After speaking with Julie, I went immediately to Geneโs o๏ฌce in the psychology building, but he was not there. Fortunately his personal assistant,ย ๎e Beautiful Helena, who should be calledย ๎e Obstructive Helena, was not there either and I was able to access Geneโs diary. I discovered that he was giving a public lecture, due to ๏ฌnish at 5:00 p.m., with a gap before a meeting at 5:30 p.m. Perfect. I would merely have to reduce the length of my scheduled gym session. I booked the vacant slot.
After an accelerated workout at the gym, achieved by deleting the shower and change tasks, I jogged to the lecture theater, where I waited outside the sta๏ฌย entrance. Although I was perspiring heavily from the heat and exercise, I was energized, both physically and mentally. As soon as my watch showed 5:00 p.m., I walked in. Gene was at the lectern of the darkened theater, still talking, apparently oblivious to time, responding to a question about funding. My entrance had allowed a shaft of light into the room, and I realized that the audienceโs eyes were now on me, as if expecting me to say something.
โTimeโs up,โ I said. โI have a meeting with Gene.โ
People immediately started getting up, and I observed the Dean in the front row with three people in corporate costumes. I guessed that they were there as potential providers of ๏ฌnance and not because of an intellectual interest in primate sexual attraction. Gene is always trying to solicit money for research, and the Dean is constantly threatening to downsize the Genetics and Psychology Departments because of insu๏ฌcient funding. It is not an area I involve myself in.
Gene spoke over the chatter. โI think my colleague Professor Tillman has given us a signal that we should discuss the ๏ฌnances, critical as they are to
our ongoing work, at another time.โ He looked toward the Dean and her companions. โ๎ank you again for your interest in my workโand of course that of my colleagues in the Department of Psychology.โย ๎ere was applause. It seemed that my intervention had been timely.
๎e Dean and her corporate friends swept past me. She said, just to me, โSorry to hold up your meeting, Professor Tillman. Iโm sure we can ๏ฌnd the money elsewhere.โย ๎is was good to hear, but now, annoyingly, there was a throng around Gene. A woman with red hair and several metal objects in her ears was talking to him. She was speaking quite loudly.
โI canโt believe you used a public lecture to push your own agenda.โ โLucky you came, then. Youโve changed one of your beliefs.ย ๎atโd be a
๏ฌrst.โ
It was obvious that there was some animosity on the womanโs part, even though Gene was smiling.
โEven if you were right, which youโre not, what about the social impact?โ I was amazed by Geneโs next reply, not by its intent, which I am familiar with, but by its subtle shift in topic. Gene has social skills at a level that I
will never have.
โ๎is is sounding like a cafรฉ discussion. Why donโt we pick it up over co๏ฌee sometime?โ
โSorry,โ she said. โIโve got research to do. You know, evidence.โ
I moved to push in, but a tall, blond woman was ahead of me, and I did not want to risk body contact. She spoke with a Norwegian accent.
โProfessor Barrow?โ she said, meaning Gene. โWith respect, I think you are oversimplifying the feminist position.โ
โIf weโre going to talk philosophy, we should do it in a co๏ฌee shop,โ Gene replied. โIโll catch you at Baristaโs in ๏ฌve.โ
๎e woman nodded and walked toward the door. Finally, we had time to talk.
โWhatโs her accent?โ Gene asked me. โSwedish?โ โNorwegian,โ I said. โI thought you had a Norwegian already.โ
I told him that we had a discussion scheduled, but Gene was now focused on having co๏ฌee with the woman. Most male animals are programmed to give higher priority to sex than to assisting an unrelated individual, and Gene had the additional motivation of his research project. Arguing would be hopeless.
โBook the next slot in my diary,โ he said.
๎e Beautiful Helena had presumably departed for the day, and I was again able to access Geneโs diary. I amended my own schedule to accommodate the appointment. From now on, the Wife Project would have maximum priority.
I waited until exactly 7:30 a.m. the next day before knocking on Gene and Claudiaโs door. It had been necessary to shift my jog to the market for dinner purchases back to 5:45 a.m., which in turn had meant going to bed earlier the previous night, with a ๏ฌow-on e๏ฌect to a number of scheduled tasks.
I heard sounds of surprise through the door before their daughter Eugenie opened it. Eugenie was, as always, pleased to see me, and requested that I hoist her onto my shoulders and jump all the way to the kitchen. It was great fun. It occurred to me that I might be able to include Eugenie and her half brother Carl as my friends, making a total of four.
Gene and Claudia were eating breakfast and told me that they had not been expecting me. I advised Gene to put his diary online: he could remain up-to-date and I would avoid unpleasant encounters withย ๎e Beautiful Helena. He was not enthusiastic.
I had missed breakfast, so I took a tub of yogurt from the refrigerator. Sweetened! No wonder Gene is overweight. Claudia is not yet overweight, but I had noticed some increase. I pointed out the problem and identi๏ฌed the yogurt as the possible culprit.
