We survived US Immigration. Previous experience had taught me not to o๏ฌer observations or suggestions, and I did not need to use my letter of recommendation from David Borenstein at Columbia University characterizing me as a sane and competent person. Rosie seemed extremely nervous, even to someone who is poor at judging emotional states, and I was worried that she would cause suspicion and that we would be refused entryย for no justi๏ฌable reason, as had happened to me on a previous occasion.
๎e o๏ฌcial asked, โWhat do you do?โ and I said, โGenetics researcher,โ
and he said, โBest in the world?โ and I said, โYes.โ We were through. Rosie almost ran toward Customs and then to the exit. I was several meters behind, carrying both bags. Something was obviously wrong.
I caught up to her outside the automatic doors, reaching into her handbag.
โCigarette,โ she said. She lit a cigarette and took a long drag. โJust donโt say anything, okay? If I ever needed a reason to give up, Iโve got one now. Eighteen and a half hours. Fuck.โ
It was fortunate that Rosie had told me not to say anything. I remained silent but shocked at the impact of addiction on her life.
She ๏ฌnished her cigarette and we headed to the bar. It was only 7:48
a.m. in Los Angeles, but we could be on Melbourne time until our arrival in New York.
โWhat was the deal about โbest geneticist on the planetโ?โ
I explained that I had a special O-1 Visa for Aliens of Extraordinary Ability. I had needed a visa after the occasion when I was refused entry, and this was deemed the safest choice. O-1 visas were quite rare and yes was the
correct answer to any question about the extraordinariness of my abilities. Rosie found the wordย alienย amusing. Correction, hilarious.
โข โข โข
Since we did not have bags checked, and the immigration process had proceeded smoothly, I was able to implement my best-case alternative and we caught an earlier ๏ฌight to New York. I had made plans for the time gained through this maneuver.
At JFK, I steered Rosie toward the AirTrain. โWe have two subway options.โ
โI suppose youโve memorized the timetable,โ said Rosie.
โNot worth the e๏ฌort. I just know the lines and stations we need for our journeys.โ I love New York.ย ๎e layout is so logical, at least uptown from Fourteenth Street.
When Rosie had telephoned, Isaac Eslerโs wife had been very positive about some contact from Australia and news from the reunion. On the subway, Rosie said, โYouโll need an alias. In case Esler recognizes your name from the Aspergerโs survey.โ
I had already considered this. โAustin,โ I said. โFromย Austin Powers. International Man of Mystery.โ Rosie thought this was hilarious. I had made a successful, deliberate joke that was not related to exhibiting some quirk in my personality. A memorable moment.
โProfession?โ she asked.
โHardware store owner.โย ๎e idea appeared in my brain spontaneously. โOkaaaaaay,โ said Rosie. โRight.โ
We took the E train to Lexington Avenue and 53rd Street and headed uptown.
โWhereโs the hotel?โ Rosie asked, as I steered us toward Madison Avenue.
โLower East Side. But we have to shop ๏ฌrst.โ
โFuck, Don, itโs after ๏ฌve thirty. Weโre due at the Eslersโ at seven thirty.
We donโt have time for shopping. I need time to change.โ
I looked at Rosie. She was wearing jeans and shirtโconventional attire. I could not see the problem, but we had time. โI hadnโt planned to go to the hotel before dinner, but since we arrived earlyโโ
โDon, Iโve been ๏ฌying for twenty-four hours. We are doing nothing more with your schedule until Iโve checked it for craziness.โ
โIโve scheduled four minutes for the transaction,โ I said. We were already outside the Hermรจs store, which my research had identi๏ฌed as the worldโs best scarf shop. I walked in and Rosie followed.
๎e shop was empty except for us. Perfect. โDon, youโre not exactly dressed for this.โ
Dressed for shopping! I was dressed for traveling, eating, socializing, museum visitingโand shopping: running shoes, cargo pants, T-shirt, and the sweater knitted by my mother.ย ๎is was not Le Gavroche. It seemed highly unlikely that they would refuse to participate in a commercial exchange on the basis of my costume. I was right.
Two women stood behind the counter, one (age approximately ๏ฌfty-๏ฌve, BMI approximately nineteen) wearing rings on all eight ๏ฌngers, and the other (age approximately twenty, BMI approximately twenty-two) wearing huge purple glasses creating the impression of a human ant.ย ๎ey were very formally dressed. I initiated the transaction.
โI require a high-quality scarf.โ
Ring Woman smiled. โI can help you with that. Itโs for the lady?โ
โNo. For Claudia.โ I realized that this was not helpful but was not sure how to elaborate.
