letting me stay in the library all week.โ€ I try to make this seem cooler than it probably is. โ€œI think she gets it, you know?โ€

โ€œShe gets what?โ€

โ€œYou know, just, the way things are. How there are all these stupid cliques, and rules youโ€™re supposed to follow that donโ€™t make any sense. Just all of it, you know?โ€ I stop myself, because sometimes I forget we arenโ€™t really supposed to talk about this. Weโ€™re supposed to accept it. Supposed to feel like itโ€™s all of us who have the problem. And weโ€™re supposed to deal with it like itโ€™s our problem even though itโ€™s not.

Still, he just stares at me in this strange way.

โ€œI mean, you get it, right?โ€ I ask him. How could he not get it, I think to myself. I mean, look at him. Total geek. Overweight. No friends.

โ€œYeah,โ€ he says slowly. โ€œYeah, I get it. No oneโ€™s ever really said it like that, I guess.โ€ He looks at me in this way heโ€™s never looked at me before, like Iโ€™ve told him some big secret he never knew about himself.

โ€œWell, consider it, anywayโ€”the book club.โ€ I pause and take a breath. โ€œSo, Columbus?โ€

โ€œRight,โ€ he says absently.

โ€œSo, what do you think?โ€ I try to steer our conversation to our project and away from all this dangerous honesty. โ€œHero or villain?โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ Stephen says, still preoccupied. โ€œI was reading online that there were all kinds of people that got here before Columbus. I mean, Native Americans, obviously, were already always here. But also the Vikings. And then there were people from Africa and even China who got here first.โ€

โ€œYeah, I read that too.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s more like Columbus was the last to discover America, not the first,โ€ Stephen says with a laugh.

โ€œYeah,โ€ I agree. โ€œAnd Iโ€™ve been reading all these books from the library.โ€ I open up one and slide it across the table to him. โ€œDid you know he kidnapped all these people and he would cut off their ears or nose or something and send them back to their village as an example?โ€ I point to one of the illustrations. โ€œThey basically just took anything they wanted.โ€

Stephen reads along in the book. โ€œExactly: food, goldย .ย .ย . slaveryย .ย .ย . rape.ย .ย .ย .โ€ I flinch at the word, but Stephen keeps reading. โ€œCrap, it says that they would make them bring back a certain amount of goldโ€”which would have been impossible for anyoneโ€”so when they failed, they would cut their hands off so they would bleed to death! And when they ran away, they sent dogs to hunt them down and then they would burn them alive! Sick,โ€ Stephen says, finally looking up at me.

โ€œSo, I think we have our positionโ€”villain, right?โ€

โ€œYeah, villain,โ€ he agrees. โ€œWhy did we ever start celebrating Columbus Day?โ€ He grins. โ€œWe should discontinue the holiday.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s true. Just because someone has always been seen as this incredible personโ€”this heroโ€”it doesnโ€™t mean thatโ€™s the truth. Or thatโ€™s who they really are,โ€ I say.

Stephen nods his head. โ€œYeah, totally.โ€

โ€œMaybe theyโ€™re actually a horrible person. And itโ€™s just that no one wants to see him for who he truly is. Everyone would rather just believe the lies and not see all the damage heโ€™s done. And itโ€™s not fair that people can just get away with doing these awful things and never have to pay the consequences. They just go along with everyone believingโ€”โ€ I stop because I can barely catch my breath. As I look over at the confused expression on Stephenโ€™s face, I realize Iโ€™m probably not just talking about Columbus.

โ€œYeah,โ€ Stephen repeats, โ€œIโ€”I know, I totally agree.โ€

โ€œOkay. Okay, good.โ€

โ€œHey, you know what we should do?โ€ Stephen asks, his eyes brightening. โ€œWe should do, like, Most Wanted posters for Columbus and all those guys. And, like, list their crimes and stuff on the posters.โ€ He smiles. โ€œWhat do you think?โ€

I smile back. โ€œI like that.โ€

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