Claudia asked whether I had enjoyed the Aspergerโs lecture. She was under the impression that Gene had delivered the lecture and I had merely attended. I corrected her mistake and told her I had found the subject fascinating.
โDid the symptoms remind you of anyone?โ she asked.
๎ey certainly did.ย ๎ey were an almost perfect description of Laszlo Hevesi in the Physics Department. I was about to relate the famous story of Laszlo and the pajamas when Geneโs son, Carl, who is sixteen, arrived in his school uniform. He walked toward the refrigerator, as if to open it, then suddenly spun around and threw a full-blooded punch at my head. I caught the punch and pushed him gently but ๏ฌrmly to the ๏ฌoor, so he could see that I was achieving the result with leverage rather than strength.ย ๎is is a game we always play, but he had not noticed the yogurt, which was now on our clothes.
โStay still,โ said Claudia. โIโll get a cloth.โ
A cloth was not going to clean my shirt properly. Laundering a shirt requires a machine, detergent, fabric softener, and considerable time.
โIโll borrow one of Geneโs,โ I said, and headed to their bedroom.
When I returned, wearing an uncomfortably large white shirt with a decorative frill in the front, I tried to introduce the Wife Project, but Claudia was engaged in child-related activities.ย ๎is was becoming frustrating. I booked dinner for Saturday night and asked them not to schedule any other conversation topics.
๎e delay was actually opportune, as it enabled me to undertake some research on questionnaire design, draw up a list of desirable attributes, and produce a draft pro forma survey. All this, of course, had to be arranged around my teaching and research commitments and an appointment with the Dean.
On Friday morning we had yet another unpleasant interaction as a result of my reporting an honors-year student for academic dishonesty. I had already caught Kevin Yu cheating once.ย ๎en, marking his most recent assignment, I had recognized a sentence from another studentโs work of three years earlier.
Some investigation established that the past student was now Kevinโs private tutor and had written at least part of his essay for him.ย ๎is had all happened some weeks ago. I had reported the matter and expected the disciplinary process to take its course. Apparently it was more complicated than this.
โ๎e situation with Kevin is a little awkward,โ said the Dean. We were in her corporate-style o๏ฌce and she was wearing her corporate-style costume of matching dark-blue skirt and jacket, which, according to Gene, is intended to make her appear more powerful. She is a short, slim person, aged approximately ๏ฌfty, and it is possible that the costume makes her appear bigger, but I cannot see the relevance of physical dominance in an academic environment.
โ๎is is Kevinโs third o๏ฌense, and university policy requires that he be expelled,โ she said.
๎e facts seemed to be clear and the necessary action straightforward. I tried to identify the awkwardness that the Dean referred to. โIs the evidence insu๏ฌcient? Is he making a legal challenge?โ
โNo, thatโs all perfectly clear. But the ๏ฌrst o๏ฌense was very naive. He cut and pasted from the Internet and the copying was picked up by the
plagiarism software. He was in his ๏ฌrst year and his English wasnโt very good. And there are cultural di๏ฌerences.โ
I had not known about this ๏ฌrst o๏ฌense.
โ๎e second time, you reported him because heโd borrowed from an obscure paper that you were somehow familiar with.โ
โCorrect.โ
โDon, none of the other lecturers are as . . . vigilant as you.โ
It was unusual for the Dean to compliment me on my wide reading and dedication.
โ๎ese kids pay a lot of money to study here. We rely on their fees. We donโt want them stealing blatantly from the Internet. But we have to recognize that they need assistance, and . . . Kevin has only a semester to go. We canโt send him home after three and a half years without a quali๏ฌcation. It doesnโt look good.โ
โWhat if he was a medical student? What if you went to the hospital and the doctors who operated on you had cheated on their exams?โ
โKevinโs not a medical student. And he didnโt cheat on his exams, he just got some help with an assignment.โ
It seemed that the Dean had been ๏ฌattering me only in order to procure unethical behavior. But the solution to her dilemma was obvious. If she did not want to break the rules, then she should change the rules. I pointed this out.
I am not good at interpreting expressions and was not familiar with the one that appeared on the Deanโs face. โWe canโt be seen to allow cheating.โ
โEven though we do?โ
๎e meeting left me confused and angry.ย ๎ere were serious matters at stake. What if our research was not accepted because we had a reputation for low academic standards? People could die while cures for diseases were delayed. What if a genetics laboratory hired a person whose quali๏ฌcation had been achieved through cheating, and that person made major errors?
๎e Dean seemed more concerned with perceptions than with these crucial matters.
I re๏ฌected on what it would be like to spend my life living with the Dean. It was a truly terrible thought.ย ๎e underlying problem was the preoccupation with image. My questionnaire would be ruthless in ๏ฌltering out women who were concerned with appearance.