โAnd Claudia isโโshe made circles with her handโโwhat age?โ โForty-one years, three hundred and ๏ฌfty-six days.โ
โAh,โ said Ring Woman, โso we have a birthday coming up.โ
โJust Claudia.โ My birthday was thirty-two days away, so it surely did not qualify as โcoming up.โ โClaudia wears scarves, even in hot weather, to cover lines on her neck that she considers unattractive. So the scarf does not need to be functional, only decorative.โ
Ring Woman produced a scarf. โWhat do you think of this?โ
It was remarkably lightโand would o๏ฌer almost zero protection against wind and cold. But it was certainly decorative, as speci๏ฌed.
โExcellent. How much?โ We were running to schedule. โ๎is one is twelve hundred dollars.โ
I opened my wallet and extracted my credit card.
โWhoa whoaย whoa,โ said Rosie. โI think weโd like to see what else you have before we rush into anything.โ
I turned to Rosie. โOur four minutes is almost up.โ
Ring Woman put three more scarves on the counter. Rosie looked at one. I copied her, looking at another. It seemed nice.ย ๎ey all seemed nice. I
had no framework for discrimination.
It continued. Ring Woman kept throwing more scarves on the counter and Rosie and I looked at them. Ant Woman came to help. I ๏ฌnally identi๏ฌed one that I could comment intelligently on.
โ๎is scarf has a fault! Itโs not symmetrical. Symmetry is a key component of human beauty.โ
Rosie had a brilliant response. โMaybe the scarf โs lack of symmetry will highlight Claudiaโs symmetry.โ
Ant Woman produced a pink scarf with ๏ฌu๏ฌy bits. Even I could see that Claudia would not approve and dropped it immediately on the reject pile.
โWhatโs wrong with it?โ said Rosie. โI donโt know. Itโs unsuitable.โ
โCome on,โ she said, โyou can do better than that. Imagine who might wear it.โ
โBarbara Cartland,โ said Ring Woman.
I was not familiar with this name, but the answer suddenly came to me. โ๎e Dean! At the ball.โ
Rosie burst out laughing. โCorrrrr-ect.โ She pulled another scarf from the pile. โWhat about this one?โ It was virtually transparent.
โJulie,โ I said automatically, then explained to Rosie and the two women about the Aspergerโs counselor and her revealing costume. Presumably she would not want a scarf to reduce its impact.
โ๎is one?โ
It was a scarf that I had quite liked because of its bright colors, but Rosie had rejected it as too โloud.โ
โBianca.โ
โExactly.โ Rosie had not stopped laughing. โYou know more about clothes than you think you do.โ
Ant Woman produced a scarf covered in pictures of birds. I picked it up; the pictures were remarkably accurate. It was quite beautiful.
โBirds of the world,โ Ant Woman said.
โOh my God, no!โ said Rosie. โNot for Claudia.โ โWhy not? Itโs extremely interesting.โ
โBirds of the world!ย ๎ink about it. Gene.โ
Scarves were being sourced from multiple locations, piling rapidly, being evaluated, tossed aside. It was happening so quickly that I was reminded of
the Great Cocktail Night, except that we were the customers. I wondered if the women were enjoying their work as much as I had.
In the end I left the choice to Rosie. She chose the ๏ฌrst scarf that they had shown us.
As we walked out of the store, Rosie said, โI think I just wasted an hour of your life.โ
โNo, no, the outcome was irrelevant,โ I said. โIt was so entertaining.โ โWell,โ said Rosie, โany time you need entertaining, I could use a pair of
Manolo Blahniks.โ From the wordย pair, I guessed that she was referring to shoes.
โDo we have time?โ We had already used the time that Rosie had intended for the hotel visit.
โIโm kidding, Iโm kidding.โ
It was fortunate, as we had to move quickly to arrive at the Eslersโ on schedule. But Rosie needed to change.ย ๎ere was a bathroom at Union Square station. Rosie dashed in and reappeared looking amazingly di๏ฌerent.
โ๎at was incredible,โ I said. โSo quick.โ
Rosie looked at me. โYouโre going like that?โ Her tone suggested dissatisfaction.
โ๎ese are my clothes,โ I said. โI have a spare shirt.โ โShow it to me.โ
I reached into the bag to get the alternative shirt, which I doubted Rosie would prefer, and remembered Claudiaโs gift. I showed the shirt to Rosie.
โIt was a gift from Claudia,โ I said. โIโve got jeans as well, if that helps.โ โAll hail Claudia,โ said Rosie. โShe earned the scarf.โ
โWeโll be late.โ โPolitely late is ๏ฌne.โ
Isaac and Judy Esler had an apartment in Williamsburg. My US cell phone card was working to speci๏ฌcation, and we were able to navigate by GPS to the location. I hoped that forty-six minutes met Rosieโs de๏ฌnition of โpolitely late.โ
โAustin, remember,โ said Rosie, as she rang the bell.
Judy answered the door. I estimated her age as ๏ฌfty and her BMI as twenty-six. She spoke with a New York accent and was concerned that we might have become lost. Her husband, Isaac, was a caricature of a psychiatrist: mid๏ฌfties, short, receding hair, black goatee beard, BMI nineteen. He was not as friendly as his wife.
๎ey o๏ฌered us martinis. I remembered the e๏ฌect this drink had on me during the preparation for the Great Cocktail Night and resolved that I would have no more than three. Judy served us some ๏ฌsh-based canapรฉs and asked for details of our trip. She wanted to know whether we had been to New York before, what season it was in Australia (not a challenging question), and whether we planned to do any shopping and see any museums. Rosie handled all these questions.
โIsaacโs o๏ฌย to Chicago in the morning,โ said Judy. โTell them what youโll be doing there.โ
โJust a conference,โ said Isaac. He and I did not need to do a great deal of talking to ensure the conversation continued.
He did ask me one thing before we moved to the dining room. โWhat do you do, Austin?โ
โAustin runs a hardware store,โ said Rosie. โA very successful one.โ
Judy served a delicious meal based on farmed salmon, which she assured Rosie was sustainable. Having eaten very little of the poor-quality airplane food, I enjoyed Judyโs meal immensely. Isaac opened some pinot gris from Oregon and was generous in re๏ฌlling my glass. We talked about New York and the di๏ฌerences between Australian and American politics.
โWell,โ said Judy, โIโm so glad you could come. It makes up a little for missing the reunion. Isaac was so sorry not to be there.โ
โNot really,โ said Isaac. โRevisiting the past is not something to do lightly.โ He ate the last piece of ๏ฌsh from his plate and looked at Rosie. โYou look a lot like your mother. She would have been a bit younger than you when I last saw her.โ
Judy said, โWe got married the day after the graduation and moved here. Isaac had the biggest hangover at the wedding. Heโd been a bad boy.โ She smiled.
โI think thatโs enough telling tales, Judy,โ said Isaac. โIt was all a long time ago.โ
He stared at Rosie. Rosie stared at him.
Judy picked up Rosieโs plate and mine, one in each hand. I decided that this was the moment to act, with everyone distracted. I stood and picked up Isaacโs plate in one hand and then Judyโs. Isaac was too busy playing the staring game with Rosie to object. I took the plates to the kitchen, swabbing Isaacโs fork on the way.
โI imagine Austin and Rosie are exhausted,โ said Judy, when we returned to the table.
โYou said youโre a hardware man, Austin?โ Isaac stood up. โCan you spare ๏ฌve minutes to look at a tap for me? Itโs probably a job for a plumber, but maybe itโs just a washer.โ
โHe means faucet,โ said Judy, presumably forgetting we came from the same country as Isaac.
Isaac and I went down the stairs to the basement. I was con๏ฌdent I could help with the tap problem. My school vacations had been spent providing advice of exactly this kind. But as we reached the bottom of the stairs, the lights went out. I wasnโt sure what had happened. A power failure?
โYou okay, Don?โ said Isaac, sounding concerned. โIโm okay,โ I said. โWhat happened?โ
โWhat happened is that you answered to Don, Austin.โ
We stood there in the dark. I doubted that there were social conventions for dealing with interrogation by a psychiatrist in a dark cellar.
โHow did you know?โ I asked.
โTwo unsolicited communications from the same university in a month.
An Internet search. You make good dancing partners.โ More silence and darkness.
โI know the answer to your question. But I made a promise that I would not reveal it. If I thought it was a matter of life or death, or a serious mental health issue, I would reconsider. But I see no reason to break the promise, which was made because the people involved had thought hard about what would be right. You came a long way for my DNA, and Iโm guessing you got it when you cleared the plates. You might want to think beyond your girlfriendโs wishes before you proceed.โ
He turned on the light.
Something bothered me as we walked up the stairs. At the top, I stopped. โIf you knew what I wanted, why did you let us come to your house?โ
โGood question,โ he said. โSince you asked the question, Iโm sure you can work out the answer. I wanted to see Rosie.โ
